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People Share The Dumbest Things People Have Said To Them

People say and do stupid things, but sometimes they're so dumb that our very faith in humanity shatters into tiny bits - like stopping on a highway out of respect for a funeral going the opposite direction, or using "xoxoxox" as a signature in a work email to a client. We've come a long way as a species, but like... WTF?

SmokeyBare asked, What made you say "f*ck, people are dumb"?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Apparently dogs only understand English.

A girl in one of my college classes didn't understand how dogs in Spain understood their owners. She thought dogs only understood English and were just lost as hell in any other country.


This person drives for a living.

I once had a Lyft driver who could not wrap her mind around the fact that people in Australia drive on the left side of the road. "How do they even do that without getting into an accident?!" I lost some of my faith in humanity that day.


Not surprising in the least.

Worked at a Starbucks in a mall a few years ago. Some of the stores were going to be closed for Easter, and they had a list of those stores on signs all around the store way ahead of time.

Lady walks up to me at the register and asks if I know what stores will be closed.

I tell her I don't know them all but that there's a sign right behind her with a list to which she promptly responds with "I don't read signs" then expects me to tell her what she wants to know.

I couldn't hold my laughter after that.


Can confirm. 

Bartending for the past 14 months has really helped me with my staircase wit. I would recommend everyone try bartending, but bartending also taught me how stupid people can be.


We've all met this lady.

I've met this lady.

I worked at a tea house. We closed for private events. When we did, it usually meant we closed early. The catch was that the guests still needed to get inside, so we closed the doors but didn't lock them. Signs were posted outside, directly in the path of the door, on big sandwich boards, explaining we were closed for a private party.

The party starts, gets going, and everyone has arrived. They have their tea, they're having a blast. Two hours in, this lady trips over our sign, moves it out of the way, and drags the door open. I'm watching her do this, feeling what little faith I had left in humanity drain away, pray she'll get it together and stay outside. But no, she's determined. She's getting her $7 coffee even if she has to chip a nail to do it.

She gets inside, straightens her coat, huffing at me. "You're so unwelcoming, making it so hard to get inside! Anyway, I want—,"

Jesus, she's actually trying to order. At this point, the party is starting to notice. She doesn't belong, she isn't here for their baby shower or bridal shower or whatever.

"Oh I'm sorry, we're closed!" I'm trying to be nice. I've had the face on all day, surely it will withstand her and my inner anguish will stay under the surface, right.

"No, I want my latte," she just brushed it aside. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"I can't do that for you, we're closed for a private party, I'm sorry!"

"Um, what?" Disbelief. Shock. It's starting to sink in through her inches of make up and cloud of self-entitlement-scented perfume. She's being told no? Perish the thought.

"Yeah, like the sign you moved out of the way said, we are closed for a private party. I will not serve you today." Polite. Firm. Passive aggressive. I'm supposed to be the one staff here that's good with the difficult customers. Keep it together!

"Ugh, whatever! Like, I don't read signs! Your coffee isn't even that good anyway, I was just supporting you people because you're foreign!"

She left in a huff, stumbled around the sign again, and walked down the block to Starbucks.

What a piece of humanity.


Professionalism 101.

Trained up a new girl at work, over the period of a few weeks. Emphasized that one of the most important things in the role is attention to detail. Wording things correctly, showing pride in your work etc.

Day 1 without me, begins sending emails to customers that look like they were written by a 6-year-old. Using the letter 'U' instead of 'you', 'thx' instead of 'thanks' & xoxo at the end of her signature.

I laughed so, so hard. She was fired two days later.


Darwin award.

Last night, driving home from a friend's place, this dude on a bike -- no helmet, no lights, no reflective gear, wearing black, at night, riding in the fast lane of a multi-lane highway where bikes are prohibited, turning at a light against the red, while talking on the phone.



Someone who had been trying a 'Mediterranean diet' on the advice of their doctor managed to put on 15kg in the 4 weeks since they were advised to do so.

The classic 'fish and vegetables' approach they had fervently adhered to had comprised of eating nothing but deepfried fish and chips from the local chippy.

Every day.

For four weeks.


Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

The Cleveland Balloon Disaster of 1986.

At that time, the City of Cleveland attempted to set a Guinness World Record by releasing over one-and-a-half-million balloons into the sky from one location.

The resulting cloud was so thick that it temporarily shaded out the sun over part of the city. Many of the balloons went straight into Lake Erie, which interfered with a very urgent Coast Guard search and rescue mission. The victims were found dead several days later.

Most of the remaining balloons drifted up to Canada, where they promptly deflated and littered natural areas en masse.

For weeks, the shoreline was covered in pieces of rubber.

