There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked:
Redditors who were once considered suspect of a crime they did not commit, what's it like being held under suspicion and how did it affect your life?
50. It Feels Like Your Life Is Taken From You
GiphyI was prosecuted in 2014 having been charged with conspiracy to commit criminal damage over a 2 year period, to a value of about £200k. I was on bail for 9 months during which I couldn't speak to 8 of my best mates, I had to find time to attend court without it affecting my work, and I had to fork over £5k in legal aid contributions.
My home was raided, I was arrested, I suffered from anxiety and it put me and my family under an awful lot of stress. I knew I wasn't guilty and it felt like my life was on hold for ages.
After two weeks of trial, the prosecution offered no evidence and I was, therefore, found not guilty. It felt like the world was lifted from my shoulders.
49. Hard To Getaway With A Baby
My ex was accused of robbing a house, and I was accused of being the get away driver. The cops came to my house, and questioned me. My ex had been out of town working, and you'd think that would've been an airtight alibi, but it wasn't. They figured where he was he could have robbed the house, and been where he was to start work. He came home early to deal with this despite my protesting. They arrested him visiting his terminally ill mom.
I had our baby with me, and they told me to follow them to the station where they would have cps waiting to take custody of our baby. I ran to my mom's house. They tried to arrest me as a get away driver, but I had an absolute airtight alibi, and they had to let me go. They kept him for the charges of home invasion.
Our relationship suffered after that. Said I cast too much suspicion when I ran with the baby, and it looked like I was stashing the stolen property. He lost his job because of it. They printed it in the local paper that he was arrested for the crime. After further investigation we were implicated by the actual robbers. They knew I was a stay at home mom, and didn't figure I'd have an alibi, and they didn't know that he had been working out if time. They gave the police our name, and the plates off my car.
The police never printed a retraction saying he wasn't the robber. There wasn't a retraction saying that I was no longer a suspect. Our names were ran through the mud. It completely ruined our relationship because he said I hung him out to dry. I had to move away and start over because people wouldn't hire me.
48. Trust A Better Friend Next Time
GiphyNot me, but a friend of mine was arrested on charges of downloading child pornography. The whole thing took two years to come to court.. which was instantly dismissed due to him being able to prove he was on vacation and had left a friend housesitting during the time of the downloads. Those two years destroyed his life though... local paper released his arrest details, he lost his job, his house was attacked by a mob (he had to pick up and leave in the middle of the night with nothing....he's never been back so he lost the house he owned and all of his possessions)... he ended up living in a tent in a field. It's been probably 5 years since he was totally acquitted and he's just now got his life back to normal.
47. Sometimes It's Too Late To Fix The Problem
I was falsely accused of domestic violence. Every horror story and legend about this you've heard is actually not bad enough to capture what actually happens to you as a male when this occurs.
She was kept anonymous, but my identity was public. My family shunned me, my friends abandoned me, lost my job, my car, my house, the legal bills ruined me. She suffered no consequences either.
Not only was I found Not Guilty, but I also received a "Finding of Innocence" which basically means, "This could not have happened, there is no way the accused did this."
Didn't matter though, the damage was done. In the end, I found out who really cares about the truth, and me. That liar died an early, painful death of cancer though.
46. It Wasn't Me, It Was The Other Me!
I almost went to jail and had my identity frozen because some guy had the same first name and last name as me, born on the same day, same month, SAME YEAR.
This guy was on parole and I think had a warrant out for him too. The only thing that saved me was that we lived in different counties, which happen to be right next to each other. The DMV had to contact the hall of records and compare our social security numbers to make sure that I wasn't the one on parole.
I dealt with it for several years, multiple police logs about my mistaken identity, multiple times being put in the back of a squad car because they thought I was him. I hope he got his life together.
45. Sir, Are You Also 'John Smith'?
GiphyAh, it's been fun. I was once brought to the Military Comissariat (that's the place in Russia where all the stuff about the military forces in the region is done). That was some time ago, I wasn't 18 yet and I had to bring my father too. They told me that there was a guy in Crimea who tried to purchase a place in FBI. He called somebody that he was making a deal with using a phone that he borrowed from a man on the street.
When he got caught, he told the authorities the name of phone's owner... which matches with my name completely (consider that the patronymic (father's name) is a part of a name too in Russia).
I asked all of their questions, told them I never was in Crimea, they copied some stuff from my phone's AC and I left. They never bothered me again. It was the oddest experience I had in my life.
44. Just Call Me "BomberMan"
When I was in 8th grade someone set off a homemade explosive near my house. They made a huge deal about it even though it was equivalent to a big firework.
Someone at my school submitted an anonymous tip that said "I know how to make bombs." I had a detective put the screws on me at school soon after. They tried really hard to get me to admit to something I didn't do. I don't know if it mattered, but they interrogated me at school without my parents knowledge and before they were ever made aware I was a potential suspect.
The detective told me "You're the mastermind of this complex and I'm going to prove it." He then showed up at my house after school that day and interviewed my parents. I told my parents in front of him that he straight up accused me of doing it and quoted his little line. He denied it which was such a jerk thing to do.
It didn't really affect my life long term. It sucked when it happened and then I forgot about it.
43. The Unfortunate Problem Of Being The Last Person To See Her
When I was in high school one of my friends disappeared. We had a normal day at school, afterwards she asked me to drive her a couple of places for yearbook ad sales. I did and dropped her off back at school. She never made it home. That night I got a call from her mother asking if I knew where she was. I didn't. I rallied some friends, we made some flyers and hit all the obvious spots--airport, bus station and even called the local hospitals.
A couple of days later some detectives showed up at school and questioned me. Like someone else noted in this thread, I was not read my rights nor were my parents asked to be with me while I was questioned. Since I was the last person known to have seen her I was the prime suspect. I told them for hours I had no clue where she was.
Several days later I retraced our stops. At one place, the cops showed up and questioned me again. I was just looking for my friend.
My parents got involved at this point and the detectives backed off a little bit. But I ended up getting followed and I even got a ticket for something dumb, like going over a double yellow line, just so the cops could search my car. It was classic harassment and to this day I don't have a high regard for cops.
A few months later, my phone would ring at odd hours in the middle of the night. I would answer but whomever was on the other end of the phone wouldn't say a peep. Finally one night the call came, and she said hello. She told me what happened and where she was. I couldn't believe it, I thought she was dead. She had bad reasons for running away but I respected why she did it. I didn't know what to do.
I went into school the next day and asked a trusted teacher what I should do. He told me I had to tell the authorities so I could give her family some peace and also to raise the cloud of suspicion I was under. So I did, I betrayed her confidence and called her family and the cops. Her family retrieved her from where she fled to and put her in private school. I tried calling her a few times but she refused to take my call. I wrote her off.
Some years later I Googled her and found out she was a bigwig at an Ivy League institution. I ended up sending her and email and she called me. She graduated HS, went to a great school and began her career. We chatted a couple of times but not once did she apologize. She did tell me life was bad for her after her family got her back.
She was sort of resentful that I told on her I think. We never did connect in person. While I think she has some resentment. I am happy she turned out ok. Yeah, it was a few months of hell and I didn't deserve it. I just simply moved on. I Google her every now and then, she's sort of a local celebrity where she lives, she involved with the arts so her name is published quite frequently.
Cops can really make your life hell if they want to.
42. A Cousin By Any Other Name
GiphyNot me, but my cousin.
He lives near San Francisco, and he was coming out of a movie one night when some cops stopped him. Apparently, someone stole one of those rented bikes, and a witness have a description that matched my cousin.
They didn't take him in, but they did grill him about where the bike was, got the witness to come and say it was him, and stuck him in the back of their car for a while. They told him he was a good liar but a dumb thief because all the bikes have GPS tracking.
Spoiler alert, he didn't steal the bike, and they found it with someone else who matched the description. They showed the witness, who confirmed it was the other guy, and they let my cousin go.
Neither the cops nor the witness apologized about the whole thing, but from what I gather, that's par for the course. My cousin was shaken up about it, but nothing else happened.
41. Dead Giveaway Was The Braces
This is a mild one.
When I was 16, my parents got a notice of a warrant out for my arrest. This 4'11" teenage girl with braces. Cue our confusion.
We contact the police and find out that some woman from a vintage store I frequented had accused me of a hit and run in their parking lot. The police officer handling the case was awful. Never contacted me. Looked at my car and saw no damage, but since the woman could pick my photo out of a line up (I went to this store all the time, of course she would recognize me) the cop decided that I did the crime and that I needed to be arrested.
My parents had to hire a lawyer and we went to court. We were able to get the case dropped, unless more evidence were to come up.
None ever did.
It was scary, and my parents were pissed at me for months (even though I didn't do anything).
40. Cheating The System
Worked as a cashier while in college at a well known big box wholesaler. The system has clerks and assistants with a pretty big pay difference. I worked the crappy shifts and got more "clerk time" so higher pay and quicker raises because others wanted to go home early all the time.
I was accused of cheating to get raises. Several times they looked at the time cards and all they saw was the I worked late crappy shifts and always covered for people that wanted to go party.
Money ended up missing from a register that I was on while covering for a break. Everyone on the register was put on the "watch" list.
I never once stole from them, but co-workers were really pissed. They took time off to party while I worked crappy shifts and saved. They bought new cars while I drove an old clunker and saved money. I had money while they were broke and they didn't like that.
I was setup several times and this was a union shop, after quite a while, the union finally stepped in and realized what was going on.
