Some of the best advice can also be the weirdest, grossest, or most awkward advice to give. But trust me, being gross can pay off sometimes. U/ImposterIsRed asked:
What's a tip that's NSFW but can save your life?
Let’s start more lowkey, because if you want the best advice, you’ll have to buy us dinner first.
Practice makes perfect.
“If someone is trying to smother you with a pillow, stay very calm. Don't fight it, and turn your head to the left or right. Most smothering deaths are due to the panic rather than an actual loss of air.”
“You know, ever since I was a kid I'd practice this very thing. I always knew in the back of my mind that if just have to pretend to struggle for a bit and then pretend to pass out/die and wait for them to take the pillow off. Just lay there, hold my breath and pretend to be dead. Then, when the coast is clear-ish, make my sloppy grand escape.”
Anything to not die, I GUESS.
Angry Aubrey Plaza GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy“If you get stabbed with, or impaled on, something sharp and the item stays in you, don't try and remove the item - no matter how instinctively appealing it might be to try and remove it.
The item remaining inside you will increase your chances of reducing blood loss, not developing shock, and staying alive.”
Don’t even f*ck on ‘em.
“If you go to any hotel, no matter how clean the floor and bedding might be. DO NOT SIT NAKED ON THOSE CHAIRS IN THE CORNER OR AT THE DESK. DON'T EVEN HAVE SEX ON THEM ON EM.
THEY'RE THE DIRTIEST PART OF THE ROOM.
Hard to clean a chair than a floor and bedding."
Balls are funny.
“You better believe it's preferable for a doctor to laugh at the lump on your balls that is nothing instead of getting testicular cancer.”
“I built up the courage to get that weird sensation down there checked. The doctor was unavailable, so his replacement comes in and its a guy I went to High School with LMAO. Talk about awkward, but he was very professional and the thing turned out to be a minor infection. So yeah guys, if I could do it then you can too.”
Alright, you asked for it, and we’re delivering. Here are some useful tips for all things steamy.
By steamy, I meant extremely useful.
happy the simpsons GIFGiphy“Condoms can hold up to 3 liters of water if necessary.”
“How much water can they hold if it's not necessary?”
Stay safe.
“If your partner ask for no condom, assume all their previous encounters has been without protection. STD are no joke. Also, if something looks or smells weird, go away."
“A partner that insists you don't need a condom is a very good reason to use a condom."
Well. Sorry if that wasn’t the steamy content you were looking for. But hey, now you’ll be safer in bed. Now let’s get weirder.
Please don’t do this, omg.
Sick Vomit GIF by CBSGiphy“Flared bases, people. Flared bases.
My mother is a nurse and once had to look after a guy whose "friends" stuck a toy where the sun don't shine on his stag do as a "prank". It proceeded bounce around his insides, causing a ruptured bowel as well as a number of other problems. A ruptured bowel can kill you. This guy was lucky.
While his situation was particularly extreme and illustrated the need to choose your friends carefully, this can happen to anyone who is using the wrong toy or the right toy incorrectly.
Hell, this doesn't even have to just refer to sex and/or sex toys. Always be safe and use the right tool for the particular job."
Huh. Good to know.
“If you are ever the victim of a Chlorine Gas attack...
Pee into a towel or handkerchief or something that will retain the urine and use it to cover your mouth, nose and eyes while you search for an exit.
The urea in the urine will neutralize the chlorine gas, rendering it inert, giving you time to save your own life.”
Alright, that's it for some NSFW advice! And if you came here for actual NSFW content….what's wrong with you?
Moral of these stories: never underestimate the power of your own pee. It's amazing what urine can do.
As it turns out, there are a lot of universal fears out there. And the people of Reddit have a thing or two to say. Suck it, Roosevelt. WowADeadMidget asked:
What's your biggest fear?
I haven’t even started this article yet, and I’m already sweating. Let’s dive in.
That would keep me awake too.
“Drowning, getting stuck in some tight place and asphyxiating/dying of hunger in there, or getting steamed to death.
That's pretty much the shared 1st place."
