What’s The Holocaust? Baffled Employees Reveal The Most Ridiculous Thing They’ve Had To Explain To A Superior.
Everyone has gaps in their knowledge. It's only human! There are some occasions when you discover that someone in your circle has a gap that is a little bit of a head scratcher, though. Here, people share the most ridiculous things they've had to explain to another adult, and the answers are oh-so-hilarious. Enjoy!
If you would like to read more of these stories, check out the source on the last page. Comments have been edited for clarity.
Let me set the scene: on top of a mountain in Maui with a tour group, watching the sunset, and I hear the guy behind me telling his kids that "the sun sets in the west so that's the Pacific ocean, so that side over there is the Atlantic." I laugh and turn around and acknowledge his hilarious joke. He was not joking, to which I reply, "You know this is all the Pacific ocean, 360 degrees around." He then rolled his eyes and kept talking to his kids. Poor things don't stand a chance.
"Why doesn't the kite just fly away?"
Um, the string?
I had to tell a guy that his false advertisement suit vs Time Warner wouldn't hold up, because they're not the ones that told him he was the millionth viewer to a website and promised him a prize.
I had to explain to someone on our flight that there wasn't another littler plane trailing us with our luggage when they looked out the window looking for said little plane.
One of my best friends was 21, gorgeous girl, not new to the dating scene at all. One day she was complaining about her boyfriend to me.
Her: "I really like him, but he keeps pressuring me for doggy and I'm just not ready for that."
Me: "Doggy? What's wrong with doggy? Doggy style is great."
Her: "You've done DOGGY?!"
Me: ".... yeah, I'm not sure what the big deal is."
Her: "You let him stick it up your...???"
And that's the day I had to explain to my best friend that doggy style is not anal. I don't let her forget.
I had a renter who was 19 and it was her first time living on her own. She didn't understand that when you send a letter in the mail, you had to put stamps on the letter. It came back due to no postage...
I basically had to confirm to her that she had to do this. Her response: "It must be a Canada thing because I never had to do that back home"...She is Canadian, from Quebec, but her parents sheltered her so much that she couldn't function on her own and thought Quebec and Canada were 2 different countries.
I was twenty years old, and covering the reception desk at a mid-sized law firm on maybe the 14th or 15th floor of a high-rise building. This attorney was apparently good at her job (from what I understood of her reputation; I didnt know her well), but this story often makes me wonder about smart and smart. On this day, as she exited the elevator on her return from lunch, she decided to voice what seemed to be a puzzle that stumped her for a very long time. I dont understand this building. Why is it, when I enter the elevator facing away from the lobby, I exit facing the lobby on the floor above? Its like the elevator turns around!
I stared at her for a few seconds, contemplating time, space, creation, and the giant salary differential between our two positions, before I spoke the last words Id ever say to her. Maam, you turn around to face the doors once you get into the elevator. Youre facing the lobby when the elevator starts to move.
She went out of her way to avoid me after that.
I had to explain that you should not wear your eclipse glasses while driving around during the solar eclipse.
How a loan works. Customers are sitting in my office trying to buy a vehicle and can't understand why their 120 payments of X add up to more than the cost of the vehicle. It took about an hour to get them through it. They had bought things before: cars, a house, and somehow in their mid-50s had no idea how interest worked.
I have repeatedly tried and failed to explain to my coworker to not eat rotting meat.
She'll a) leave chicken out on the counter all day to defrost.
b) cook the chicken and then leave the cooked chicken out on the counter for a week and "pick at it" here and there.
She is out with food poisoning at least once a week. I've never met someone who throws up as much as her and wasn't suffering from a serious medical condition. She will eat her breakfast at 4pm after it's sitting on her desk all day. Eggs with cheese and mayo that she picked up at 7 in the morning. Then she'll call in sick the next day. I have shown her youtube videos of bacteria growing, sent her articles about the dangers of ecoli. She won't listen. She ate potato salad that was sitting in a hot trunk for 24 hours. She said it was liquidy and tasted weird but she doesn't like how refrigerated foods taste. One day, when she is paralyzed from botulism, I guess I can say I told you so?
I had to explain that human babies aren't born with their eyes stuck shut like kittens. He asked me if my 3-week-old daughter's eyes had opened yet.