They never found any evidence of anything. Managers and co-workers made a different set of rules to harass me, even thou I was the guy picking up the crappy late nite shifts and working when others just wanted to party.
Not the first time these kinds of things happen. Seems people just don't like to see others that don't fit in with what they are or do.
39. Unfortunate Car Damage
GiphyI was driving my buddies car that matched the description to a T of another car that has just hit a girl on a skateboard. This happened in a small town, so the whole town was looking for the car. I had a police officer damn near leap or in front of me as I was pulling away from a stop sign and berated me left and right.
They brought some witnesses over and said the car I was driving was the car. I understand that because the car that hit the girl had a smashed up front right corner and the side mirror got ripped off when the car hit the girl. The car I was driving had a smashed right front and no side mirror. They were ready to haul me in until another cop came over and noticed the car I was driving was covered in dust, whereas the car that hit the girl wasn't dusty per witnesses.
A few phone calls to my buddies house from the police verifying that I had just come from there saved me and they reluctantly let me go. They found the real culprit a few hours later.
It didn't really affect me much because nothing came of it, but it was terrifying at the time. It almost felt like a movie, like it's this really happening, am I seriously going to jail for something I didn't do?
38. These Are Your Formative Years
Some friends and I were surrounded by rifle wielding cops while walking home from taco bell one day when I was 14 or 15. The arrested us, and took us to the station. They kept asking us to confess, that they know what we did, and that they had witnesses.
To this day I have no idea what they suspected us of. They let us go that night. I don't trust cops.
37. Just Another Good Story
My husband was a murder/missing person suspect for a day or two, as he and his friend gave the guy a ride home and were the last to see him. I'm sure at first it was stressful since they didn't know what happened to the man, but once his body was found, he was cleared of suspicion right away (it was obvious the guy died naturally outside in the winter.)
He told me the story over one of our first dates, and I went wild looking online to make sure I could corroborate the story and I wasn't getting involved in something fishy.
Now it's just a sad/slightly ironic story (since he's the nicest, most trustworthy guy you could hope to meet) that he'll bring up when drinking occasionally.
36. Military Lock-Up
GiphyConfusing, mostly, since I wasn't being told what I was accused of.
I was in the army on a foreign post, when I was ordered to CID. I had to sign something acknowledging that I was being accused of a crime, but then I just sat around for hours waiting for someone to talk to me, wondering wtf this was all about.
Finally, someone showed up to interrogate me about the crime, which was a laptop stolen from a barracks room. Since I and 2 other soldiers had performed an inventory of the barracks furniture (and thus had access to every room for a day), we were the (only, I assume) suspects. Fortunately for me, the victim of the crime was a very good friend of mine, so I was able to tell the investigator that the laptop was stolen (and reported to CID) well before we went through the barracks.
He left the room to make a phone call, came back, and said we were free to go. Took less than 5 minutes.
35. What Happens When You're Younger Affects You Later On
I was 11 and was accused of busting the neighbors window. It sucked because I was friends with their son. The cops came and questioned me a bunch and I was nervous because I was being accused of something I'd never even consider doing. It didn't help that the cop was a fool. He was basically telling me I did it. It all turned out fine. I didn't get charged or have to buy a new window.
It just made me no longer be friends with the neighbor, and I lost a lot of respect for cops.
34. Now, On A Slightly Lighter Note
I was a suspect of tripping one of my friends on the playground back in 3rd grade. The school bully was the one who did it, but they knew to get out of sight fast and I was the first one blamed because I was walking next to the victim. I guess the significant impact on my life is that me and the accuser stopped being friends after that because I got detention.
33. A Young Life Torn Apart
GiphyI was once accused of setting my room on fire by the police. I wasn't home at the time and a 16 year old teenager who just lost my father to a heart attack 75 days before hand. My aunt had moved in several months before and had been having her birthday party.
I had asked to go to a friend's house after being there for a little while. While playing computer games at my friend's house I got a phone call that my room was on fire so I rushed on my bike back to see the fire department finishing up and the police investigating. The police told me they didn't believe that it was an accident, so they asked me to come to the station to answer some questions so we could figure out who did it. Being naive I agreed of course I will. We will definitely find out who did it, ask me anything.
I was not read my rights at all including that as a minor I have the right to a guardian present. It started out as a friendly sort of interview and I had no idea they suspected me, but it became clear that they did when they started yelling at me and accusing me.
They believed I set my room on fire because I wanted to hurt my family to which I responded if I wanted to hurt them why wouldn't I set a fire on the stairs so they couldn't escape? Their reply was that it was a cry for help and it was not too late for me. I responded that why would I set a fire in my room it has all my things in it... why wouldn't I set a fire somewhere else in the house.
I asked them for any evidence or proof because they were just blaming the teenager for something that happened when he wasn't even home. When I asked the fire investigator what he thought he said he thought I did it too, and the reason the fire started when I wasn't home was because I had been making bombs. I was shocked in disbelief.
The police then kept yelling at me to sign a confession and that everything would go easier for me once I signed it. I told them I've seen plenty of movies and the police always try to strong-arm confessions to the innocent just so they can get a conviction. It was almost humorous when they said this isn't a movie kid, except I had been crying my eyes out by this point.
After several hours of making a little boy cry without him cracking they'd let me go. I was a very good and boring kid who completely trusted authority figures before then... now I realize that anyone can be a liar, idiot. I never smoked, didn't have a drink until I was 21, worked full time, and for fun rode my bike and played with my pets. (Also I loved my pets... why would I endanger them?)
The fallout from this was that my aunt and uncle treated me like a monster until I moved out. It was only years later until after my aunt and uncle divorced that my aunt told me that my former Uncle knew that his friend had started the fire by doing drugs in my room while I wasn't home. The friend already had a record and would have gone away for a long long time so my uncle told him to get out of there and told the police he thought I started it to protect his friend. while I hate my aunt for many reasons it did sort of show why she never treated me nicely.
That friend later fell asleep while smoking which started a fire. His stepson died, his daughter was crippled, cats and dogs dead, and he himself is bedridden in a care home unable to speak. If he hadnt been such a wimpy loser who could take responsibility for his actions he would be out of prison and able to walk, and those children would be alive.
My life was changed, and not for the better. Im fine now, but this event made some struggles come back to bite me as a younger man. The only good adult out of all the friends and family and cops there was my old tae kwon do instructor. He fought the fire with extinguishers and saved my two cats hiding in my room. When I got there on my bike he was outside holding them both. He was a great man.
32. 30 Years Later...
Was arrested and charged with burglary. Got off when police admitted evidence was flawed.
Nearly 30 years ago, I quit a job shortly after there was a break in. (Small, high street employment agency, 5 of us in the branch) About two days after I quit, there was another break in and, whoever it was, torched the place, gutting the inside.
I was hauled into the local police station by the CID and spent a pleasant(/s) three days being interrogated by two detectives who were convinced I was their man. They had a small pane of glass that, while remaining intact, had been kicked in, so whoever it was, could gain access to the building. On the glass was a footprint form a training shoe that was the same brand and model as the ones I was wearing. They took my shoes (as "evidence") charged me with burglary (possibly expecting it would be easier to nail an arson charge after a conviction for this) and sent my shoes off to forensic along with the pane of glass.
About a month later, I appear at the magistrates court. Case is called, prosecutor asks to approach the bench - there's a huddle between the magistrate, the prosecutor, my lawyer and a junior member of the CID (not one of the ones who was interrogating me!) My lawyer came back grinning and said to me, "You're gonna love this..."
Turns out, the print showed it was the same brand and type of shoe. However, the print was from a size 8 and my shoes were/are a size 13. Case dismissed.
I did get to ask, loudly, "Can I have my shoes back, now?"
Magistrate grins, looks at the copper and says, "Well? Can he have his shoes back?"
I swear that copper blushed when he said, "Right away, your Honor."
And they'd even been cleaned, bless 'em.
Never been so grateful for having big feet. BardSinister
31. Detained.
I was briefly detained when I was younger for a crime that didn't even happen, but that the cops were hoping they could scare me into confessing to.
Didn't really affect my life much other than cementing my distrust of small-town cops since I've routinely seen them do asinine shit out of boredom.
I later learned that a lot of remote locations in large counties are where they send the cops that have disciplinary problems hoping the lower population density will reduce their ability to cause trouble. PaganJessica
30. My brother and I....
GiphyMy brother and I went to this small charter school after my parents split. We both had long hair, black nail polish and eyeliner, listened to black metal etc. There were a few teachers that absolutely hated us, but my brother and I did well in school, we kept to ourselves and we never did anything out of the ordinary. The school gets news that a local church was burned to the ground, a teacher claims she saw my brother and I setting it on fire. The police of course get involved and start interrogating us on the spot. I was 14 at the time and my brother was 16, we were just kids.
Teacher goes on and on how she saw us carrying in gas cans. The fire department finally came back and said there were no signs of arson and the building went up in flames due to an electrical fire. I don't know what happened to the teacher, I think they made her take a leave of absence? The police department legit wrote us an apology letter.
It effected me because when a teacher calls us out and has the police rip us from the classrooms in front of other students, well, that'll do some damage. Even after that people still suspected it was us. I was so deeply hurt. My brother and I were total nerds, getting spelling bee awards when we were younger, basically being teachers pets.
