BRB, just going to shrivel up into a ball and not come out 'till next year.
1. One year my neighbor had a summer pool party for the kids in my grade. It was tradition for all the most daring boys to jump off the roof and into the pool, so, naturally, I got up on that roof. As I waved to my crush, I slipped off the roof and landed my left shin on the edge of the pool. An ambulance ride and 32 stitches later, he pronounced his love for me. It was worth the scar I have now.
2. I decided to print a t-shirt with his face on itand it worked!
3. She was into BDSM so I let her shoot 12 industrial staples into my butt cheeks and then beat them with bamboo spoons for an hour. I couldnt sit comfortably for two weeks.
4. I pretended I could play tennis, we went to the local court and I served a ball right into his little brothers face
5. One time I was in an online relationship in seventh grade with a 14 year old named Sid. This was before the time of digital cameras, and I was too young to get my own disposables developed because I didnt have a car, so I sent him my dance recital photos in skimpy leotards and heavy blush. I put them in the mailbox (how else would you send pictures?) and my parents found them in the outgoing mail. Im pretty sure my mom cried. Her 11 year old chubby brunette was sending pictures of herself barely clothed in a cowboy hat to what was most likely a pedophile in Ohio.
6. I was Snapchatting my crush and I wanted my boobs to appear bigger and perkier, so I told my friendwho was with meto hold them up while I snapped the picture(without getting her hands in it of course). Took a few tries, but I sent it.
7. I sat on his girlfriends face. I thought it would make me seem (Continued)
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I thought it would make me seem bold & sexual.
8. My crush once told me my hair looked pretty (I had straightened it for picture day), so I woke up an hour earlier for school every morning for the next two years and straightened the crap out of my hair until finally it was so fried my mom made me get a bob. I cried.
9. One time I jumped off the high dive to do a cannonball to impress my crush. This was a bad idea for two reasons: 1) a cannonball is the least graceful thing you could do, and 2) when I landed, water went straight up my butt.
10. I bought an iPod, created a fake iCloud account, and set it up as a completely different person. Then, I hooked my crush up with my friend (a.k.a fake me) and texted him using fake photos, etc. Well, my crush proclaimed his love to my friend, and she turned him down. Then, real me swooped in and comforted him. It worked and we ended up dating. He still doesnt know it was me fake dating him for three months. I have no regrets!
11. They mentioned how they needed their hair trimmed, so I told them I was really good at cutting hairI never cut hair a day in my life.
12. When I was in sixth grade, this boy had a crush on me. So, naturally, he thought telling me he had a third testicle would impress me.
13. As a child a few of my friends and my crush were gathered at the lunch tables. We were all discussing cool tricks we could do with our bodies. Some had double jointed thumbs, others had voice talents. I focused everyones attention on me and shouted, I can pull out my hair! and then promptly pulled out a chunk of my hair. My crush called me disgusting and left. My first tragic heartbreak.
14. I thought the boy I liked would like me back if I showed him I could fit my entire fist in my mouth. So I did (Continued)
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So I did and it didnt work. Damn.
15. In third grade I had a huge crush on a boy. He and a group of his friends had a club that would meet on the monkey bars during recess. One day I asked if I could join the club if I showed them something coolI said that I could swing on the monkey bars with no hands or feet. They were like LOL OK, so I said 1 23, and flung myself backwards. I face-planted in the dirt. The teachers LAUGHED at me.
16. One time me and my crush went on a fishing trip, and to impress him I ate a minnow. A dead minnow.
17. I had a crush on a bad boy in 10th grade. I was a sweet kid, but wanted to look tough and impress him. At a school dance when I saw him looking in my direction, I pushed my friend really hard and wrestled her to the ground to make it look like we were in a fight. For some reason I thought hed be impressed by this. I looked like a wild goof and my friend was mad at me for a week.
18. I shaved my eyebrows for an entire year because he thought cyber-goth chicks were hot. Nine years later and they still haven't grown back all the way.