To an office junior post-graduate in Engineering, after checking his work:
Me: "In the English language, if a word starts with a 'Q', it is almost always followed with a 'U'."
Him: "Oh yeah?!......What about Croissant?!!!" (Defiant smug stare)
I had to explain that, contrary to her belief, islands are in fact not floating like big Rubber boats (she was asking how with the wind and currents the islands still maintained their position without roaming the Oceans like rocky Icebergs.)
How a telephone works.
Customer "Hey, I need this, this and this"
Me "You need what?"
Customer "This thing right here, this thing here and here"
Me "Excuse me, do you have a part #"
Customer "Man, Im staring right at it, the part "
Me "Sir, I can't see what you're seeing..."
My boss hired an assistant for me from a gentlemen's club he had attended the previous weekend. He told her that she needed to pay attention to everything I did and then he would replace me with her. The things I had to explain/show her how to do: address an envelope, write a business email, read a contract before signing it, stay for the entirety of a client event, show up to work on time, not drink at work, not gossip at work, not have her boyfriend hang out at work all day, and more. Finally she became so upset at how much work my job entailed (and she hadn't touched the surface) that she quit.
I had to explain to my MATHS teacher that you use 'both' when referring to 2 things. If she was talking about a hundred things she would say 'both of them' and wouldn't take no for an answer.
That hurricanes are not named according to whether they are male or female, it is just an arbitrary name, HURRICANES DO NOT HAVE A GENDER IDENTITY!
There was this girl in my French class. I had to explain that France no longer has a monarchy, that England and France are different countries, and that England and France do not share a land border.
A couple of bonus stories about her: One time I was sick and missed school for a couple of days. When I came back she asked if I had the zombie flu. She tried to convince me zombies are real and that it is spread through the flu vaccine. Her "evidence" was a theory about the walking dead. Another time she said she wanted to be a heart surgeon. I asked her if she was taking biology, because our school offers college level bio. She did not know what biology was.
I had to explain to a lady how sliced bread works.
I used to work in a bakery that pretty much only did bread and a lady came in and this conversation happened:
Her: points at a bread Do you have that but like...in a bag of slices?
Me: trying to be polite Oh yeah..we slice the bread...
Her: Oh okay. But do you have it in a bag of slices??
Me: Um...yes we bag it after we slice it..
Her: Okay, but I really need this in a bag of slices...
Me: We put the bread in a machine that cuts it into slices and then we put those slices in a bag.
Her: Okay but do you sell this same bread in a bag of slices?
Me: ... Let me show you.
I take the bread and slice it for her and bring the sliced bagged bread back to her. She looked so excited you'd think she'd never seen sliced bread before.
Her: Yes! That's exactly what I wanted!
I had to explain that if you want baby chicks, your hens will need to get together with a rooster.
This guy was married with one child, I thought he would have figured some things out.
That if they eat a large quantity of fast food it's not unreasonable for them to feel full and bloated and that this doesn't constitute a medical complaint requiring a doctors review.
Back in college, my girlfriend said, "I don't understand how you can find me so sexy first thing in the morning."
I asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, whenever you wake up next to me, you're so... you know... down there..."
Apparently she had no idea what morning wood was, or that it had nothing to do with her.
That "natural" medicines and supplements are not necessarily safe or healthy, especially in huge quantities. Rattlesnake venom is natural, anthrax is natural, e-coli is natural, bubonic plague is natural...
That Tanzania and Tasmania are separate places and that our native Tasmanian Devils don't actually look like Taz from Looney Tunes.
Sort of twisted on its head, but my husband had to explain to me relatively recently that South Africa is not, in fact, just the South of Africa. It's a whole other country by itself.
I call it my awakening.
Steve Jobs did not single-highhandedly invent the home computer, GUI, the iPod, iPhone and iPad--he had Steve Wozniak, Xerox and teams of engineers do that for him.
I lived in Asia for a while. There were multiple people in both Asia and the US who thought that the Western and Eastern hemispheres experience opposite seasons (like the Northern and Southern hemispheres do). More than once, I've grabbed the nearest round object and started saying "Pretend this grapefruit is the earth and this lamp is the sun...."
My friend: "What is Mick Jagger's first name?
Me: "... Mick"
Friend: "His name is Mick McJagger?"