I remember holding him crying thinking we'd go to juvey and that scared us. Bjorna_Gloom
29. School Daze.
My senior year of high school I was accused of threatening to let a bomb go off from a note that was found in the bathroom. It had a picture of how to construct a bomb and a threat that said "I will blow this school up" with my name on it. It was clearly the fakest thing ever, but the school was taking no chances.
I was held in a room for about 3 hours with two cops who talked about how I was going to be charged with multiple crimes and how my house was going to be searched despite my claims that I was innocent. I was handcuffed in a chair that was very uncomfortable as the cops told me about how I was going to be taken downtown. It was pretty terrifying I'll admit and it didn't help that the cops seemed to almost enjoy telling me about all the bad things that was going to happen to me. I just hoped that they would hopefully find out I didn't do it.
Eventually my best friend at the time confessed that it was him who put the note in the bathroom and after a little while I was able to leave. He was a close family friend and my family almost couldn't believe it, my Mom even cried, though my Dad wasn't too surprised. I have struggles to this day making friends because what happened, it's something that I still think about from time to time.
I think never really finding out why my friend did it haunts me more than being arrested itself. DemiAlabi
28. Special Stepmom.
My stepmom was a special type of person. After I came into her life her only goal was to make sure I was less successful than her son. This included accusing me of things I didn't do just to get me in trouble and ruin my reputation. I had been away 6+ years and thought it was all behind me but then I decided to have a child. She could not handle that I was having a kid before her son was. She accused me of stealing $20,000 dollars from a lock box in her room.
That would be a felony and 5 years in prison for me, she would have been thrilled. Luckily for me this wasn't the first time she accused me of stealing. She had accused me before of stealing money from my stepbrother in a successful plan to get my dad to stop paying for my college and eventually get me kicked out of the house. She made sure to spread the news and I was pretty much disowned from my family and lost a lot of friends. Never was able to finish college and was left to struggle on my own. But from researching what i should have done back then prepared me for the second time.
As soon as I herd what she was doing this time I got a lawyer, got together any evidence I could find to account for my whereabouts for the previous few weeks, printed out bank statements and any receipts of purchases I had made. Luckily they never even officially brought me in but it wasted a lot of time and money going through all that bull. Reading some of these stories I feel lucky i dealt with reasonable authorities but anytime you are accused of something like that even when innocent people don't look at you the same. For example a few months later at a family get together for the a holiday I went to use the upstairs bathroom, that was the one designated for pooping in, it was always the rule. When I was walking up I see my aunt shoot a look at my uncle and everyone got a little quieter.
Of course no one will say it out loud but they all thought I might steal something while up there alone, I come out of the bathroom to two of my uncles standing there for apparent reason and they follow me back down. From talking with my dad at the time it seemed like the 20k was really missing, how crazy do you have to be to actually throw out that kind of money for something like this. Crazy! Truedeal
27. Middle School is Rough.
GiphyNot a crime, but during middle School, my school was getting reports of kids being bullied (I was one of them) but the kids were too afraid to give names. I was the only one that went ahead and ratted the fool. Well, the school didn't care to protect my identity when confronting him and he told them that I was the bully. Them he proceeded to threaten all the other kids in my class to testify against me and free his butt.
This worked for a year. all kids avoided me like the plague and cause he would still keep bulling me and the school was thinking it was my fault. I was 13. Crazed_Archivist
26. Failure to Pay.
I sold my house. Had to pay lawyer a bill. I paid in person with a cheque. A month later I got a debt collectors note for failure to pay or some such. Rang up. They had no record of payment. I had check stub and bank records. Ok, must have been the secretary. No biggie. Hang up. Next month. Get visited at work by a dude with a court summons. Umm. What? Apparently this is a bigger problem than I thought. Ring them up. They know what went wrong
They're just going to fix it on their end. Two weeks later. A police friend tells me there is an arrest warrant for me. I got a copy. I call up. Yep they still know the problem but the court date is next week so there's nothing they can do till then. Funny thing was, the summons and the warrant had my name spelled very wrong. It all went away the next week as promised but it was a strange ordeal.PapaOoMaoMao
25. Out of the Blue.
GiphyOut of the blue I had movie-style-debt-collectors harassing me for an unpaid doctor's bill. I never got a bill, never mind a second one or even a phone call. I hadn't gone to that doctor in years because I had moved (kept the phone number - they could have reached me).
Fun part: The bill was for a complete set of STD tests.
One of the employees had tested himself and tried to bill my insurance but it didn't go through because I was at a new job. They insisted it was me because "how else would we have your insurance info?" Uh... I used to go there, Einstein.
I'd be mad but it got sorted out plus the guy had herpes. KaraPuppers
24. I'm Sorry
I worked near a famous college at the time, and a student was murdered one weekend. A week or two later, the head of my department asked me to come to his office, and he whispered "I'm sorry" as we entered and saw a policeman waiting for us.
The officer told me they had an anonymous tip that someone working in my department matched the description of the suspect. He then asked me where I was on the date of the murder.
I said I don't know. He asked me if I had been to any parties near the college, and I said no. He thanked me for my time, and that was it.
I made sure everyone in my department knew about it, and I took full advantage of that encounter.
"Oh, is that the last donut you have there? Did I ever mention to you that I'm a murder suspect?" tourettes_on_tuesday
23. At Gun Point.
I was once pulled over at gunpoint.
It was back in HS, I was 18 and I didn't have a car so I was driving my mums yellow smart car of all things. It was around midnight, and I pulled over in a residential area to answer a phone call.
30 seconds in, and I am blinded by someone behind me, like someone pulled over with their brights on, I couldn't see a damn thing.
Then I see a car from the opposite direction swerve across the road in front of me, and stop diagonally. It puts on its mirror lights and I realize it's a cruiser. They point them at me, and I realize the other car is a cop too. There's two of them.
Next thing I know my door is pulled open, and an officer is grabbing me trying to pull me out of the car. I have my seat belt on, and am beyond confused. I see two other cops and they have their flashlights and guns pointed at my face.
I click my seat belt and am stolen from my car and my face is shoved into the side/roof of my mums car. They are all shouting and I have no damn idea what the heck is happening.
Through the ridiculous conflicting commands of 'hands behind your back!' And 'hands on your head!' They ask me what I'm doing. I am terrified. I tell them I'm answering a call, and they question if I'm on drugs, and why I was driving so late.
They claimed they thought I was selling drugs in the area, as it was near the local college. And I repeat, I was driving my mums yellow smart car.
Needless to say I was let go, but screw that, and boy do I distrust the crap out of cops. What if I got shot for that crappy police work.
Now my brother is an officer, so I don't know how to feel anymore. ConnorO79
22. Close the Gate.
GiphyIn Kindergarten I was assigned to close the gate, and this girl Sabrin followed me. I started to close the gate and this girl opened it. After some back and forth she ran inside and said I was trying to open it while she was trying to close it. They immediately believed her possibly due to an unrelated event involving urine, and I was put on time out. This has pissed me off for the entirety of my life. MakerMaxC
21. A GTA.
Told me I committed GTA cause my car matched the one at the scene of a crime. I asked if they had a description of the person and they said no. But they held me for a few and wanted to take my picture. I told them hell no and if they did I was gonna call a lawyer up. They let me go after trying to say I was lucky and that they could throw me in jail if they wanted. I didn't care. Just felt if they were gonna throw me in jail, they wouldn't make a big deal about it. Probably just wanted me to admit to something I didn't do. But it didn't affect me. I feel that, that's probably a tactic that works for them. So whatever. ItsKilLikeMine
20. "where were you on this day?"
I was a suspect in a murder. Young woman went missing (and hasn't been found some 20 years later). A blood trail was left behind at the scene. I had two detectives come to my house and question me. It was very daunting. One didn't acknowledge me and furiously scribbled notes. The other asked all manner of questions and watched me like a hawk. The only time scribbler looked at me was when they showed me a big photo of her. They asked questions like "where were you on this day?"
"Could anyone have access to your car?" (The type of car was witnessed). I got really nervous because it was a few weeks earlier and couldn't remember where i was. I yelled out to my girlfriend (who was lurking down the hall but unseen "where were we on December the 2nd?". Both coppers jumped up to check my girlfriend. Not the same person. They eased off a bit and explained a car like mine was seen, there were 3,500 of these cars and they were questioning everyone.
I worked and lived near where she was taken and had been pulled over by plain clothed cops a week or so earlier on my way home from work.
I didn't know her and turns out i was at work the day she disappeared. I still think about her and wonder what happened. I feel horrible for her family. I passed on unique car model features which i though might narrow the search for the cops but they never found her or the perp. masterjabbadad
19. A Jar of Lollies.
When I was a kid I was accused by my parents for stealing a jar of lollies from a 1$ store. I'd been in the store at some stage with my stepdad and asked to buy them. He said no. Okay whatever. They assumed I'd stolen them then. In reality they were gifted to me by a friend for Xmas. I hid them in my room because I wasn't allowed anything sweet or sugary.
I told them that and they refused to believe me or follow up on it, just lots of yelling. I was put in the car by my step dad (whom I hated and did not get along with at all) and taken to the police station. He's yelling at me the whole way there trying to scare me etc. which worked. Suffice to say we never made it inside. I flipped. He's literally dragging me down the street while I'm screaming and fighting with ounce of might 9 or 10 year old me has.