“I'm 34 years old and was very close to drowning last year. Got dumped out of a canoe and was pinned against a tree in a current. I pulled myself out and it took about every bit of upper body strength I had, didn't even really realize the severity of it while it was happening because if my head had stayed under I was done for. A person of smaller stature would have been in very serious trouble in the same situation. I think about it a lot too, usually when I'm trying to go to sleep lol."
A valid fear.
Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy“I choked on a piece of steak home alone a few months ago and had to give myself the Heimlich maneuver. It took 3 tries. I'll never forget my dog staring at me and the thought of my girlfriend coming home to find me dead on the floor of our apartment.
Now I think about that every time I eat by myself. So choking to death alone is my greatest fear."
This is heartbreaking.
“Biggest fear is losing everything I have worked so hard for later in life. I watched my parents work hard do everything right build wealth and then almost towards their 50s my father got sick, lost his job. And now struggle to make ends they had to sell anything that had any value to them.
Now they just go through life with seemingly little enjoyment because they had everything set and in a blink of an eye it was gone and probably never come back.”
This is why you should check in with your friends.
“Being one of those people who dies alone in their home and doesn't get found for weeks or more because they have no one who cares enough to notice they're not around anymore.”
“There was an old man in our vicinity who died like this. Apparently he died on the toilet and been there for weeks in the summer heat with closed windows and doors so the smell was also not noticable to the neighbours. The firemen and policemen brought the body down from the flat in two bags apparently it was already falling into several pieces.
The smell was lingering in the apartment for a few days, one of my friends lives two floors down and he said it was unbearable.”
Let’s go deeper, shall we? Sorry in advance.
Good advice.
Will Smith Memory GIF by STARZGiphy“Memory loss!!! Literally, everything I know in my life is memories.”
“When I started to have memory problems, it super freaked me out. Now it's a little easier. I surround myself with trusted people and write everything down. Memory is important, but if you take care of yourself and find ways to keep them externally it can help a lot. Memory books, notes, friends.”
Spooky.
“Deep water or caves with no light that you have to crawl to get through. So a cave full of water would be the worst.
That or what happened to that guy who was repairing an industrial bread oven when it turned on and he couldn't switch it back off from the inside.”
I’m sorry, WHAT???
“Rabies.
You're fine one moment, and then the next day you have a headache. Turns out you got infected on that camping trip six years ago and it's been hiding in you ever since.
Now that you have a headache, it's in your brain and you're already dead. There's next to nothing doctors can do except put you in a coma and say a prayer, but odds are nearly 100% that if you do survive that you're a vegetable or nearly one.
You experience incredible pain, irrational hydrophobia, manic behavioral changes, and a total loss of motor control near the end. It's got to be one of the most humiliating, dehumanizing and terrifying ways to go, and it can happen just like that.
Rabies is terrifying.”
If that last one didn’t shake you, these next few will. Read at your own risk.
All we can do is stay optimistic.
heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy“Not being alive anymore - the finality.
I'm not afraid of dying - the act of it, anyway. I'm not afraid of what comes next - I've not bothered myself with that one.
What I'm afraid of is being… done. Here one day, then gone. Not able to do anything else.
I cannot out it into better words, that's how suffocating the anxiety of being gone is for me. Maybe it would be better if I were religious and believed in an after life, but the best I can do is convince myself that I believe your personal energy spreads to other beautiful things in life when you pass. But the mind, the mind just being… done. That is truly frightening to me.”
Don’t watch the latest Purge movie.
“Societal collapse. A climate or economic or disease-based destruction of society as we know it. Every part of normal life ceasing to exist, and every person having to fend for themselves. There's a documentary called 'Collapse' that scared the crap out of me."
"An even more frightening thought is that collapse is already happening, and we just don't have the perspective to recognize it. After the collapse of Rome, people living in Roman territories still considered themselves Romans for a long time, even though the Roman state was gone. Granted, things happen a lot more quickly in the modern world, and that in and of itself is concerning - the rate of change is ever-increasing. What happens to any system that encounters increasingly rapid changes? What happens to an airplane or a bridge or a human being whose rate of change keeps accelerating? They spin out of control until failure.
