I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I've never been to a wedding where the bride or groom went total -zilla on everyone. I've seen some terrible parents, I've heard my fair share of unfortunate speeches - shout out to that one awkward a capella performance. So intimate; so terrible.
That doesn't mean I don't love some good bridal "chisme" - that's gossip; and it's a high art. The Puerto Rican women in my family have passed the skill down for generations. The elders are masters by now. The shade is subtle, the reads are so real - they're like the Hatori Hanzo's of talking sh*t.
Anyway, one Reddit user asked:
Wedding planners of Reddit, who was the worst bridezilla/groomzilla that you've had to deal with?
and like 14 generations of my ancestors rose up within me in unison like "READ IT!" and really who am I to deny my blood? I mean, it didn't work out well when Buffy The Vampire Slayer tried it. Okay, so first things first, the question was directed at wedding planners but everyone and their granny chimed in. Wouldn't you? You know you would.
Secondly, people are terrible human beings. There. I said it. So here are some of the responses that made me cringe, cackle, or cry the most - edited for language or clarity, of course. Have fun!
The Landscaping Bill
I used to work at a wedding venue. I was there once when a future bride and her mother were visiting to plan out the setup. They had already booked the place for the wedding.
The building had some lovely planters with flowers of all different colors in the outdoor space where ceremonies were held. Both ladies, but especially the mother of the bride, had a huge issue with the fact that some of the flowers didn't match the couple's wedding colors. We explained to them that no, the flowers couldn't be swapped out or moved before the wedding because they were in those huge urn planters that probably weighed upwards of 100-150 pounds each fully loaded with soil.
Bridezilla and Momzilla went around behind my manager's back and started ripping up the flowers of colors they didn't like. Fortunately, Momzilla only got a few before she was caught, but my manager was 100% ready to add our landscaper's fee to the bill. He probably should have anyway.
"Send Your Assistant To The Funeral"
GiphyI've posted this before, but this was my worst for sure.
I'm a wedding planner. We had an unexpected death in the family. Our 6 month old nephew had passed away in his sleep. I knew the funeral was going to be the day my clients upcoming wedding. I gave her a call to explain the situation. She's clearly not paying attention to the call or the words I'm speaking because I hear her laughing with friends in the background. I get irritated and tell her I'll call her later. I call back that night and again tell her what has happened and that I'd be sending an assistant to cover for me so I can attend the funeral. She tells me that I need to send my assistant to the funeral and that I better be at her wedding. It took me a few seconds, but I calmly stated that I'd be sending her money back and that no one would be covering for me. Nicest way I've ever said f off. I really wanted to bitch slap her.
I've been doing this for a while. I've seen some shit. I've seen a drunk grandma heil Hitler in a room full of Jewish guests. I've seen a bride kiss an ex boyfriend while the groom was in the bathroom. One attempted suicide. One very expensive and very short wedding. However, the majority of my clients are amazing. Still, sometimes there are just horrible people in this world. The good thing is I've gotten much better at spotting them before we get to far.
Shoes
I work as an assistant to a wedding planner. We had a bridezilla let half of her guests leave and have someone drive almost 3 hours over a pair of shoes.
About 45 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin, a bridesmaid grabbed me in a panic and told me the bride forgot her shoes. She told me that the bride absolutely needed her shoes. I asked where they were, she told me they were at another location - an hour away. The wedding planner talked to the bride and explained that no one would even notice if she didn't wear those shoes. We could go grab her another pair, her dress covered her feet, etc. The bride pitched a fit and made an uncle drive and get them. It took him about 2.5 hours to get them. The whole time, we were trying to convince the bride to start the ceremony and she refused.
The worst part was that her family came from another country and didn't really speak English so they had no idea what was going on at first. They got super restless and some people even left. We told the bride that people were leaving and she didn't care, she just wanted her shoes. Everything was delayed by about an hour and half. People were pissed. By the time the reception rolled around about 50% of the people left the venue.
Planner-zilla?
This doesn't entirely fit the question, but my friend's wedding planner flat out refused to use the bride's hand-made decorations.