He kinda looks around and stops (would've looked really bad from onlookers perspective), acts like he's won, punishment enough "you'll never do this again" kinda BS. We get back to the car and I don't say a word. Never forgave them for that, they lost all my trust that day. kiwifulla64
18. Steelwork is shady.
Some friends and I were hanging on top of a steelwork building and we got chased from from the security guards. Before we knew it, there were police helicopters, dogs & vans after us. Turns out the steelworks was burgled a few nights earlier and they thought it was us.
One girl in our group couldn't run across the muddy fields because of her heels, so I stayed with her knowing she (we) would be caught by the oncoming police. Anyway, we got arrested and held in custody overnight, we were given paper clothes and shoes and bailed the next.
20 years later we have been married 15 years and have 5 kids. megabollockchops
17. 70 Days in County.
I was arrested and charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor while at an acquaintances apartment. Everything was legitimately a misunderstanding. Spent 70 days in a county jail outside of my home state before it got cleared up. Screwed up my mindset a bit. Still have increased anxiety and aggression. It changed me for sure. d3dforlife
16.
I was accused of taking the SATs for a bunch of kids and the school claimed to have all this proof. Except I was in the hospital after a car accident in a medically induced coma during those dates. [username deleted]
15. Pranks.
One time, when I was in seventh or eight grade, me and my friend snuck out to egg the school on some random night. On our way there some older kids saw us and we told them what we were up to (because we were so bad). We went and did our dumb pranks and went home to bed, having no idea that later that night, someone else went back and smashed some windows at the school, doing thousands of dollars in damage.
Somehow our names got mentioned to the cops (probably from the older kids, who let's be honest, probably also broke the windows), and the cops came calling. They took me to the detachment and scared the ever living crap out of me, and when I told them I swore to god all we did was egg the school, they asked me if I'd be willing to take a lie detector test. I said I would, but it never came to that.
I don't know if they ever caught the person who actually did it. But I can tell you that being suspected of a crime you (mostly) didn't commit is not cool. BrowsingNewForYou
14. Against Your Will.
It was kind of surreal. First you're held against your will. You tell the truth, but they don't believe you and they continue pressing to know more. It's so absurd to be asked the same questions and they expect different results. Laughable even, but they saw you smirk a little bit, you must be lying your mom thinks. But stand your ground and know that no matter the truth, the other side will think what they want, and if they hold more power your belief matters not.
I've had trust issues after that and being only 8-9 I don't even recall what she was after but I remember knowing for a fact I was telling the truth. Imakedo
13. The Edgy Skater Kid.
In 5th grade I was the edgy skater kid who like to draw that stupid graffiti style "S" on all of my papers and stuff. One day I show up to school and a bunch of kids are looking at me weird. One of my friends comes up to me and asks if I did it. "Did what?" I asked genuinely curious. Turns out our schools mural had been tagged by someone and for some reason people thought a 5th grader would be responsible for that. Ended up talking with the principal and he either bought my story or just pretended that he did, understanding that there was clearly no evidence against me. The tag was actually pretty well done if I remember correctly, nothing a kid like me could have done.
Really made me feel like a criminal though. Not long after that I started doing stupid stuff as I was unsupervised due to my single mother working all the time. Ended up actually tagging some things, though it was rare cause I sucked. Got caught ditching school the next year and eventually got my butt sent to my Aunt's house. Unfortunately this was not in Bel Air, instead I moved from a nice city to awful Wyoming. Fixed me right up. PanthraxIV
12. The Eagle.
A few years back someone killed a Bald Eagle in my town and the feds came out. My cousin and a few of his friends, being the intelligent 16 year old boys they were made a crack that they had shot it (they had not). Someone else heard them and told the police. The boys got questioned about it.
I'm pretty sure they were put on a watch list because a few months later a buzzard was killed which is also illegal. The first person questioned was a guy (also a stupid teenager) whose buddies put it in the back of his truck. He had found it and posed with it and put the pic on facebook. My cousin and his friends were the next ones questioned. Thatonetwin
11. SWAT's here!
GiphyMy sweet, innocent girlfriend was raided by a SWAT team because her ex at the time was a scumbag who decided to rob a couple stores at knife point early in the morning after a night of debauchery with his friend using my girlfriend's car as the getaway car.
My gf was just chilling making some art at around 11am I believe, the morning that the robberies took place and she noticed the house being swarmed by heavily armed officers and before she knew it the door was busted open and she had assault rifles pointed at her head and she had no idea wtf was going on.
To paint a picture on how screwed up her ex was, while the raid was happening she was yelling at him asking him what the hell was going on, she asked him "is it because I was smoking?" and her ex said "dunno probably." What a piece of crap.
She was brought to jail for a night and finally released when she was able to explain that she had no part in the robbery and didn't know that her ex was up to such awfulness. She left him not long after this obviously.
Sadly she has some anxiety / PTSD issues that have risen from the event but she is a strong girl and is moving on well with her life. I do my best to keep her happy and let her know I'm there for her and that she will never go through a crappy event like that ever again.
Her ex pled guilty earlier this year but we're not even sure if he got or is getting jail time. I hope he gets what he deserves. Reddit
10. It's always the Boss...
I was a person of interest in a murder investigation back in the late 90's. My former boss had murdered her two kids for the insurance money because she and her husband was going to have to file for bankruptcies.
I work at that company for about for six months, and I remember when I was working there every Friday the owner would take the managers out for lunch and when they can back to work, you knew that I had been drinking a lot. Also, I remember the clothes that she would wear to work, she would wear a high-end dress and jewels, and everybody knows she that gets weekly botox injections and also her breast was silicone. And this company that I work at was a manufacturing company that built circuit boards for AT&T cell phones, so you know that working there was also loud and dirty.
After I had quit that company, and about a month later I saw on the news that she had murdered her two older sons. And also about a week later a former coworker call us and told us that the cops had questioned him about the former owner and also give us a heads up that the cops meant be call us soon because he said that after the interview he pass by the cops office and saw on the board a bunch of pictures of former workers at that company and my picture was on there. So a bunch of us decided to go to the police station and talk to the cops about our former boss. And about three months later every one of us was cleared of the murder investigation. pulse2075
9. Get a Lawyer.
It feels like interrogators really want to just put the crime on the first person they feasibly can instead of doing actual work.
Always get a lawyer people, no matter how air tight your alibis are. Emperor_Nihilist
8. Forced Adventures.
My ex and a couple of her friends framed me with intent to purposely make my life hell. It's an awful feeling. Public opinion is a hell of a thing to have against you if you're just some regular person.
I lost my job. I lost sleep. I lost my mind because of it. On top of this, I was a single dad trying to keep my two kids from realizing what was going on. We would go on "adventures" and stay at various friends' houses or motels to keep them from realizing there was no electricity or running water at home. runningfisk
7. Stolen/Found...
Was (indirectly) the main suspect in a murder case at the age of 12, because a homeless guy who was murdered had stolen/found my lost keys several months before. It was the only lead they had and someone linked the electronic key to my school. My name was registered under my name, so i was pulled out of class to speak with a police officer and a psychologist.
They told me someone had been murdered a week before, which i hadn't heard about. Since i knew i hadn't killed the man, whom i had no other connections to, i tried to stay calm and cooperated answering all their questions and describe my keys before identifying. It helped that it was 2 very kind ladies in civilian clothing.
They let me go after 45 min and told me i was no longer a suspect. Returned to class pretty out of it but calmed down after talking to my parents and the teacher.
Makes for a fun story at parties, and my dad still has a screenshot from a news site with the headline "KEY OWNER POSSIBLE MURDER/SUSPECT." HeluniasRose
6. Dark Days.
There's a fantastic book on this topic titled 'Dark Days' by Randall D. Blythe. He was accused of killing a fan during one of his gigs in the Czech Republic and subsequently imprisoned, without notice, when they landed at the airport heading to their next gig in the country. henrihell
5. 911 Blazing In!
GiphyIt sucked. Quick rundown: I was picking a friend up and cracked out dude who just broke into their dealer neighbors house tries to car jack me. Like an ongoing battle that lasted close to 10 minutes. Got a call out to 911. They came blazing in. Somehow my car jacking wasn't put it the paperwork and the next day the police came looking for me.
I wasn't home but went down to the station thinking they were going to ask me about the Dude (he got away) only to be accused of being there to buy. I'm a giant 420 fan but the neighbor wasn't my dealer. The cops were saying my friends were buying from the guy and I was there to do the same thing. All bull because I was picking up for them lol. They kept me for almost an hour and finally let me head home when I was able to convince them I was just an innocent bystander. Siray
4. Top This!
Top this anyone! Someone once reported that I looked like Bin Laden's #2, the explosives expert last seen in Somalia or something. The FBI showed up at my work. I'm not even Arab, I'm Mexican. Apparently, the person who reported it later retracted the statement but finding such a high ranking Al Qaeda member in Orange County, California was far too juicy a lead to pass up.
We all had a good laugh, including my boss. After a week though she fired me and told me to "go away you dirty terrorist." Okay that last part didn't happen. uReallyShouldTrustMe
3. Sorry Dad.
Not me but my dad... he was arrested for armed robbery before I was born. Apparently, according to police he was the spitting image of the suspect. The only reason they let him go was because he had (still has) a debilitating stammer, there is no way he could get the words out.
"Th.. th. this.. is a r..r..robbery." Willfy
2. The Runaway.
I was accused of harboring a runaway. She had runaway to her boyfriends to get knocked up, but left a letter saying she was at my house.
Police knocked on my door. Said she wasn't here and I'd been at an internship all day so clearly her letter about me picking her up was a lie.
They left and found her at her boyfriend's.
