Things People Discovered After A First Date That Were A Total Deal-breaker
Reddit user tjeast asked: 'What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?'
As much as we would love to be able to date one person, for that to be the right person for us, and for the two of us to get on with our life together, we all know it's going to take at least a few tries to find the perfect match.
But some of these matches make us want to throw in the towel.
You've got to listen to your gut (and your eyes) when you sense a red flag.
Redditor tjeast asked:
"What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?"
Just... A Couple... Of Red Flags
"I found out that he had restraining orders against him from not one, but two exes. He also asked if he could move in with me on the first date."
- lalalabeeee
An Ex Collector
"On the surface, he was a lawyer with an Ivy League degree. Then just one layer deep, he had six kids with five different women."
"One of his exes hated him so much that she took their kids to Germany to get away from him."
"And the kicker (yes, more than the Germany ex)? His youngest was six months old and he was sleeping on his latest ex's couch."
- Banjo-Becky
Questionable Connections
"I met up for drinks with a woman, and she started telling me about how she thought I’d get along with her brother. After a couple of drinks, we ended up at the bar where her brother worked. He's a h**l of a guy."
"We kept playing hair metal on the jukebox and drinking beers. She went from saying I would get along with her brother to I remind her of her brother. The more she drank, the more she said it."
"We ended up making out, and she started repeating the s**t about her brother while trying to get something going with me."
"I made sure she got home safe, but that s**t creeped me out so much that I never spoke to her again."
- weeew87
Secret Babies
"Prior to our first date, he said he didn't have any kids."
"While he was driving me home after our first date, he mentioned that he hated letting his baby mama use his car because she always messed with the radio stations and that it took forever to get his seat adjusted back to how he liked it."
"I was just out of high school and wasn't looking to date anyone with kids. With how disrespectful he was during our date, finding out that he had a kid was an automatic deal breaker for me."
"He then kept calling and texting me and after I blocked his number he kept creating new social media accounts to get a hold of me because he wanted to go for a second date and kept bringing up that he was making good money so I'd be an idiot to say no to him."
- 2baverage
Specific Looks Wanted
"My date kept trying to braid my hair, lol (laughing out loud). At first, it seemed weird, but not like a deal-breaker, but then he KEPT asking."
"The first time he asked, we were walking through the park, and I was telling a story, but he interrupted me, asking, 'Can I please braid your hair?'"
"I laughed, politely said no, and continued talking, but he kept interrupting, asking to braid my hair."
"I asked why, but all he said was, 'I just want to braid it,' and kept reaching for my head. I swatted his hand away a few times, and when that didn't work, I told him I was ready to go home."
"It was so creepy!"
- TheDahliaXO
Her Body, Not His Plans
"He told me that he couldn’t wait to have kids with me and that he had picked out our kids’ names."
"When I told him that this was our first date and that I wasn’t sure about kids and that this was a super creepy thing to say to me, he insisted it was my duty as a woman and that it would make me very happy."
"Yeah, there was no second date."
- NymeriasWrath
Just Practicing for Thanksgiving!
"He was a felon. He had a really unbelievable story about being locked out of his ex’s house and he broke in while JUST HAPPENING to be holding a rifle from Turkey hunting. Terrifying."
- _lmmk_
Very Different Interests
"She got off on watching the guys she was with get in fights. She gave some dude the come-f**k-me eyes and then expected me to brawl when he came up to hit on her. F**k no, girl, maybe you can catch a ride home with him."
- discussatron
No Third Wheels
"Her other guy showed up in the middle of our date. She said, 'Can I talk with him for a minute?'"
"I said, 'Sure,' and then walked out the door and never looked back."
- New2ThisThrowaway
Not a Good Morning
"She was married. We met at a bar and left together. We went and had dinner, saw a movie, and she spent the night."
"The next morning she said, 'I wonder if my husband figured out I didn’t come home.'"
"Then she asked me for a ride to work, and I got a ticket because she didn’t wear her seatbelt."
- PM_ME_THEM_TACOS_GURL
Totally Wrong
"He asked me to pay for his court fees, that was my turn-off, so I wanted to leave to end the date."
