Stories of teenage stupidity, we all have them. The flood of hormones, a strong desire to carve out your own identity, and poor decision making skills is a recipe for disaster...and hilarity.
Back in the early 2000's though we were of course the cool ones though. With our *extra wide leg* jnco jeans, black lipstick, snarky t-shirts, and spiked accessories we were just “so totally unique". Anyone who dared mention that maybe 20 pounds of denim, spikes, and poorly done makeup wasn't the most flattering was definitely a “normie" who just didn't understand...
They did, they were trying to help us not look like a youth group rolled around in a bin of London punk leftovers no one wanted.
Wanting to hear everyone's teenage embarrassment Redditor vitreousmellow asked:
“What is your most stupid teenage story?"
The responses were JUICY.
“And thats how my friend did $12000 in damage to his car while trying to be James Bond."
“Senior year, i'm in the back seat of my buddy's car, we'll call him Alex, with another friend in the passenger seat. We're just driving along when Alex says 'hey guys, wanna see what i learned how to do?' as he pulls into an empty parking lot and drives to end. Throws the car in reverse gets up to about 35 MPH when he cuts the wheel hard and we spin around in a perfect 180. I can't lie and say it wasn't f*cking awesome as a 17-year-old."
“So we do this 2 or 3 more times and decide to leave because we attracted some attention. On the ride home, Alex expresses his desire to pull this spin move on a real street "like James Bond" (actual quote). One block away from our destination he stops and points to an unusually wide street, 'dude that's totally wide enough' WRONG."
“So he starts the process. There we are 35 MPH backwards and he cuts the wheel, only this time we don't just spin perfectly in place. Instead our back end hits the curb sending the front end spinning into the curb also. It happened so fast there was a loud bang/boom/crash, and the three of us dumbfounded with the car full of airbag powder and dust all say 'o man o man are you ok? are you ok? what just happened.'"
“We get out to find his wheel just laying next to his car, it had snapped off the axel. And thats how my friend did $12,000 in damage to his car while trying to be James Bond."
Teen wolf...
“Oh, I got one I'm particularly ashamed of. In high school, I was a particularly angry and a very angsty teenager. Too add to that, I was obsessed with werewolves. It was all I can think about all the time, I wanted be one. I actually searched the Internet to find ways to become one and I prayed to god to turn me into one.”
“In my junior/senior year, I started to tell people I was a werewolf. Don't ask me why, because I seriously don't have a straight answer to give you. I guess it was out of wishful thinking. Several years later, I grew out of that phase and I look back and think "what the f*ck was I thinking?"
The point, you missed it buddy.
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“When a female friend asked 16 year old me to go skiing (my favorite sport). We got stuck on a chairlift for a good 30 minutes and, although it wasn't very cold, she kept saying how cold she was and cuddling up to me. Really close. And giggling. And she was beautiful. But all I thought at the time was 'why the f*ck is she so cold it's like 30 degrees'."
"Reminds me of freshman year of college. Girl I was flirty friends with all through high school invited me to come to her dorm after class to meet her dog. I met the dog. She then asked if I wanted to listen to this new CD she got, but the CD player was in her bedroom."
"Then she asked if I wanted to sit on her mattress because it was supposed to be this super comfortable orthopedic mattress. So I sat on her bed and listened to the CD while petting her dog. When I got up to leave, she asked if I wanted to just hang out there for a while instead of walking back to my dorm in the snow."
"My response was just "nah, I got some homework I wanna do." The second the door to the building locked behind me, I realized what a moron I was. The walk back home was very cold, indeed."
Thanks mom...
“I really hated being a nerd in middle school so I dressed horribly slutty gothic in high school years freshman and sophomore. God it was awful. I remember being a senior in high school and looking through those photos and asking my mom ‘why didn't you tell me how horrible I was dressing?!’ Her reply ‘I knew you'd figure out you look like sh*t eventually.’”
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“This brought up an embarrassing memory I completely forgot about until I read this. I had a whole I'm a witch phase, once I found an old bottle with green glass. I decided to grind up magical powder and curse people who pissed me off by gently sprinkling some on them without their knowledge, kept 'magic' powder in glass bottle."