Mom: What's happening?
Me: The movies starting. *5 minutes into movie
Mom: Who is that?
Me: I don't know mom, he never said anything yet.
Mom: I don't like this movie, I don't get it.
The concept of progressive taxes. The number of people repeating that meme of "you get taxed more if you make more, so it's better to earn less" is frightening.
Yeah, I acknowledge the welfare argument, I'm referring to the false idea that if you make more, the entirety of your income is taxed at a higher percentage when it's only the amount made past the previous bracket cutoff. And yeah, marginal tax rates, I get it. While it's not a "progressive tax," it can still be considered progressive by the dictionary definition in the sense that it's not flat.
My casually racist mother asked why a Black family in line ahead of us didn't go to "their Starbucks?"
I had to explain to her, slowly and quietly, that this was their Starbucks. They live here. We're working on it...
That a 1000 metre high mountain wasn't man made. This guy legitimately believed that people piled up all this dirt and rock for no reason, just because the mountain is nicknamed the pyramid because of its shape.
The mountain is Walshs Pyramid in Cairns, Australia for those curious as to the scale of this guys ignorance.
You can open the photocopier to get blank paper out of it, you know.
You don't have to keep photocopying that one blank page you keep carrying around with you.
To a 28 yo female native Californian whose first (and only) language is English...
It's a vagina and not a vergina.
Being horny can lead to some questionable decision-making.
Something happens to the brain when blood is flowing to other regions of the body.
They should discuss this in health class.
It's perfectly normal, but we have to learn how to deal.
Redditor Sir_Baconstrips wanted to see who was willing to discuss actions made while randy, so they asked:
"What's the biggest mistake you've made because you were horny?"
I can't tell you mine, because my mom might read this. But Reddit was more than happy to share.
History HelpHide Reaction GIF by florGiphy
"I browsed porn and then I asked my mom how to delete the history."
What was that?
"Probably my most embarrassing moment. Was on my work computer (family business so nothing locked) and it was a super slow day and I was alone. Anyways was doing a classic 3 min facebook check and scrolled down for a second and saw the news post about Adriana Chechik injuring her back in a foam pool. Figured top comments on that would be golden. Read one funny one that said 'her and her scene with [performer I can’t remember] is still goat.'"
"Never heard of said performer so I got curious and google her. Of course photos never do justice, had to see the performance ya know? So I clicked a random video, quick glance and thought 'meh' and was about to close the tab before I noticed my mouse twitch on the screen… What was that? No.. that wasn’t mouse error, that was someone… then within seconds I realized the accountant who taps in remotely to finish work came in at that exact moment that I had a browser open for less than 60 sec."
"The worst wart was I could have sworn I had all those remote services off, but she tried to tap in for over an hour and must of did something to wake splashtop (probably had it on some type of standby mode). She even called earlier but I saw a random number and was speaking with a client and ignored it."
"Anyways, decision time, do I call her and play it off as nothing or apologize? Naturally as a fearful 28 year old I play off as nothing. I call, no answer… then a few minutes later i get the call back and her words after exchanging 'hellos … are you finished with whatever you were doing…' still burns me."
"Let my (ex) boyfriend dry-hump me for an hour on a bench outside after summer school."
"The bad news: this bench behind our school was also beside a swimming pool. Where parents were taking their children for swim lessons. Eventually a staff member came out and yelled at us for being inappropriate."
"I still have shame flashbacks today, over 10 years later."
"I had a one night stand with a guy who was, in retrospect, seriously self-conscious about his penis size and kept going on about how if it was on the small size it was just because he has to have sex with it a few times and it would gradually get bigger until it was it’s 'true' size. I really didn’t care."
"But then to make himself feel better he turned it around and started talking about how big and wide my vagina was but kept reassuring me that it was ok because he liked the challenge. I wish I had snapped my legs shut and given him the boot right then and there."
In San DiegoNo Money Bangladeshi GIF by GifGariGiphy
"Lost my entire tax refund and got my phone stolen at a strip club in San Diego."
Always check your pockets on the way out.
The RewardHappy We Did It GIF by StoryfulGiphy
"Hooked up with a girl at a party. Just kind of bored, drunk, and horny. Having to go to the doctor for a case of pubic lice was my reward for poor self-control."
