I grew up in a household where it was customary to remove your shoes upon entering. To me, it made sense.
I assumed every family preferred not to have gum, spit, mud – and who knows what else – tracked into their homes from the outside.
So, as a high school kid, whenever I forgot to inform friends of the house-entrance protocol, and they walked onto the carpet with their shoes on, my mom would freak out. Hey, if they're not used to doing that in their own homes, I don't blame them for their ignorance.
But there are just some guests whose behavior indicated they did know better.
Curious to hear bizarre anecdotes from strangers online, Redditor alksjs asked:
"What's the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?"
When alcohol and substances were brought into these homes, disaster struck.
Making A Splash
"Brought alcohol after we told them we don't drink/are a dry house.. ok, minor enough, didn't make a big deal about it... but when they spilled all their red wine on our couch and hid it under a blanket, only for the wife to tell us via text after they left.... that really sucked."
A Hot Mess
"Got a prostitute over. This was years ago when I lived in a share house. My room mate and a friend of his got drunk. My room mate eventually ended up going to bed and he told his friend to sleep on the couch rather than driving home."
"The next morning we woke up and discovered that he'd called up a prostitute. They had sex in the bathroom and left a godawful mess."
"It was a long time before he got invited over again."
– saugoof
Bathroom Paint Job
"My friend's new boyfriend - I'd never met him before - came over with her for dinner. There were 8 of us. He drank a lot. He went to the bathroom before dessert. About 5 minutes after he came back, he spoke to her and she said they needed to go as he wasn't feeling well. They left."
"When the next person went to the bathroom, they came back recoiling in horror. The new boyfriend had puked up his entire dinner - and a vast amount of red wine - all over the bathroom. Everywhere. Walls, floors, all over my full basket of spare toilet rolls."
I cleaned it up. When I next saw my friend, I mentioned it. We had a totally ordinary conversation about it. Later that day, she deleted me on FB and I never saw her again."
"Mystifying."
Makeshift Urinal
"I had a birthday party for my friend at my apartment at the time. Another friend's husband ended up getting drunk and peeing in my hallway. I was like, 'wtf?' 'Well, the bathroom was full and I couldn't make it to a bush in time.'"
"So, the next time he came over, I gifted him a small potted plant with a handmade 'mens room' sign. Told him that now he has his own porta potty."
Snot-Rag Fashion
"This one chick I used to be kinda friends with in middle school came over to my house. We were just sitting on my living room couch watching TV, when she just suddenly out of nowhere lifted the bottom of her shirt up and started blowing her nose into it. She did this like three or four times. I was like, c'mon now, we have tissues in the house and it didn't even occur to you to even ask for one? We're not anti-tissue extremists or anything. The image of that giant snot splotch all over the front of her shirt is seared into my retinas until the end of my days."
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Science is science. Fact is fact. Truth is truth and simple is simple. These are things we must now attest to in 2021. Can we please all get onboard with wha...Please Don't Make Yourself At Home
Some guests act like they own the place. They need to be shown the door, by force, if necessary.
Sleep Requirement
"Rearranged all the furniture in the guest bedroom so that she could sleep facing north."
The Brown Stains
"My weird neighbour friend once came over for dinner when we were at least 11. I don't know why or how but when I prepared to go to bed that night I discovered poop on the wall at the top-bunk mattress (slept bottom). We also found it smeared on the wall of behind our TV."
"When we asked his mother she just handled it as if it was a totally normal thing to do."
– MoinGuy2
Laundry Time
"My roommate in college had been dating a guy a few years older for several months. She asked if I minded if he spent the weekend and that they'd only be home in the evenings since they had planned to be out and about experiencing the city. I said sure. Guy shows up and he's conversational and nice enough, except instead of an overnight bag, he brings at least 10 huge filled to the brim laundry bags of dirty clothes. He immediately sets up shop in our laundry room and goes to town. Literally does laundry all day and night.
My roommate is visibly upset at this point because dude doesn't want to go hang out as planned. He just wants to watch movies and do laundry. She apologizes and says they'll be out all the next day. No big deal. She wakes me up the next morning and is hysterical. The guy is gone and has taken all of our cleaning supplies and snacks with him. She never heard from again. It was super creepy and bizarre. She prob didn't even know this guys real name and never found out what his end game was. Unless his end game was simply use of a full size washer and dryer."
Unsolicited Makeover
"While we were at work, a couple that were houseguests for a few days rearranged our furniture and artwork."
"They wanted to surprise us when we returned home with their 'excellent taste in decorating.' They sure did!"
