There is always a good way to ask questions. I don't mind many of them.
I'm Out
coming out gay GIF by AT&T Hello LabGiphy"What should I say to someone who comes out to me? Saying 'um, OK' or 'that's nice' sounds like I'm dismissing them but trying to ask questions or engage in conversation about it seems intrusive."
KaleidoscopeOk1749
"It depends, your response should match their excitement. People that casually weave it into conversation usually don't want confetti and vice versa."
Ok_Objective6181
So Many Letters
"I know you guys want to be inclusive and all but I always feel behind on all The letters you add to LGBT, so is it fine I just say 'LGBT+?' This is not meant to not be inclusive, I'm all for LGBT+. But sometimes it gets a bit too many letters for me personally. So will I offend you guys if I only say LGBT+?"
Riufu
"Lol all the labels I identify with are included in the + and I just say LGBT. I don’t know anybody who has been upset over hearing the shortened version. You’re good to keep using the acronym that you already say."
cas47
I Don't Get It...
"What does non-binary mean? I'm from Italy and I've never met someone who came out as non-binary or even transgender. My brother met a guy once and he (my brother) said he looked gender-fluid. Gender-fluid Is the only term used here, nobody talks about non-binary."
"I know that non-binary means that you don't identify with one gender specifically (I guess), but I really really don't get it. I'm bisexual (although I've never gotten in a relationship with a woman) so I always felt like I could relate to most people of the community in one way or another."
"But this is just something I can't seem to understand, also because I've never met someone like that. I know I might never be able to get it because I'm cisgender, but I was wondering if some of you would like to take some time to share their experiences with me so that I can understand you a little bit more."
Basyl_01
Nuances
"I know I can look up the definition of it, but why is 'queer' part of the acronym? Doesn't it encompass 'lesbian' and 'gay?' Is there a nuance I'm missing?"
Ok-Ninja1040
"One of the unintended benefits of the term 'queer' is that it's a good way of saying 'Not straight, and it's not really important for you to know why or how.'"
-CoreyJ-
Hello There
Art Peeing GIF by badblueprintsGiphy"Is it ok to use adjacent urinals/talk at the urinals if you two are dating/ married?"
CashmeoutsidePearl
So far, nothing here seems offensive.
You Like It?
Fab 5 Netflix GIF by Queer EyeGiphy"I wanna ask them every time an LGBTQ+ character appears in fiction, if they felt it was a good representation or not."
NoStressAccount
Pleasure Principles
"Do asexual people not want sex/don't feel horny, but still get butterflies in their stomach for a person they like? Or does that mean they don't have crushes/attraction in any form?"
skootch_ginalola
"Each person is different but a lot of asexual people still have crushes and can still be in love with people. Asexual people can be in happy and healthy relationships."
"Some asexual people might still find pleasure in sexual activities but they might not focus on sex in life. Not all asexuals are sex repulsed. But some are. There is asexuality and people who are aromantic. Aromantic people don’t feel romantic attraction to people, but might feel sexual attraction. Some people are both asexual and aromantic."
ArcherE14
Chosen at Birth
"Why is intersex included when it's a physiological/chromosomal variation and not a sexual/gender orientation? Sorry if I worded it wrong."
Fluffy-Ad342
"Intersex people often have their gender chosen by their parents at birth and so tend to have experiences very similar to trans people. Often it even has to be corrected later in life with surgeries and hormones. It's the variation from the normal binary gender/presentation of that, which aligns them with the queer community in most cases."
Yaboijustlikesgoats
Identities...
"For non binary folk: I'm having trouble wording what I want to ask, like, why I guess? I identify as a woman but don't fit in with the typical stereotypes or gender roles, but I still consider myself a woman. I don't feel like activities, or behaviors, or clothing or whatever has to have a gender to it, so why specify that you don't identify as man or woman? Idk maybe because it's not something I've struggled with, it's hard to wrap my head around! Either way, I 100% support anyone who identifies any way!"
meowing_cat93
Extra
Gay Hearts GIFGiphy"Do you have to pay an upgrade fee to go from the LGBTQ membership to the LGBTQ+?"
ticklemejesus420
"Omg dude, you can get it for free with Amazon Prime! You didn't know?"