Not really a crime, but kind ehh. I thought it weird the police falsified evidence that I'd been calling her every day for a month when I hadn't spoken to her since high school graduation three months ago. fudgyvmp
1. The Thief.
GiphySomeone stole A LOT of money at the last company I worked at and did so under my numbers and log in credentials. The cops were brought in along with high up corporate bosses and company lawyers to break down to me what would be happening, No matter what I said they just did not give a crap or believe me.
That feeling of knowing you're 100% innocent but are going to be prosecuted for something you didn't do was sinking, thankfully the guy who did it, did it again under another employees numbers and was caught. The company was man enough to apologize and hook me up with some paid time off for the stress. Swarhammer
Ever had a crime pinned on you? Let us know below!
H/T: Reddit
Being let go from your job is never a pleasant experience.
Particularly if it comes out of nowhere, without any possible warning that this was a possibility.
Even if it isn't any more pleasant, generally speaking, most people have at least an inkling of why they were let go.
Budgetary reasons, dissolved departments, being told you weren't meeting company standards, or bad blood with the boss.
As well as some less common, highly unusual reasons which at least might make a good story down the line.
Redditor Sweetlo123 was curious to hear from people who were let go from their jobs, and why they were met with this fate, leaving them to ask:
"What did you get fired for?"
For Standing Up For What's Right.
"We were told we get OT for night work."
"The new 'company manager' let it slip that we don't actually get OT for night work, so when I was scheduled for five nights in a row working on a transmission line cell site I mentioned that I expect everyone working from our company on site get OT."
"Once it was said that we won't get OT and that it wasn't an actual policy (was written in employee handbook), I forwarded the email chain to the entire company and leadership at Verizon."
"I was canned, but now everyone gets OT for night work."
"My life is better now anyway and got my people what the deserve."- drklunk
This Was Never Going To End Well...
"Aggressively squeezing breakfast muffins lol."
"I was a few days into working at Mcds and someone complained I gave them a muffin that was too hard-they bake them at like 3 am and sit in a warmer all day."
"This was before they had the full bakery menu, I think muffins was the only thing baked and maybe cookies."
"So my manager told me to squeeze them before I hand them out."
"Me being a dumb teenager squeezed the s*it out of these muffins and got another complaint."
"They stopped scheduling me, haha."- eatmyknuts
You Have To Do The Work To Get Paid...
"I just stopped working and began only attending meetings."
"Lasted almost 9 months that way before they let me go."- frantictossing
martin freeman sleeping GIFGiphyWrong Time, Wrong Place
"I was fired after a month into my first job at a local pizza joint when I was 16."
"They called me during the Super Bowl and said I had to come in."
"I told them I was out of state without a car so no way I could make it."
"They said I should’ve known this was one of the busiest days of the year and I should’ve stayed in the area."
"I came in to work my next shift and they just gave me my paycheck and said they had to let me go for not being a team player."
"10 years later I was fired from a job in tech because I refused to move out of state."
"This one hurt a lot more."- seventyfive1989
Hard Not To Say They Had It Coming...
"The company's timeclock software ran off of the computers time, so when I was late I would just close the software, change the time back to before shift start and then clock in and change it back."
"The supervisor who showed me the trick fired me."
"A day or two later he saw me pulling in late, and when he went over the time info that day, it showed me clocked in on time."
"He knew why."- Grief-Inc
Nepotism Always Screws Someone Over...
"Worked at a gas station and was a sucker for the free soda."
"I would drink a few 24 oz glasses of Dr. Pepper (don’t judge) per shift and had to piss relatively frequently."
"I usually worked with the same lady every shift and every shift my drawer came up short even like $10-20 bucks."
"One day my usual co-worker was off and I worked with another lady who warned me to watch my drawer around the other and hers had been short when she was around."
"That got me to thinking."
"The next shift with the usual lady I stuck some receipt paper into the lip of the bottom of my drawer and hit the bead."
"When I came back the paper was on the floor."
"My drawer was short $20 at shift change and my boss fired me."
"I told her of my findings and asked her to review the security tape."
"She told me to f*ck right off the other lady had been there years."
"I left heart broken and rented some VHS tapes to indulge in and recover."
"One of the movies was Casino and man is that a good movie."
"Come to find out the usual lady was the boss lady’s cousin and they f*ckin told people I knew I got fired for stealing money."
"I though about calling a lawyer but also, I was in high school and was delusional I suppose."
"I got out of that town after high school and rarely return, especially considering all my family moved off."- woohhaa
Snl Smiling GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyThe Age Old Story Of Men In Power
"Caught the boss stealing."
"So he fired me."
"His word vs. mine and it didn't go my way."- freezingprocess
People Tend To Get What They Deserve
"Embezzled almost $500,000 from the doctor's office I worked at."
"Oh no, wait."
"That was my former supervisor who did that...26 years after she fired me for taking home a left over slice of pizza after a drug rep hosted a pizza party for the office staff."
"Karma can take a long time, but it always comes through."- YourFront
Late To The Game...
"Being the last hired when they instituted layoffs."- BubbhaJebus
Some Plans Can't Be Cancelled
"1970s YES 'Close to the Edge' tour."
"I had my tickets and had the request approved for time off, they changed their mind at the last minute and would not let me off."
"Pfft."
"Left anyways and was genuinely surprised when I got back on Monday and they informed me that I was fired."-AmandaBRecondwith
Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated
"My boss was talking sh*t about me to employees, and I confronted her with 'how would you expect the people below me to respect me when you show them that you don’t?'"
"She didn’t like it and literally went crying to the owners, who then fired me for 'causing problems'.”- Successful-Snow-562
For Literally Doing What They Were Supposed To
"I got fired for slacking off and underperforming at work by taking my legally required lunch."- 10leej
Hungry Lets Eat GIF by TRTGiphyThey Couldn't Have Waited One Day?
"Worked as a QA tester for an online game company."
"Found bug while on my personal account at home."
"Came in the next day and reported the bug."
"I was VERY clear I found the bug while playing at home on my personal account."
"It was a nasty bug that let you duplicate very expensive items."
"A few weeks later someone in customer service was checking the logs for people exploiting the bug."
"They found mine and the company decided to fire me on my birthday."
"That was around 15 years ago but it still upsets me every year, on my birthday."- PedanticCyborg
While most believe "ignorance is bliss", anyone handed a pink slip deserves to know why.
Even if sometimes the reason gives no closure whatsoever, and instead only results in even more questions.
Having the support of family is a dream; they're always there when you need them, willing to lend a helping hand. However, sometimes family members are completely clueless, and their assistance has adverse effects. Here Redditors tell of what went down when their family thought they were helping when in reality, their good intentions were horribly misplaced.
My Sister Did Quite The Job On Me
My Sister Did Quite The Job On Me
One day, my little sister asked for my CV so she could base her own on it. A few days later, I got an email from Google Dublin telling me that my job application had been rejected. A conversation with my very embarrassed sister revealed that my mother had put her up to it. They sat down together and filled out the job application. When I saw what they wrote, I wanted to scream.
They included gems such as, “Q: Why do you want to work for Google? A: Because I LOVE technology'”. I imagine whoever viewed my application thought it quite ballsy for a music and Chinese language graduate to apply for the post of “Senior Technical Programmer”.
Grandma Doesn’t Let Up
Grandma Doesn’t Let Up
My girlfriend and I both have great full-time jobs starting in our careers. My family lives about 60 miles away in my hometown. My grandmother sends us clippings from the newspaper of random job postings in hopes I will move back home. They are all completely unconnected to our jobs. Every month when we visit, she also insists that we should set up an apartment in her basement and live there instead of having to pay rent somewhere. I love her dearly, but that would be just a little too weird.
My Mom Hit A Sour Note
My Mom Hit A Sour Note
My mother is a professional musician and had no greater desire than for me to be the same. Immediately after entering college, I completely minimized my time in music as much as possible to maintain my scholarship and put all my energy into medical biology. I was doing two doctorates in the medical sciences, so it is not like I slacked off.
Almost a year after I did this, my mother somehow found out. She then called the school, and multiple people in the music department, demanding that they require me to spend more time with music and get me back to “acceptable” levels of performance.
A Publix Humiliation
My grandfather insisted I call some random teacher he met at the grocery store to "set up an internship" for my last semester of college when I would have to student teach. No amount of explaining could convince him that that was not how it was done. I would have to apply through my university and my county, and they would assign me a classroom and a teacher. It started to get painful.
He would call once a week and say I was ungrateful for not taking him up on his help when he had worked so hard, and why couldn't I just make one small effort to help my future and secure a classroom? I felt awkward because it's pretty weird to call up someone your grandfather met at Publix and explain that you don't need their help.
Eventually, I started feeling guilty and called this woman up. When she picked up, I said, "Hello, my grandfather gave me your number because he thinks that—" and she responded with, "Don't worry, sweetie. He pretty much old man guilted me to give him my number. I know you can't control where you're placed in your internship. Bye". It was really awkward.
The Taste Of Embarrassment
Former Quiznos Subs Sign Downtown Miami | Completely empty i… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
When I was 18, my friend who was a cook offered me a delivery job at Quiznos; I told my mom that I was thinking about it. She got mad, emailed Quiznos corporate office, and said how it was irresponsible to offer me a job and that the manager was terrible. But that wasn't the end of the embarrassment. The message went to the manager, who went to my friend, who read it—embarrassingly—in a car full of my friends.
