You know when you tell an amazing joke/pun/dad joke and no one laughs? Yeah it sucks, because you know how funny it was, and you definitely hold not laughing against anyone who didn't. Anyway, here are some of Reddit's favorite failed jokes. They're great, so why didn't people laugh?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Luther... Lutheran... get it?
There's an educational computer game series from the 1990's called Freddi Fish, and my son had a plush toy of Freddi and his little fish pal Luther. He particularly loved Luther and carried the toy everywhere he went.
One Sunday morning the wife drove us to church, and she wanted him to leave his beloved toy in the car instead of taking it inside. Without missing a beat, I said, "Yeah, it's not a Lutheran church."
Nobody got the joke. And I'll never get the chance to tell that joke again. But I still remember it.
This textbook dad joke.
I was about 9 and it was Christmas time. There was a barbie shaped box under the tree and I was sure it was the one I asked for. I was dying from excitement and kept begging to open it. When that failed, I begged for hints. For two weeks the only hint he would give me was "you know". Christmas eve he caved and let me open it. It was "Uno" cards. I did get the Barbie on Christmas morning.
Funny? Or sad?
Spent my lunch break doing a crossword, occasionally asking some clues out loud for people to help with - just to get them warmed up.
Then, the ground having been prepared, I entered the final phase:
"3 across- Overworked Postman."
Someone took the bait: "How many letters?"
And with a perfect deadpan delivery, I pounced on my prey: "Thousands."
Lame, realtor, lame.
Was viewing a house recently to buy it. Its a fixer upper. We were talking to the realtor who had yet to realize our disgust. In the driveway was a toilet with a box around it. I couldn't resist. I said: "I saw in the listing that the house was 2 1/2 baths. IS THAT THE HALF BATH?" He calmly explained that the 1/2 bath was inside. Life is pain.
His answer was better.
Senior year religion class at a Catholic High School. Our Deacon teacher asks us "Whats the two words you're not supposed to say to a Jehovah's Witness?" The class was a wasteland of boredom. I, figuring what the hell, raised my hand and responded "Come In." Dead. Silence. Might as well as have had a tumbleweed rolling by.
For the record the answer was "Happy Birthday."
Next time, listen.
My friends were walking ahead of me when I noticed that they were literally going down a street called, no joke, Wong Way. I was shouting at them that they were going the Wong Way and they just shouted back "no the car is this way" and continued walking. It wasn't nearly as funny when I sprinted after them and explained it in detail while laughing to myself. F*ck them, that was hilarious.
This is quite good.
Just happened the other day. My coworker said to his wife (who also works with us) that he needed to make his car payment today. So I chimed in, "oh, so it's car pay diem" without missing a beat. They didn't even react.
I was in a graduate class for teaching math. Somebody asked if we knew the way they multiply in China. I said "Same way we do, but only once."
I just started working at a car dealership. And in a department wide training session the teacher goes on a bit about how were spreading good news and says something like have you heard about our lord and savior, Harr (Harr is our dealership name) without missing a beat I slid in. "He died for your rims" only the chick next to me heard and she started f*cking dying of laughter. Everyone else looked at us like were weirdos.
To be fair, Hawking would have appreciated this.
People were talking about Stephen Hawking passing away and someone mentioned he was British. Two teenage girls said they didn't realize he was from England.
I said "yea it's hard to tell since he lost his accent."
No one laughed.