19. From grade 3 to grade 5, this dude named Charles had a crush on me. At the time I was all "Eew, boys!". He did all kinds of wild stuff to get my attention. The most common was to try to "surprise smooch" me, which promptly made me chase him and scratch him (Why? I don't know. Kids being kids.) every time.
The craziest, though, was definitely this one day in music class: He asked the teacher to stop the class for a second. He kneeled in front of me, handed me a rose and sung to me a very cheesy Brazilian song which the chorus says "Honey, I love you". I have always been extremely shy and having the whole class looking at me in that extremely embarrassing situation just made me snap. I pushed him away and left.
He constantly asked for teachers to let him speak in front of the class or asked the English teacher to play songs and when she would put them on, he would point at me and say: "Hey this one is for you!".
20. I had the biggest crush on this guy in my biology class. We flirted but he wouldn't ask me out. So when it came time to dissect the frogs I decided to step up my game. I showed him, rather enthusiastically, how to (Continued)
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I showed him, rather enthusiastically, how to shave the frog's head little by little using the scalpel so you could see the brain without damaging it. As an unintended result one of the girls in my group threw up in the trash can. Ten years later and we're married with two kids!
21. To get her attention, I threw a fry directly at her forehead. I'm not joking. It worked too.
22. Walked by him MANY MANY times until he asked me if I was lost and I replied, "FINALLY you notice. I was getting tired of walking."
We then dated for two years.
23. She's in the medical field so I messaged her if she can help me identify my illness and I listed the symptoms of being in love.
24. Drunk me thought I could make my crush jealous by hooking up with a random dude in a port-a-potty during a late night BBQ party in a park. Drunk me is not an intelligent woman.
25. My then crush accidentally threw away her retainer. I dug through the trash at our high school to find it for her. I admit it made me look desperate but she seemed to like me a little more after that. We have been married for almost 10 years now.
26. Drove 225 miles to a Krispy Kreme because she said one time that she missed them so much. If she didn't know I had a crush before, I'm pretty sure I overplayed my hand on that one.
27. Took my grandma's car to drive an hour and a half just to sit outside her house. I texted her telling her I was coming over to see her she agreed. Got there she was actually (Continued)
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Got there she was actually asleep. It was 4 am during the week and I was 14 with no drivers license.
28. I gave her thousands of dollars worth of baseball cards by mistake. Here's the story: there was a girl in my class who I had a HUGE crush on for many years. I wanted to do something very special for her, and I remembered my dad saying that he had some "very special cards" in the garage. Yes, it was his prized baseball card collection. I didn't know that they were so valuable, and proceeded to take them out of the binder thinking, "He has so many! He won't notice if I take ten or so." Well, I showed up to class and had wrapped them up all nicely with a card that professed my love to her. She was actually a really sweet person, so she smiled and said thank you, but in all honesty she was very nonplused by the dinky little pieces of paper with weirdo random athletes I had just handed her. Anyway, that night my dad gets a call from her dad, and they drive by together to return the cards. As her dad hands the cards over, he goes, "He's going to make a great boyfriend some day." They had a good laugh together. Later that night, my dad scolded me for taking his property, but I could tell he was also a little proud.
- Anonymous
29. My crush and coworker tweeted during her opening shift "I'm so tired someone bring me Starbucks". I tweeted back with something encouraging about working the morning shift at a fast food place and soon she responded "aw thanks". 2 minutes later I hand delivered a frappuccino THROUGH the drive-thru window to her.
30. Switched my whole senior year schedule around so that I could have a class with her. Didn't take the class I needed to get into the university program of my choice. Had to take an extra semester while she went off to said university. She started dating a guy there and hasn't stopped ever since. I'm just on the sidelines, hoping there will be a chance one day.