"I said my goodbyes, and then he threatened to tell the whole restaurant I was having an affair and cheated on him if I left."
"I stayed in fear of embarrassment."
"Later, I excused myself to the restroom where I made my escape to the door. He saw me from the window."
"I saw him coming out, so I ran a bit, and when I looked back, he was chasing me. (I got away, but wow.)"
- Ok-Ambassador-8982
Supporting the Arts
"He was a really bad magician. He brought cards and everything, but he couldn’t land a trick."
"I felt bad and took him up on a second date, but that was it."
- Durdengrl322
Financial Investments
"He lost a pile of money in crypto and NFTs. But he still tried to convince me to get my money into it."
- hanginwithyuka
"Some people cannot be saved from themselves."
- Creative_Recover
Unrealized Love
"I think she was in love with her best friend and didn't realize it."
"She told me she and her long-time best friend she called her 'wifey' lived together in a single room with the friend's baby. She said that this friend always comes first and they're inseparable. They also have gotten kicked out like three times from house to house."
"She left the date early because whoever they were renting from was threatening to kick them out."
"We never really talked again but I wanted to tell her she shouldn't be dating because she's already in a relationship."
- PupEDog
We've all heard of first date fails, terrible dates in general, and big relationship deal-breakers, but just the same, we can completely understand how these were such major deal-breakers.
From lying about their real life to trying to involve us in something we're not interested in, there are some people who are simply not meant for us because their lives are just too different from ours. And that's okay!
First dates can be a lot of pressure. You barely know the person you’re going out with, and maybe you’ve talked a bit in person, but this is the first time you’re going to be with them one-on-one for an extended period of time.
The activity can make or break a first date.
Sometimes, a relationship that could’ve been really special never even starts because the first date was bad.
I like to walk around New York City on dates, and duck into whatever store or restaurant looks interesting. It’s a good way to get to do something you’ve always wanted to but never had a chance to (on one of my first dates, walking around the city led us to get our fortunes told), and it’s a great way to get to know the other person.
The women of Reddit have their own ideas on what an ideal first date would be, and they’re ready to share!
It all started when Redditor PhantomHydraPH asked:
“Girls of Reddit, what would be your ideal first date?”
The Supernatural Treatment
"Beer followed by ghost hunting and then ending the date at 8am over crappy diner breakfast."
– SeattleCoffeeRoast
Just Keep Moving
"Early on we had what my wife refers to as the epic date. Started with lunch, then a movie, then rock climbing, then dinner, then swing dancing, then back to her place. Was like 12 hours total. Figured anyone that could up with me that much was a keeper."
– Dyolf_Knip
The Great Escape
"A guy actually took me to do an escape room on the first date. It was actually pretty cool because not only was it an activity where we had something to focus on/break the ice, but was able to gauge how we would solve problems together right off the bat. Didn't work out with the guy past the second date but I always thought as far as first dates go it was a pretty good idea!"
"Bonus: weren't able to have our phones in the escape room so no distractions. Also they take a picture of your escape room group after so if the relationship worked out you have a cute pic from your first date :)"
– Successful-Income-22
""If we don't succeed, we'll have to be TOGETHER FOREVER!!!""
– ImpracticallySharp
Time For A Getaway
"Something casual that doesn’t have a big time commitment. Drinks, coffee, ice cream, or lunch/dinner"
– Appropriate_Tea9048
"I took my now girlfriend to a rooftop bar for drinks and apps. Spent the entire night talking. It was super chill and casual , it didn't feel like a date."
– Zomb1stuv
"Hey so - yeah, that worked for me. We did like a 7 or 8:00 coffee and dessert chill get together at a place that I knew of that well, had really good both. That was my last ever 2nd date, been together 12 years now."
"Its all upsides as far as I'm concerned: No pressure of a full dinner or anything, less formal, also some people are self conscious about what they order or eat in front of another person so it kind of eliminates that anxiety. The place itself is a conversation catalyst - if you pick someplace kind of neat, notice things about it, talk about what you like and don't like. If you've never been there before, "hey check this out" comes up a lot, or "hey, I've been here before and this one thing was *amazing* or "I've been wanting to try this since last time I was here" and all that."