Climate change is a potentially civilization-ending event amongst several other candidates for bringing about our doom. Nobody has bothered to fix it yet, and even with more mundane problems, I feel that the government has already abandoned us. Just like some poor farmers five hundred miles away from the city of Rome, we cannot hope for the state to come and save us once things break down - they'll be too busy enjoying the last of their feasts, orgies, or taxpayer-funded drugs before the lights go out."
A parent’s worst nightmare.
“The thought of anything/anyone hurting or something seriously bad happening to my daughter.
I once heard someone say that having a child is like taking a piece of your heart and letting it walk around outside of your body.
That’s exactly what it feels like. I don't care for much things, but I would be nothing but an empty shell without her.”
Alright, now that you’ve read all of that, go drink some water and take a nap. It was a doozy.
Now I’m thinking about societal collapse. Great.
Did anyone else almost exclusively eat McNuggets when they were a kid? Or was I just the biggest picky eater of all time? Regardless, it's very rare that I voluntarily go to McD's and get some nuggets as an adult. Did I outgrow it? Or did my tastebuds change?
I'm not the only one experiencing the phenomenon of outgrowing childhood foods. Here are just a few examples. Specter6272 asked:
What is a food you no longer enjoy as an adult?
Ah yes, the plight of the childish food losing its magic as an adult.
Spoiler: it spells “adulthood”.
“I can no longer enjoy Alphabetti pasta without my reading glasses on.”
“oooooooo
‘Lois! My Alpha-bits cereal is haunted!’
‘Peter, those are Cheerios.’”
Frosting gets worse as you grow older.
the mindy project frosting GIF by HULU
Giphy
“Frosting. I would eat the frosting first and then a cake or cupcake. Now, it gives me a stomachache and push it aside when I get cake.”
“I guess, thanks to the food industry there are a lot of examples of this situation. Cake frosting used to be delicious like 10-15 years ago but recently they give nothing but head ache. Have you tried a fully homemade cake?”
Now it’s Coke Zero or bust.
“Soda. I used to chug a Coke every day after school. Now I can't stand them.”
“A part of me hopes I out grow my soda addiction some day... but on the other hand I'd probably turn to booze to get through the day and I'm not sure if that's any better.”
Gross af.
“Cosmic brownies. I used to love them as a kid, but now I find them to be way too d*mn fudgy.”
“Yes! For me, all Little Debbies and Vichon brand snacks. I used to eat them all the time but the thought just makes me queasy now.”
Like the Cosmic Brownies, sometimes even the mention of certain foods are enough to make someone gag.
The unfortunate truth.
Excited Super Bowl GIF by Totino's
Giphy
“Pizza pops. It's possible I just outgrew them, but I'm pretty sure they changed the recipe. Now the dough is too sweet, the "cheese" doesn't even melt, and there's way less goo inside”
“Bagel bites are right on that street.”
Crunch Berries are the bomb, tbh.
“Popular breakfast cereals. I can't believe I used to eat that crap.”
“You know you want a bowl of Cap'n Crunch berries. I don't believe your lies.”
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Was milk ever good, though?
“Velveeta Mac and cheese, Subway sandwiches, and milk. Used to drink like two glasses of milk a day, but now I can't remember when I last had a swallow, let alone a glass, of just milk.”
“When I was in high school I would, and this is no exaggeration, literally drink anywhere from a half gallon to a full ass gallon of milk every. Single. Day.
I've also never broken any bones. Just sayin'.”
So far, nothing has topped milk when it comes to disgusting things that we would never consume as adults. What’s next?
Basically just sugar.
steve sugar GIF
Giphy
“Zebra Cakes. One of my favorite snacks as a kid, I adored those hexagon shaped pieces of heaven. Then I bought a box was I was in college because nostalgia is a hell of a drug, but I threw it out after eating one cake. They were horrendous, and I have no idea if it's because the recipe changed or my taste buds did. But that was almost depressing, to have something I enjoyed so much turn out to be garbage.”
Sometimes our tastebuds change abruptly.
“Bleu cheese. Loved it as a kid, teenager, and young adult, but one day in my early- or mid-20s I took a big ol' bite of my bleu cheese burger and gagged. Can't deal with it at all ever since. I have no good explanation; it just triggers my gag reflex every d*mn time.”
