JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!
Image by Sonam Prajapati from Pixabay

In so many facets of life, kids are sitting ducks.


They simply lack so much life experience that they have the most minimal grasp on what is happening all around them. Children rely completely on the knowledge of people older than them: parents, teachers, coaches, older siblings, even strangers.

But from the vantage of one of those older people, that total dependency opens the door for some good fun.

Some Redditors recently gathered to share the most absurd lies they ever believed wholeheartedly as children. It's rather surreal to imagine if all these fibs were actually true.

SorryForBadEnflish asked, "What’s the stupidest lie you can’t believe you fell for as a kid?"

Many of the lies stemmed from diabolical motivations. These were pranks at the expense of the child, through and through.

And those dopey kids walked right into it every time.

Gathering Supplies

"My Boy Scout leader told me the troop next to us had dehydrated water pills and a bacon stretcher. He told me to go ask to borrow then."

"I did and they looked at me like I was an idiot."

-- Ohsoeasy

Well He's Not Wrong 

"My brother told me Eeyore's name in Winnie the Pooh was Jackass."

"Then a few years later in grade 3 someone tried correcting me and I was like, 'Uh no, it's Jackass.' This went over well with my teacher at the time."

-- PamWpg204

It Only Takes a Letter 

"I believed a lot of things my older brother told me but I think the worst was that Venus was pronounced with a P instead of a V."

"I thought I was funny because it had the word 'pee' in it."

-- mysteriouslynotafish

Concocting New Science 

"My stepbrother told me that a power plant was a cloud factory to make clouds artificially."

"I believed him because I had heard of the artificial snow machines that ski resorts have, and figured it wasn't unreasonable to believe there was a machine to make artificial clouds as well."

"I was 13 when I said 'the clouds factory is off, no wonder there's no clouds around.' In front of my dad and he laughed about it for like 30 minutes."

"I still get sh** for it today."

-- Responding2Dipschitz

Some lies came from more lighthearted agendas. Sure, some were more self-serving than others, but at least the stakes were rather low.

The Car That Ate Beans 

"That the car farts. Whenever we were on road trips, our car would make this sound every now and again and my dad would say it's the car farting. That it just had to release them now and again like we do. This was hysterical to all of us and we would laugh and laugh."

"I was 14 and learning to drive when I found out it was....rumble strips. And my dad was just trying to brighten the atmosphere on long car trips."

-- Rice-Correct

Falling On That Sword 

"My mom would be the official 'poison inspector' and eat a few fries from the bag to make sure it was safe to eat. Such a sacrifice." -- SweetHikari

"My dad did the same ! Everytime I asked him to bring me a bit of bread (that's what we were allowed to eat when we got hungry between meals) he would take a bite of it, say 'all good, not poisoned' and then give me the rest."

"I knew it was a joke, but he did that for years. Always made me laugh." -- Grog_Bear

Driving Numbers Up 

"When I was in elementary school, the orchestra teacher was trying to convince me to join up. He told me that, when I grew up, jobs would ask me what instrument I played and nobody would hire me if I didn't play one."

"So I joined the orchestra and learned to play the violin. So far, no job interview has asked me to play anything. Good thing, too. I was always horrible at it. If my employment as a web developer depended on how well I could play the violin, I'd be permanently unemployed."

-- TechyDad

And some lies seemed to hold almost no functional motivation whatsoever. These were bizarre absurdities seemingly told to sow confusion, add a little subtle chaos into the mix, and get a good laugh.

A Pharmaceutical Breakthrough 

"Woke up on April 1st, walked into the living room where my dad handed me a 'smart pill' and said 'here you go, you'll never have to go to school or do homework again.' " -- stapeliagigantea

Depends Who You Ask 

"My grandfather did not in fact detach my nose." -- greygreenblue

"Said no Voldemort ever" -- Marenyalia

An Involved, Painful Explanation

"That this old man at my Cliftondale after school program died because he was eating Hot Cheetos while pooping at the same time and it burnt his butthole until he bled out. He would haunt kids in the stalls when they poop."

"All the kids called him Old Man Cliftondale(basic). Lol. That afterschool program was scary as hell though, I held my poop in all the time for that reason."

-- SnooOwls4703


So next time you're sitting down with a younger kid--maybe a niece or nephew, maybe a child of your own--just be aware that those lighthearted fibs kick around in that kids brain for years and years.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Image by ming dai from Pixabay

The finite nature of a hotel stay can lead guests to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. And where there is saucy behavior, there are the artifacts left behind.

Keep reading... Show less

Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.

Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.

U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?

​Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.

Was it worth it?

peeing ralph wiggum GIF Giphy

He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.

Memoryduel

Scientific method:

> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'

> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended

> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended

> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended

Glez_fdezdavila_

Uhhh what was the intention here?

He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.

Kurtles12

​Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.

Boom theret.

At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."

So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.

Angusthedangus

I hope there was no overlap in the columns.

Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM Giphy

She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.

Fun-Acadia-8735

2 separate lists or just the 1?

OppositeYouth

Same list 2 columns lol.

Fun-Acadia-8735

Holy crap.

Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.

This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.

Roberted1982

​Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.

Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.

Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.

A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.

Theonering1

Every school had the cat girl.

cat dragging GIF Giphy

The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.

Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.

SendmePMsofyourBMs

Mood.

Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.

Iheartrevolution

I was exactly this kind of weird.

He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.

The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.

10per

I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay

It's fair to say that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have the abilities to properly teach.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Belly up to the bar folks, 'cause there are some wild tales to be told as you sip your sarsaparilla.

Keep reading... Show less