One of my closest friends is a cannabis entrepreneur in Colorado. Recently I got to help her out packing orders. Somewhere around hour 7 with my fingers raw from work I sighed and went "UGH. TV lied to me. There is so much packing tape involved in being a drug dealer! Nobody told me about packing tape!"
TV and movies make it look like shady deals in the park and slowly riding around in Escalades with black-out window tinting. Turns out, nope! There aren't really a lot of scary thugs - she's a single mother, in fact. And shady deals? Ha. Not a chance. It's mostly the usual customer service stuff in a brightly lit and clean shop with a whole lot of admin, and so much packing tape. Would not recommend if you have skin that's sensitive to adhesives or oils - or a personality that's sensitive to being asked 458 rapid-fire questions.
Reddit user Wino 2009 asked:
How is your career misrepresented on tv or in movies?
So now you know serving the cannabis community doesn't look at all like it does in the movies, but you'd be surprised how many other careers Hollywood has totally lied to you about. Take a look.
Not That Kind Of Nanny
As the Nanny I'm not trying to seduce the husband and murder the wife.
Dad
I'm a stay at home dad so therefore I must be really stupid and inept. Wooops! Accidentally put the baby in the dryer again!
Scientists
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Science is not a montage of swirling chemicals in beakers and claiming "eureka!" and making brilliant new discoveries.
It's a lot of begging for money grant writing, doing some tedious stuff 100's to 1,000's of times, then spending ages processing your data and running your stats and usually going "hmmm... inconclusive."
Damn It, Larry!
Nursing. TV shows make it look like adrenaline fueled "someone get the crash cart!" kind of work. When really it's tons of charting, taking granny to the bathroom and "GOD DAMN IT LARRY STOP DRINKING COKE AND TAKE YOUR INSULIN DO YOU WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER TOE?!?!"
Military Intel
There's no fancy technology for military intel. We use Microsoft office. I give briefings with power point. I send documents made in word and excel through outlook.
- Sumelar
Shat On By 3 Separate Humans
According to TV/movies I strap women down on beds on their backs and yell at them to push about 5 minutes after their waters broke dramatically. Also the baby looks about 3 months old, placentas aren't a thing and it's incredibly neat and tidy ...also less poop.
My record for being shat on in 1 shift is by 3 separate humans. To be fair 2 of them were newborns, but still. I've had every (female) bodily fluid on my body at some point in my job. Sweat, blood, tears, poop, pee, vomit, amniotic fluid. And then I go and eat lunch without blinking an eye.
Nothing Like Baywatch
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Lifeguards don't wear sexy bathing suits and seductively put sun lotion on while not paying attention to the pool/beach. We don't look like bronze gods and goddesses and nobody is smiling the entire three hours they spend on stand in one sitting. We don't get paid 30 bucks an hour to sit on our @sses and do nothing all day.
We're sweaty messes that (most of the time) HAVE to wear our work uniforms over our mandatory one piece bathing suits. We also have to cashier, clean, do customer service and be good reps for our respective companies. We have to put up with sh*tty guests not listening and ignoring our whistle warnings who then want to fight us about it while we're busy watching our water.
And if we're not paying attention to the water while on stand, the manager can and WILL throw a mannequin in the water and if you don't react and grab it in thirty seconds you are more or less terminated. You have to be on point and paying attention the entire time or your negligence can be fatal.
Can't Land The Plane
I'm an air traffic controller (no Breaking Bad jokes, please).
We are not trained at all on how to fly a plane. Zero. We can't tell someone how to land a plane if something goes wrong. I've never even ridden as a passenger on the model of most of the planes I spend all day talking to. Many controllers have never been in a cockpit, and I know a few who have never flown on a plane.
Pilot Here
Pilot here
- It's not dramatic
- It's literally the safest goddamn thing on planet earth
- The co-pilot is usually just as qualified and experienced as the captain, and usually has captain experience from past airlines. Most choose to stay co-pilots if it can get them a better schedule or aircraft type. They both fly the plane and both know what they're doing.
- In the event of an emergency, we have no emotion. Just calmly execute the appropriate response procedures and divide our tasks
Try It...
I'm a construction superintendent who believes ALL fix-up shows are bogus. You and the wife (and your 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog) are NOT going to completely demo and remodel your kitchen during your one week vacation. Try it and there's going to be trouble.
"Too Much" Meth
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TV shows (like Chicago fire) portray paramedics as going from one exciting, life saving call to the next. In reality, most of our calls are for things like:
Elderly person fall from standing.
Intoxicated person passed out on bus bench.
Took "too much" meth.
Sore throat for 3 days. Already saw family doctor. But it still hurts so I decided to call 911.
Intoxicated person passed out in a park.
Nose bleed.
Homeless person wants a free ride somewhere warm and a free sandwich.