The most overrated food.
“Macaroni and Cheese honestly doesn't taste like anything to me anymore.”
“Macaroni and cheese is much better home made. My family rarely ever has macaroni though, a lot of the time we use shells instead. It's amazing how much that change can do!”
Thank goodness we eat things now that DON’T taste like cardboard.
Cardboard may not be for everyone, but it is for this guy.
Food No GIF by Bustle
Giphy
“Cheesecake, yep ate it so much as a kid, can't even stomach a nibble.
In other news, I'm eating sugar wafers right now and I'm still a huge fan of their cardboard sugary taste.”
Too sugary.
“Pop Tarts. Loved them into my very early 20s. Cut back on sugar then, and didn't try one for fifteen years. When I finally did I couldn't finish it. Too sweet, and tasted like droid droppings.”
A kids-only snack.
“Warheads. As a kid I could eat a whole package and loved them. As an adult I tried them again and was shocked at how chemically they are and how it felt like they left an over-sweet film over my teeth. Sad day.”
Is there such thing as too much cheese.
Food Eat GIF by Justin Gammon
Giphy
“I saw an add for a double cheese burger on top of a pile of fries literally covered (bun and all) with melted velveeta style cheese, and I gagged a bit. Being plant based and seeking to mostly eat Whole Foods has changed my tastes a tremendous amount.”
A one-night stand with Doritos.
“Cheetos, Doritos, Velveeta. Although approximately once a year, I do get some mad craving for Doritos, buy a small snack bag of them, and in that blissful moment, they're awesome again.
Then we return back to our previous relationship.”
The Little Debbie snack cakes are the most depressing ones. The nostalgia for them is real, but on the other hand- how did we ever think those sugary things were good?
Moral of the story is- our tastes in food as children were complete trash. That is all.
But eventually, we need to face the facts, and these Redditors are ready to deliver the harsh truths about what it means to be human. SomeWillingness2960 asked:
What is the truth humanity is not ready to hear?
Let’s start with a few of the light ones, before we dive deep in what we’ve been overdue to hear.
Starting off with a very controversial one.
“The air in chip bags is important.”
“They replace the air (which contains oxygen and water vapour) with nitrogen so the chips don't get soggy or oxidise.”
“And they "over inflate" the bags on purpose to cushion the chips from crumbling during packing / transport.”
A universal work struggle.
season 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy“No matter where you work, or what you do for a living, there will always be That Person that nobody can figure out how they got hired, never mind why they are allowed to continue working there.”
“I remember seeing a post on Reddit that seems to answer it. It basically says that to keep most jobs you just need to tick two out of three of the following attributes(I might have misremembered 1)
- You actually show up on time
- Your work is
good/up to standardis not the worst and passable - Your colleagues and bosses
like youdon't hate you the most out of your colleagues
Edit. Adding 4 and 5 based on below discussions which can supercede the above 3 while also ammending the above three slightly
4. It's more difficult to kick you out than to keep you
5. You have some control over those in charge (some kind of relation, having some kind of incriminating evidence, etc)”
What is “normal”, anyway?
“We will never have a good sense of the world's "normal."
News won't focus on it, because it's boring by definition. Social media won't focus on it for the same reason. Word of mouth and fiction too. Statistics may get us close, but they're hard to picture in terms if human experience, and of course, more exciting stats get repeated more.
Our view of the world outside of our own personal experience will always be shaped by the outliers, and there's not much way around it.”
Ok, now it’s time to dive deeper. Prepare yourselves.
This one hurts.
“Most people simply don't care about the things you're passionate about no matter how much you try to convince them that they should be.”
“As I've gotten older I've had to learn that my friends don't find joy in the same things I do. It's nothing personal.”
People Share Which Social Norms Absolutely Baffle Them | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
I’ll never understand this.
Mermaid Man And Barnacle Boy Superhero GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy“Much evil not only goes unpunished but is rewarded.”
“Not only that but a lot of evil behaviour is rewarding itself for many people.”
Unfortunate truth.
“The loudest among you are mostly a bunch of wankers. Unfortunately you usually let them lead you.”
“A big part of that is because they tell us what we want to hear.
