JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!
Image by Sonam Prajapati from Pixabay

In so many facets of life, kids are sitting ducks.


They simply lack so much life experience that they have the most minimal grasp on what is happening all around them. Children rely completely on the knowledge of people older than them: parents, teachers, coaches, older siblings, even strangers.

But from the vantage of one of those older people, that total dependency opens the door for some good fun.

Some Redditors recently gathered to share the most absurd lies they ever believed wholeheartedly as children. It's rather surreal to imagine if all these fibs were actually true.

SorryForBadEnflish asked, "What's the stupidest lie you can't believe you fell for as a kid?"

Many of the lies stemmed from diabolical motivations. These were pranks at the expense of the child, through and through.

And those dopey kids walked right into it every time.

Gathering Supplies

"My Boy Scout leader told me the troop next to us had dehydrated water pills and a bacon stretcher. He told me to go ask to borrow then."

"I did and they looked at me like I was an idiot."

-- Ohsoeasy

Well He's Not Wrong 

"My brother told me Eeyore's name in Winnie the Pooh was Jackass."

"Then a few years later in grade 3 someone tried correcting me and I was like, 'Uh no, it's Jackass.' This went over well with my teacher at the time."

-- PamWpg204

Classic Older Sibling Material

"my older sister told me that all kinds of ivy acted like poison ivy, this freaked me out because we have a lot of ivy near our yard, so until 3rd grade whenever I walked to school I would walk very carefully and slowly. I missed the bus so many times... ah, the good old days."

-- iamaperson-1

It Only Takes a Letter 

"I believed a lot of things my older brother told me but I think the worst was that Venus was pronounced with a P instead of a V."

"I thought I was funny because it had the word 'pee' in it."

-- mysteriouslynotafish

Candy From a Baby

"People sometimes put poison/razors in the Halloween candy."

"Don't give me that crap, Mom. I know you just wanna pick out all the Almond Joys."

-- QueenofNothing89

Concocting New Science 

"My stepbrother told me that a power plant was a cloud factory to make clouds artificially."

"I believed him because I had heard of the artificial snow machines that ski resorts have, and figured it wasn't unreasonable to believe there was a machine to make artificial clouds as well."

"I was 13 when I said 'the clouds factory is off, no wonder there's no clouds around.' In front of my dad and he laughed about it for like 30 minutes."

"I still get sh** for it today."

-- Responding2Dipschitz

Reddit Users Share Their Best 'It's A Small World After All' Experience

Some lies came from more lighthearted agendas. Sure, some were more self-serving than others, but at least the stakes were rather low.

The Car That Ate Beans 

"That the car farts. Whenever we were on road trips, our car would make this sound every now and again and my dad would say it's the car farting. That it just had to release them now and again like we do. This was hysterical to all of us and we would laugh and laugh."

"I was 14 and learning to drive when I found out it was....rumble strips. And my dad was just trying to brighten the atmosphere on long car trips."

-- Rice-Correct

Falling On That Sword 

"My mom would be the official 'poison inspector' and eat a few fries from the bag to make sure it was safe to eat. Such a sacrifice." -- SweetHikari

"My dad did the same ! Everytime I asked him to bring me a bit of bread (that's what we were allowed to eat when we got hungry between meals) he would take a bite of it, say 'all good, not poisoned' and then give me the rest."

"I knew it was a joke, but he did that for years. Always made me laugh." -- Grog_Bear

"When I was little (4 or so) my mom would go upstairs to do the laundry or cleaning something and I would follow her. But when my baby sister was born my mom wanted me to stay downstairs and keep an eye on my sister. I didn't want to do this and she told my that my sister could be taken by a cat (I was afraid of cats) if I wasn't there to protect her."

"Now silly story right? I couldn't see how the cat entered the house so my mom made up that he could slide through the mailbox (which is a slit in the frontdoor) and I believed that sh** and saw it as my duty to protect my sister from the cats"

-- xsheetal

Killer Slurpees

"When I was a kid my dad told me slurpees at 7-11 had been outlawed because people were suffering brain damage/memory loss from the brain freezes."

"I of course accepted it as fact cause he's my dad, meanwhile he just didn't want to stop at a 7-11 and get his hyperactive kid a big thing of frozen sugar water. Believed it for years too."

-- HMSmegawhale

Driving Numbers Up 

"When I was in elementary school, the orchestra teacher was trying to convince me to join up. He told me that, when I grew up, jobs would ask me what instrument I played and nobody would hire me if I didn't play one."

"So I joined the orchestra and learned to play the violin. So far, no job interview has asked me to play anything. Good thing, too. I was always horrible at it. If my employment as a web developer depended on how well I could play the violin, I'd be permanently unemployed."

-- TechyDad

And some lies seemed to hold almost no functional motivation whatsoever. These were bizarre absurdities seemingly told to sow confusion, add a little subtle chaos into the mix, and get a good laugh.

A Pharmaceutical Breakthrough 

"Woke up on April 1st, walked into the living room where my dad handed me a 'smart pill' and said 'here you go, you'll never have to go to school or do homework again.' " -- stapeliagigantea

Depends Who You Ask 

"My grandfather did not in fact detach my nose." -- greygreenblue

"Said no Voldemort ever" -- Marenyalia

Would Be a Massive Public Health Issue

"My dad convinced me that department store anti-theft pylons (near all the entrances and exits) would give me cancer if I stood in between them too long. I stood in between them for a while and then they started beeping."

"For sure thought I had cancer."

-- wuurms

An Involved, Painful Explanation

"That this old man at my Cliftondale after school program died because he was eating Hot Cheetos while pooping at the same time and it burnt his butthole until he bled out. He would haunt kids in the stalls when they poop."

"All the kids called him Old Man Cliftondale(basic). Lol. That afterschool program was scary as hell though, I held my poop in all the time for that reason."

-- SnooOwls4703


So next time you're sitting down with a younger kid--maybe a niece or nephew, maybe a child of your own--just be aware that those lighthearted fibs kick around in that kids brain for years and years.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

zhenzhong/Unsplash

Animated movies meant for children have been known to sneak in a few dirty jokes here and there. After all, the parents have to sit through the movies with the kids too.

These "Easter eggs" can be found in virtually every movie meant for kids. It may go over our heads when we watch at age 10, but years later when we re-watch to enjoy a bit of nostalgia, we realize just how raunchy the creators were.

It's not just old movies from the 90s or early 2000s, some movies as recent as Frozen 2 have some moments of adult centered levity.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay

It's well-known that the brain of a teenager is a half-formed thing. But that doesn't stop us from getting down ourselves for those old mistakes even years later, as full-blown adults.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

As FDR once said, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". But I beg to differ--I have every right to be afraid of heights. I have every right to be too scared to go to the Empire State Building, and cry every time I play a VR game that involves being on the top of fake buildings. The fear is real, y'all.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

As much as there is an allure of living in small towns, there seems to be just as much mystery.

Keep reading... Show less