"I should preface by saying that wasn't our FIRST first date, our first one was I met up with two and two of her friends someplace. First off, I left a good impression by not being surprised or mad she brought friends. We met online. You don't know anything about me but what I've told you, I totally get that you don't want to meet a guy alone for the first time. I managed to keep the whole both entertained for a while before it was time to head out."
"Lets keep this rolling: 2nd date should be something fun, not necessarily evening. For example every Saturday in the summer our town has a Riverfront Market with tons of vendor booths, food trucks, its pet friendly, farmers market stuff, live music and all that. Great place to just walk around and browse, grab a coffee or a pretzel, and just see what's going on. You still have something to *do* together so you're less likely to stall and feel on the spot, and you can get a feel for their interests and personality walking around in a place like that. See what they comment on or show interest in, and they can do the same. Its even better if you run into people you know."
– sohcgt96
Be Seen
"Somewhere public, but not crowded or organized. Like a fair or a festival where we can just walk around and chat and maybe go on a ride or play some games. I like rollercoasters so if you are close to an amusement park of some kind that'd be nice. It's going to differ for each woman though, I'm more wild and fun-loving!"
– TheTurbulentTeacher
"Somewhere public, but not crowded or organized"
"So not an MLM recruiting seminar. Got it."
– ncconch
Healthy Competition
"Putt putt! I think some type of activity with a little competition is a fun way to break the ice. Putt putt requires some skill but a lot is also luck so anyone can do it."
– summoe
"That sounds fun. I enjoy games."
– OriginalDarkDagger
"Something mildly competitive but mostly just fun, like going to an arcade, or one of those axe/knife throwing places, bowling or something like that. Then drinks and a bite. But really, if someone actually thought out ahead of time a plan to take me anywhere and then did it I’d be psyched no matter what we did."
– petrichor-punk
Investigation
"On the first date, I do a identification check, résumé check, credit check, diploma/certification check, and a charge for my time. It’s crazy out there and those platforms lie."
– Likeitisouthere
...HUH?!
"Whatever you do, don't take a girl on a "mystery surpise date!" that ends up being a nude beach, and then ask her to film you nakedly frolicking in the sea. This should not be followed up by a lunch at Panda Express where you give her very detailed stories of your (limited but bizarre) sexual encounters. Also, do not drag her to a Best Buy store after lunch so you can watch free TV on the displays."
"(I never again allowed a guy to pick me up for a date 👀)"
– fancifulsnails
"Oh my god, I am laughing but crying at the same time because yeah, how about NO! Does NO! work for you?"
"Also, always have your own transportation for a date in case you need to leave for reasons."
– eddyathome
Do Something
"Yea bowling, museum, then some food and talking is the way. As I have a bit of a hard time opening up with people, when it's just sitting across from each other the whole time. Need a bit of an activity, to loosen things up a bit. Also interesting to see if they are a sore loser, or willing to share techniques on how to do something. Just small ways, to see more about the person's character. As opposed to eating first and wondering if the other person, is putting on a front for you or not."
– LurkingAintEazy
"I agree with this. It should be casually competitive and random. Axe throwing would be fun."
– Burrito_Loyalist
Just One Date
"Drinks and a chat in a random pub, where we’ll play pool and I will demonstrate how cool and breezy I am and then to a gig where I will proceed to show you how uncool I actually am and then we fall in love so I never have to go on a first date again"
– NinetysRoyalty
Simple Works Too
"Married lady here, my first date with my now-husband was going to see a movie we both knew would be kinda bad, then grabbing drinks and a quick bite at a casual restaurant across the street."
"First dates don't have to be fancy, you don't need to pull out all these stops to woo the lady or ~sweep her off her feet~, you just have to be good company. It's all about the connection, not how much you spend or how romantic you make it."
"Also, just a bit of advice, a first date should always always always be in public, with other people around. Not a hangout at your place, and not a walk in the woods."
– VisualCelery
Stop And Smell The Roses
"Botanical garden!"