Mom, The Pickup Artist
I'm 26 years old, and every time I'm out with my mom, she tries her hardest to pick up girls for me, no matter the place. She's left my number for cute waitresses, girls that helped me into fitting rooms, bartenders, etc. It's never subtle, either. It’s always, "My son is single, you know? And very handsome and has a job and car".
Stop The Music!
My dad forced me to stop taking guitar lessons because "It is affecting your grades". I maintained a 4.0 in high school, did all of my homework, and would then proceed to play guitar for about eight hours a day. He actually threatened to burn my $800 Schecter. I have no idea why he thought it was ruining my life; I had a job, studied, and just loved music.
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener
My mom once mowed the lawn while I was out to "help me get my chores done”. It was a disaster. She put the blade on as low as it went and it absolutely scalped the lawn. She had shorn it all the way down to bare dirt. There was even dirt blowing all over the yard, but she said she "didn't notice". It took months for the grass to grow back.
What Once Was Too Much Is No More
My mother did a thousand things that drove me insane. She would write my name on my underwear, on every book I owned, and engrave it onto things that wouldn't keep ink. She'd do the laundry, but seemingly had no idea how to do laundry. My entire life she had to straighten things up, which consisted of taking everything in the room and putting it in one pile—papers, cell phones, empty coke cans, you name it.
This even occurred when I was 40 years old and in my own house with a wife and kids. She'd constantly tell me and my wife that we needed more furniture, more things on the walls, more knick-knacks, basically to clutter our house up like she had done to hers. She was a pretty annoying person for the most part, but she did cool stuff too, like give me money like take my wife shopping or babysit our kids.
She volunteered to babysit our kids on her 43rd anniversary despite having a stomach ache. The next day she went to the doctor where she found out she had cancer. The day after that she had an emergency operation which determined it was inoperable. She never left the hospital and passed two weeks later. Now, suddenly all that stuff that drove me insane doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore.
Meddlesome Mom Messed With My Mail
pile of printing papersPhoto by Alexander Grey on UnsplashMy mom opens all my letters, especially my bank statements. She once came across an invoice for an adult subscription. You think that's embarrassing? It gets soooo much worse. She instantly assumed someone had gained access to my account. So, she decided to phone the bank and tell them that fraudulent activity was taking place, and had my account frozen. Not only that, but because I am self-employed, she thought she would ring HM&Revenue, and tell them about it.
As a result, I ended up getting investigated to make sure all of my accounts and business purchases were legit. Her response was, “I know my precious baby would not be buying [racy videos]”. I'm 21 years old!
Trying To Put The Hit On Me
My mom insisted I needed a boyfriend since the age of 12 or I was a lesbian. Typical ways for Mexicans to meet other fornicating Mexicans were at weddings and Quinceneras. I've always been a book nerd/tomboy and my mom kept insisting I had to wear fewer clothes and would force short skirts and dresses on me. I hated getting hit on because all the guys that would had already slept with at least three of my cousins.
Thankfully, I was one of the few in my family who ended up not pregnant by the age of 15. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21—most of my cousins were married by then—and got married at the age of 24, and was able to prove once and for all that I liked men.
Duo Lingo Disaster
My wife's grandmother is Russian and wanted me to learn the language. So Babushka bought a huge carton of cassette tapes and handed them to me. When I saw what they said, it was so hard not to laugh. They were tapes...for Russians who wanted to learn English. She figured that I could listen to the Russian prompts, then hear the English parts, and reverse engineer the Russian language. Nyet. That's not how it works.
Hidden Figures
My mom is very religious and I'm not, so she hides religious icons all over my house. I'll find a crystal statue of the Virgin Mary in my toilet tank, little pictures of Jesus on my storage shelves in the basement, etc. It's always a little amusing when I find some random saint's picture stuffed into a book on my shelf. I probably have dozens of these things lying around that I haven't found yet.
Priorities, People!
My family is in the class under middle class. Through middle school and high school, going to the doctor was too expensive and our bills weren't ever paid on time. We had the financial credit of a squirrel. But my parents made it so much worse. It makes me sound shallow to say this to most people, but I was given well-intentioned, expensive, material things.
Clothes, cars, jewelry, technology—everything beyond our means—was bought for me and it was forced into my hands. Despite their best attempts, I remained frugal and money conscious. I have handed back 300-dollar watches and said, “Please just pay the bills”, only to be threatened to have them thrown away. Then, there were expensive clothes and shoes that were out of style.
Most of the clothes I liked were thrift store-bought or on sale, but I have 200-dollar coats hanging untouched in my closet. I can't be thankful for being handed essentially junk when there isn't enough food in the fridge or the lights go out.
Meddling Middle School Misfortune
boy leaning on brown wooden railingsPhoto by Tadeusz Lakota on UnsplashWhen I was finishing primary school, our school gave us the choice of two middle schools to move to. One was really nice and in a decent area; the other was a little run down, and in a bad area, but was slightly nearer to where I lived. Naturally, even before seeing each school, the choice for me was an easy one. I would rather go to a nice school and suffer an extra 20 minutes of travel than the alternative.
This choice appeared to be shared with nearly everybody else as well and, as a result, we were told that not everybody would get their first choice. They would determine who would get into which school based on several factors. I figured I would be almost guaranteed a spot in the nice school since I was doing well academically.
I was in advanced classes for math and English. I was shocked to later find out that I had been sent to the bad school. This was exacerbated by the fact that nearly all my friends were being sent to the good school. What followed was the worst four years of my life, and some issues that I have no doubt screwed me up as a person, even now. When I found out WHY it had happened, I almost started to cry.
I told my parents I had been assigned to the bad school, and my dad said he was relieved. The thing was, he thought that I would not be able to get to school on time if I went to the nicer school, due to the extra distance, and the travel costs would be higher since I would need to take an extra bus. So, he wrote a letter to the school board.
He mentioned that while I preferred the nicer school, he thought the bad school was more convenient. I love my parents, so I have never told him this, but to this day I have never forgiven him for doing this.
God Mom, Lay Off!
My mom would force me to go to church on Sundays, weekly church youth group, church summer camp, and daily morning scripture study classes before school while I was growing up. Despite all that, she seems to think that I didn't get the memo about the whole God thing. So, she still gives me the conversion pitch every time I see her. I am 36 years old. Thanks, mom, but no means no.
An Invitation For Disaster
My mother-in-law tried to take over my wedding guest list because she “knew exactly who we needed to invite”. We ended up with all of her relatives and very few of my friends or family. She also wanted to invite all of her co-workers, all of her friends, and their children. I finally put my foot down and told her that I had limited room, a limited budget, and it was my wedding. Luckily, my husband agreed with me. All her relatives got mad as well because I refused to have anyone below the age of 13 there.
Dragged On My Dad’s Dates
My dad dragged me around everywhere he went when I was a child. He would take me on his dates too. Although it sounds cute and funny, all he would do was make fun of me and tell them how I spend all my time on computers. I hated every second of it. He did this for a bit until he clued in that women don't like when you trash talk your son or ask him questions like, "Why don't you draw anymore"?
I would reply, "You threw out my artwork in my room, so I gave up". They also don’t like when I just couldn’t take the awkwardness of being an 11-year-old forced to accompany two mid-40-year-olds “trying” to date. I would get up and go to the bathroom or walk around, only to be tripped by my dad, for which he would turn back and laugh. He thought he was teaching me a lesson by taking me because I spent all my time on the computer.
Garage Sale Granny
My grandparents are garage sale junkies. This really helped me out when I was just getting started on my own, as they had so much unused furniture just lying around in the garage. However, it just kept coming. I would get phone calls from home saying, "Oh Hunny, we picked you up a new microwave! It was only $5"! I've been given three different microwaves over the last three years.
They also buy socks for my baby daughter all the time—like every time I come to visit. My daughter hates socks, and she rarely wears them. There are SOCKS EVERYWHERE. I have two giant shopping bags full of unused baby socks in the closet, and I can't donate them because, apparently some places—in my area at least—don't accept socks unless they are in their original packaging.
It Didn’t Make Any Cents
silver and gold round coinsPhoto by Art Rachen on UnsplashI was going to a coin show with my co-worker and his stepfather. They came by and picked me up, and we went to the show. After they dropped me off, the stepfather was stopped and questioned by the authorities near my house. It turned out my dad had called the authorities thinking that the stepfather was a predator, and I didn't know any better.
But here's the messed up part: I was 21 at the time. It was very embarrassing when I heard what happened the next day.
A Numbers Game
Before my wife and I ever met, her mother would often give her phone number to "nice Jewish boys" that she thought would be good dating material. It was weird but not bad or unusual. Except that, for a period of nearly a year after my wife and I had started dating, her mother was still doing this. There were times when we'd go back to her apartment after seeing a movie or something, and there would be a message on her answering machine.
It would be from a guy that she had never met, who got her phone number from her mother. This was happening MONTHS after we were involved with one another, even after I went to her mother's house and had dinner with her.
Single Straight Female
Years ago, my sister jokingly insinuated I was a lesbian. My parents gave me the whole "love you whatever you are" spiel later. I didn't tell them right away that I wasn’t because it made my conservative parents vote “No” on Prop 8, etc. I also didn't think it mattered, and I didn't want them to expect any grandkids. Later, I told my mom I was straight because the whole scenario got a bit aggravating. It only got more excruciating.