The Airborne Pervy Boy
"My cousin use to come over my house alot when I was a teenager. We're 7 months apart so we were pretty close growing up. When we 14/15 years old, he came over once with my aunties friends weird/ annoying son that he was forced to hang out with from time to time. It was 10am and I still had my pj's on, I tell my cousin I'll get dressed real quick and we'll go down the bike tracks soon. I go to my bedroom to change, when I'm in my underwear the weird/annoying boy walks straight in my room like he lived there and looked me up and down with a smile. I went mental, screamed at him and called him a creep. My cousin bolts upstairs after hearing me scream, grabbed the boy by the scruff of his clothes, drags him out of my bedroom and threw him down the stairs, he wasn't seriously hurt but definitely terrified at this point and runs out of the house."
Weird Wanderer
"I had a friend over once and he just wandered around the house, no sitting, no greeting my mom, no nothing, he just walked around the house aimlessly, this was a year ago but it still confuses me to this day."
Missing The Target
"It was my cousin. He came in, took a sh*t in my bedroom (at the middle of the floor), and left. Im still wondering what came through his mind that day."
No Complaints
"Last summer, my parents went on vacation so I was left alone to care for the house and our cat. One of my friends would come over a lot because I always made good food and she wanted to try it. One time when she came over, we ended up having coffee late at night, so she decided to clean my kitchen and bathroom at 12AM. Cleaned the sink, toilet, stove... I didn't ask her to. It was weird. But I didn't mind it."
Pure Insanity
"Pissed in the fridge all over turkey left overs then b!tched the toilet wouldn't flush. His gf at the time then proceeded to beat the sh*t out of him for 'doing it again' with her prosthetic leg."
"Plot twist...I was the guest in their home."
– Syst0us
This Is Your Brain On Drugs
"My homeless, heroin addict, ex brother in law asked if he could do some laundry at my place and I agreed that would be ok as long as he understood this is my home and he's not welcome to hang around. (I have a teenage son I'd rather not expose to heroin, thank you.) One day he texted that he needed to pick up his laundry and I said no problem.""
"He never showed up, so I went to bed around midnight. Turns out after I went to bed, he let himself and his insane girlfriend in and they made themselves at home. Watching TV, taking a shower, eating snacks."
"I woke up to the sounds of a domestic taking place in my living room and a woman screaming for help."
"After dealing with all that and getting them removed from my property, I went to my bathroom where I found the entire bathroom covered in purple hair dye. It was on the floors, sink, the toilet, the mirror, the rugs. Every where!"
"Who comes into a house uninvited after midnight and dyes their hair?!"
"Don't do heroin kids."
Jam Session
"This guy turned my pots and pans into drums and started freestyle singing while all the girls were hitting chairs and harmonising. I never wanted people to leave my place so quickly before."
As I mentioned earlier, having a clean home starts with taking off your shoes after entering.
Growing up with this regimen made me appreciate cleanliness, but it also made me a certifiable germophobe.
So you can imagine how much I cringed when I read about the number of Redditors who've had guests who made their homes an open bathroom space – where excrement, vomit and urine splattered everywhere like in a Jackson Pollock painting.
The takeway? Be mindful of your alcohol intake, who you invite, and say no to drugs. Now, there's the door.
I've always hated rules implemented because of other's nonsense.
No Kissing
Giphy"Not at a workplace but at a summer camp (YMCA). Only children under the age of 9 were allowed on the playground due to the fact that 2 older kids (don’t know how old they were) were caught kissing on the playground."
Puppet007
Yes, creepy dolls...
"Only one personal item in your office. This was a financial institution so customers came into our offices. This was put in place because of one lady who had her office packed with trinkets including a handful of dolls. Yes, creepy dolls. Come and get your auto loan also don't worry we have some dolls here to witness your transaction."
luminescentbluedot
That went nowhere...
"A video game company I worked for provided free snacks and sodas. One Friday HR had just done a shopping run and was bringing in a truck load of junk food. One employee was caught sneaking a case of soda out of the parking lot. He wasn't fired or disciplined, it was just made public why the perk was ended. He quit shortly afterward and attempted to sue for a hostile work environment. That went nowhere."
DarrenEdwards
Pringles Please
"No popcorn. I work at a financial company and not once, but twice, someone burned microwave popcorn during end of day processing and caused the building evac. Every once in a while a new person is cooking some up and I just imagine the talking to they're about to get."
katrascythe
"We had this, but with microwave ramen. Someone managed to try to microwave it without putting water in. Twice."
_MaddAddam
Fun Over
Its Over GIFGiphy"We used to get a free beer after our shifts at a pizza restaurant I worked at, until the manager’s little brother got in a car accident after work (he ran a red light or something). That was fun while it lasted."
boi-juice
I thought rules were designed to make sense.