– yuzuandgin
"I’m liking this one. I’m convinced a botanical garden would force everyone to focus on the plants, weather, surroundings, etc. And in my experience, everyone’s living this hectic go-go lifestyle that it’s really lovely to see someone stop and admire plants, their leaves, etc. I’ve gone to a few botanical gardens, and the amount of times I’ve gotten caught up in smelling a flower or comparing my hand to the size of a humongous leaf, it’s fun! Also, one of the most attractive men I ever met would really stop in his tracks to admire the skyline and his surroundings, and his responses were genuine. Caught me off guard..."
– JminusRomeo
"I also like this. I love taking pictures of nature walking alone at a leisurely pace. If I found someone who also enjoyed this, that'd be more fun. Maybe they'd suggest a photo I would have thought of. They'd probably be more relaxed in general as a person. It also means talking about nature. People who enjoy nature are usually pretty cool."
– eddyathome
Read, Read, Read!
“Did this once with an ex. Went to a bookstore, looked around at the books and talked about what we had read etc, then we went and had a drink at a nearby bar. Then, each of us briefly got up from the table went back to the bookstore and got a book for the other person that we thought they would like. And then we discussed why we thought they would like the book over those drinks. It was really fun.”
– WhoIsYerWan
“This is good because it shows the other person you actually listened to them and thought about them. Also, books.”
– eddyathome
“Also interchangeable with coffee if drinks are not an option.”
– WhoIsYerWan
“Two bookworms' shared dream eh?”
– youraveragemasochist
Books and coffee? Sign me up!
Do you have an ideas to add? Let us know in the comments below.
There is little more nerve-wracking than a first date.
Particularly when it's a set-up or a blind date, where you know little to nothing about the person you're meeting.
Making the potential for a long stretch of awkward silence likely to the point of inevitable.
This is why it's important to come prepared with some questions at the ready.
Not only to avoid silence but also to get to know the person sitting across from you a bit better.
Simple questions such as their favorite ice cream flavor, the movie they could watch over and over again, the last book that made them cry, or the one ingredient they asked to be left off their cobb salad can easily determine whether or not there is any chance of a second date.
"What are some good first date questions to get to know someone?"
As one might expect, the Reddit community had a more than a little fun when answering this question.
A More Likely Possibility Than One Might Think...
"What's the largest mammal you think you could knock out with a single punch?"- AB0RTMISSI0N
The Come In Packs...
"In an emergency how many 3rd graders could you fight off?"- Pithius
Playing Happy Children GIF by MOODMANGiphyChildhood Friends... Hopefully?
"What are some things our parents don’t know about you?"- MayTanMay
Hey, When You Know, You Know!
"Will you marry me?"- MontagueorCapulet
First Date Jitters...
"Have you ever had a dream that, that, um, that you had, uh, that you had to, you could, you do, you wit, you wa, you could do so, you do you could, you want, you wanted them to do you so much you could do anything?"- whatnowalt23
Scared 30 Rock GIF by HULUGiphy...Is This Even Funny?...
"Which side were you rooting for in WW2?"- eagle1459
Thankfully, there were a few who did take the answer seriously, and offered some pretty good advice.
Where Were You?
"On our first date my husband and I did a thing where one of us would choose a year, then we'd both say what we were doing in that year of our lives."
"It was a great way to get to know each other!"- shhhushnow
Christmas Serendipity GIF by GoPlayGiphyGetting Their Name Right Is A Good Start
"If their name is an uncommon one, make sure you ask what's the correct pronunciation."
"Literally the first thing I said to my husband on our first date was 'hello' followed by a butchered attempt to say his name."
"He replied 'what did you just call me?' and up until that moment, I had never before felt the urge to jump into the nearby creek in mid-February."- yallready4this
No Greater Bond Than A Mutual Hatred Of Brussel Sprouts...
"Which vegetable offends you the most?"- Calculon009
Carnivore Or Vegetarian?
"Favorite dinosaur?"- Giant_bird_penis_69
yell jurassic world GIF by Regal CinemasGiphyThe way some people answer certain questions could immediately raise some flags, sending the ones who asked immediately back to Tinder or Hinge.
Of course, it should also be made clear, that it can also be easily determined as to whether or not there will be a second date by the questions people ask.
As one can't help but wonder how many second dates those who answered the first few questions have actually attended...
