I use to think I was the only person obsessed with true crime tales. I've been an avid watcher of Dateline NBC, 20/20, 48 Hours, etc, for over a decade. In fact when I've moved cable providers the last few times, I chose the plans that only included the ID Discovery channel. I can't even begin to tell you amount of shows I watched there. Then of course I'd top it off with a marathon of Law & Order: SVU. And this was all before the podcast frenzy. And I tell you, I've never had a peaceful night's rest since. Why do I do this? Correction... why do WE do this?
Redditor u/KyrieEleison_88 wanted everyone to compare notes about which blood curdling cases they can't shake off by asking... What true crime case lives rent free in your head and why?***WARNING - THE FOLLOWING STORIES CONTAINS SOME INFORMATION THAT REALLY SHOULD ONLY BE READ BY THOSE OVER 17***
So many of the stories I've followed have left me shook to the core. Some because they were never solved, which always keeps me on high alert, because who knows then where these psychos are. And mostly because these tales aren't fiction. True evil does exist and it just casually walks among us. These stories make you confront the fact that... none of us are ever really safe.
Signs
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Zodiac. We've cracked one cypher. Will we ever know who it was? Did they actually make a cypher with their name, or is it just another cryptic cat and mouse game? Are they still out there? To be so bold to give us messages, cyphers, and yet leave no evidence of who did it.
Shivers...
The Hinterkaifeck murders. It just makes *me so, so uncomfortable that multiple people in the house noticed things were strange or amiss in the days before they died but they brushed it all off.
The note that send shivers down my spine was when the father mentioned seeing footprints in the snow coming to the farm, but couldn't find any prints leaving.
No Words...
Ok here's something that is gonna traumatize you. I live in Greece so I doubt anyone else outside of here knows about this. A father killed his 4 year old daughter cause her mother loved her more than she loved him. We don't know how he killed her but after he did, he cut her up into pieces, boiled them with other ingredients and tossed that into the toilet and to garbage bins around the city to make it seem like thrown out food and so that stray dogs would eat it.
Sometimes I think about it and it makes me sick to my stomach. He says that he didn't kill her and that she just found her dead and that he did all that to avoid being targeted as the killer but come on... no one ever believed that.
Horror
The murder story of Junko furuta, it's extremely disturbing. I can't get it out of my head. And all of them got away with it. It shows how messed up this world is.
His mother vandalised her grave as well and said she ruined her son's life. You know... The guy who tortured her for like 48 days simply for rejecting him.
No Justice
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The murder of Shanda Sharer. The girls who murdered her are so evil, and all free.
A group of girls killing their own "friend" and getting nothing more than something akin to a slap on the wrist? Sounds totally fair to me.
The wiki article on her led me to the case of Bobby Kent, who was killed by his former best friend he started bullying.
Oof, I remember several of those stories and now they'll be back to the forefront of my psyche. It makes no sense. Well, tonight's sleep is ruined. We might as well continue...
In Australia...
The backpack murders in Australia. Saw some true crime documentaries years ago and this one disturbed me the most. Je, Ivan Milat, picked up hitchhikers and then brutally murder them. I remember he stabbed a guy in the back, paralyzing him, and then beat and killed his girlfriend. He did something similar with 2 girls: stab one and then shoot the other a dozen times in the head (target practice).
Parts
There was a torso found sealed in a barrel in the woods in my hometown. Never any explanation. Literally no one ever talks about it.
Apparently some guy also stalked a lady and then set himself on fire and died when he got caught.
They found a torso, arm and a leg (don't quote me on that) in my hometown in the late 1800s on the banks of the thames. Murders go unsolved to this day all I can remember is that there were 4 victims and only 1 was identified.
Years Ago
Delphi murders. They have video and audio of the perpetrator, yet no arrest in four years.
Definitely this case! Since it happened I check up on this regularly; it horrifies me how with video and audio they still have not found this guy, and based on what we've seen from ISP I doubt they have anything else to go on.
Rusty
Andrea Yates drowning her five kids because she thought they were full of sin and needed saving. Rusty took her off the meds and they had another child despite doctor's warnings about her condition.
He should have been held criminally liable for all of this. He treated her like a broodmare. He was specifically told to not leave her alone with the kids; so he makes all of them live in a freaking SCHOOL BUS. He goes to work and leaves her alone w/ the kids. All day. Every day. Pulls her meds. Keeps impregnating her.
All the warning signs were there. I mean, I have to wonder if on some level he wanted this to happen??? Because it was very clear for a very long time that this was exactly how it was gonna end.
Not to mention that someone in her state of mind, likely wouldn't be able to truly consent. She was very very sick.
My heart breaks for that woman and her kids. But her husband should be rotting in prison.
That Guy!
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Chris Watts. I don't know why I am so invested in it. I just can't wrap my head around a seemingly normal person can murder his whole family and think that he's going to start a new life with his girlfriend.
Now there a few new ones I'm going to have to read up on. Also, I'm going to go join a karate class, just in case. The last thing I want to be is a victim in one of these stories.
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I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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