The bride and family had spent hours finishing the decorations the day before. The bride was really proud of them. The wedding planner hid them in a box under the guestbook table. I was the bridesmaid assigned to go down from the suite and check on things while everyone was getting ready. I did a check in and noticed that the decorations were nowhwere to be found. I asked the planner why the decorations weren't hung up, and she told me she didn't like them.
I had a boyfriend of another bridesmaid hang them up because I knew the bride would be upset if they weren't in the reception hall.
Grey Goose
A drunk, screaming groomzilla screamed and pointed in my face (while his poor bride cowered behind him) because the venue ran out of Grey Goose at 11:45pm. The wedding ended at midnight. I filled up an empty bottle with water are served it to him and his douchey friends.
"Dad" And James Bond
I worked one that was a complete nightmare. The bride and groom were from NYC and got married in the south. He was her boss at a Fox News show. When I first saw them I legit thought he was her dad. The entire night she kept yelling at him, telling him to leave conversations she was having with her friends. She was just awful to him.
Not to mention their wedding colors were pink and green. And I mean BRIGHT pink. They paid thousands of dollars to have a pink tented ceiling and their bridesmaid dresses were these ugly hot pink designer dresses. I think each one cost $900. This wedding all around was between $300-350,000 at least. They had a man in a jet pack dressed in a tux fly over the reception, land to a string quartet playing the James Bond theme song and took a sip of a martini. That cost like $13k. He was a pretty interesting guy, if you can imagine.
I sometimes wonder if the couple is still together. I'm assuming not.
The Aisle 5 Train Wreck
Was helping a friend plan her wedding. We literally had everything planned, had called in favors with friends to do everything at cost, and she had personally asked my mom to officiate. This was going to be gorgeous, and I did nothing without her. She was in on the entire thing, as she should be.
Then her in-laws got involved. She started saying yes to everything they were saying without telling me. They then started asking me to ask my friends to provide their services for free or under just cost. They expected my contacts to be okay losing money. When I pushed back on the price, suddenly I was making her wedding all about me. They made me out to be a nut job.
My friend didn't even take the time to tell my mom that her services as the officiant were no longer needed and the bride had found a catholic deacon to marry them. Mind you, the bride is Muslim and the groom converted from Catholicism to Islam to marry her in another ceremony so SOMEONE lied about their faith here! I found out 2nd hand - 4 days before the wedding.
That was it. I cancelled everything but the caterer - that was a favor my boyfriend had called in and decided to keep only because his buddy needed the money. The bride bought fake flowers and the ceremony was a train wreck. It was glorious vindication.
My boyfriend was beside himself when he called me after the wedding. Their arch was a couple of 2x4s nailed together on the beach. The from-home speaker and mic cut out so no one could hear anything, which was a blessing because the maid of honor (one of the in-laws who was key in talking the bride out of everything) didn't prepare her speech. Instead, she just rambled nervously like an idiot.
It was mid-summer in Florida so it was hot as F*CK. They held the ceremony in full sun at 3 pm (peak UV rays and often well above 100 degrees) so everyone was sweaty/stinky/pissed off and getting sunburned. They didn't spring for seats so everyone was just standing there.... in the hot sand.
The groomsmen wore shirts that were close but off in color just enough that you knew it was a mistake. The reception was held at the maid of honors small house. Apparently, they didn't think to empty the fridge for any of the food to be stored ahead of time. They grabbed cupcakes from publix, they used the same crappy speaker and a little rainbow disco light to designate the dance area. No one danced.
My boyfriend likened it to a really sweaty high school party with better food.
I am honestly just happy that I was able to call the florist (my best friends mother!) in time for her to cancel her order from the market.
She got the Aisle 5 wedding she paid for and I got to save money on a dress.
One Chair
GiphyThe bride came in and literally threw a chair through a window because she was pissed that there was one chair extra in the back of the room.
- 8UP_
The Vegan Meltdown
I was almost the maid of honor for a bridezilla.