Dating is never easy, and yet, most still do it. But we have to go through a lot of frogs to find our prince or princess.
Dating is also different for everyone. Sometimes, you meet a person you automatically feel a connection with, you go out, and by the end of the night, you know you found your soulmate. Other times, the person does or says something that makes you think, Nope!
Unfortunately, the latter seems to happen more often than not. Redditors certainly agree, as they all gathered to share their stories of first date events or behaviors that were instant deal breakers.
It all started when Redditor 8vv0 asked:
“What’s an automatic deal-breaker on a first date?”
Server Doesn't Mean Servant
"The way someone acts toward servers can tell you a lot about who they really are. I had a boss who insisted on interviewing me at a restaurant and explained that reasoning to me after giving me the offer. As someone who served for years I can tell you he was correct."
– Shiba_Ichigo
"I once went on a blind-ish date and literally all she talked about was the show “sex and the city”. For an hour. Only stopping to berate the waitress over nothing."
"It was bizarre, and kind of fascinating. At a certain point I thought I was on one of those prank tv shows that were popular at the time."
– EarthDoomProphecy
It's All About Me
"Showing no/barely any interest in me personally. Only talking about themselves and not showing interest when I tell about myself."
– ForgetMeNot01
"100%. When you try to join the 'conversation' & they somehow immediately find a way to use what you say to direct it right back to themselves."
– CrumbledTheCookies
Gross!
"A dude once took his socks off while we watched a movie and started using his fingernails to dig stuff out from under his toenails."
"I was immediately out."
– kittermcgee
"Did he at least invite you to join in?? No? Outrageous!"
– invaderjif
"Yeah, that's third date shit."
– TheGuv69
Be Who You Are
"When they're clearly 20 years older than the pictures they used on the dating app"
– mulans_goat
"That happened to me on one of the very first dates I went on with someone I met online abt 10 years ago. Back then, I didn’t realize that if a dude has one grainy picture of his face and that’s it, he’s hiding something, lol."
"Dude was a cop (bleh), 50+ lbs heavier than his pic and balding, and dumb as fuck. You’re fat and bald, own it dude, don’t pretend to be you from 10 years ago, lol. As soon as he stood up, I thought oh hell no."
"Date was awkward af but dude thought it went so well he could ask for a second one. Nah, bro."
– PistolPetunia
Be There Or Be Square
"Not showing up"
– FastTrack777
"Look at you with your impossible standards."
– Shurdus
"I just imagine some poor guy sitting at a table alone, finishing his meal completely unbothered."
"After paying his check, he looks stone-faced at the vacant chair across from him, and goes off on am 'I don't think this is going to work out' speech."
– SEND_ME_SOCK_PICS
Don't Tell Me What To Eat!
"Choosing my food for me"
– raven_widow
"YES! The only first date I even walked out of was the guy who insisted on ordering for me and refused to believe I don't like avocados (yes, I'm odd, I know!)."
"I was so stunned that I just sat there until the food came, listening to to him talk, then as soon as he insisted I try the food I was not interested in, I left enough cash to cover the check and walked out."
"Edited To Add - I have found my people here! Before this thread I thought I was the only one who didn't like avocados!"
– CreampuffOfLove
"I remember when I was a teen people used to say that the guy should choose the food for the girl, I always thought that was weird af"
– justfantasea19
You Must Be Single
"A wedding ring"
– justanotheruser1788
"I was talking with this woman who was really up-front about wanting to go out for dinner and dancing with me, but she had a wedding ring. I told her that I have a firm policy against dating married women."
"'But I'm your wife,' she said."
"'No exceptions'."
– Philip_Anderer
Nothing's Ruder Than This
"If we’re sharing loaded nachos, and they specifically take all the ones with meat and cheese and stuff, leaving you with just chips. I mean just chips."
"Restaurants should have a rule about that."
– Bing_Bong_the_Archer
Ignorance Upon Ignorance
"He completely out of the blue told me he didn’t believe in birth control"
– pnwpuget
"Went on a first date with a girl that said she couldn't take birth control due to a hormone imbalance and she was allergic to latex. I asked her how she stayed safe and she said 'I'm just really careful'."
