Life lesson number one... don't believe anything you see in the movies.
Even biopics are riddled with lies. That's why it's called illusion and entertainment.
I love Hollywood for a lot of reasons, but I stopped believing long ago.
Tim Allen isn't Santa. Star Wars isn't real.
And when your car flies off an embankment, crashes into a tree and is on fire?
You're dead. The end.
Don't hold out hope.
It's good to believe in the magic, that's the fun.
But real life... not so much magic.
Redditorbrotherbrother99wanted to break down all the ways Hollywood has bamboozled us, they asked:
"What are things Hollywood has tricked the general population into believing?"
I mean where do I begin? Sadly I don't believe we can finish our life issues after we've died. I hate that.
"Paramedics are constantly running and push the stretcher into the ER at breakneck speed with doctors and nurses running alongside down the hallways."
"Once the patient is stable in their room though everyone in the hospital appears to turn out the lights and clock out for the night."
"That LA is clean and Hollywood is glamorous (LA is not clean and Hollywood the neighborhood has some of the worst homelessness and after leaving a show on Sunday I nearly walked through piss steaming downhill right off Hollywood boulevard)."
"LA is gross. When I lived there I remember sitting in a bar one afternoon with my room-mate, and striking up a conversation with a couple of (male) tourists from England who told me they were very disappointed with LA."
"They thought it was going to be like 'Baywatch' (this was the 90's). My room-mate and I were absolutely shocked anyone would think such a thing about a place because of it's depiction on a fictional T.V. show. We laughed about it for years, but it was always tinged with a sadness because of how dumb people actually are."
"You can hold all of another person's weight with one arm hanging off a cliff."
"And then haul them up! Unless they're wearing a glove, in which case they're dead meat."
"Me who can barely do 10 pull-ups, and no muscle Ups. Guess I'll die."
"You can outrun a giant explosion."
"My dad used to be on the state police bomb squad. He said they had one case where a guy in a bomb suit was diffusing a bomb, and accidentally set the bomb off with some static electricity buildup on his hands. The pressure wave quite literally liquified the guy in the bomb suit and they had to scrape what was left of him off of the inside of it."
"Knocking people out with a blow to the skull or jaw is a harmless way to temporarily incapacitate."
uuuuuuuhburgerPro Wrestling Sport GIF by ALL ELITE WRESTLINGGiphy
Any hit to the head is a bad idea. Brain bleeds are super easy to fall victim to.
On the Inside
"Air conditioning ducts are an easy way to sneak through buildings."
"And without a speck of dust."
incredibleinkpenbart simpson episode 20 GIFGiphy
"That CPR brings practically anybody back to life, no matter what happened to them."
"Yes. If someone’s heart stops, unless they are currently in the hospital, the changes of bringing them back with CPR are almost zero. Not zero, so it’s worth a try, but not very good. This is also true with animals, by the way."
"And people who need CPR are just instantly stable as soon as CPR is over. No broken ribs, no brain damage, no follow-up needed."
pop the head...
"Sprinkler head pops easily and the water is clean. As a Fire Alarm Tech, the temperature to pop the head isn’t a low one and the water is usually black and smells disgusting."'
"People also don't understand the difference between a smoke detector, and a fire detector."
"One is triggered by your popcorn burning. You can reset that one, and not cause any issues. The fire detector goes off with high temperatures, and is wired into the entire building alarm system. You can't reset it. We get so many false alarms in my building because people set off the smoke detector, and then try to reset the fire detector, instead. Then, the FD shows up."
"Hackers that furiously tap on the keyboard for 30 seconds...'I'm in!'"
"Yeah, if anyone that primarily does code is typing furiously, they are writing messages of some kind."
"I kinda want that to be part of a movie at some point. Like a hacker pretends to be doing movie hacking because the bad people are forcing them but they are actually secretly sending messages to the good team. Detailed descriptions and useful information, etc."