“Older sister's friend comes over they won't let me hang out with them. Time for the bottle b*tch, no way of sneaking into the room without being noticed, try to run by the room and throw powder end up peppering my sister's friend in the face, gets in her eyes. My sister was like what in gods name are you doing! Friend is super pissed."
“I ground up sidewalk chalk with a cheese grater and put it in an old coke bottle y'all. OMG I'm crying, It wasn't even fully grated pieces of it got in her eyes. I was like 'Behold the magic of my crayola chunky chalk dust!' Oh I can't breathe!!!"
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
“Nothing could be weirder than the beautiful stripper preacher...”
“When I was 15 I skipped school to hang out in a seedy music store where I was offered my first paid gig to play in an Irish band in a bar a few miles down the road that night. I could only sorta-kinda play the banjo at this point. No... That is not quite true. I was terrible. I also knew nothing about Irish music."
“Oh. One more thing. I am almost deaf. The man who hired me had such a thick brogue that I could hardly understand him. That night, I climbed out of my window and, banjo in hand, headed out into Philadelphia. It started to rain, so I decided to hitchhike. This was easy to do in 1985."
“Just stand on the side of the road playing the banjo and somebody will pick you up. I had a roll of nickles in my right jacket pocket, a Buck knife on my belt and a collapsible steel baton in my left jacket pocket. I was not worried. I was loaded for bear and ready for anything."
“A little sports car stopped in the middle of the road. Blocking traffic. A man in acid-washed jeans and a neon pink tank top jumped out from the driver's seat. He was highly muscled. I mean, he was so highly muscled that the streetlights and headlights created patterns of shadow and light that were only accentuated by his rippling physique. I'm not even gay and I noticed this. He was that beautiful."
'“Get in! Get in!' the beautiful man yelled. It was raining and I needed a ride. I got in. As soon as I close the door he takes off. He gives me a sideways glance and asked me if the banjo in my hands was a banjo.
"The last time I was asked this question by somebody picking me up on the road, it was followed with a creepy laugh and, 'Have you ever seen that movie, Deliverance?' I jumped out, banjo and all. Just opened the car door and threw myself out as the driver screamed, 'I was joking!'"
"So, when the beautiful man asked me about my instrument I was a bit cautious when I replied the affirmative. 'YES! THANK YOU JESUS! PRAISE GOD!' His shout was followed by a rapid succession of jabs to the steering wheel. I was wrestling with my seatbelt and reaching for the roll of nickels. I was about to break this guy's jaw and bounce."
"The he calmed down and told me his story: He had been a male stripper. Then he got saved and found Jesus. I asked him where Jesus was hiding. He just gave me a confused look before continuing. After getting saved he stopped taking his clothes off for women and was now going so some Bible school to become a Pentecostal preacher."
"When he left home for school, his dad gave him a banjo. This very night, he had been driving around with his daddy's banjo on the back seat, praying out loud for his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to send him a banjo teacher - and then I just appeared out of the rain."
"I looked in the back seat. There was a banjo. His story was too crazy to be anything but true. I let him buy me dinner and I gave him his first banjo lesson before he dropped me off at the bar. When we got to the bar, when he realized I really was 15, when he realized I was not joking about sneaking out of my house, the stripper turned preacher started to cry a little."
"I had to let him pray over me a bit to shake him. I walked into the bar telling myself that the evening would go smoothly from this point on. Nothing could be weirder than the beautiful stripper preacher. I was an hour early. The band had not arrived yet. Everybody in the bar stared at me..."
It—somehow—did indeed get weirder...
“I talked the bartender into letting me have a Coke while I waited for the band. Rough hands turned me around on the barstool. I was rushed by three large men. They never touched me, but instead wedged themselves to my left and right. With my back against the bar, I was helpless while the leader of the pack addressed me. 'So, we have a musician here tonight. Will you play for us?'"
“That's all they want? No problem. They let me loose, so I could break out my banjo and play a few tunes for the patrons. Everybody remained stone-faced. The three big guys grab me again. I am pinned on the barstool again. This time with my banjo on my lap."
"'That'sanicebanjo lad doyouthink I couldplayitwith me d!ck?' I stared at the leader. He was big, and filthy. He was wearing a loose T-shirt and red shorts. I asked him to repeat himself. 'I said, that's a nice banjo. Do you think I could play it with me d!ck?' My hearing, the Irish brogue, it had to be a joke. I puffed out my chest. 'I'd like to see you try!'"