"Nope."
– archaelleon
"Good Lord, I would've looked like the Road Runner cartoon where he just blasts through a mountain or something and all you see is the silhouette."
– NotMyRealName814
Four's A Crowd
"Well about a month ago I made plans to meet up for a date with this girl that I was really getting along with."
"Then AFTER the plans were made she calls me and says 'Oh yeah, I should probably tell you that I'm engaged and my fiancee will be joining us... but it's alright, we have an open relationship and he's bringing his girlfriend too'."
– Bluevettes
I’ve never realized how lucky I was to not have any first date horror stories!
A first date is exciting. But it can also be highly unnerving.
You just want it to go so well.
So what do you wear?
What do say?
How little do eat and how much do you drink?
But that ice breaker is important. And the dialogue is imperative.
So what do we talk about?
Inform me...
Redditor AspirinDontWorkOnMe wanted to discuss the best beginners for small talk when on an early romantic excursion. They asked:
"What are some good questions to ask on a first date?"
Are you crazy? That's my first date question. I can always tell by the answer.
LOL
Captain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy“Who makes you laugh?”
"This was my speed dating question back in the day, and it sorted out the wheat from the chaff VERY quickly."
RiverLover27
The Past
"What unresolved childhood trauma will emerge through maladaptive behaviors as we spend more time together?"
ofsquire
"To be fair anyone who has a legitimate answer to this one is probably already actively working to improve themselves which could be a huge green flag. Unless they're aware and not working on it in which case run."
Glundyn
Ok. So I went on a date with a girl... she unloaded all her past trauma in me... then proceeded to get really drunk and make a move on me."
importedsquid
Raccoons?
"What is their opinion on raccoons? Specifically would they be upset if they found out, the person they were dating was actually several raccoons piloting an elaborate human suit. If the answer is yes, it’s is a red flag and you will need to tell Burt and Larry down in the legs to hoof it out of there as fast as possible. Remember to grab as much trash as you can on the way out. It is why we were there to begin with."
The_Most_Superb
Be Useful
"Ask open-ended, non-threatening questions that get them talking about topics they enjoy. You learn much more about someone when they’re comfortable than when they feel scrutinized. Also, realize that the questions you ASK say as much about you as the answers you give."
"Your fears, hangups, history, empathy, etc. For example, if someone asked me how much I earn or what my parents did for a living, I would reasonably surmise that money and perhaps status is important to them. [That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a useful piece of information.]"
who_favor_fire
A T-Rex?
Jurassic Park GIF by VidiotsGiphy"What's your second favorite reptile?"
hellmouth
"My question would be more, what’s your second favourite dinosaur? I work with young children, I have a modest working knowledge of dinosaurs."
Few_Rooster3293
Interesting ideas. If I ever search for love again I may use a few.
A Few Things
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"So, you married?"
"Do you slap the bags of rice at the grocery store?"
"Are you a cop?"
"What’s on your bucket list?"
BallPit1p
Win-Win...
"When I was dating, I used to really like asking what people were excited about coming up in their lives. I'm a very optimistic person. I'm highly sensitive to negativity, pessimism, and cynicism. While it's not the ONLY way to get insight into how positive someone is, asking this question gives some insight into their overall mindset. Plus it's a good way to have a conversation about something someone is excited about. Win-win."
Kooky_Finding8516
HIGH
"Wanna see how high I can jump?"
Competitive-Kale-991
"A girl asked 'do you think I can jump this puddle?' I said no but she jumped anyway and slipped back into it so her back was entirely mud. Also, I drove."
JojenCopyPaste
"Look! Look! Look at me! Look what I can do! Look!"
LoneRangersBand
Mammals...
"What is the biggest mammal you could knock out with one punch?"
Zoidfarbb
"The answer to this question is clearly the horse-sized duck. In accordance with the square-cube law, the horse-sized duck's tiny legs would collapse under it's newfound weight, rendering it severely injured if not completely immobile. I'd pretty much win by default."
smala017
FACTS
Kenan Thompson Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Can I get a list of references?"
thecartoonrobot
Ah first dates... will they ever be easy? Shouldn't they be?
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