"I got my first serious gf in high school. She was two grades below me. So when I finished third year and moved 500 km south we was still a couple. I was so in love (and most of all horny) I commuted every. Single. Weekend. And I was poor. So I took the bus to the nearest station after school. Waited for the long distance bus for 4-5 hours."
"Went to a larger city to hitchhike my way there. I was there Friday night or Saturday morning. Locked ourselves in her bedroom and went at it until Sunday morning. I made my way down to school again and went to class straight from the bus Monday morning. This went on for almost a year…"
I'm OutChris Pratt Running GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
"Was trying to get with a girl in college. We were texting and I asked her what she was up to, she said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym and asked if I wanted to come."
"I ended up running 9 miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to have sex it's up to 9 miles."
Lord the things people will do when slightly turned on.
Why in this day and age are people still taking nudie pics without triple-checking the recipient?
Why take the gamble?
And half of the time we hit send, mistakes get made.
One minute you're feeling sexy, the next minute grandpa is having a stroke.
Redditor Im_A_Freakin_Joke wanted to hear about the times people have sent photos to the family that left everyone SHOOK, so they asked:
"Redditors who accidental sent a family member a nude, what was the aftermath?"
I have done many things, but I never allow a snapshot.
GrossVacuuming Clean Up GIF by MashedGiphy
"'You should clean your room before you take that.'"
"I meant to send it to someone on WhatsApp that I was dating at the time and didn’t realize I accidentally sent it to my brother, their names were next to each other in my chat list and I chose the wrong one. I frantically called my sister in law and told her what happened and begged her to go into his phone and delete the message with the photo."
"This is before WhatsApp added the functionality to delete your own messages. She was so sweet and understanding and deleted the message. I was so embarrassed. To this day she has kept my secret, this happened five years ago."
"For context, my mom had some life-threatening medical issues when I was a kid, so there were a few month+ long periods where we rarely saw her. One night, I got a text from her that says 'send me a pic of u in bed."
"I thought she wanted a picture of me and my dog snuggling, as he slept with me and was the cutest sleeper. I usually sent her one every few days, even when she was home. It also doubled as her way to make sure I was following my bedtime."
"I was taking the picture, and I get a follow-up 'ignore that' text. At the same time, my dad opens my door so hard the hinges break. He says 'you get a text from mama?' I say yeah, and he says, 'it wasn't meant for you.' And leaves. I felt weird about it for days, even though it was years before I figured it out."
Leave it there...
"I happened to live across the street at the time and a dirty message meant for my now wife was sent to my mother! Luckily for me my mom is notorious for ignoring her phone so I sprinted across the street and said 'hey where is your phone' she told me it was on her desk so I calmly walked over unlocked it and deleted the message. In response to the look of confusion I told her 'deleted a message that was meant for now wife...' And left it at that."
AHHHH!!!! NO!Awkward Episode 1 GIF by HeelsGiphy
"One time my dad accidentally texted me 'sex if the Patriots win' and I still don’t believe I have recovered."
Mom and dad have their own lives.
DisconnectGIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"I didn't accidentally send a nude, but my phone did auto upload ALL my pictures when I connected it to my mom's computer. I'm no longer allowed to connect hardware to my mom's computer."
"I gave my sister my old Iphone (I’m 25, she’s 22). She didn’t realize that her photos were uploading to my cloud and when I went to send a photo to a coworker, at work mind you, I see her pasty a**. I immediately text her and was like STOP TAKING PHOTOS. She called me and asked if I was okay and I told her what was happening. She responded with 'My a** look good though,' and I died laughing. Love my sis, but Christ."
"I didn’t sent a nude. I was in the shower, about age 15, and I heard the phone ring. My best friend had a habit of calling while I was showering. So, I bolted out naked as the day I was born to grab the phone before she hung up. I didn’t realize pretty much my entire dad’s side of the family was visiting my terminally ill mother."
"They saw it all. My aunt jokingly said, 'Well, dang, I didn’t know there was gonna be a show.' And someone said, 'we were just joking when we said you’d grow up to be a stripper.' I had to do a walk of shame back to the bathroom as well."
"It was laughed off and it hasn’t been brought up since."
Let me see...