Ask First
Giphy"Well, I went to the Dr office the other day. At the bathroom there was a sign. It said 'Due to misuse of hand soap, you will have to request soap from front desk.' I'm weirded the f**k out. What the hell are they doing with the soap?! At the doctor's office?? I was just too afraid to ask."
Ok-Reporter-2688
Get a Manager...
"At a restaurant I worked at needed a manager override to make any price adjustments, remove items, or process certain cash transactions. This was done because another service found a way to discount their own meals or something. Anyways, this was a huge problem for everyone because there were only two managers in the whole restaurant, and often only one was on shift at a time."
"So when it would get really busy, which happened almost every night, it was next impossible to get a manager to help you out. Often times they'd scream at you for asking for help, meanwhile your tables are getting pissy because they've been sitting there for 15 minutes waiting for me to cash them out, and I can't do anything about it."
"So between my managers yelling at me and getting stiffed, the job because insanely stressful. I quickly put in my two weeks and got the f**k out."
14thCluelessbird
Confrontations
"We used to be able to pop in an ear bud at work with the offset being that we couldn't spend more than a few seconds here or there to switch podcasts or something. Naturally, some people took a mile and spent minutes on their phones. Since everyone was afraid of confronting these people, phones and earbuds were banned in work spaces altogether."
DYGTD
"OOPSIE"
"If you derail a train you have to get drug tested. In my time at that company members of my team caused 3 derailments. After the second one, the employee's official statement was 'oops, no further comment.' It was operator error and the guy owned up to it."
"After the third one, the guy driving hops out and screams 'OOPSIE.' He was being a real prick about the problem he just caused. So we ended up rewriting the drug testing policy to drug test the guy, and sure enough he failed. So then he was gone."
thedankbank1021
Damn Bob
Bill Murray Movie GIFGiphy"Former boss here. My total pet peeve was company wide memos about 'behavioral' problems that were really about a single employee. Not on my watch! Supervisor has a problem with “Bob”? F**king talk to Bob. That draft memo is not going out. I feel your pain y’all."
Rules are made to be broken. Especially stupid ones.
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I still love a good, subtle... "Bless Your Heart!"
Drive On
sick way GIFGiphy"During heavy fog, I was driving extra cautiously. My passenger looked at me and said:"
"'There's a funeral home out there somewhere looking for you to be their hearse driver.'"
Back2Bach
Roll Down
"Student asked me, during sex Ed, about the bar code that printed near the base of every condom. I said I didn’t know that condoms had barcodes like that. He smiled and said, 'Oh, you don’t gotta roll yours down that far, huh.' I laughed and told him that was one of the funniest things a student ever said."
this_name_is_banned
Scrambled
"My step-sister can be kind of an airhead. On Christmas one year, her dad gave her something that required her to set the day and time. She asked him what day it was. Her dad just laughed and said 'oh honey, you could hide your own easter eggs.'"
Celesticle
"Sounds like a burn on people with ADHD. My apartment is filled with surprises I accidentally hide from my as elf."
Flyingwheelbarrow
God Draws
"Overheard 'I might be fat but you look like something God drew with his left hand.' I still giggle when I think about it."
forevertwoc
"Speaking as a lefty that can't really draw and isn't really artistic, this kinda stings."
PitBullFan
"Well there's the whole 'The Right Hand of God' thing. So I guess some have taken that literally"
shewy92
LOL
Season 1 Lol GIF by NBCGiphy"I don't know why but my friend called me a dense liquid once and it was hilarious to me."
maybe_spoopy
Some of you are savage AF. And I am living....
Let it Dry
construction GIFGiphy"It was a rainy day, I was at a construction site for labor work, I had nothing to do so I was just standing there next looking at the dirt mounds around the site. Some fella walks pass me and says 'what’s your job, watching dirt dry?' Cheeky."
Ike_The_Sir
I See You
“'You look like someone who enjoys pro wrestling.' At the time, they were absolutely right."
sanibelle98
"It's one of those things where yes, a lot of it is stupid bullsh*t, but one can appreciate the better stories they've told (Undertaker being a good example), and the olympic skill it takes to be 7' and 300lbs while managing to do acrobatic flips and NOT hurt anyone. It's genuinely impressive."
Bacxaber
"As someone in the pro wrestling business, never be ashamed of being a pro wrestling fan."
MaskMan193
So Pretty
"My great grandma used to say you can’t be pretty and smart on the same day. When one of us would do something dumb, she would pat us on the shoulder and say 'you look so pretty today' and usually the person would take it as a compliment from Gran and not realize until later."