Araskog
I Like You
"How do you know you are attracted to the same sex? I personally wanted to know this because I am struggling with my sexuality. I have an attraction to men at least as far as I know. But I am constantly going back and forth with women. And it's been very confusing. So I guess it may be how do you know if you're attracted to anyone?"
Plush_Orchid
Ask all you want. Just be respectful. It's easy...
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
The ad portrays a young trans man as he navigates a world in which he is not the norm. Viewers watch as he is repeatedly called "Jemma," presumably his birth name.
The act of continuing to refer to a trans person by the name they no longer use is called "dead naming." It's a common microaggression many transgender people face.
You can watch the Starbucks ad here:
The ad underscores that names carry assumptions.
For someone in the young man's position, hearing "Jemma" during a fatherly introduction, seeing the name on a student ID and being confirmed as "Jemma" when receiving a package are not small mix ups.
The moments remind of his former identity and add up to a thousand cuts.
As the ad closes with the young man buying a coffee at Starbucks, where "James" is written on the cup and called out by the barista, the coffee shop corporation positions itself as a champion and safe space for trans people.
The Starbucks UK Youtube account included the following note along with the posted full ad.
"At Starbucks, writing your name on a cup and calling it out is a symbol of our warm welcome.
"It's a small gesture, but it's symbolic of what we believe in: Recognition and acceptance, whoever you are, or want to be. We welcome everyone."
On its website, Starbucks also published a full page dedicated to its global initiative to support trans folks.
The internet is thoroughly impressed with the advertisement, with many on Twitter expressing hearty gratitude to the corporation.
@StarbucksUK I changed my name in 2018 and it's still nice to see it on my cup https://t.co/Bhwhl74X68— Josie Kame (@Josie Kame) 1580700830
@StarbucksUK https://t.co/cGrVIvS26o— Jazz Rivers (@Jazz Rivers) 1580778215
Some tweets came from notable trans activists.
Amanda Jetté Knox, bestselling author of Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family, kept it simple.
@StarbucksUK This is lovely. Thank you for supporting trans kids.— Mx. Amanda Jetté Knox (@Mx. Amanda Jetté Knox) 1580696772
@DadTrans and @mimmymum, a couple of popular accounts run by the parents of trans children, also expressed their thanks.
@StarbucksUK @sophiearmishaw This is a lovely, authentic story. It will mean a lot to the trans kids who see this. Thank you.— TransHealthNow (@TransHealthNow) 1580678766
@StarbucksUK Gorgeous ad! As the parent of a trans son, this put a real lump in my throat 👏🏻💕 Thank you… https://t.co/NYH2hESfuu— Helen🏳️⚧️💙💛 (@Helen🏳️⚧️💙💛) 1580679392
This last tweet mentions an additional action of support from Starbucks folded in with the ad campaign.
The coffee giant is using the notoriety of the video to drive viewers to Mermaids, a UK-based charity organization dedicated to supporting trans kids and families of all gender diverse varieties.
Starbucks is also selling mermaid-shaped cookies and donating proceeds to the charity, pledging to raise £100k (~$130k) .
The cookies are being received quite well too.
Super pleased to see Starbucks raising money for @Mermaids_Gender with their mermaid cookies! Can confirm they are… https://t.co/1GCDmpxhnj— Frey Prevett (@Frey Prevett) 1580747482
The partnership is actually a match made in heaven, given the Starbucks mermaid logo (to be exact, it's a siren, as it has two tails).
starbucks.com
And people in the UK can plan to see the ad on Channel 4 plenty of times in the coming weeks.
Channel 4 awarded the advertisement its "Diversity in Advertising" award, ensuring Starbucks £1m ($1.3m) worth of no-charge commercial airtime.
In the past, the company has been far from perfect when dealing with marginalized groups—like when two black men were arrested for sitting in a Philadelphia Starbucks location while waiting for a business meeting.
The company appears to be performing a partial about face, at least with regard to LGBTQIA+people.
It now falls on every specific location worldwide to provide the inclusivity outlined in the "James-not-Jemma" advertisement.
If you or someone you know is struggling, LGBTQ+ Youth can get help through:
- TrevorChat — 24/7/365 at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/#services
- TrevorLifeline — phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386
- TrevorText — Text "START" to 678678. Available 24/7/365.
