For a short time in my life I held a career as a traffic school instructor. I wouldn't teach people to drive, they would come in after a traffic infraction to lessen the fine on their ticket or points on their license. And nine times out of ten... everybody was their for speeding, or a wrong left turn. The answers everyone had for speeding was always comedy gold. Though nobody can top me and my excuse for going 135 in a 50... but I digress; next to me, only the police must have better stories.
Redditor u/CaptainRonny wanted the po-po to tell us a few funny tales by asking.... Police Officers of Reddit, what was the silliest thing you've heard from someone trying to avoid a ticket for speeding?I get it guys....
Season 23 Episode 10 GIF by South ParkGiphyNot a cop but a buddy of mine is and he likes to tell a story about a guy who flipped his car over on I-75 going through Detroit.
Apparently the guy was wasted, looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks, the car was totaled, there were beer cans strewn all over the highway, and while the various officers who responded were debating over who had to take custody of this wreck of a human being he walked up to them and said "Hey guys, I totally understand if you just want to let me go."
Just a small 10 officer...
Not a police officer and not my story, but funny....
From the law firm partner who trained me:
Client is driving home from a court hearing 2 hours away with attorney in passenger seat. Gets stopped for doing 10-15 over the limit on freeway. Cop approaches and client opens with:
"Officer, I'm terribly sorry, I was speeding, probably 10 miles over the limit, you can write me a ticket if you need to, but please do it quickly ... you see, I have my attorney in the car and he's charging me $400/hour until I drop him off..."
Cop said it was the best excuse he'd heard in months, told him to slow down, and get home safely, but let them off with no ticket or write-up.
Such a Turd
Not a cop but my crap-moblie broke so was borrowing my mom's Lexus. Cruising along see police lights, look back at speedometer I'm pushing 80 on a road that is normally a 45 so just pull over. Cop finally catches up goes through the whole ordeal paperwork, do you know why I pulled you over?
Etc. Explain that it's my mom's car and I'm not used to something that can get out of its own way and apologize for going so fast. Describe my car to him and he just laughs, says he has seen it around town before and commented on how it was such a turd. Let me go with a verbal warning.
Oh Grandma....
Old Lady Dancing GIF by MattielGiphyMy friend's 70-year-old mother got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. She told the cop she just got breast implants and the doctor advised her against seatbelt use until she healed. Cop let her go.
I Gotta Pee Yo!
I got pulled over when I was 39 weeks pregnant because I didn't signal while turning into a gas station at 2 am.
I was going to pickup a friend who needed a ride and a place to sleep, but baby shifted and I was 10 seconds away from peeing my pants.
I was already unbuckled and leaving the car.
I yelled at him he could give me any ticket he wanted but I have to pee first as a waddled as fast as I could into the gas station.
When I got back he was just standing there looking awkward, asked if I felt better, told me to remember my signal and left.
Thanks, Dad...
Not a cop, but I had one laugh in my face when I was 19 and got caught speeding.
I was doing 75 on the highway at night, in an area that has signs that indicate the speed limit is 70 during the day but 60 at night.
I legitimately didn't know I was speeding because of of this incident when I was a kid... my dad was kind of a speed demon, and I was a snitch of a kid. One night on this same stretch of highway I looked over and saw him driving about 80, and I pointed out that the sign said the speed limit was 60 at night.
My dad told me, not missing a beat, "That rule only applies to 18-wheelers." And I believed him.
10+ years later, this cop pulled me over and pointed out the lower speed limit at night, and I looked him dead in the eye and said, "My dad told me that only applies to trucks?" The cop started laughing. My genuine confusion (and embarrassment) apparently convinced him, though, because he didn't write a ticket.
Thanks, dad.
Back off.....
I'm not a cop but I said something stupid to one and actually got out of a ticket.
It was at night on the highway, one lane due to construction and I was going the speed limit. Some butthole decided to tailgate me pretty bad, as in I couldn't even see their headlight. I sped up and they did as well.
By the time construction ended we were going 90-100mph, I tuned of to my exit and Mr butthole was still following me. Slowing down to stop and blue lights light up.
I told him I thought he was just some fool tailgating me or something, I got chewed out and he left. I never got a ticket.
Haha... got me...
Tom Cruise Smile GIFGiphyMy boyfriend's dad got pulled over once for speeding. The officer said he clocked him going 50mph.
"But officer I was only going 45!!" "Sir this roads limit is 35.."
Needless to say he got a ticket.
The Escort
A friend was given court documents that needed to be presented to judge 200 miles away to stop a deportation that night. Not only did he not get a ticket, the police escorted him and contacted the force in the next county so the escort continued until he got there. At one point he couldn't keep up with them because they were driving too fast for him.
ETA thank you for the awards and up votes.
Leaking....
shots fired lol GIF by Jonas MosessonGiphyA colleague of mine loved to tell how she was pulled over for speeding. She explained to cop she panicked because she began leaking milk and wanted to get home quick to clean and collect (she just had a baby). Cop had an horrified reaction and let her go.
It's not accurate
Was riding with a friend of mine one night on the maiden voyage after he installed a V8 in his Pontiac Fiero Got pulled over and the cop walked up and says " I stopped you because I clocked you doing 76 in a 55"
Buddy says "you should get that radar thing checked, it's not accurate "
Cops says "we calibrate it twice per shift etc etc " Buddy says "no, you don't understand, if it says we were doing 76, it's not working right, cause we were doing just over a hundred"
Cop fell over laughing, said he's been a cop for 17 years and no one has ever argued that they were going faster than he clocked them, and wrote a warning.
I got nabbed for blowing a stop sign, that was in the middle of nowhere and you could see both directions for miles, Cop was upset and says "you're driving an 18 wheeler and just ran that stop sign, what have you got to say for yourself ?"
"All I can say is that it was pretty stupid to run a stop sign in front of you.
Dude wrote me a warning for not lying and saying I didn't run it.
Lead foot
When I was in Driver Ed 30+ years ago, a cop came to class one day to discuss driving safety. At the end he mentioned some of his favorite excuses for speeding, such as "I'm wearing my heavy shoes today" and "I just left the car wash and drove fast to dry it off."
Jason Bourne
Kind of the opposite, but I once had a cop once pull me over for speeding, and he asked me if I had any decent reason at all why I was speeding. The way he said it, it seemed he didn't really want to give me a ticket.
All of my pre-planned excuses went out the window and I kind of stammered "Uh, no...no good reason." I certainly didn't expect a get out of jail free card (so to speak), so he knocked it down to the minimum and gave me the ticket. He actually seemed disappointed in me, lol.
At the time, I couldn't understand why he was so generous. But I found out later that when my plates got run, it came up that I had a Restricted Carry Permit for firearms. I was an armored car guard at the time and where I live the only people that get those carry permits are guards and trappers, who live way up north. Given that I had the permit, it was obvious to him that I was a somewhat law-abiding citizen, besides driving like Jason Bourne in a car chase. I was let off for speeding all the time when working, but that is a different set of circumstances.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.