-Anonymous
31. I was drawing a little cartoon on my notebook when the girl I had a HUGE crush on in college saw it and laughed. I was like, "this is my chance." So I began drawing more cartoons of our inside jokes or funny things that would happen in class or on campus or whatever. I would pre-draw things but pretend to whip them up in class, so I would spend around 1-2 hours drawing every day just to have the perfect picture done by next class. Well, we never ended up dating BUT (Continued)
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We never ended up dating, but having a class with that girl all year made me practice drawing so much that I ended up getting really into illustration and transferred to another school to do a degree in it. I saw that random girl on Facebook the other day and, well what the heck, I thought, and I messaged her to tell her that having a crush on her changed the entire path of my life. Guess who has a date next week?
-Anonymous
32. I lived about 3 miles from my high school. After school I would jog all the way to the school and back so I could passively wave to my crush during her cross-country practices. I hate running....
33. Wrote their university entry essay for them. They got in. To Harvard.
-Anonymous
34. Started smoking just to have a reason to hang out with her. I'm literally dying to hang out with her.
35. When I was seventeen, this girl that I was madly in love with asked me to drive her to Buffalo (a city 400 miles away from my home town) to visit a friend. We had just kissed for the first time the week before, and I was elated to spend a weekend away with her.
So I lied to my parents, drove all the way up to Buffalo in the dead of winter, and when we arrived at her friend's house, another guy came out and gave her a hug and a kiss.
Not knowing what to do, I said, "Give me a call when you're done." I drove off to the mall, watched The Ice Harvest, slept in my car, and picked her up the next morning.
I drove for 8 hours not saying a word, and listened to her try to apologize. Even after seven years, I am convinced that every subsequent women I've been with will do that to me.
play in my flip flops. After getting off to a great start on Afronova, I decide to get fancy and start doing spins while on the pad. And promptly fell off of it. Everyone in the student union was watching. I was known as "that DDR guy" for the first two months of school.
I miss people being sane. Though that maybe election cycle issues not COVID. We'll never know.
I thought I was Alone...
Black Friday Nbc GIF by SuperstoreGiphy"Being able to grocery shop after 11 pm."
Reading_Rainboner
"Hell yes. I miss the days where the Walmart across the street was open 24 hours."
Small_Tax_9432
let's just go...
"I miss spontaneity... everything now seems to have a barrier of difficulty."
iidosee
"I live very close to Disneyland so I have an annual pass. My friends and I would just go there after work and hang out and grab a bite to eat."
"Now, we have to reserve a day to go. And most of the time, the days are at 'full' capacity so we couldn't even reserve. I don't want to schedule to hang out at Disneyland for a couple hours for July. So yeah, I definitely miss the 'lets go eat at Disneyland tonight?' texts."
mymymissmai
Not til 24-25
"Functioning global supply chains. Ah, the product you want has got microchips in it? 9 month wait."
richard-king
"Minimum, I'd been saying for a while now that I wouldn't expect a true return to normalcy in terms of electronics prices till 2024-2025. Although Crypto crashing through the floor really took some of the pressure off graphics cards which I really appreciate."
statiiic
WTF?!?!
"How affordable everything was!"
Disastrous_Hour_6776
"Yep. Today I was bagging up my things at the grocery store and I heard the cashier say to the lady behind me 'thats $78.12.' She had -- 2 boxes of Kellogg's corn flakes, a carton of 12 eggs, milk, strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, a small cheese cake, English muffins, coffee, and a small whole frozen chicken that could maybe feed 3 people if the meat portioning was small."
SnowyInuk
Sushi
sushi GIFGiphy"My favorite sushi place. It was good quality, close by, kid-friendly, and not too expensive."
InannasPocket
All of this... it was a simpler time.
NASTY
Janet Jackson Reaction GIFGiphy"As a retail worker, just how f**king NASTY some people have gotten."
DmitriPetrov*itch
"They applauded you for being an essential worker but won’t vote for policies that’ll raise minimum wage while insisting a wage cap for heavily paid employees."
sketchysketchist
CHANGES your DNA...