She is Vegan and I mean, heavily Vegan. The menu eventually changed into one that had no options for non-Vegans, despite the majority of the guests being omnivores. Whenever I'd bring it up to her, she'd reply with "Well, they should know better because it's my wedding. They don't have to eat if they don't like it."
The wedding was to take place at a gorgeous retreat in the mountains just outside of LA. She was so hellbent on the location that they put down a hefty non-refundable deposit right away. Since it was up in the mountains, I knew that we wouldn't have easy access to non-vegan establishments should we get hungry, and people need to eat. The bride had planned on the wedding party staying in a cabin house that they were going to rent for the occasion.
I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask if we could bring our own food to make. When I ran this by her, she abruptly told me, "F*ck no you can't bring that shit inside my cabin. You better find a way to take the microwave and nuke that shit outside because no f*cking way am I gonna let the cabin smell like meat."
At that point I was so ready to be done.
The bride and groom had a trip to some hipster music festival coming up so I made up my mind to use that time away from her to come up with a good way to remove myself from the situation. No need for that, as it turns out.
They came back from the trip with their engagement dissolved. Apparently they came to the realization that they didn't really love each other and that it was just a relationship of convenience. They had been together for ten years! Felt a little bad, but at the same time relieved. Don't know who broached it first but I have my guesses.
Groomzilla's Thank You Cake
I have a friend who used to do high society weddings.
There was a bride who was the nicest person imaginable, but everyone else was entitled sh*t.
The bridesmaids and groomsmen never showed up for the photo shoot. Reason? How were they supposed to show up if the planners didn't personally knock on their hotel room doors to remind them to get ready?
The bride would set the groom a list of tasks. The second she was out of earshot, he'd turn to one of the planners and say, "You heard her. Get it done." He was also generally useless; coming to meetings late, always drunk with his groomsmen and letting his bride handle everything.
The church ceremony was delayed an hour because the groom's mother didn't even start getting dressed until the ceremony was supposed to start.
A week after the ordeal, this lovely bride asks my friend for her address as she wanted to send a cake over as thanks.
An hour later, the bride calls my friend to confirm that she had given her the right address. My friend says yes.
Friend didn't realize the bride and groom were personally delivering the cake. My friend is super humble, but she lives in a huge mansion, doesn't actually need the money from her event planning job. Her family is loaded - but none of them attend high society events because her father thinks it's beneath them.
The couple was shocked, and the groom suddenly tried to be overly friendly and pal-y with my friend. Asking who the architect of her house was, etc, hoping that she wouldn't remember the sh*tty treatment he'd given her last week.
She just graciously accepted the cake, wished the bride well and closed the gate on them.
The Zit Restoration
Former Wedding Photographer- The last wedding I ever did, the bride had a huge zit on her forehead, which was just ruining everything. It was the end of the world. So, thinking I was being generous, I zapped it off in all of the photos in photoshop. Cut to a few weeks later after I delivered them, I get an irate phone call saying that she couldn't believe I would edit off a zit. She wanted to remember the day as it was, not how it should have been. So I went through and restored all the zits... Weddings are too emotionally fraught to mix with business...
Just Act Like It's Real
Bride tried to have a 50k wedding on a 5k budget, and do everything last minute. She didn't like her officiant and fired him the wk before wedding, and then didn't realize how difficult it was going to be to find one last minute. She ended up having to get married by a JP the day before wedding and had a friend officiate wedding and act like it was all real! The whole wedding was a joke, and people left by 8pm after cake. The whole wedding was over by 10pm.
Actual Parking Lot
My friend is an events coordinator, one of the few privileged to host at a fancy, remote Californian resort. It takes celebrities for 2-3k per night, but doesn't have any big party spaces. Events are held in the fields, and rich folk enjoy the rustic vibe.
This reception was to be held in July, on a Sunday, in the parking lot. Not the fields - the parking lot. My Friend orders rolls of artificial turf grass to cover the asphalt. The Bride gets buyer's remorse and cancels the turf a couple weeks before the wedding. Wedding day, Bridezilla comes to Friend fuming "This is an actual parking lot, with lines and everything!!"
