Something can't get too popular without attracting all types of people.
What's the most toxic community you've been in?
Most often, a toxic community is born from the start of the community itself. It's hard to imagine being in something called a "mega church" without a lot of bad seeds making their way in to make it all about themselves.
Try To Find The Middle Ground
"i was on staff at a megachurch and it was the most disheartening and disappointing experience of my life"
"Little tip: you want to meet religious people who are genuinely kind and representative of their faith? Never go to a megachurch or a tiny one where 90% of its attendants are related to the pastor"
Facebook For Neighborhood Spies
"Nextdoor. It's a bunch of local people completely acting nasty towards each other. Name calling, gatekeeping, accusations, etc."
"One of the neighborhoods I get posts from, someone noticed a youth rehab center that they thought was moving in. There were dozens of posts of people who wanted to protest it, stop it from moving in, because oh my god there will be criminal youths being released on the streets!"
"Then there is one person who points out that it is a teen mental health clinic focusing mainly on eating disorders and had been there for ten years. They were just renovating."
"Did not stop the NIMBYs. Now they were on about school shooters...."
Don't Feel Like You Have To Follow Everyone
"I don't think people fully understand what a sh-tbox Twitter has always been. It started as smart and or funny people just quipping smart and or funny things."
"It then sort of started to be a place for less technical netizens to express themselves in a low calorie way. But it very quickly became this grotesque cutesy PR driven machine of a small group of people desperate for attention all following each other an commenting on their own detritus. This made it a a natural hangout for the attention machine of celebrities all stoking each other's attention machines which made it very much resemble Paul Klee's "twittering machine" that it was named for."
"It really was on its last gasp and companies were making some low ball efforts to acquire it.then suddenly politicians led by Trump realized it was the best way to deliver idiotic content-less political opinions and it became overwhelmed by a political circle jerk quickly followed by armies of bots astroturfing the world with utter crap."
"It always has been and always will be a garbage replicating dumpster fire."
Fandoms are a tough one. At their heart, they do care about the thing they're a fan of. Unfortunately, that love has twisted into something more akin to obsession, and that never breeds positivity.
"Certainly not League of Legends."
"Last time I played I got tons of helpful tips on how to uninstall the game and kill myself."
"Any online game that's been around for more than like 4 years is toxic af because there's people on there who have been playing every day since it came out and the only reason they still play is to dunk on people who aren't as good at it, all because they haven't devoted themselves to anything else in that long so this is their only way of feeling like their life been worth it. Rocket League, Sea of Thieves, League of Legends, Call of Duty, etc. I love all these games, but they're unplayable because everyone knows every trick by now and they're bored with the challenge so they just find people to grief."
A Lot Of Anime Is Really Great. Wish The Communities Would Be As Great.
"I love My Hero Academia."
"But the fan base is TRASH and I refuse to be apart of any online community for it."
"This sums up my views of any anime community with some exceptions."
"I will never mention I'm into anime unless someone else mentions it first. There's too much of a negative connotation regarding it and unfortunately rightly so."
The Influence Is Wide And Far
"any kpop community"
"I've been taking Korean since middle school and frequent Korean messageboards and watch Korean news and visit Korean markets/stores for practice to this day. I really like Korean music."
"The kpop community is a very frustrating one for me, because now anytime it comes up that I speak Korean I'm automatically a weird Koreaboo or its because I like BTS or something. It can't just be for a purely academic or personal interest in Korea, no, it's because of Kpop."
Finally, it's the nature of a community that brings out the worse in people. Our first communities most of us were part of, schools, bred cliques, in-fighting, and gossip wars. Why wouldn't all those bad habits resurface the moment you're in an environment that's completely similar?
No. I'M More Depressed.
"Depression and Anxiety groups. It's filled with covert narcissists and it's just a competition about who's life is worse off and who had the real right to feel depressed and anxious. Everyone talking about their healing journey and forgoing thoughts about anyone but themselves and their own personal journey."
"Ugh I try a new one every so often to see if there are normal people in them. But so far...nothing."
"Honestly, my mental health improved when I stopped talking to other depressed people so much. Sad but true."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
You're Allowed To Raise Children?
"I'll never forget the time I was on a mums group and a woman wanted advice on what to do after her son had stood on a nail and it was left imbedded in his foot."
"People suggested oils, crystals, massage, and aromatherapy."
"Not a single one suggested emergency medical treatment to get the nail out."
Drive The Needle In
"Health and social care."