"If i’m in high school and my mom or dad makes a huge breakfast to cover an entire dining room table, I’m going to be late to school that day cause ain’t no way I’m choosing school over the once in a lifetime breakfast and just grabbing a piece of toast 'gotta go or I'll be late!'”
thatswhat_shesaid1Season 8 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
Grenade for You!
"You can pull the tab off a hand grenade with your teeth, it’s more like the tab of the grenade pulls your teeth out."
"This fallacy actually originated during the Vietnam conflict (I think. Might have been Korea). Soldiers would un-bend the legs of the safety pin to make them easier to pull out. Mostly this was so they could throw the grenade with one hand while continuing to fire with the other.""
"It's incredibly unsafe and has been cited as the cause of tons of accidents, but when you're being shot at THAT much, you tend to be okay with taking your chances since the odds are so bad anyways. Same thing with hanging grenades by the pin. One should NEVER do that, but when it came down to defensive fighting, soldiers would do that so they could arm the grenade simply by pulling it off their vest."
In the Sky
"That helicopters can sneak up out of nowhere."
"While it's an extreme example, we have RAF Chinooks pass over at least twice a week and you can hear them clearly about 10 minutes before they pass. The last minute before they pass the windows will be rattling audibly. As an aviation fan I enjoy it quite a bit but I've seen plenty of complaints on the village facebook group."
Pull the Lever
"Fire alarm pull stations setting off the sprinkler system."
"I want to add to this. I pulled a fire alarm due to a fire, our receptionist had to get on the speaker to inform everyone that it was not a drill and to exit the building. When fire alarms are pulled in a movie, people either panic or calmly leave. The reality I witnessed included people just staring into it like a camp fire and/or ignoring the very loud alarm."
"That mavericks who play by their own rules have a ridiculous amount of job security."
"This is my biggest pet peeve when I come across it in the real world. The people who think they are super competent so they don’t have to be nice or play by the rules. I refer to it as Sherlock Holmes Syndrome. Most of the time these folks aren’t half as good as they think they are either."
SchorsiTom Cruise Goose GIF by Top GunGiphy
"That missiles/RPG rounds are slow and easily dodge-able by a human. RPG rounds fly at 300m per second, you are not dodging that."
"When one is coming right at you, it looks slower than it actually is, similar to a train. Aaaand then it flies by and you realize it was hauling a**. Source: near-miss with an RPG, where I just looked at it dumbly."
"If I’m in high school and my mom or dad makes a huge breakfast to cover an entire dining room table, I’m going to be late to school that day cause ain’t no way I’m choosing school over the once in a lifetime breakfast and just grabbing a piece of toast 'gotta go or i’ll be late!'”
"Bullets can be shrugged off like a flesh wound."
"Except when you’re a bad guy, then you die immediately when shot or stabbed. Unless you’re shot in the head or heart it can take several hours to die."
"You have to rip off a strip of your dirty t-shirt and tie it over it and you're all set!"
"That’s you can enhance photos despite the grain or pixelation. If you enlarge a photo you will not get a crystal clear image."
"Zoom and enhance is my least favorite Hollywood trope. What’s worse is I’ve seen several plots on tv shows resolved using that method, showing that in reality that killer or villain would easily have gotten away since enhancing to Hollywood levels isn’t a thing."
Walk of Yuck
"How glamorous the walk of fame is, Hollywood Blvd is dirty and full of cheap shops selling crap and homeless people."
Horace_P_MctittiesIVOlivia Newton John Star GIF by Movistar+Giphy
"Bullying. While classic high school and middle school movie bullying can be seen in real life, it’s realistically and commonly much less direct. It’s more passive-aggressive. Sometimes they even pretend to be nice but you can tell they’re only speaking to you because their friends find it funny, or it was a dare."
"Rarely will you see a jock push a nerd up against his locker. Students, in my experience, will immediately call them out for that. Bullying is a lot more complex, from what I’ve seen."
Lies, lies and more lies. Hollywood has left us in a world confusion. I love isn't happily ever after...
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.