You ever hear a politician go "We're going to have open borders, lower corporate tax rate, higher sales tax, reduced prison sentences, laws forbidding employers from looking into if they're hiring a criminal, a ban on beef, and we're doing it all because that is what the experts say we should do and I have a giant book of sources on that"? No, because even though that's very much what experts advise, it's not at all what people want to hear.
So instead, when you hear someone going "Don't listen to that guy, what we really need is better border control, huge taxes on corporations, no taxes on the poor, criminals get treated like the scum they are, and corporations are the main ones behind climate change, and don't ask me for sources", you're still much more likely to support him. Because when you want to believe them, they're so much easier to believe.”
Those would be some very smart monkeys.
“There's a good chance that humans simply don't have the capacity to fully understand the universe.
A monkey will never be able to comprehend calculus, macroeconomic theory, or how a car works. It makes sense that we too have an intellectual ceiling that will prevent us from ever understanding how the universe works.”
Ready to face the music? Keep reading.
Oof.
Giphy“Humanity is the largest threat to itself. Not some natural disaster or outside invasion. We will kill ourselves off at this rate.”
“Yes. It's sad that the most successful and intelligent species in the solar system is most likely going to cause its own downfall.”
Same.
“For most people the last thing left of them will be an eroded name on a headstone.”
“I want to be one of those taxidermied drones.”
Username checks out.
“Are you special? Maybe a little bit. Are you as special as you think you are? Certainly not.”
“We are all the same decaying organic matter.”
Humanity may not want to hear these next few, but we have to face them at some point.
Thanks a lot for that.
Earth Day GIF by Lil DickyGiphy“Earth will cease to exist and it's likely that humanity will go extinct at some point. The andromeda galaxy will collide with the Milky Way and the sun will increase in size, engulfing the earth as it makes its transition to its next stage in the star cycle.
Before any of that happens, the surface of the earth will be too hot to contain water and we could wipe each other out with nuclear weapons any day of the week.”
This SHOULD be common sense…
“If you put yourself in a dangerous situation through sheer recklessness, you're responsible for the consequences.
Example: If you ride your motorcycle without a helmet, get in an accident, and suffer preventable injuries. That's on you for intentionally disregarding your own safety. Obviously, if someone else caused the accident, that's in no way your fault. Choosing not to protect yourself is.”
Well that’s depressing.
“No matter what ideology, what governing principle, what laws, what sense of social justice society runs by, evil is always going to thrive and exist no matter what. The protests that people carry out in every other corner of the world, the people who give away their lives fighting for social justice (me being one of them) have their dreams of realising a world where equality exists among peoole from all kinds. But History shows us that it was never like that, and it will never be like that. Even if it is attained, then it can't be sustained. Evil is going to thrive in some way or the other. That's just human nature.
That said, we keep on our good fight. We keep on demanding and seeking justice and giving in our best, because that's what we do. We rage in the face of dying light, and if we have to Die ourselves, we die trying.”
….woah.
Always Sunny Dennisreynolds GIF by hero0fwarGiphy“You are a different person in each person's mind. Their reality of "you" is not what you really are. On the same note, you can work as hard as you can to be the best human being on Earth and be kind to everyone you meet, you will always be the worst a**hole for someone. And that's ok."
Now for some more space-related terrors.
“Long after we'll be gone, the sun will go supernova. It will annihilate every matter in the entire solar system. Not even dust will remain of us or anything we've achieved unless we dominate space travel before that. Until the universe itself expands beyond life speed, causing matter to cease to exist.
Our only hope is that universe becomes compressed after a massive expansion and a new big bang happens, resetting time itself.”
Well, I hope y’all aren’t too messed up from reading that. Especially that first one about the chip bags. How dare they.
But in all seriousness, just do your part to make our world a better place. That’s all we can do.
But what are the most essential contents of a fridge? These people of Reddit have all the answers. Connnor4real asked:
What is essential to have in your fridge at all times?
First, let's go back to basics.
Seasoning your food is necessary.
“Having just condiments is pretty sad, but not having condiments at all is a whole different level of low.”
“I'll never forget the time I was invited to eat at my aunt's boyfriend's house (why, I have no clue). I had to have been around 11 or so.
