People Describe How They'd Quit Their Jobs If They Won The Lottery

People Describe How They'd Quit Their Jobs If They Won The Lottery
Docusign/Unsplash

As a mom of three who is into awesome stuff, I have watched a LOT of Backyardigans—like I've watched it enough that I now own all four seasons on YouTube just to make my life easy.

Uniqua's "Into The Thick Of It" had a moment on TikTok not long ago, but I assure you it is far from the only bop on that show. I'm partial to the whole secret agent limbo moose thing, myself. But there's something to be said about Tasha's "I Quit" song.

And that something is that it belongs on this list.

I quit a job working for my ex husband (long story, not for this article, but girl I know. That's what I get for saying yes to begin with.) by singing the "I Quit" song. And dancing along. With pom poms.

What can I say, when I do something I do it big.

Reddit user MAinSBmUrKin asked:

"You just won the lotto! How do you quit your job?"


Reddit ... you make me proud with how big you'd do it if you won the lottery and could quit. It brings a tear to my melodramatic eye.


Send Another Agent

"If I won the lotto big time I would hire actors and a helicopter."

"Towards the end of my shift I would have a helicopter land in our parking lot. Wind blowing everything in sight, rotors blasting noise that the whole warehouse hears. Obviously we go outside to check it out."

"Once the dust clears and the rotors die down 3 individuals step out all wearing black. Two of which are hot ladies in military jumpsuits looking like movie stars. The last one is a Nick Fury type. Trench coat, eye patch, and stone cold face that makes you look away."

"All 3 walk toward us. It's revealed to my co-worker's that they are seeking me and it's an emergency. I step to the front, walk towards Fury."

"Me: How did you find me?"

"Fury: Come on agent Jack. You'd think we'll let our best agent go and not know about his whereabouts? I do have to confess. It was a bitch trying to find you but nothing our agency can't do."

"Me: What do you want?"

"Fury: Remember Dr. Xavier? Well his daughter has been kidnapped by the black order. We both know what that means."

"Me: I told you. I put that life behind me. I've paid my dues. Send in someone else. *turns around and walks away*"

"Fury: We did and he needs your help too. Your partner is stuck behind enemy lines."

"Me: *stops and turns around * Agent Johnson?. . ."

"Fury: We don't have time to waste."

"Then all four of us board the helicopter and fly away as I look down on all my jaw dropped coworkers lol. The end."

- TheDreamer_

Giphy

Let The Games Begin

"I don't, I buy the company then let the games begin"

- alrighttreacle11

"If you buy the company, you are legally required to do exactly what Jeremy Piven's character did in Entourage. Go through the building with a paintball gun and shoot everyone you don’t like to tell them they’re fired."

- pedote17

"Buy the business and tell nobody."

"I would keep working the same position. Then bitch about company policy with my colleagues to get an idea on how to change the business for the better."

- jibjabblack

"Dad did something similar."

"Was testing out a company, on paper it looked good so he went and talked to the owner, got invited to basically be a recruit and learn the ropes. He met everyone under the guise of a 'new guy' and learned about their work ethic over two months."

"Bought the company and made changes lol"

- HowDoIRun

Giphy

Choreography

"A large choreographed musical number based loosely around the song 'Take this job and shove it.' "

"I’m talking dancers, confetti cannons, the works. The dancers would be cowboy themed strippers both male and female and I'd have an extra large sheet cake that has my letter of resignation printed on it."

"All of this would go down during semiannual lead meeting. All of this professionally filmed for posterity."

- UponADarkHorse

"I love that you included male cowboy strippers. My gay ass would be in heaven and it'd be the best day at work I've ever had."

- bearbarebere

"Then quietly re-apply for the job after realizing that you blew your winnings on a dance troupe?"

- EpicRedditor_

Giphy

Working For The Weekend

"I wouldn't. I'd show up but do nothing and just keep doing nothing while executives grow increasingly frustrated in their inability to get me to do something."

"Then when they send an HR stooge to term me, I'd fart loud, unstifled bombs that rattle the windows with their shockwaves and a stench that peels paint."