“Too quickly for me to react, like a drunk Irish ninja, the red shorts were around his ankles. He took hold of his manhood and started flopping himself against the steel strings of my banjo.
“The bartender, whose name was Pat, shook his white Irish mane and, in a thick brogue proclaimed, 'He's at it again!' In the many years since I find myself wondering about Pat's proclamation."
"Jesus wept."
"More happened. A lot more - but I think I should end my tale with this: I noticed something about the bar. There were pictures of the queen and Margret Thatcher hanging upside-down over the bar. As the weeks went by, I couldn't help that a lot of the band's songs were about hating the British. This did not bother me much because I was getting paid, and I was hanging out in bars."
"It was too much fun to think about it. A few of the places we played were basement rooms, houses and closed bars. Finally, dad followed me one night. I'm up on stage with the band, the women in the crowd were dancing, the men were drinking and all the way in the back was my dad and Pat the bartender."
"I could tell from the hand gestures and laughter that Pat was telling my father about the great Banjo and Penis Showdown. The band spotted my dad. On one hand, they were worried I was not going to be allowed to play with them anymore. On the other hand, it was funny as hell to watch me squirm."
"During a break, I walked slowly to dad's table. He wasn't even mad. He told me that everybody in the place had good things to say about me, that the band sounded good, and we were probably raising money for the IRA. Well, that explained a lot."
"Dad gave me one of those 1-800 calling cards. He told me to carry it, so I could call him if/when I got into trouble. Then he left. He let me keep on playing. That morning when I got home, things were different with me and my parents. My dad started joining me on my adventures, and eventually the two of us wound of performing together. I'm in my 50s now. Dad and I still jam together."
Epic fail.
world's funniest fails GIF by Fox TV
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“In high school we used to think it was cool to climb up to the roof and hang out there late at night for no reason. One time around midnight a group of us were up there on my buddy's roof and he decided to climb down without waiting for anyone to hold the ladder. He proceeds to slip, takes the ladder down with him, and face plants into the driveway."
“There was no other good way down, so while he's laying down there moaning in a pool of blood, we had to climb up above his parents' bedroom and start stomping and yelling for help (this was in the 90s before everyone had cell phones). Finally after a few minutes his dad comes running out in his underwear, sees his son, and goes apesh!t screaming at us."
“Eventually he props the ladder back up so we can get down, yelling the whole time, while the mom takes my friend to the ER. He ended up with a few chipped teeth and had to wear braces again for about 6 months but otherwise wasn't too banged up. The dad actually apologized for yelling the next time we saw him. We were just like, no reason to apologize considering we almost killed your son."
No good seems to come from trying to impress girls.
“Tried to 'impress' a few girls and have them think I was a daredevil. A buddy and I took these girls to a movie theater about 30 miles away. It ended around midnight, we were tired and just wanted to get home. Hit 120mph in my bad a** Oldsmobile, then slowed it down to 30mph."
“You know that feeling when you go really fast, then back to 'normal speeds'. You feel like you are now going very, very slow. I told my buddy, 'Hey, I bet I can run this fast...If I just jumped out, I'd be fine right?' He had the reassuring response of, 'Umm, sure?' Without thinking I opened the door and jumped out..."
“My feet hit the ground, my shoes went flying in the air. I smacked my head against the pavement and did two back rolls, gaining road burn in the process. I look up seeing my car drive slowly into a ditch...yup, I was driving before I jumped. As I laid there pulling my shirt away from my bleeding back I thought, 'Man, I am a stupid teenager.'"
Oh noooo...
“Reminds me of a friend in high school. We were in the classroom at the top of the stairs, the doors out of the building were at the bottom. It is the final class period of the day. The bell to leave rings...and he bolts from the room, turns and just flies down the stairs (I mean I could almost believe it if someone said that he just power dived off the top one and aimed for the bottom).”
“Yet, he manages to perfectly grab the push bars on both of the double doors leading out of the building, and flings them open in front of him with the added mass of the opening doors (still firmly in his grasp) adding to his forward momentum like a giant slingshot. He forgot that there was a post between the doors.”
These were some hilarious moments. The next generation will laug at their own soon as well.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.