The man had no salt. No salt-like product. How do you not own salt? If you choose not to eat salt for whatever reason, how do you not own salt for people you invite over? It's like the one basic seasoning.
I'm 41 and whenever that comes to mind I still get annoyed at the idea of it.”
Yes to all of this.
Hot Sauce Bip GIF by Bachelor in ParadiseGiphy“Some kinda hot sauce, I go for cholula and sriracha.
Yo I'm very aware you don't need them in the fridge to stay good. Also thanks for the recommendations everyone!”
“We keep El Yucateco, Cholula, Louisiana, Tabasco, Huichol, Valentina, and Tapatío.
Also often keep a more home style jalapeño and tomatillo or chile de árbol salsa. Once in awhile the molcajéte will show up with various salsas in it, or whatever was left over from the last trip to the taqueria.
I could go for some chile morita salsa. And carnitas.”
For the sake of adapting.
“Anything that can be used on bread. Cheese, pâté, any kind of savoury spread.
I lost all pleasure to cook when my partner died, and bread+spreadables is my usual go-to.
Oh, and eggs.
ETA: thank you all so much for the awards, they are really heartwarming; but please, please, please, keep your money and use it for a charity nearby instead, if you can."
“When my grandfather died it was the exact same for my grandmother. She went from being an amazing cook who stood in the kitchen for hours making a three-course menu for a simple family visit to living with easy and ready-made foods. In the past, she never would have touched those. I heard that this is a fairly common concomitant of grief but that it gets better over time.
I wish you all the best!"
Emergency quesadillas.
“Shredded cheese and tortillas. Gotta be able to make a quesadilla at the drop of a hat.”
“Up your quesadilla game by buying the cheese in a block and shredding it yourself. It's cheaper and melts better; the pre-shredded stuff has additives it to keep it from clumping.”
Then there are the nonsensical universal things that we keep in our fridge, despite no reason to.
Don’t eat after phase three.
Hungry Labor Day GIF by BounceGiphy“Leftovers that I will never actually eat.”
“Leftovers go through 3 phases. 1) I can still eat this because I just cooked it yesterday but I won't. 2) it's been 2-3 days, I should really eat that now before it goes bad. 3) why did I even save that, now it's been 4 days and it's definitely bad but I don't want to throw it out and let it sit in my garbage can so might as well wait until garbage day.
Edit: yes I get it. You can eat leftovers after 4 days. That's great. Personally I have leftover fish in my fridge from Thursday and it's in phase 3. But if you want to eat food a week after it's been cooked be my guest.”
Every grandma has this.
”A strange jar of something completely unlabelled and hidden toward the back. It stays there for years and keeps people guessing.”
“Please stop coming to my grandma's house.”
Who needs to bake it anyway?
“Cookie dough, I don't care if it's edible or not I'm eating it.”
“There have been way too many times in my house where the cookie dough has never made it to the oven.
ETA: This comment made me want cookies. I managed to get most of them baked.”
And don’t forget the go-to snacks that always have a home in the fridge, especially for those wild nights.
All of this is accurate.
pickle GIFGiphy“Pickles. Best anytime snack.”
“People don't believe me when I say that eating them before you go to bed will diminish one's hangovers until they try it themselves. I mostly stick to my Mexican roots and eat a bowl of pozole or street tacos for hangover prevention before I crash out but pickles are great when I'm totally smashed and just want to pass out. Pickle juice is also great in the morning if you do wake up with a slight headache. Salud!
Smart ideas all around.
“Barbecue sauce.
Also sandwich supplies (sans bread cuz refrigerated bread is weird) cuz sandwiches are fantastic quickie "meals"."
“I keep bread in the freezer, then give it a quick trip through the toaster to make it edible."
This is a gourmet meal on its own.
“Bacon. So many things.
Fresh Broccoli. Roasted with oil and salt is magic.
A variety of cheeses.
Real Butter. Cook almost everything in it."
Out of all of these, the hot sauce one really spoke to me. Nothing like a fresh pepper filled with hot sauce as my go-to drunk snack.
Take this list to the grocery store, and stop ordering pizza for once.