Despite telling her this, she kept insinuating certain things like the best places in China (I’m Asian) to find a wife, etc. I have absolutely no interest in having kids EVER, which I made abundantly clear. My mom, therefore, thinks I am a hermaphrodite or a female-to-male trans person. She's even asked me if I have a male organ or if I wanted to change my general doctor to a male one so I can talk about my "man problems". I'm a straight girl, so all of this was quite perplexing.
No Bed Of Roses
I had just moved back in with my mom after having some financial difficulties. I was 28 at the time and broke, sleeping on a twin bed. I was lamenting about how difficult that might make bringing ladies home. Her response was horrifying: "You can use my bed. Just call me first". Suffice it to say, during the two years I was back home with her, there were no romantic times back at my place.
Filling My Fridge For Nothing
Every time my grandparents visit my town, they stock my empty pantry with lots of canned goods and my empty freezer full of frozen entrees. I tell them that I appreciate their generosity, but that it is really unnecessary. They reply by saying they don't ever want to risk me going hungry because I am too proud to ask for food.
The reason my cabinets are consistently bare is that after they leave, I always make a point of donating what they've bought me to a local food bank. I own three restaurants, so there is no reason I would ever cook at home. In a bad year, I have an annual net income of around $2,000,000. They're stocking a $10,000 freezer.
Proper Phone Etiquette
brown rotary dial telephone in gray painted roomPhoto by Annie Spratt on UnsplashMy mom used to make me make phone calls under the guise of “teaching me how to talk on the phone”. But she was having me call adults as a young teen about business stuff like for example, the electric company. She would not give me the information I would need to complete the task, like the account number or whatever, so I’m absolutely sure I was just annoying people who were trying to do their jobs and my phone anxiety as an adult is almost crippling.
No Thanks For The “Expert” Advice
My mother-in-law sent me a text message with advice for editing the language on my personal portfolio website. She told me to change all of the pronouns I use when referring to myself to "my company name". When I told her most illustrators I know don't do this, she simply responded that she was an "expert editor". I am not being ungrateful; she is constantly doing this. Providing "expert advice" to people whose jobs she knows nothing about. When I told her what I did for a living, she responded with, "Well, gee, I could do that".
Coast To Coast Annoyance
My aunt constantly tries to introduce me to women who live 3,000 miles away from me. I have explained many times that I live on the East Coast, so her attempts to find me a girlfriend on the West Coast are not going to help. Not only that, but my girlfriend doesn't appreciate the efforts either. The funniest part is that she isn't even old or senile. She's just a bit nuts.
Grammy Was Out Of Step
When I was really young, my Midwestern, Protestant, fundie grandparents believed that black or gray clothing was exclusively worn by bad people, and they refused to see it on their grandson. They took particular issue with black shoes. As a six-year-old, I was given the chance to pick my own shoes out at the local Sports Authority.
I spent the whole day evaluating my options and settled on a gorgeous pair of black New Balance with orange mesh and white logos. Understandably, I couldn't wait to show them off to Grammy when I went to visit for the summer. I carefully explained the features of the shoes, and how they made me run faster, jump higher, and look older.
When she saw them, she said, "Oh my goodness! Those might be the coolest shoes I've ever seen"! Then, when I woke up the next morning, they had been thrown out and replaced by a pair of entirely white Nike sneakers with no explanation.
Father-Son Sacrifices
I grew up with a dad who had been a high school and college sports legend. I hated sports. I was overweight and liked D&D and drawing. My dad was friends with the high school football coach, so I felt like I had to try out for the team. I hated every second of it. I hated the training and I was terrible. My teammates knew I wasn't into it and wanted me out.
One day, I jumped off the bleachers and tried to land on my leg to break it. I sprained my ankle badly and missed our first scrimmage. Finally, I had to confess to my dad that I hated it and wanted off the team. I was so scared because I thought he'd be so disappointed. However, he told me, "Son, you're you and I'm me. Just because I played football doesn't mean you have to. I want you to do what makes you happy".
So, my dad watched football alone, while I drew and read and later skateboarded. Over the years, we found a lot of common ground, such as music, and cooking together. I lost him almost five years ago, and strangely, now I'm a huge football fan. I sit and watch football alone and I can imagine him with me. I appreciate it now and I understand what it meant to my dad.
Drowning In Questions
man doing swimmingPhoto by Richard R. Schünemann on UnsplashI used to swim a lot in college, which was many years ago. I got tired of getting in the water, so now I mostly do weights and machines at the gym, like the rowing machine and the elliptical. But every time my mother sees me, she asks, “So, have you been swimming”? We have had MANY conversations about how I don't like swimming anymore and I have no desire to swim, yet I still exercise. But EVERY time I see her, it’s, "Have you been swimming? How's your swimming”?
Cool It!
Years ago, my wife and I went on vacation for two weeks, and we had her parents watch our house and cat for us. Never again. We left the house at a comfortable temperature as it was the middle of summer in Atlanta, and we didn't want our cat to bake. We also wanted the house to be comfortable for them and my brother for the couple of days he stayed.
When we returned, the house was about 90 degrees on the inside, and our cat was chilling in our basement—somewhere she never went—where the temp was a good ten degrees cooler. They also decided to wipe down our kitchen counters, even though the kitchen was 100% clean. They are marble and she used a cleaner on them that left these little spots all over them that never came off.
My brother came over for a couple of days and said that he actually turned the A/C back on and noticed that when he came back a couple of days later, it was back off again. So he turned it on again and when we returned, it was off again. Our cat was not amused and decided that she would hang out in the basement for weeks at a time, and we rarely saw her.
Our power bill was enormous that next month and the constant heating and cooling of the house caused the wallpaper in two of our bathrooms to peel. When we asked them about it, they explained, "We were just trying to save you guys some money on your power bill. You know you shouldn't keep your house so cool all the time! And we wiped the dust off your counters too with the cleaner you had”, which was hardwood floor cleaner as it turned out.
Critical Clotheshorse
She took all of my pants and cut them into shorts and gave them to my brother because they were "too small for me" when, in reality, they fit perfectly. After she realized that what she did might have irked me a bit, she came back with a few pairs of light blue wrangler jeans that were a 40" waist because they would "fit me better". I wore a 36, so needless to say, they didn't.
She also told my little brother, who was chubby and pretty self-conscious, that he had a gut and that he needed to swim with a shirt on. I wouldn't be critical if she were old enough not to know better regarding what she says, but she just turned 65.
Dressed To Impress
My mother was in love with the idea that I would go to work in an office with a suit and a tie. She had some ideal image from television that this was a great lifestyle. Meanwhile, we came from a farm, and I was an artist. For a year or so after finishing a degree, I worked in tech support and this required a dress code. My mother got me so many collared shirts and ties, it was crazy. I've worked mostly in offices since but rarely need a tie. I know she's always been disappointed.
Temptation Almost Took Over
When I was in my 20s and a dateless wonder, my stepmother tried to talk me into marrying an attractive young woman who was a friend of the family, and was in the US on a green card. It would be for citizenship, but my stepmother also said that whatever other “private arrangements” we worked out were up to us. I was tempted for about five minutes, but then my father caught wind of my stepmom's scheme and put a stop to it.
Harrowing Hook Up
Giant Dipper queue entrance | Santa Cruz Boardwalk @ Santa C… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
One day, I was at the wonderful Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk with my family. My dad had been drinking and suddenly asked me, "Why don't you have a girlfriend"? I was around 11 or 12 years old at the time. I told him I just never found one, and that's when he decided to become Cupid. He called over this group of overweight, goth chicks to "hook his son up".
Naturally, I was embarrassed beyond belief. I walked away to go find my mom, who was furious with my dad’s conduct. She even went so far as to ask, "Why did you choose some goth chicks"? His response was terrible and inappropriate. To this day I have never forgotten that.
Upstairs, Downstairs
When I was 11 or so, I was riding my bicycle home from school and the wind started blowing like crazy, hard enough that I had to push my bike the last couple of blocks home. The tornado sirens went off while I was half a block away. I ran straight to the back door that led to the basement, went downstairs, and over to the “safe” corner my parents taught me about.
I sat and worried about the house collapsing on me. Then, the phone started ringing upstairs. I ignored it for as long as I could, probably around two minutes. I finally ran upstairs and answered the phone. It was my mom, and all she said was, "Get your butt downstairs"!
Bound And Gagged
My mom and sister came to visit me for a few days the weekend after I moved into a new apartment by myself. I had to work on the first day they were there and gave them suggestions on a whole bunch of fun activities they could do while I was gone. I asked them to please not unpack any of my stuff so that I would know where I had placed everything.
Obviously, there were also things my mom didn’t need to see. I arrived home after work and everything was unpacked. Then, my mom handed me one bag which she had not emptied. The content had bed straps, and she asked me if I had wanted her to set those up too. It was mortifying.
College Control Freak
My mom took over my entire college experience. She became really controlling about my course schedule and degree options. Somehow, it got worse the older I got. She would contact my academic counselor and bug him about why I couldn’t get into ENGL 3044 or why HIST 4513 didn’t give me the same general ed credit as ENGL 4513 for the multi-disciplinary degree that she pushed on me.
I wanted to major in sociology, but Mom thought that was stupid and it was a hippy-liberal communist degree. It made me hate college, and avoid any professors she had contacted. She would also get really mad if I changed my university password to try and lock her out. Basically, she threatened not to pay for my college if she couldn't control me and she threatened to cancel my car insurance too. All because she was afraid I would leave for greener pastures.