The Guinness Book of World Records refused to recognize the stunt due to its severe negative impact on the environment. Many of the participants seemed genuinely shocked that the balloons eventually fell back down to the ground.


Okay, this is really, really stupid.

My buddy and I were traveling on a highway with a 60 MPH speed limit but most people go around 70. Lots of long straight stretches, double lanes on each side with a large grass median that makes the highway more like an interstate. The road slightly inclines at a certain point and as we go over the crest we see two vehicles stopped in both lanes. My buddy slams his brakes and I think we're definitely going to plow into them. He stops inches from a car and then I hear tires squealing behind us as a large truck barrels our way. I thought we were gonna die. My friend angles his truck just enough that we don't get ran over. Behind us is total chaos as vehicles slam their brakes. So why were these two vehicles stopped in the middle of both lanes?

A funeral procession was traveling in the opposite direction down the highway and they stopped out of "respect." Remember a large grass median separated the two sections so you could barely even determine it was a funeral procession at all. I couldn't believe the absolute stupidity of the two cars that stopped. I understand showing respect but you cannot come to a complete stop on a highway on which people are going 70 MPH. They almost injured/killed multiple people due to their show of respect.



I had an ex that financed all her furniture for a new house. I got a call from her a few months later saying " did you know when you finance something you end up paying WAY more than an item is worth". Felt bad for her.


Dino-mighty Big Mistake

This reminds me of the beached whale in Oregon in the 70's that was blown up with dynamite and it went so much worse than anticipated. They used way too much dynamite and it rained down decomposing whale bits all over beach goers and even flattened a car or two. Not sure what they were thinking and now they dispose of whales in a much safer fashion.


"A beached whale in one big piece is too heavy! We have to make it into smaller pieces. Cutting it up will take too long. Let's just stuff a bunch of dynamite up in there. What could go wrong?" Maybe they thought it would explode into teeny tiny pieces and burn up completely in the explosion? Too bad that isn't how any of that works


News Vampires

This reminds me of an incident from the early 90s (I think) when a commercial airliner went down. It turned out that a very large family were all on the plane together, going back to the old country to visit relatives. Some poor woman here in the US had just lost 17 family members in the crash. They cut to on-the-street camera footage and all you could see was this crying, elderly Asian woman pushing through a throng of cameramen trying to get to her car. It was repugnant. And being the vampires they are, the TV news editors *still* chose to air those 5 seconds of video. Just awful. I don't watch TV anymore.


i've been a 911 dispatcher for almost 30 years, and when the news stations would want a copy of a 911 tape released, you could literally see their disappointment if the person wasn't hysterical. we had one where a toddler was shot by a bullet that came through the wall from the next apt. when they found out the mother wasn't screaming and upset when she called 911, they literally got up, said they didn't it, and walked out.


Ride The Wave

Finding out people who can't swim will take their children who also can't swim to water parks and get into the wave pool expecting tubes and floaties to keep them alive.

Wave pools are dangerous enough, even for people who CAN swim. Why would anyone who can't swim willingly get into one? Go to a waterpark, sure! But stick with the shallower rides that aren't full of waves designed to knock people around.


Security Risk

Tl;Dr: A man tried to run full speed through the Disneyland security checkpoint, got clotheslined by security, and then was completely unwilling to understand why his family now wouldn't be allowed in the park due to him being a "security risk."

On my last trip to Disneyland, I was waiting in line to enter the park. Recently, due to stupid people doing stupid things, Disney has implemented a security checkpoint. This includes a bag check and a metal detector. It moves fast, it's easy, it takes maybe three minutes out of your day.

As I was standing there, from behind me, I heard the telltale sound of someone running in flip flops. I turned around and there was a family of five SPRINTING towards the checkpoint, all in matching shirts, looking like they were running for their lives. I think a parade was about to start, or something. Clearly their lives would end if they didn't make it inside in time to see the old man from Up waving on a float.

The mom and the three kids slowed down a little to find a security line. The dad didn't. Desperate times called for desperate measures. If he didn't get Little Jimmy inside in time to see Moana SHIT WAS GOING TO HIT THE FAN.

The dad blew straight past the bag check, jostling a few people, and continued right through the metal detector. The alarms went off, but he didn't stop. Not yet.

A security guard jumped in front of him, threw out an arm, and clotheslined his a**.

By the time I got through the line, they had pulled the guy and his completely MORTIFIED family off to the side, and were attempting to escort them out of the park. The guy was confused, angry, and volatile. What did they MEAN he couldn't go in?! What did they MEAN he was now a "security risk?!" He's here on VACATION.

I ended up walking away, just close enough to hear an angry "BUT WE BOUGHT TICKETS!"

If I had three days and a powerPoint presentation I still don't think I could explain to that man what he did wrong.

By the way, the parade was baller.


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.