Intoxicated person passed out in McDonalds.
I've had chronic knee pain for 15 years. I have a prescription for narcotics, and the pain is no different than normal, but thought maybe it was time to go get it checked out again.
Took meth. Now everyone is following me and trying to kill me.
Took meth. Now I think I can fly, and I'm climbing buildings.
And then with the legalization of marijuana, there was a lot of "tried pot for the first time. I don't like how it makes me feel. Make it stop!" 😂
Anyway, of course you occasionally get a shooting/stabbing/ random trauma/MI/legit medical issue. But the job certainly isn't going from pulling people out of a burning building after cutting off their trapped limb, then running to someone who is skewered onto a fence, then someone who has an unexploded bomb in their abdomen, then right to a passenger train derailment, then finishing your shift delivering quadruplets in an elevator that you accessed through the roof hatch because it's stuck between floors.... (Though...I can't speak for everyone. SOME medics are black clouds... Haha)
Therapists Have Boundaries
Anyone in TV or movies who plays a Social Worker, therapist, clinical counselor, counselor, or psychiatrist. There's like ALWAYS inappropriate boundaries. The movie 50/50 comes to mind but there are a ton of others.
I AM a Social Worker and we have to be very careful about dual relationships. We cannot hang out or go clubbing with our clients. We absolutely cannot sleep with them. We could lose our license and never be able to practice again. And we can get in trouble for breaking HIPAA and confidentiality if it's not an issue of safety, (harm to self, others, or the client is aware of someone who is being hurt).
I cringe when they show therapists acting inappropriately. The majority of us practice within our scope and have healthy, professional relationships with our clients. And if we're unsure we consult with our colleagues, supervisors or our code of ethics. And we do know that sleeping with a client is a HUGE no-no.
Medical Ethics
The amount of medical ethics broken in some TV shows would get your licence suspended for sure.
You don't scream at uncooperative patients, you can just refer them to another doctor. You don't give them placebo pills just because they are being difficult and you most certainly do not obnoxiously talk about a patient in the hallway and the elevator of the hospital. Patient confidentiality is something I have never seen made a priority in medical dramas (at least in the few i have watched). There are obviously more little things that put me off and it just makes medical dramas difficult to watch, personally.
Indiana Jones
Oh man. Indiana Jones goes ripping through temples, destroying artifacts. He's pretty much the exact opposite of an archaeologist.
No Gangsters
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Weed farming is not exciting at all. I don't have to deal with gangsters or get to do a bunch of whacky science to come up with my own special strain. At the end of the day it's just mixing nutrients and keeping track of temperatures and humidity levels. I do get to smoke a lot, so that's kind of real, but my tolerance is so high it doesn't really matter.
Typing Notes, Zero Sex
As a TV doctor I'd be solving intense medical mysteries and having sex in the callrooms almost daily. Instead I'm typing notes, browsing Reddit, and having exactly zero sex.
1% Zen
Restoring antique furniture is 99% removing mold/ rust/ dirt/ rot/ being stabbed by hidden tacks and nails and 1% relaxed, zen polishing of a gorgeous tabletop.
- Nikki_9D
Security Guards
Security Guards aren't supercops.
Any guard STUPID enough to observe something suspicious and not call it in or walk around an empty dark building with a flashlight deserves what happens to him.
The whole watching TV instead of looking at cameras? That's accurate.
Voice Teacher
Obviously all a voice teacher has to do is push on someone's stomach and they get 100% louder and better. Or if we can get them to close their eyes and just "get" the song, that works too.
In real life, I teach an instrument that neither I nor my student can see or touch, and I have to train micro movements in so they can shape sound with their goddamn face.
An Angry Octopus
Chefs.
Any scene where there's service happening, they have time for full conversations, and only work on one dish at a time. All calm, and relaxed..
When chefs actually work the line, we look like an octopus. An angry octopus, who speaks in 4 word sentences. 4 words, 3 languages. "Where's my mise, cabron!?"
Tortured Artist
I'm a painter and sculptor. When I'm depressed, anxious, and dealing with feelings of torment - creation STOPS DEAD IN ITS TRACKS. The tortured, brooding artist as the most prolific and creative being is such a complete lie. Yes, mental illness/disorders are super common in creative people, but that's not what triggers our urge to create, it usually just destroys it. Also, art takes a LOT of fucking time, work, and effort. I don't just pull out all my paints, whip my brush across my surface in a passionate fury, and voila there's a masterpiece. Making art is 30% making the art and 70% thinking about it.
Trashing The G Chord
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Guitarist here. Their hands are usually doing something sooo different from the music that they are playing it's hilarious. Playing a whaling zeppelin solo? Nope. Just trashing the G chord over and over again.
So what ridiculous ways is your job portrayed in the media?
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.