If bartenders are the unofficial therapists of the world, what does that make taxi drivers? Or Uber drivers for that matter? Lyft? Exactly how would we classify their job, when they are forced to listen to the drunk, out of sorts riders of the world? We can't be sure, but is entertaining to hear the stories.
Reddit user, u/Donaaatas, wanted the most WTF of the What The What when they asked:
Difference Between Taxi and Uber
''Are you an uber?''
''I said, are you an uber?''
Solving Problems In The Backseat
I was kind of in the middle of this conversation, myself. There was a lady in the front seat, and her boyfriend sat in the back. I'm a very talkative person whenever I have fares, so I start a conversation. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this happened:
Her (To me): "My fucking god, you remind me so much of my ex"
Him: "Oh my f-cking god, babe... I swear, your exes are the only things you EVER talk about."
She goes completely silent for a while, and he continues. "If you care so much about them, why don't you go back to them?"
Her: "You know I love you most."
Him: "Sure doesn't sound like it!"
They kept bickering about this the entire ride home (about 8 minutes) and at this point I'm just sat there, silent as all hell.
But I Promise I Won't. Promise.
I drove and had and extremely drunk middle age couple get in the car after dinner. Well the husband was extremely drunk anyway. He spent the entire twenty five minute ride telling his wife about how much he wanted to sleep with one of her friends. Not that he would of course, just how pretty she was and how much he really wanted to sleep with her. The wife was not pleased.
Call Me Tony Montana
I drive part time in Las Vegas. Last labor day I pick up a group of 4 (2 men, 2 women) and they were heading to a very popular gay club near the strip. The ride started out normally, just some people in their 20s going to party. After about 10 minutes of normal conversation they some how get on the topic of which cities they've visited have the best cocaine.
My car is a particularly bad place to have this conversation, especially on that very weekend because it just so happened to be the 12 year anniversary of my father passing away from a cocaine overdose........ I had to shut them down very quickly and once I told them why, no one said another word for the rest of the ride.
Can You Kick Them Out?
In an uber pool these 2 people started talking about Richard Spencer and were praising him.
This was on the west coast.
Still On The Job
I was giving this couple a lift 3 days after my younger brother had died and wasn't really feeling conversation. I was keeping my eyes on the road and the lady said to the man, "honey, our driver looks like he's on drugs; look how out of it he looks," as if I wasn't in the vehicle.
I smiled at the lady and said, "so how's your night going?" She didn't even answer.
How Could You!?
not a driver, but a passenger: so I was in the city with a friend and his mum and dad. the mum had a bit to drink and she and the father were arguing in the taxi where the mother lost the fucking ~$3k wedding ring that the father had bought. and holy shit did they were freaking out
Sounds Like Teenagers
I'm an Uber driver.
I heard a group of teens in my car whisper on the phone:"No he didn't see the cocaine!" I kicked them out and the shortest one proceeded to throw a bag at my car and I continued to drive off.
Connoisseurs Of All Kinds
Uber driver here.
Listened to two girls and a gay dude have a 20 min conversation about different lubes and their positive or negative feedback. It ended with one of the girls claiming to be a lube conisseuor.
None Of This Sounds Good...
had a man in with this chick. very drunk. it was late at night, maybe 1 am.
man goes to the girl, "do you think my wife is back yet? last i heard she and my son were hitting it in the next door pool." i died of laughter after they got out of the cab.
What Were They Planning?
Not a taxi driver but I got into a cab once when I was very, very drunk. I noticed the cab driver had his friend in the passenger seat. This was weird but I was too smashed to care. I just gave them the address and off we went. As we are driving the guy in the passenger seat signals to me and the drive was like " no not him. We'll take this one back to his house."
Scared the piss outta me but again, too drunk and when I got home I passed out before I could do anything else. I really hope they didn't hurt anyone that night.
I'm Going To Own This City!
When I was an Uber driver, I mostly just drove at night because I made more money. The weirdest conversation I overheard was when I picked a 20-30ish year old guy and a girl of about the same age from a strip club. The whole time the guy is rambling about his new startup and how he's going to "basically own [city we were in] in a few years."
Deadpan serious, these are some of the lines he drops. "I don't have friends. I have colleagues." "I've never had a job before. I've just known a lot of rich people. I know how they think. That's why this program works." "People don't understand the kind of intelligence I'm working with."
This goes on for the entire car ride. Every now and then she would try to change the subject, but he was able to take everything she said and turn it into something about his company. We get to the hotel they had as their destination, and as soon as he gets out, she shuts the door behind him and says to me, "Would you mind taking me somewhere else?" Well, she was the one that ordered the ride, so I drove off before the guy could start making a big deal about it. She set a new destination, and the rest of the ride was pretty uneventful.
No idea what ever happened to the guy. It's been a few years, and he still doesn't own the city, so I don't think his business ever went quite as planned.
They Seem Like The Best Bros
Loaded a couple and single guy at a bar downtown, and we're off to the NE suburbs, a 10-15 minute trip. The guy in the front is telling hubby in the back "When we get to your place, I'm going to f-ck your wife right in front of you, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it", and variations thereon.
Hubby in the back is crying and saying "I thought you were my friend!" and "How could you do this to me!" and "We have children!!!" over and over. The wife is holding her face in both her hands, and saying "I'm so confused! I'm so confused!!!". Stay classy, Marlborough - ites! And, that was Globe Taxi, for you old time Calgarians.
It Means No Worries
Not a taxi driver, but I was in an uber pool with my gf going to the airport at 4am. We pick up this white girl, who looks high/drunk AF, and sits in the front seat next to our African driver. She starts talking and her words are slurring and asks the driver where he's from, to which he says "Kenya".
She says "Hakuna Matata, I speak Swahili" and our Uber driver laughs at her. She says something else in Swahili and her and the driver talk for like 20 minutes in Swahili. The whole time my gf are just looking at each other like wtf is happening. Apparently she wasn't lieing and spoke some pretty good Swahili
I been driving in NYC for the past 6 years....I had these hipster from Brooklyn one late Saturday night. I just picked them up from a bar (2 girls 1 guy) and the guy was telling the girls about this guy (jack) he was talking to at the bar.
He apparently was talking to another guy (noname) about this chick he slept with in college who had a cold vagina. Jack sitting next to him turned and said "Are you talking about anna" he turned to Jack and said Yeah you know her??
Jack then said yea I banged her too and could never figure out her deal. They then bonded over Anna. Then it got weirder because the girls started talking by themselves about the parties they use to throw....one was with a dead cat in a pool and someone was playing a violin in the pool and some girl showed up in a duck tape dress only covering her privates.. yes you meet a bunch of stranger people driving in NYC