"I'd make them go through the trouble of getting the COBRA paperwork and then make a paper airplane out of it."

"As I'm walked out by security, I'll sing Working for the Weekend or something that'll be stuck in their head for days."

- PlanetBarfly

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Casual Upgrades

"I wouldn't quit right away. I've got some people to mess with first."

"I’d act like nothing happened, but slowly start to introduce randomly expensive upgrades to my day to day. One day I’ll show up with an expensive watch, maybe some expensive clothes."

"Finally, I'd roll up in a car that is clearly too expensive for my salary. All while acting completely normal and nonchalant."

"I know that there would be a few people in the office that this would drive crazy."

- branduzzi

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Clowned By The 'Dream' Gig

"I would hire a man in a clown costume to go in and sit at my desk quietly and insist he is me until I get fired."

"At that moment the clown would take of his clown clothes to reveal an FBI uniform. I would then watch my bosses sweat from the live feed that I paid my favourite colleage way too much to film."

"They have some shady ass practices and I know the FBI would terrify them."

"A mariachi band would then enter playing their spin on that 'abcdefu' song that's been trending whilst the clown/fbi agent hands out big wads of cash to everyone in the office minus the management and that one dude who was a douche to me."

"I will then realize that I spent way to much on this elaborate plan and go back to working at dominoes because turns out that was more fun and payed better than my 'dream' gig."

- Ok-Replacement8864

Giphy

NDA

"I work in IT, so my plan for when I win lifechanging money, is to tell people I had a job offer with a big consulting agency as a Senior [redacted]."

"This will explain:"
"The nicer car ('it’s a company car')"
"The frequent trips ('oh yeah, they’re sending me to Hawaii next month for a few weeks…' 'I know, it’s crazy, I hope to get some time to chill out.')"
"The nicer house ('well, they pay a lot extra because of the international travel, so I can finally afford buying a house!')"
"Plus, I can always cite NDAs as the reason for them never seeing any of my work ('They work with aerospace, it’s an internal project I can’t talk about.') "

"I don’t want anyone to know about me being rich."

- PerjorativeWokeness

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The Unexpected Reality

"I did win the lottery!"

"I texted my boss and told him I would stay until he could find a replacement. He wouldn’t accept my resignation and instead sold me half the business."

"I’ll buy the rest when he retires because he has no family to pass it on to."

- Early_Government198

Giphy

When You Love Your Boss

"Sadly tell my boss that I’m quitting, but also that I’m giving her a bit of the money."

"My boss is an absolutely wonderful woman who owns a small business, immensely helps our community, pays me well, and has had my back during several hardships."

"I’m her only employee and I couldn’t just leave her high and dry."

- lilbeany

"I’m not gonna lie, I would wait until I received a little of my money and quit by giving my direct boss a little money to help with her mother and then peace out."

"My boss has been very selfless with me taking off many days due to personal illness I deal with and has never made me feel bad for it. She is very supportive, covers for us if we need to be out, and goes to bat for us when problems come up with other departments."

"She does that all while doing her office manager duties in 3 of our locations and taking care of her elderly mom full time."

"She’s exhausted and I wish someone would just drop her a lump sum of money for an in home care giver or something so she could just breathe for once."

- kjolyn

Giphy

The New Boss

"I actually love my job - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't quit."

"Supposing I made enough money to, I would buy enough of the company to have a controlling majority and give two weeks notice that I quit my current position."

"Then go change into a suit and walk back in as the new boss."

"As long as I could do it and hide my identity as the new controlling majority til the day I quit I'd like to do it this way."

- knox1138

Giphy

Of course for a lot of people the answer was that they just wouldn't quit.

These quitting fantasies might be fun to think about, but for the most part quitting doesn't seem to work well for winners.

The reality of being a lottery winner is often darker and more difficult than you'd think. The ones who seem to do best are the ones who don't tell anyone that they won and just continued living as close to a normal life as possible.

The ones who didn't ... well ...

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