"Sent a pic of my boobs to my mom. Managed to convince her I was trying to take a pic of what I thought was a lump but ended up dropping my phone and sent it while fumbling. Which has happened before. But then she made me show her where I thought the lump was so that was very awkward."
Recover Modedelete black and white GIFGiphy
"I once sent a pic to a GF in college when we were home for break… only I searched her contact by last name and accidentally sent it to her mom!"
"Thankfully it was late and she was able to sneak into her parents’ room and delete it before they saw."
What have we learned?
At the very least, triple-check who you are sending it to one whichever app you use for that sort of thing.
There is so much to learn in the world, it's impossible for one person to know absolutely everything there is to know.
But there are certain things, like common phrases and idioms, that everyone seems to use that might be a little embarrassing to not understand until later in life.
Redditor Curious-2577 asked:
"What's something you learned 'embarrassingly late' in life?"
"My sister was in her fifties when she found out the meaning of, 'You have an addictive personality.'"
"She thought after all these years of therapy that it meant that people were addicted to her personality."
"We laughed hysterically when we talked about this (in a very sad way)."
"I thought that horses had toes until I was 22. I thought the hoof was a 'horseshoe' and the toes were tucked inside."
"How did I learn how wrong I was, you ask?"
"I was walking past a cavalry museum and saw a horse statue and loudly remarked, 'It must hurt so bad when they fold a horse’s toes to put them into the shoe!'"
"Dozens of horse enthusiasts turned and looked at me with wild bewilderment in their eyes."
"The saying is, in fact, 'Nip it in the bud' and not 'Nip it in the butt.'"
"A few months ago, two of my colleagues both handed in their notice at around the same time."
"I kept reading/hearing the sentence, 'They’re both moving on to pastures new’ being thrown about the office in the weeks leading up to them leaving, and I hadn’t heard this phrase before and thought that was the name of the rival company that they were going to, like, 'Pastures New.'"
"I thought it was weird that nobody was talking about how they were both leaving for the same company."
"I was in the car with one of the two people who were leaving and said, 'So where is it that you and X are going to be working? Is it...’"
"And just before I could embarrass myself and say ‘Pastures New,' they interrupted me and said they’re not going to the same place and asked me where I had heard that."
"I think at that moment, I realized I was stupid and didn’t mention it again."
"I think I was in college when I realized that Mario and Luigi are plumbers. I thought they just went and up down these tubes just because that was the theme of the game."
"That Bonsai are not a species of tree, but a way to grow them. Any tree can be a bonsai."
Houston, We Have a Problem
"Houston is not the name of the guy astronauts talk to."
"I learned that pork and beans are not called 'cowboy beans.' I was 18 and asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the 'cowboy beans.'"
"We were looking everywhere and I was getting frustrated because I know that every store carries these beans. After a while, I picked up a pork and beans can with a picture and said, 'See, they look just like this!'"
"He said, 'You mean pork and beans?'"
"Then I realized that my mom called them that so that I would eat them."
"The look of disappointment from that grocery store clerk haunts me to this day."
"Let me tell you about how I thought you were awarded a 'Pullet Surprise.'"
Rum and Coke
"Not too late in life, but I thought my parents were making 'Roman Cokes' until I went to college."
"Which, I think is a much better name for the drink (Rum and Coke) anyway."
Oh No, Not Acoma!
"That a coma was 'A' coma. Until I was probably 19 or so, I thought it was 'acoma.'"
"I thought you fell into acoma."
It Must Have Been a One-Way Trip
"My parents were divorced the whole time and my mom was not, in fact, taking a vacation, lmao (laughing my a** off)."
"I live near the Hospital for Joint Diseases… when I was a kid, I thought was a special hospital for people who had two or more different diseases at the same time."
"Moving cross-country, driving east to west, and crossing from Idaho to Oregon, I noticed huge fields with signs for the Ore-Ida Potato company."
"So I was in my early 20s when I figured out Ore-Ida wasn’t just a brand name but was because their potatoes came from Oregon and Idaho."
"When I was really young, my sister told me she threw her guts up. So I was really afraid of vomiting my entire insides up for years."
Some of these really had us laughing as we realized the revelations some of these Redditors were having.
But when we're really honest with ourselves, we probably didn't figure out some of these until later, too.
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.