"Some of the people closest to me became very bitter and petty over the last 2 years. So many people have the 'crazy eyes' now."
__--__7
"So true and holidays with the family is like who has the biggest tinfoil hat building contest. How many jumps does your brain have to go through to think that the Covid vaccine CHANGES your DNA into the patented DNA so that the government now controls your body."
"So like vaccinated people now have a singular DNA set. I feel like I still have a chunk of my brain just broken off due to that comment alone. I was also told by same family member that I could never donate blood again due to the vaccine. I guess it is so my patented DNA doesn't affect people?? FYI my vaccinated butt just donated today fine and multiple other times after the vaccine."
tyreka13
Homeward Bound
"House prices."
adrianinked
"I'm resigned to never thinking I have a chance on owning property where I live. I'm 30 and just can't imagine it anymore. And I don't want to live anywhere else so, whatever."
Osdab2daf
"That didn’t happen because of the pandemic. That was already happening regardless."
CH11DW
Oh Mickey
"All Day Breakfast at McDonalds."
hutch2522
"It was honestly hell to do, and not very popular. ITs margins aren't anywhere dinner and lunch specials. ON top of that, the temperatures are such that They require its own grill, meaning that if you have 2 grills in shop, you are down 50% of lunch capacity."
Freyas_Follower
Way back when...
Season 5 Friends Tv Show GIF by FriendsGiphy"Hanging out with friends. And I mean waaaaaay before Covid. Like 2006 back when I had some friends."
LoocsinatasYT
I miss the old days. Maybe we'll get back there.
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I'm waffling between G-O-D and nothing. So please give me some education.
911
Role Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy"We need to look out for each other because help isn't coming."
cknipe
Peace Out
"More than 2 decades ago, a priest was giving a sermon in my church and he said 'our faith requires you to believe without question. Why call it faith if you have to ask questions?' I haven't returned to church. Not until my wedding day but you know what I mean."
asiangontear
Delusion
"When I was young I used to think that after death you would have access to a PC that you could see absolutely anything about your life. Stats, any question you had no matter how obscure, replays of moments, perspectives of others in relation to you. No matter what you wanted to know, if it was relatable to you, you could see it. I know it's silly, but as time goes on I just want it to be real, and I don't think I'd have any issue allowing myself to fall into that delusion."
eggwardpenisglands
I think nothing happens...
"Realistically, I think nothing happens. We literally experience nothing after death. Same thing that we experience before birth. We don't exist, so it's nothing. I think the tenant that we should follow while living is to try to be happy and healthy while minimizing the damage we do to each other."
"What I would LIKE to happen after death is whatever you believe in, exists. I think Christians should get to go to heaven if they truly believe in it, Hindus and Buddhists get reincarnated, and everyone else also gets to experience what they believe they will experience."
"'I would still experience Nothing. Maybe it's one of those things where at the moment of death their brain makes them experience what feels like an infinitely long moment in time where they experience their afterlife. I just think it would be neat for everybody."
Better_Meat_
Shrug
Happy GIFGiphy"Best advice I received from a dear senior on their way out. 'You win some, you lose some' shrug. Nothing divine, life is that simple and wonderful, accept it and move on."
Tune_Kindly
It all sounds pretty simple. Why are people so up in arms about Atheists?
Whatever
Bored Episode 15 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do."
imCIK
Cool with Empty
"Nothing. [Serious]."
rumblingtummy29
"I feel this way about death. When I was 5, my grandfather died and my cousin simple said, he is dead, that means you are gone forever. Everything ends up dying, even plants and animals. I'm now in my 40's and still have this simplistic view of life and death. People think I'm ambivalent to life and death but it's just what it is."
thepigfish82
puppet-masters...
"I think a lot of religious people struggle with the fact that we are all just swirling units of chaos. There is no grand plan or great orchestrator. I think that’s why people who are prone to religion are also susceptible to things like Q anon and the Cabal and all that. They REALLY want to believe that there is some almighty puppet-master who determines all of humanity’s fate."
