Ever wish you could go back in time and chat with your younger self? What if you had only 30 seconds what would you say?
1. "Listen Arsehole in 10 years you are going to have 30 seconds to say something to yourself, for Goodness sake think of something good to say."
2. Al Qaeda is going to destroy the World Trade Center in New York City on September 11th, 2001 by hijacking planes out of Boston. This ruins everything. Also buy stock in Google and Apple.
3. College is a lot easier at the age of 18 than 25.
4. Nothing. I'd hand him a letter with a list of things I always regretted missing out on or doing. It'd go something like this... Dear past me, I'm you, from the future. I know what you're thinking. We got fat. Truth is, as I got older I didn't change my diet. I still eat like an 8-year-old kid with no regard for consequences. It sucks. I know right now you're wild about [ex-girlfriend]. The sex is great and she's super attractive. But trust me when I tell you this. You're wearing rose colored lenses. Listen to your friends and what they say about her. You made a bad choice. She's going to dump you in a year, and you're going to try to kill yourself. You've got a choice ahead of you: dump her, or ride it out. I'm not going to tell you how to proceed. That ordeal helped me grow up. I'm stronger because of it.
Pay your respects to Grandpa. I know we don't deal with death well. When I said goodbye, I was so in shock by what was going on that I called him Keith instead of Grandpa. Don't do that. Give him a hug, thank him for everything, and tell him you love him. TJ is going to be killed in a helicopter crash very soon, within a few months. Prepare yourself. He dies... (Continued)
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Prepare yourself. He dies doing what he does best. He takes over a Blackhawk night training exercise to let a buddy go home early for Christmas. The helicopter altimeter messes up, they can't see where they're at, and they crash into a forest. This is the worst thing you'll ever feel. Get ahold of him, tell him how much he means to you. Please. Then be there for Mom and Dad. They're going to need you.
Tell Jenn how you feel. Truly. It's been a decade and I still get butterflies when I think about her. I don't know how she will react, but you need to put those feelings onto the table. At the very least, you'll have some closure. That's something I never got. I know you think Dad's a dick right now, but he gets better. We're actually pretty good friends now. Just try to see things from his perspective. Mom gets cancer again. Be there for her. I don't know how this works out. It's ongoing in my time. One last piece of advice: Get your head out of your arse. You may be the "hot drummer guy" in high school, but after you graduate you won't be anybody. Pay attention in school, learn all you can, and apply to colleges. Take care of yourself. I'm counting on you. ~ Future me.
Then I'd punch him right in the stomach as hard as I could, because I was such a cocky little prick when I was younger.
5. Dont do drugs and stay friends with the one legged guy, he'll help you.
I'll explain... when I was 18 I got kicked out of my parents house and I took what money I had and moved to the big city where I knew no one.
I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, to find a place to stay, and rebuild a life, and I spent a bit of time in this one bar (fake ID) where I met this guy.
...during me typing this I realized I think he must've had both legs at the time. Pardon me I'll correct that one legged comment to *the bald future pirate.
Anyway....
Real friendly guy, bought me drinks and talked to me for a while, we hung out a bit after that but then I screwed myself over and got hooked on heroin, went down that road for a few years until I OD'd and decided to get my life together for real.
I didnt know anyone who wasn't a junkie, had no idea where to look, and through an actual miracle I found my pirate friends number in my jacket, dunno how, dunno why, the universe just wanted to help me out I guess.
I called him, he gave me a place to stay while I detoxed and helped me get back on my feet, he and his gf are actual angels and he deserves everything good in the entire world because he is selfless and without him I would not be here.
Also he lost his leg in a car accident and his gf was his nurse, it's the damn cutest thing in the world.
[deleted]
6. "Codeword" (Yes I have a codeword for time travel shenanigans)
Lose weight now, before it gets way harder.
Dad has a midlife crisis after Grandma's death and is (Continued)
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and is cheating on Mom, divorce 2014
You get Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer July 2015.
I would probably shout this in rapid succession.
Slaycub
7. "Break up with her in person you nitwit!"
8. I'd spend 30 seconds high fiving myself.
9. I would ask them to tell me what to avoid, as I am under the age of 18.
10. I tell myself these words. "[Passphrase], 2017, Bitcoin 800, Packers, Giants, Ravens, Seahawks, Patriots, Lakers, Mavericks, Heat, Heat, Spurs, Spain, Germany" I would then place some serious bets at the beginning of the seasons and win all the money.
11. Would 18 year old me see current me during those 30 seconds?
If so, I probably wouldn't actually need to say anything; the sight of my patheticism alone would be enough to kick my rear into gear when it comes to future choices.
CustomSparkles
12. Don't be afraid of girls. Most of them are (Continued)
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Most of them are equally nervous to talk to guys as you are to them. If you make the first move, no matter how small, then they don't have to.
And for anyone, that's usually a good thing.
13. You WILL find him. He is SMOKIN hot, great in bed, and a certified bad ass with a heart of gold. Totally worth the wait. It will be a long wait though, so relax and try to have fun until your sister's wedding.
14. Stop smoking weed and focus on bettering yourself. Believe it or not, smoking weed and bettering yourself at the same time are near impossible.
15. Protect yourself, not other people. Don't date L or A or V or J. Focus on money, not people. Drink, it's fun, you don't really need those brain cells for adulthood and people like you for drinking.
My 18 year old self wouldn't listen. Shrug.
super_sayanything
16. Choose a different major. An English degree is going to make you really stressed out and broke when you're 23. But congrats on being the first to go to college or whatever.
17. Don't go to college just because (Continued)
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just because you feel you're 'supposed to'.
18. Put on a condom!
19. "Talk to mom and dad a lot more. Drop Engineering and go into something you're interested in like film or comp sci. Start sleeping on a regular schedule. Also there's going to be this girl when you get into college, whatever you do don't -" poof
asymmetryrtemmysb
20. You are going to fall in love many times! It's OK to be alone for awhile.
21. Buy lots of Apple and Google stock. With proceeds go the vegas and bet on Donald trump to be president in 2016, yes the orange orangutan reality show guy. You'll be able to buy that island in the South Pacific that you've had your eye on.
22. You're actually only 2/3rds gay at best. Sexuality is more fluid than you think.
23. Next year when you visit your father, make an appointment with the local research hospital to be a test subject in an MRI machine. Charm your father with a description of how the physics works on those things and get him to be a test subject too.
Just trust me: be upbeat and make it happen.
[Years later a professor at a medical school looked over Dad's records and (Continued)
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[Years later a professor at a medical school looked over Dad's records and estimated that Dad's brain tumor may have been growing as a low grade tumor for a decade. Dad's behavior started to change when I was nineteen. It was a long time before he got diagnosed, though--too late to save his life. This would be the best chance of getting him into treatment early].
24. Your kids are going to be three awesome little dudes. Don't do anything to screw that up, they belong on this planet! Also, do your pelvic floor! Laughing and weeing is not fun.
25. Do not marry him!
26. Feed and nurture relationships with family and friends that make you happy, aren't judgemental and love you for you. Be that supportive and non-judgemental human to those around you. And stop drinking half full beers you find left behind at bars. It's gross.
27. Learn about avoiding debt and staying financially free. Student debt is one thing, but credit cards are only a path to financial slavery if you make bad decisions.
28. "It gets better. It gets real bad, too. But mostly better."
29. Go into plumbing right out of school.
30. This fear you have, that sometimes keep you from doing things, this isn't normal, and most importantly, you can do something about it. Go to a therapist now because if you don't it will become worse and worse to the point it will take over your whole life.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.