Yeah. We told you that.
The first few people Friend called hung up on her. Finally someone quotes her an absurd price to load up ALL of their rolls of (real) turf grass, drive the hr to the resort, and set it up. Friend doubles the price she quotes the bride. Bride doesn't bat an eye. And that is how i got paid $20/hr to intermittently water turf grass in a parking lot.
Aunt Ann
We had a guestzilla.
Older aunt of the bride showed up wearing a white lace gown. That's already a huge no, but she then told the groom she didn't want him in the group picture because it was only for "family." When the caterer put aside the top tier of the cake and put it in a box for the bride a groom to have on their first anniversary, she began to pick off and eat the icing with her fingers.
F*ck you, aunt Ann.
All The Bridesmaids
My sister got drunk and kicked all her bridesmaids out of the wedding the night before.
Covering Mom's Cost
A guy I know got married recently and the bride's mother was the worst Momzilla. There were 6 bridesmaids in the wedding party - 4 of them bridesmaids never spoke to the bride again and 2 didn't even attend the wedding due to Mom's behavior at the hen party.
Mom micromanaged everything and was very abusive and controlling throughout. That wasn't the worst part, though. The bride put Momzilla in charge of coordinating. Mom handled the hotel, selected restaurants, etc. The bridesmaids found out rather than pay for herself, she just overcharged everyone else and skimmed the extra so it would cover her costs.
Maidzilla
I once sat through a wedding with a total bridesmaidzilla. Instead of giving a speech, she decided to just play some songs, that way she wouldn't have to put in any real effort.
Yeah, it ended up being 7 minutes of garbled music that non of us could understand since the sound system hadn't been properly set up. It was coming from a DJ booth that had just announced MR & MRS when it was supposed to be MRS & MRS.
Awkward.
But we all politely sat through this - mostly because I think nobody was surprised. The bridesmaid was a train wreck anyway. She wore thick jeans under her dress (in late summer heat) and completely ruined the lines of her dress. She looked ridiculous. Not only that, her jeans stunt ruined the one shot of silly mismatched socks that the Brides wanted! One photo! Maidzilla ruined it, then proceeded to rush everyone else along because she was burning up.
Then after the reception, she immediately changed clothes and decided she would "manage" the packing, transport, and unpacking of the decorations and gifts. Rather than pitch in and help, she sat on her oversized posterior and "directed" everyone else. I, while still in my suit and slick shoes, told her to help or shut up. I did most of the work with my daughter on my shoulders because I already could tell I did not want this woman near my child.
At one point she insisted on watching my daughter while I went to the store. I had no plan of this happening, but the two Brides pulled me aside and confided in me that she wasn't very responsible with kids. As if I was even considering it.
The same woman sat at the other end of a table at a restaurant then complained no one was talking to her. Dummy, everyone else was here first. You chose that seat and excluded yourself!
Mom Made The Cake
GiphyMy fiance and I were making final plans for our wedding reception, so we happened to be at the venue for a meeting while they were setting up for a wedding. We got to witness a fantastic disaster.
The bride and her mother insisted that the mom make the wedding cake. The venue includes the cake as part of the package but these folks insisted on their own. Mom didn't have experience in wedding cakes, but neither she nor the bride was interested in any tips from the venue. The wedding planner at the hall knew they were planning on using a cake topper and warned them that they would need to include a stand in the middle of the cake for support. Toppers are heavy. Cake isn't very strong. Support is a must. Planner warned them repeatedly. We all heard.
The mother insisted she knew what she was doing. Her three cakes piled on top of each other were sturdy enough to support the large figurine cake topper.
Fast forward to them setting up the reception, we are in the office trying to talk with the planner. The whole time we are meeting the planner kept apologizing for having trouble focusing - she kept looking past us over at the cake thinking that it looked kind of off.
We were wrapping up our meeting when suddenly she screams and bolts out of her chair. The topper had collapsed through the three layers of cake then come out the front, leaving the entire front of the cake a pile of crumbs with frosting.
I never found out how that mess got fixed because my fiance and I got the hell out of there.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.