Lngtmelrker
“we’re living in a society!”
"Just be a kind and empathetic person not because you’re worried about some cosmic justice, but because it’s the right thing to do. If there is some being that created us there’s no way they actually care about believing in it or adhering to some rules from over 2000 years ago."
"Also a big thing for me is that I find the idea that you need religion or the Bible in order to have morals and ethics pretty dumb. It’s pretty f**king clear that most evangelicals have neither. But my main thing is being a good person simply because, as George Costanza once said we’re living in a society!' If you’re only a good person in order to make it to heaven you probably aren’t actually a good and moral person."
conservative_genius
That's All
Circle Of Life Loop GIFGiphy"You're born. You live. You die. That's it. After you die you cease to exist, the same as before you were born."
serefina
Believe what you want. We're all here together. So let's focus there.
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I feel like this article can go on forever. Let's get some highlights.
Wasted Time
Nbc Im Done GIF by SuperstoreGiphy"Meetings that could and should have been an email."
Sirena609
Lotto People
"Getting stuck behind people playing the lottery at a corner store."
thenuggetlover
"I also used to work in a gas station and you’re SO right. I f**king hated the lottery people. Especially since my store had a small staff and there was usually only one of us working at a time, which meant that I couldn’t get any of my other work done as long as they were there."
"And you’re right, it’s also pretty sad to watch. I had one lady who used to come in every day and spent hundreds and HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets. One day, she won $200 after spending probably around $600 and she was so excited and saying she can 'finally pay her bills.'"
i-am-your-god-now
Aware...
"No situational awareness. Job, home, shopping, driving. Think for one minute and go about. OBSERVE!!"
Dizzy-Foundation8122
"My mom is one of those people who leave the shopping cart in the middle of the damn aisle and proceed to walk twenty feet away. After correcting her a million times to no effect I just walk away now so people don’t know I’m with her."
OutrageousEvent
Shut Up!
"Endless barking in the middle of the night, I love animals but that sh*t I can't stand."
Acceptable-Lemon2924
"Endless barking in general drives me up a wall. One of my friends dogs was barking almost an entire gaming session the other day. I wanted to reach through the computer and smack him for letting it go on."
bangersnmash13
Kindness
customer service waiter GIFGiphy"People being mean to service workers, especially if the workers are very young."'
scaryboilednoodles
All of these things. I hate them all.
Admit It
Admit It Tell The Truth GIF by TV LandGiphy"People who never accept fault when they mess something up. Like, why blame a million people when it was clearly you who did it???"
Quirky-Area-8978
From Above
"My upstairs neighbors."
lutzow89
"I had terrible neighbors at my previous apartment. It was a one person studio for students, but her boyfriend was clearly living with her illegally and he was loud."
"One night we knocked n the door at 3 AM because of the loud music and an unknown girl opened the door. I just thought they were having a little party. But the next door I saw the girl living there come home with a suitcase after having been away for the weekend... Her BF was cheating on her in her own apartment."
Th3_Accountant
Move Away
"People who sit directly next to me at the airport, movie theater, any other place where you can choose a seat when there is PLENTY of other seating."
BacardiPardy33
"I can’t YES this enough and the ones who can’t park for crap so they park so close you can’t open doors on one side of the car or the ones who park directly behind when you pulled through so the door won’t open to load groceries."
BacardiPardy33
It's Over
"People who try to restart old drama. Like I'm done with you, just leave me alone."
Tired_Potatos
"Yep, half the reason I've basically quit playing one of my favorite online video games. People keep bringing old crap up or sh*tting on on someone who used to be our friend. I got tired of it so I just ejected the game out of me."
CaucasianHumus
AHHHHH!!!
move leading GIFGiphy"People walking too slow in front of me with no way to get around them. It’s even worse if it’s a couple or group taking up the whole sidewalk. HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
_-v0x-_
Life in general pisses me off. I'm easy.
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