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We all want that amazing teacher who inspires us, pushes us to do better. Every day, when the morning bell rings, gives us assignments and work that challenges us, makes us understand the world better, and proves that education is more than just grades and standardized testing.

And then, there's the kind of teachers who give assignments like these ones.


Reddit user, u/myphoneislaggy, wanted to hear:

Students of Reddit, what is the most insane assignment you have been given?

That's Not Quite Grading On A Curve

Giphy

I had an... interesting... 6th grade teacher when I was in a Catholic middle school. The assignment wasn't what was truly insane.

After taking a test (I believe the subject was U.S. history), she asked us to turn the paper over and write as many stores as we could name from our local mall on the back of our tests. After we finished, she instructed us to pass our paper to our neighbor for grading. After grading the tests proper, she instructed us to subtract 1 point for each store named.

Joke's on her, even at that age I never left the house. A friend of mine's mom worked at the mall though, and he was able to name 80+ stores. The actual test probably only had 30-50 questions. His score was well into the negatives. Her rationale was that we should be spending less of our free time out having fun and more time studying. I sh-t you not.

Every parent called the school the next day screaming. She eventually was let go, but years later and for an entirely different reason. She had thrown one of those heavy, vintage, metal Swingline staplers right at a kid's face.

That's a story for a different time though.

vidfail

How Could Any Student Succeed?

My 12th grade English teacher gave us a project of a senior "memory book". Basically 12 chapters, 2 pages per chapter of specific subjects that you could take off of a rubric, three required subjects. Three weeks to complete. Ok, sounds boring and something I don't want to do but fairly easy.

So I finish it 2 days before its due, about the time everyone else does. But then, the teacher decided to just increase the amount of required chapters from 3 to 9 the day before it was due, and she changed the required chapters, which means I had to write 9 chapters in this stupid assignment in the span of 1 day. Everyone failed the assignment and nobody liked her at all.

HaloWarrior63

Face To Face Makes Me Break Out In Hives

Actually got this assignment last monday for an entrepreneur course, i have to carry out 30 FACE TO FACE interviews (25 minutes minimum EACH) with musicians within a week. So that's 15 hours of conversation, which i have to transcribe and code and summarize all within one week.

HelixBeats

Delete All The Search Histories!

In connection with reading Madame Butterfly, we were assigned to go to the library computers, log onto the internet, and to search "Asian Women" and "Japanese Wives" among other similar terms for research on stereotypes. Luckily, I had already done extensive research on my own into.... um.... similar topics so I knew better, and was not one of the 15 or so students who got their computer access removed for searching porn on the library computers. It was an honest but hilarious mistake from a teacher that had no idea how the internet worked. This was many years ago.

OhRCiv

I'm a student of Life Sciences (Biotechnology) My "Ecology, Diversity and Evolution" Proff gave me the topic which only said, "Carrot"

Like, dude, how can I make a presentation of 15 to 20 minutes on "Carrot"? What can I say about"Carrots"?

In the end, I made a pretty respectful presentation (in my opinion), like, in which year it was first used as a vegetable, how many types are there, it's colors, etc. So the time came of the presentation, the Professor calls me to the podium, asked me my name and registration. I started my presentation, introduced myself to the class, started all the slides, read and explained everything. So, when I was just about to say goodbye, the Professor looked up from his writing pad and told me the start the presentation WHICH I JUST FINISH. It was THE WORST presentation of my life.

f-ckkkofff

Hey! An Actual Good One!

I was in a book making class. I expected to learn about binding and covering and all that. The teacher was your classic kooky artist type and she got all excited and announced dramatically "I want each of you to make a book....out of THIS" and presented us each with a cardboard coffee can. I guess she just had dozens of them saved in her home and figured it could be a stimulating challenge to have us use them.

It did end up being fairly interesting. We had to first agree on the true definition of a "book." We decided that it was any object that presents information in a specific sequence.

I filled my coffee can with cement and then glued foam letters on the outside, so that when you rolled it in ink, and then rolled it across a large piece of butcher paper, it would stamp out the words "Hello! I am a can" over and over. She loved it.

WankSpanksoff

Did The Professor Ever Say "Carpe Diem!" Unironically?

I took an experimental poetry track when I was in college. Some of our assignments included:

  • Buy a flower and watch it die
  • Egg a parking lot and write a description of the eggs without using metaphors or similes
  • Leave food out in a public space and see how long it takes for it to get eaten
  • Read your poetry out loud on the train without explaining what you are doing
  • Infiltrate a group you are not normally a part of and sew dissent
  • Bring something from home that represents how you want to die. Trade "deaths" with a peer

It was a pretty crazy class. I loved it.

SalemScout

*pulls collar out to the side to simulate discomfort*

When I was in college, I had to write a 75 page paper and print out ten copies, one for each person in the class. The topic of the paper?

Deforestation.

ostentia

Woof...That Is...Not Good.

I haven't been a student for almost a decade now, but a recent assignment went somewhat viral here in the UK.

The students were given the task of writing a letter from the perspective of a parent that had a child murdered in the Manchester Arena bombings. In this "letter" they were tasked to write, they had to express sympathy and forgiveness for those that did the bombings.

To make this even more f-cked up, this task was given to children of the Manchester area. So those poor kids had to write a letter, from the perspective of a parent, forgiving and sympathising with the people that murdered their friends and family.

xDufff

Well, Hey, At Least You Learned? Right?

Giphy

My high school science class had a project where we removed the meat from an animal's skull. It was a home project though and we weren't provided with animals - I didn't have any problem with this, but I should imagine not every kid in the class could get their hands on a severed animal head so easily.

I used a coyote, most kids had rabbits or deer but my uncle had just recently shot a coyote so that was pretty cool.

But looking back on it, that was kinda creepy and I think others in the class probably weren't okay with that one.

Either that, or a class in college that gave you three options for a final paper:

  • 48 pages in 24 hours
  • 96 pages in 48 hours
  • 144 pages in 72 hours

On a subject that will be given to you at the end of the lecture, the idea being that you finish at least two pages an hour if you don't eat or sleep or have other classes. I took the first option because it was the shortest, most people did, and it was a freakin disaster. Only thing I learned from that project was that good work takes time.

Catsh-t-Dogfart

Were You Supposed To...Cook The Baby?

To make a video on how to breastfeed and buy literally everything you need for a kid plus one of those robot baby's. The thing was atleast $100 dollars and was only a homework grade and no one did it cause it was literally not even a class related to anything on that. It was a cooking class not home ec.

fg10037

They made us do something similar for eighth grade heath (thanks to the amazing George W. Bush-era sex "ed" "curriculum"). We had to haul around 10 pounds of flour, a doll, or in my case, a Build-a-Bear with a 10 pound dumbbell shoved inside of it. They made us carry it to and from school, through all of our classes, change it every night, and write a report on it at the end of the week.

The point was to scare us out of having kids young (which didn't work), but all it did was throw my bowling game off for a couple months.

ScotTheDuck

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Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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