"Absolutely riddled with gossipping and complaining about petty, trivial things."
"Dude ive been working in health care for a few years now, the amount of finger pointing is insane to me. Nobody owns up to anything. Like we will have documented evidence of who is at fault for an issue and they will still find a way to blame someone else."
"So I was in a "girls group" not a mommy group, just a group for women to chat and be themselves without guys, and this woman was pregnant and asked if we thought it would be okay for her to continue vaping while pregnant because she needs it for her anxiety and it helps calm her down."
"Now I have anxiety, I understand the need to calm it down so I was trying to hold off on judging her, so I told her to speak with her doctors and not a FB group because medical professionals will be the ones who can give her a clear answer. She said "But I need it for my anxiety and I think it will be fine."
"I responded saying "Okay, my original statement still stands, talk to your doctor" and then all of a sudden I couldn't comment or post in the group anymore, turns out she was a mod and put a 7 day shadowban on me, then when that expired she did another one."
"She wasn't looking for advice, she just wanted someone to say "Oh yeah keep using an addictive substance without consulting doctors while you're pregnant, that will be fine!" So yeah, I can only imagine how actual mommy groups could be."
"I am a toxicologist and a member of the Society of Toxicology. That's a pretty toxic community. :)"
"We do research on chemicals and how they affect critters and cells, we use chemicals to model diseases so we can figure out what is going on, we try to protect people from being exposed to chemicals that are bad for them, we work in industry, we work in academia, we work in government. Most of us do risk assessment in one way or another. There's a community here on Reddit - r/toxicology if you'd like to learn more."
"League of Legends."
"League of Legends gave me anger sessions but I could not play anything else on the pc i had, so I went on for a good few years. Then I matured and learn the important lecture of Not Giving A Heck about online games. I occasionally play to see how much salt I can mine."
"Female/Male only forums. Bunch of people supporting each other's belief that other gender is existing only to cause harm to them."
"A parallel to this is male or female-only workplaces. Most male-only workplaces end up dominated by macho behaviours, sexist attitudes and disregard for things like people's welfare. Most female-only workplaces end up dominated by petty arguments and endless gossip (men aren't immune to gossip either, they just don't seem to weaponize it the same way). Interestingly, only a few members of the opposite sex present seems to drastically reduce the obvious negatives of same-sex workplaces. I think we are all really meant to be together, that's when the healthiest cultures form."
"The My Hero Academia community. Being a girl and into anime is an issue itself. The MHA community takes it to another level. My teenage sister is really into MHA as well. We actually dressed up and went to a con together. Was fun at first but once we hooked up with the MHA crew it got bad. Like guys lifting up my sister's dress, dudes taking creep shots, a couple guys even followed us into our room. And that's without the constant purity tests and other bullshit we went through."
"Worst was a Buddhist community made up entirely of white westerners who were predators and narcissists. Followed closely by Academia."
"I think the conclusion after reading all the posts is that all communities are a little toxic due to a minority of people. I'm a standup comedian in NYC, and parts of the comedy community can be toxic but you can also find some good people and friends. Any kind of showbiz related thing that depends on self marketing is going to have some crappy characters."
"When I was a bartender. I worked downtown in a small city and pretty much everyone knew each other if you were in the service industry. It could've been a reality show with all the drama that went on. Life pro tip, if someone is talking crap about everyone you know, they're also talking crap about you to everyone else. It was tedious but I miss the regulars, just not the community."
"Edit: This has got me thinking about those days, this is a "lava lamp" my friend Jay (who also taught me how to bartend) did once on a slow night. It's a martini glass with a bartool on top, two pints, two rocks, then doused in Rumplemintz from the top and set on fire. It was cool because after the alcohol got burned out, the sugar crusted everything together. He wasted like half a bottle, we just put it on the spill tab."
"Freaking Nextdoor... That mess is crazy."
"Holy crap yes. I'm only on it for the occasional public service or event announcements, but there are some people who think it's a great place to post their anti-vax/anti-whatever/miscellaneous stirring rants. And they just keep doing it. Super obnoxious."
"Concrete construction. Most of those men are a specific kind of toxic, never working that again."
"Oh man, I worked as a mason tender for a few years. Everyone is out to prove themselves and has a Texas-sized chip on their shoulder. Some of the most racist and misogynistic things I've ever heard have been at construction sites. Truly toxic."
Be an adult. Don't gossip. Don't lie. Don't try to make it all about yourself.
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When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapesGiphy
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphy
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulzWhy Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphy
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.