SneezyMcBeezy
Shout
"My mom ‘shouted’ at my brother in the kitchen to go get his laundry cause it was sitting in the dryer getting wrinkled and he replied without hesitation 'yeah well you’re sitting on the couch getting wrinkled so.' It didn’t go well lmao."
DarkWing2274
"Nah, unlike my father my mom isn’t violent. she just said 'this is why amber left you.'"
"Amber was my brother’s girlfriend of 5 years, and on the night he was gonna propose he found out she’d been cheating on him for 3 years with like 8 different people. amber sucked anyway, i didn’t like her, so i’m kinda glad but he’s still depressed about it."
DarkWing2274
Cheap
Drunk Happy Hour GIFGiphyI asked a bartender 'What’s cheap and has a lot of alcohol in it?' And he said 'You.'"
NickyAndretina
I have a whole new list of shade to share. Thank you.
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So far my biggest concerns are banks and the liquor store. Tell me more...
Enemies
Gordon Ramsay Bug GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"There are so many flies. Flies."
Acceptable_Floor166
"Flies eat dead flesh - they'll be zombie enemy #1."
JustAnotherFool896
Yuck
"The smell. You ever see them movies where the cops find a corpse and they puke because of the smell... of one dead body? What's the smell going to be like when:"
"A huge percent of the population is decomposing and walking around everywhere. Or if you kill them, lying there not getting buried... just lying there getting more stinky."
"No refrigerators so all existing food in everywhere is going to rot."
"Toilets will eventually stop working so you have that to deal with."
"That and diseases other than being bit by a zombie and lack of medicine to treat them."
_ImNoJedi_
Get Soap
"Hygiene. A lot of people take the fact we have easily accessible soap and don't realize just how easy it is to die from a small infected cut without it."
Wolf-Track
"I've thought about this in every zombie film/show I've seen where two characters have sex. They're sweaty, dirty, sometimes covered in blood and zombie guts. That has absolutely got to give you a serious infection, and you won't even be able to find antibiotics to treat it. Yuck."
lovelyxcastle
Power
"Batteries. I’m one of the few left who is watching fear the walking dead. Just saw someone use a flashlight YEARS after sh*t started. 2 weekends ago when our power went out, our flashlight from last year had dead batteries."
funnylooking09
"Most batteries sold these days advertise a shelf life of 10 years. But a battery sitting in a flashlight is likely to drain faster than one sitting in a box."
industrialScreen
Easy Death
Sick Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Simple illnesses such as strep throat."
Zkenny13
"Diarrhea will be a potential death sentence again."
Crabtoe
The basics are always the things forgotten in the movies and shows.
The Collapse
Loop Geometry GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy"Uncontrolled release of toxic and hazardous materials as a result of industrial facilities collapsing due to a lack of continued maintenance."
"Dams collapsing and flooding out everything downstream. Power plants overheating or pressurizing and detonating. Toxic chemicals seeping into the water table or aerosolizing in fires. We made a world that we can only survive in if we keep it going."
Stentata
Can you write me something...
"Your prescriptions. I personally don't take any meds daily but i know people who do and would eventually die without them. Even if you broke into a pharmacy or something the meds would only last you so long. If you're lucky the zombies will decompose until they die but it's never safe to assume that will happen."
CitizenOfInnistrad
Bad Ideas
"Sex in the zombie apocalypse is just overall a terrible idea. Becoming pregnant means you need more food and are much less agile, both major detriments. Even if the baby does get born, that new human is now going to be slowing you down, a hassle to take care of, quite loud and zombie-attracting, and cannot work or contribute to the group, but is still another mouth to feed and water."
MaeBeaInTheWoods
How to Fuel...
"Gas expires."
Link22_22
"'The Last Man on Earth’ explores this after two years I think. He pours petrol from a can and it comes out kinda lumpy. One of the other characters points out that he warned everyone that this would happen and they should’ve been setting up solar panels which is what they do next. Obviously it’s not 100% accurate and it’s a comedy series but it reminded me how fossil fuels would become useless after a while."
reecedutoit
$$$
Make It Rain Money GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"It's not gonna be good for the economy."
Flintz08
Well that is a solid list compiled. I'm ready. Just need liquor.
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I believe we all live moment to moment literally just surviving. So let's hear about when death is being loud.
A Goner
confused fall GIF by Outside TVGiphy"Briefly trapped under the raft while in rapids white water rafting. Didn’t get the breath I thought I would when my head hit the bottom of the raft. Thought I was a goner. A second later I was to the side of the raft and only mostly still freaking out."
spaceman_danger
Stop Smoking
"I was 11. I had just developed asthma and my mother refused to quit chain smoking in the house. One night I have a severe attack. I'm trying to use my rescue inhaler and its not working. Each time I try to inhale it just goes right out my nose. I panic."
