It's easy to forget that what we think is impossible, could potentially happen. There are people out there who have lived through their worst nightmares- stuff that seems unimaginable. Here are their stories.
Incognito1101: People who have survived an attempted murder, what is your story?
When pizza delivery goes lethal.
"I delivered a pizza to a house just outside of the city. On the way back, I stopped to help a car that pulled over in front of me with their hazard lights on. I pulled up beside them and thought it was weird that nobody rolled down a window or made any kind of contact with me for around 15 seconds. The passenger then jumped out of his side of the car yelling that they needed help as he made his way toward my car. I thought something was weird about this. As I started to pull away before he could get to my passenger door, he began shooting at me. I ducked my head after the first shot entered through the back window and embedded in my passenger seat headrest. Another shot entered through the rear window, while the other 3 only hit the outside metal parts of my car, he missed all together with another shot.
I remember being sure I was about to die as he fired more shots at me. I was very surprised that it wasn't panicky, it was just like "Oh, I guess this is it."
Turns out it was a plot to rob me, the pizza was ordered and the guys were stationed down the road to intercept me. They knew who I was and they knew that I would be able to recognize them, as I had delivered a few orders to them before. The guy wasn't wearing anything to cover his identity, which leads me to believe that he would have shot and killed me if he would have made it inside my car.
By the next morning they had all been arrested. The shooter was found guilty of attempted murder and sentenced to 40 years in prison. He later appealed that sentencing because there was a word wrong in the jury instructions, he won the appeal and ended up being sentenced to 10 years, and was released November of 2010 after 5 years. The remaining 5 years were to be served as parole/probation. He was arrested twice for parole/probation violation when he was only a couple months away from total freedom. I laughed."
That's messed up.Giphy
"Had a girl cut my brake lines on my car, didn't know until we checked the camera from the apartment complex.
Luckily she cut straight through them vs slitting them, when I attempted to crank the car the brake pedal went straight to the floor and I immediately knew something was wrong."
Bet that shooter feels really stupid.
"Random dude shot me in the chest because he thought I was my drug dealer neighbor. My neighbor was 6'3 and black. I'm 5'11 and white.
Jokes on him, all he got were a few cigarettes, some pocket change, and 35 years on an attempted 2nd degree homicide conviction."
What a horrible birthday.
"My older sister tried to stab me with a large knife in an attempt to kill me on my 16th birthday, my mother grabbed the knife off her before it got my stomach and slammed her against the fridge and yelled at me to run
Last time I saw my older sister she said "I've gotten over it and you should to, it's pathetic to hang onto it" she then told people it was self defense because I tried to hurt her. I was literally eating my birthday breakfast.
I didn't sleep properly for 2 years while she was in the house because she constantly tried to break into my room at night to slit my throat while I slept. I hate her."
Wrong place at the wrong time.Giphy
My uncle was attempted murdered by random and pure bad luck.
He was living in a high rise and some crack head pressed every single buzzer. Someone let him in out of laziness/not caring/wanting the buzzer to stop. The crack head proceeded to knock on every single door down the hallways and my uncle is the first to answer the door.
The crack head pulls out a pair of scissors and plunges them into his throat.
The crack head then nonchalantly walks out of the building and says to a passing couple, 'you should probably call the police because I just murdered someone'.
He was picked up very quickly, and my uncle survived.
For a year or two before his epilepsy killed him.
"My mom attempted to murder me and my sister when we were younger. She was going through a psychotic episode and pretty suicidal, and I said the wrong thing that set her off. She chased us down to the basement with a knife. We ran into my room and my sister hid in the closet while I tried to fight my mom off at the door. She was trying to push it open while I was trying to push it closed. It was a back and forth struggle until she put her hand in the door (I think she was trying to engage my non-violence because she thought I wouldn't shut the door on her hand) but I slammed the door over and over again.
Meanwhile, my dad who was in the house finally came downstairs to check in what was happening (mind you, this all happened VERY fast and my dad has a habit of zoning out when my mom gets in her episodes.) He ended up pulling her off of the door and my sister and I ran out of the house and jumped in our van. He drove around the corner and turned off the lights and we all ducked down in our seats to hide and stayed there until my dad saw her drive our other car off."
Not related? Seriously?
"When I was a kid, probably around 2nd grade, our house got robbed and my mom and I came home while it was in progress. For whatever reason, she decided to go in and interrupt them. She grabbed her gun (didn't shoot), yelled at them to "get the f out of my house" and then we drove off in a hurry to the corner store to call the cops (this was before cell phones).
Less than 2 weeks later, my mom and I are sitting in the living room on the couch, our backs to the front door. Someone drives by and fires about 6 or 8 shots into the front of our house. Thank God for a steel front door. The cops came and said they didn't think the two incidents were related."
Some people are just truly awful.Giphy
"This happened a couple weeks ago. It was 4:00 AM on a Monday night, playing Rust with some friends and my curtains were slightly open.
All of the sudden I hear a loud pop and my monitor jumps and starts smoking. The screen is completely messed like I had thrown it on the ground, and I was utterly confused as to what happened.
Turns out someone was looking for someone to hurt. When they saw me through the window, they thought they had found their victim.
A .22 pistol bullet was shot through my window at my chest and was stopped by my monitor. Who knows how long I was aimed at, or why they wanted to hurt someone. All I know is I got really lucky, and I should send a thank you card to Asus."
"I posted this story already a long while back. But basically, I worked in a jail and a guy from a biker gang tried to pay $10,000 to have me killed because he somehow got the idea that I was the fed who busted him and was merely pretending to be a jailer so I could spy on him (don't do meth kids.)