Drop The Dating Advice
My brother, my sister, my sister-in-law, and every aunt and uncle whom I've seen in the past four years all take the opportunity to give me dating advice, ask me about what kind of girls I like, ask me to pick the most attractive girl in the restaurant/building, etc. One of my uncles, in particular, was telling me in none-too-uncertain terms to just find girls to bed, not for relationships.
His reasoning was that, obviously, no 23-year-old guy wants to have a girlfriend metaphorically tying him down, holding him back from things, etc. Of course, every college dude just wants to just go sleep around indiscriminately. This was a dinner conversation with my parents at the table. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Every time it happens, I'm tempted to tell them that I'm gay—which I'm not—so they'll get off my back. But then I know they'll just do the same for dudes.
Something Was Fishy With My Juice
brown and yellow medication tabletsPhoto by Leohoho on UnsplashI'm a vegetarian and have been for seven years. One summer, my mom was going through a phase of making me these orange juices every day; they were nice. I always thought to myself that the oranges must be coming from a different place this year because they were so sweet. One day, I was scrambling through the fridge and found this jar that looked like some weird medicine.
I opened that baby up and took a whiff. It smelled like oranges—sweet, sweet oranges. When I read the label of the “medicine”, that's when I realized that my mom was spiking my drinks with fish oil. A “vegetarian” who eats fish is called a “vegequarian pescatarian”, not a vegetarian like I was. Needless to say, I was mad and didn't talk to her for a week.
Mama Yenta
My mother tries to set me up with Jewish men. Our family is Jewish, and I have told them explicitly, many times, that I don't want to marry anyone overtly religious and that I find most Jewish men not to be my type, to put it lightly. So lately, my mother has been trying to hook me up with cute girls. She believes that since I'm a 26-year-old pretty, single girl, I MUST be gay to not be married with kids.
The Devil’s Devices
My grandmother throws out appliances that have the number 666 in the serial number or barcode. She thinks these appliances will eventually turn on us because they’re the devil's appliances. This includes a brand new lawnmower she received as a gift from her children. Of course, she didn't give the lawnmower to anyone because she didn’t want to be responsible for the impending doom the appliance would bring; she just threw it out. She's done this at our house before as well. She's a nut, but I love her!
My Family Was Full Of Gay Abandon
When my mother and father found out I was gay, my mother said it would be best for me to come out to everyone who lived with us. At the time, it was my sister, brother, grandmother, and great-aunt. She said if I didn’t do it, she would do it for me because it would help me have a better relationship with all of them. When I went to talk to my grandmother, she had just had some really intense surgery and she was on some serious pain meds.
So, I sat her down and told her I was gay and she just went on this half-hour rant about how she knew a teacher that was a queer when she was in high school. It turned out she then emailed several relatives about my coming out. An aunt of mine then sent me a letter saying that she wished the best for me and told me that I could "still live my life as a gypsy", I just needed to be careful because "AIDS is really dangerous" and that I shouldn’t sleep with anyone until I was married.
Time To Cut The Cord
My parents can't accept that I am a married adult and don't need them to do everything for me. They did all they could to make me as dependent as possible, and they don't understand that not needing them to do things doesn’t mean I don't love them. For example, I am pregnant and at high risk. My mother calls all the time wanting to take me to my appointments.
I get that she is nervous, but this little girl is very healthy, and I don't want her there. She doesn't help, she only makes me nervous. My husband wants to go with me, after all, it's our baby, and she doesn't get it. She called my last daughter "her" baby, and she is starting again. It infuriates me beyond belief. My parents also hate that I live about two hours away in a different state.
They want us to visit every weekend and get mad that we only visit every few months. I talk to my mom every day, mind you, yet sometimes she calls me several times a day and doesn't get that I have things to do. She also constantly says she and my dad are moving to Las Vegas and she thinks it would be great if we moved there too.
She has all these people call my husband about jobs that are not anything he would be interested in. Plus, my parents don't have any good business contacts. My mom has not had a real job in fifteen years and my father has been looking for a better job for years. They are not even in the same field as my husband. Even if the job sounded perfect, we would never trust it.
We don't want to be associated with anyone they do business with. My parents have some serious separation issues.
Two Sides Of A Shield
a person holding a babyPhoto by Polina Kuzovkova on UnsplashI had cancer twice before I was five years old and so my parents really shielded my life. If I was invited to a kid’s birthday party, my mom would be there too. I wasn’t allowed to play outside until late, and even when I was older, there was no going to nightclubs. I had to be in by 10 PM and had to argue my way to let my boyfriend (now husband) stay the night.
As a result, I'm terrible at socializing, struggle to make my own decisions since someone was always there with an answer for me, and don’t know anything about running a house as it was all done for me and not by choice. When I moved in with my boyfriend, they were all, “Do you not like us anymore? What have we done to deserve this?”
My guy had to show me everything from using the washing machine and paying bills, to cooking. Everything I know is because of him! They continued to message, email, and phone several times a day until I asked for space and to be allowed to live my life. We have a better relationship now, and I have my own little girl, so I do understand to some extent.
However, I know I'd want her to be supported and loved but allowed to scrape her knees and be included in everything. My job as a parent is to make her feel confident about herself and teach her everything I know to help her become a well-rounded and independent individual.
The Only Bad Influence Was Her
My mom tried to protect me from my dad. My dad was a lazy guy when they were together in Vietnam. Even when they had my sister and me, my dad didn't do much for us. My mom had to take care of him and us, so we moved to the US without him. This is when my sister and I were pretty young. He missed us and he would write to us, but for 12 years I never saw his letters.
Then, through the magic of technology, we got into contact again. My mom warned me about him because she thought that he would have a bad influence on me. My dad and I exchanged emails and I told my mom about it. Then, she finally confessed the dark truth. She had kept all of his letters away from us so that we wouldn't think of him and just forget about him.
When I read the letters that he sent us, they were filled with nothing but loving and encouraging words like, "I know I'm not there for you two, but you both are in my hearts". There were no bad words or any negative influences in any of his letters. Then, my mom demanded that I let her read my emails. My email exchanges with my dad were us talking about my life and what I was doing in school.
She thought that he was going to be a bad influence on me by making me quit school and move back to Vietnam. He was doing none of that. He encouraged me to stay in school and told me that I should be grateful for living in America. Then, one time, I left my email open to go and do a quick errand. My mom went into my email, sent my dad a letter pretending to be me, and cursed him out.
I found out about it and asked her why. She said she was trying to protect me. This all happened when I was 21. My grandmother also told my mom to not let my sister and I talk to my dad because she, too, thought that he would have a bad influence on us.
The Cost Of High Tuition
My mom is paying off her student debt 20 years later from a college she didn't even graduate from. She's convinced that if I go to an in-state college, I will save money and never have to do what she was doing. Then, I moved to NYC last year, and now I'm getting in-state tuition at one of the cheapest state school systems in the US.
Even so, my mother keeps suggesting and is trying to guilt-trip me to go to private colleges back home, a couple of which are religious, and most of them don't offer what I need, while at the same time costing four times as much a year compared to where I'm at now. She also went as far as to tell my siblings that I didn't love them and that's why I was moving so far away, in a "one final effort" to try and keep me in the state. That really, really sucked.
Living The High Life
My grandmother was a nasty blue-blood rich woman until she blew all her millions on furniture and stupid material possessions with no resale value. Yet, she still acts like she is rich and demands the country-club lifestyle she is accustomed to from my mom and aunt. She really is insufferable. She has set me up with rich potential husbands, one of whom was a third cousin.
She set up an appointment with the Dean of my school to discuss my merits; she lives nearly four hours away from me. She invited me out to dinner for my 21st birthday at a $90-steak-type place so that she could "culture me" and introduce me to her friends. She then told me to pay for her. The total bill was $459 and I was in college. This list goes on forever and every time, she does things so that she can "help me get ahead in life", but it’s really just for herself.
Out Of Service
This happened to me right before I graduated from high school. The men on my mom’s side of the family were all associated with some form of service like the Navy, Army, etc. My aunt decided that, since I had no job or any college courses, she would go ahead and forge my application to the Marine Corps and the Navy.
I got a call two weeks after my birthday saying to come in for an evaluation test. She went to all my uncles and told them how excited I was to serve, and how I couldn't wait to "be a part of something bigger than me". When I found out, I lost it. I called her and explained to her how that was totally not cool and how much respect I had towards people who serve, but that it wasn't my calling.
I told her that I was very disappointed that she faked an application just because she thought I'd have a better life! I cut all ties with her and had to explain to my uncles how this was all her idea, and to my surprise, two of them were going along with her. So I moved up North to get away from pretty much all my family.
TMI!
woman in black long sleeve shirt covering her facePhoto by Ivan Aleksic on UnsplashMy parents were way too open about the birds and the bees. Sex positivity should make you feel comfortable and safe; it shouldn't make you uncomfortable or be pushed on you when you aren't ready. I got a comprehensive talk when I was seven. My mom gave me an entire book and told me to tell her if I "had any questions", all because I asked what a word meant.
My mom asked me if I wanted any toys and gave my sister her USED ones. It was definitely unsanitary. My mom also smacked my booty a lot and told me I had a good body. It took a few years of asking her to stop in order for her actually to stop. She would interrupt my sister's dates when she was 14–16 years old to ask her if she needed protection.
That just made my sister feel pressured to use them, even if the date wasn't going in that direction. My dad was just plain gross about the subject too, but he never had talks exactly in the same detailed and crass way my mom did with me.