"I vividly remember my mother smoking a cigarette as the panic is giving way to hypoxia. She's screaming at me to use my inhaler. Right before loosing consciousness I realized that was it, I'm dead. There wasn't a whole lot of life to flash before my eyes. A sense of calm and peace settled over me as I collapsed."
"My parents did CPR on me until the paramedics arrived. I woke up in ICU days later with a tube down my throat. The doctors were surprised I survived. My mother never smoked in the house again after that. The car was still fair game for her though."
Saiyanman007
Lungs
"I was choking on food, almost a full blockage and couldn't get any air in. After several attempts to get it out, it sunk in that it was really lodged in my throat and I was screwed. Started to feel dizzy and everything moved slowly. I remember thinking what an embarrassing way to die and that I didn't want my kid to be watching (it was at breakfast)."
"I started dialing 911 when my husband came up behind me and started first aid. He got the blockage out and I started vomiting everywhere. It was very intense. I still went to get checked by a doctor to make sure my lungs were clear because I felt dizzy for hours after and my throat was raw. Took a day or so to heal. He 100% saved my life!"
shadowball46
Oh Crap!
"When I was a 6th grader I was cutting plastic with a box cutter, knife slipped and sliced a 6 inch long and .5 inch deep cut into my wrist, cut almost every vein and the tendon some people have, my first thought was oh crap I’m bleeding, followed by me running to the bathroom and then slipping on the blood and smacking my head of the floor, knocked out and somehow lived."
sovietsexyboi
Just a Graze
Bicycle Oops GIF by RETROFUNKGiphy"I went under the wheels of a semi while riding a bicycle. Trapped for 2 hours until they cut my bike apart around me. Walked away with a graze on my leg and elbow."
PokesPenguin
How in the world? My stomach is in knots.
Lived to see another day!
Crashing Car Crash GIF by Don BrocoGiphy"Squished in the middle car of a multi-car highway accident."
"Air bags deployed/car totaled/smelled burning scent (not sure what it was but assumed the car was about to explode). And stuck in the fast lane on the highway as other cars whizzed by this cluster-f#% at high speed. Lived to see another day! Felt extremely shaky from adrenaline for hours afterward…"
LBinSF
BOOM!!
"House explosion, 3 years old Edmonton, AB. I vividly remember standing next to a stove that someone was fixing in the basement apartment of my Dads friends house (who we were visiting) and next thing I was opening my eyes in in the daylight outside. I completely blacked out while the gas stove exploded and I landed clean in the driveway. My dad and mom were on the front page of the Edmonton Journal 1993."
"I remember distinctly thinking the brightness was heaven and that I had died and fell into heaven- my baby sister had died several weeks prior to SIDS and my mother and father had to explain where she had gone and I thought I was in heaven but it was the sky."
AD_Skinner_no_shirt
So mission accomplished...
"Car accident. We hit a patch of ice and went over a guardrail and off a 40 foot cliff. I knew was dead the moment I pulled my leg free from the piece of door stabbing through it and the blood came out like a faucet. I figured I could at least climb back to the road for help before I passed out so I did."
"I flagged down a passing truck and passed out and died in the ambulance before they brought me back. The firefighters used my blood trail to find my friends car which saved his life. So mission accomplished."
Shes_dead_Jim
fade to black...
"Had a car crash into my house and hit me when I was a child. I was sitting on the couch at the time and it hit me, drove through the next wall into the garage, then came to rest on top of my lap, pinning me down to the couch with it's full weight. I wont go into too much detail about my injuries: suffice it to say that it was pretty gorey."
"It took over an hour for the emergency responders to get me out from underneath it. That hour is foggy at best. I remember so much pain, and at some point I felt this overwhelming sense of peace about the situation. Like, I instinctually knew that all I had to do was let go and the pain would stop."
"I started to let go, and I began slipping away. The pain stopped, the world slowed, and everything started to fade to black. It felt like I was floating on water, and all the fear and agony was taken far away from me. I snapped back into myself to the sound of a firefighter yelling at me to stay awake. Immediately the pain returned and I was fully 'here' again. Didn't hit me until much later in life that I was interrupted in the middle of the death process."
Apprehensive-Donkey3
car slamming GIF"I'm laying in the hospital right now typing with one hand. I found out a few days ago that I remained conscious enough to call 9-1-1 myself even though I don't recall doing that. Pretty much the only reason I'm alive is because I didn't injure my head."
FormerUniform
Good for all of you. Do great with the rest of your lives.
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