The guy was bragging about it and one of the other inmates who I had saved from a heart attack with first aid didn't like that so he beat the living snot out of the guy and then told me about it. Phone call recordings confirmed that he had promised the money to two guys if they shot me in the back of the head while escorting him to court and busted him out.
Federal Marshals rolled them up and on his way to court I whispered to him "your friends won't be joining us" when we got to the planned ambush point, instead of a bond hearing he got charged for trying to have me murdered and organizing an escape."
She's lucky to have survived.
"Not my story but grandmother's friend was getting picked up from work by her husband when he shot at her 5 times. He missed 4 times and the 5th bullet hit the underwire of her bra. He then turned the gun around and killed him self. He had just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
She's alive, and was completely uninjured. She now jokes about how bad of a shot he was to miss that many times. Crazy story."
That's so messed up.
"When I was 6 years old I saw my bio dad stab my bio mom 20 times in front of my little brother and I. He took my bio mom's blood and rubbed it on my brother's face and said "this is your mothers blood".
She almost died right in front of us. They got her to the hospital in enough time to save her life. But it was scary, and I remember everything. He only went to jail for 8 years. He claimed he heard demons telling him to do it."
How can someone be so evil?Giphy
"I was 3 years old and went to this lady's house for swimming lessons. What my parents didn't know was that the lady hated boys.
One day she threw me in the pool and left me to die. I sank to the bottom. I was under for several minutes.
Some how a teenager saw this, jumped the fence and rescued me. The ambulance came and I was in ICU for a week. My parents never found out who the teenager was.
The lady wasn't arrested. The cops told my parents that it would cost them money to take her to court. A lawyer read an article in the newspaper and decided to go after the lady, pro bono. She had several businesses involving kids. He was able to shut her down. She ended up as a waitress and eventually got cancer and died.
As a lovely parting gift, growing up I sometimes felt like I was drowning when taking a shower or in water. I've over came this and eventually got a scuba license and still enjoy swimming."
"I had just bought a full sheet of acid (this was 20 years ago, sorry FBI) and I went over to where my friend was living with a bunch of roommates to share the wealth. I knew most of the people he lived with, but there was one guy staying there who I hadn't met before. I basically handed out however many doses people were tough enough to take at once, including three or four hits to the new guy.
We came to find out pretty quickly that new guy had never taken LSD before. OK, no problem, he's at home, he's surrounded by people he knows (except me), he can just chill and have a good time. We wanted to watch a movie so we landed on the Brady Bunch movie (which is trippy af, btw). Everything's going good, we all start peaking and we're laughing and having a good time...and then, on the movie, the little girl Cindy is getting advice from her dad and says "But I don't want to be a snitch..."
New guy stands up and roars "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING SNITCH?" We all try to calm him down, explain to him that it's a line from the movie, we even rewind the movie so he can watch that part again, but nothing is working. He's tripping too hard to reason with, and he's convinced that we're accusing him of being a snitch. Then he starts pacing back and forth, back and forth, muttering "This is the kind of shit that makes motherfuckers kill. This is the kind of shit that makes motherfuckers kill." over and over. Great."
"He zeroed in on me, I'm sure because he didn't know me, and he's still pacing back and forth and muttering but now he's giving me a death glare while he does it. I'm getting pretty uncomfortable, obviously, and I'm also peaking from like 10 hits of acid so my ability to cope with the situation is pretty low. I stand up because, well, there's a guy I don't know pacing around behind me muttering about killing people, and I don't want my back to this dude. This would be a really intense situation even if I wasn't tripping balls, but the acid certainly doesn't help.
Suddenly he pulls out a huge hunting knife, lunges at me, and tries to stab me. I dodged him, then he made another try but by that time his friends had jumped up and were holding him back. He's struggling to break free and screaming "YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING SNITCH? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!", and I took the opportunity to bop right on out the door. I was about half a mile from my house but it took me about two hours to find it because I was tripping so hard and I kept getting lost in my own neighborhood.
Addendum: He was, in fact, a snitch, and the whole house got raided a few weeks later. A bunch of the guys who lived there got arrested for drugs, although my friend had moved out by that point so luckily he wasn't one of them."
That guy shouldn't be a doctor.
"I don't think it was really attempted malicious murder, just ignorance murder.
I was in the ER for what I found out months later was a gallbladder attack. At the time I was in so much pain I couldn't think or see straight, I could barely sit up, I was sweating, it was bad. Doctor tells me I'm on drugs. I've never done drugs in my life. I don't even drink. I'd even quit smoking! He ignores me and tells me to stop pretending. He gives me toradol.
I am very, very, very, allergic to toradol. I broke out in a rash from head to toe and my whole body felt like it was on fire. I told the doctor, he told me I'd done it to myself from being so dramatic and he's discharging me. He leaves and I start getting super lightheaded and start shivering uncontrollably. I kept pressing my call light and I was crying and saying 'help' but no one was coming. A nurse walked out of a room next to me and peered in and saw me and fucking RAN 'We need help in room 7!'"
"Within seconds my nurse was there, with a big cart. I'm laying down at this point I remember her yelling at me to answer and stay awake but I couldn't. I remember the blood pressure cuff going off and looking at the numbers and they were low, and pulse was dropping too. I was just really warm and sleepy and didn't care about anything any more. She kept telling me not to go to sleep but it's the only thing I wanted to do in the whole world.
I woke up about 7 hours later still covered in a rash and kind of confused but otherwise ok. Alive, at least. Still hate doctors to this day."
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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