- TrevorSpace — online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ young people and their friends at https://www.trevorspace.org/
- Trevor Support Center — LGBTQ youth & allies can find answers to FAQs and explore resources at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/trevor-support-center/#sm.0000121hx9lvicotqs52mb1saenel
Transgender people can get help through the Trans Lifeline at https://www.translifeline.org/ or call US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366
De Jager explained her journey to her audience in the video below.
I'm Coming Out. www.youtube.com
She began:
"Today I am here to share with you something that I always wanted to share with you one day, but under my own circumstances. It looks like that chance has been taken away from me so today I am taking back my own power."
By the time de Jager was 6, she already knew she was ready to start taking steps to transition.
"By the age of 6, I grew my hair out. ... By the age of 7 or 8, I fully wore girls' clothes only and it felt amazing."
@NikkieTutorials Cis female here. Due to flukes in my design I cant have children. Ive been assured by many that it… https://t.co/KJhKRpiv6z— CelestialSpider (@CelestialSpider) 1578946176
@NikkieTutorials so proud of you Nikkie <3— YouTube (@YouTube) 1579027235
NikkieTutorials coming out as trans is a big moment for trans people. She's someone that cis women of all political… https://t.co/Es71eqOXbG— Erin, Trail Mom (@Erin, Trail Mom) 1579014395
Sadly, de Jager explained why the chance for her to come out was "taken" from her:
"I have been blackmailed by people that wanted to leak my story to the press....I've always wanted to share this."
I love you @NikkieTutorials ❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/wYim9PLjVm— V△LKY BARLOW (@V△LKY BARLOW) 1578984516
When the name of the person who was blackmailing Nikkietutorials finally gets dropped https://t.co/Cp46PW7v0e— Department of Just-Ass (@Department of Just-Ass) 1578999851
to whoever blackmailed nikkietutorials.. you tried it https://t.co/prw9GLXKOE— LAPP (@LAPP) 1578996027
Me finding out nikkietutorials is trans and then me finding out someone tried to blackmail her into coming out https://t.co/lvj0vBBlSs— ❄ Local Plague Dr ❄ (@❄ Local Plague Dr ❄) 1579005155
The way she told her blackmailers to shove it is so ICONIC. Proud of @NikkieTutorials for taking her power back. https://t.co/Trfdlo0Vi1— ♡ (@♡) 1579005600
Many of Nikkie's fans had no idea she was a trans woman...
At first I thought Nikkie was coming out as a trans man like Trisha paytas but she's a trans woman omg 😍 proud— Sam Avery 👑 (@Sam Avery 👑) 1578948785
Nikkie: I’m coming out Me: Oh cool she’s bi? lesbian? ... wait I thought she was engaged? Nikkie: I’m transgender… https://t.co/j0W2n1f4kU— L💜 (@L💜) 1578954947
...but that didn't affect their support for her...
.@NikkieTutorials is number one on trending as she should be 👏🏻 https://t.co/2kaQnXYlci— Dustin Dailey (@Dustin Dailey) 1578987420
...or their ire for the people who threatened her.
Me after watching nikkietutorials coming out video https://t.co/4eWC5hl2Jk https://t.co/TBr2prWVrX— traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns (@traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns) 1579000983
The overwhelming support of Nikkie has far outweighed the negativity.
All her stans made it clear that blackmail was a completely unacceptable way for her to be scared into coming out.
I don’t wanna hear “I never would’ve guessed Nikkie Tutorials is trans! I’m shook!” I wanna hear “who the fuck thre… https://t.co/GhRbZ0OuRu— don’t worry, darling (@don’t worry, darling) 1578944753
@KatiePepperoni/Twitter
nikkie tutorials was just forced to come out as trans due to blackmail... cis people are literally weaponizing our… https://t.co/P3AiPdwCha— sofie halili (@sofie halili) 1578948225
@remembersolo/Twitter
The decision to come out is an individual choice for many reasons, including the safety of the person. Forcing someone to come out is a despicable attack against the person being targeted.
Nikkie de Jager has not revealed the identity of those who threatened her.
Yet.
