People Share The Dumbest Things People Have Said To Them
People say and do stupid things, but sometimes they're so dumb that our very faith in humanity shatters into tiny bits - like stopping on a highway out of respect for a funeral going the opposite direction, or using "xoxoxox" as a signature in a work email to a client. We've come a long way as a species, but like... WTF?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Apparently dogs only understand English.
A girl in one of my college classes didn't understand how dogs in Spain understood their owners. She thought dogs only understood English and were just lost as hell in any other country.
This person drives for a living.
I once had a Lyft driver who could not wrap her mind around the fact that people in Australia drive on the left side of the road. "How do they even do that without getting into an accident?!" I lost some of my faith in humanity that day.
Not surprising in the least.
Worked at a Starbucks in a mall a few years ago. Some of the stores were going to be closed for Easter, and they had a list of those stores on signs all around the store way ahead of time.
Lady walks up to me at the register and asks if I know what stores will be closed.
I tell her I don't know them all but that there's a sign right behind her with a list to which she promptly responds with "I don't read signs" then expects me to tell her what she wants to know.
I couldn't hold my laughter after that.
Bartending for the past 14 months has really helped me with my staircase wit. I would recommend everyone try bartending, but bartending also taught me how stupid people can be.
We've all met this lady.
I've met this lady.
I worked at a tea house. We closed for private events. When we did, it usually meant we closed early. The catch was that the guests still needed to get inside, so we closed the doors but didn't lock them. Signs were posted outside, directly in the path of the door, on big sandwich boards, explaining we were closed for a private party.
The party starts, gets going, and everyone has arrived. They have their tea, they're having a blast. Two hours in, this lady trips over our sign, moves it out of the way, and drags the door open. I'm watching her do this, feeling what little faith I had left in humanity drain away, pray she'll get it together and stay outside. But no, she's determined. She's getting her $7 coffee even if she has to chip a nail to do it.
She gets inside, straightens her coat, huffing at me. "You're so unwelcoming, making it so hard to get inside! Anyway, I want—,"
Jesus, she's actually trying to order. At this point, the party is starting to notice. She doesn't belong, she isn't here for their baby shower or bridal shower or whatever.
"Oh I'm sorry, we're closed!" I'm trying to be nice. I've had the face on all day, surely it will withstand her and my inner anguish will stay under the surface, right.
"No, I want my latte," she just brushed it aside. Maybe she didn't hear me.
"I can't do that for you, we're closed for a private party, I'm sorry!"
"Um, what?" Disbelief. Shock. It's starting to sink in through her inches of make up and cloud of self-entitlement-scented perfume. She's being told no? Perish the thought.
"Yeah, like the sign you moved out of the way said, we are closed for a private party. I will not serve you today." Polite. Firm. Passive aggressive. I'm supposed to be the one staff here that's good with the difficult customers. Keep it together!
"Ugh, whatever! Like, I don't read signs! Your coffee isn't even that good anyway, I was just supporting you people because you're foreign!"
She left in a huff, stumbled around the sign again, and walked down the block to Starbucks.
What a piece of humanity.
Trained up a new girl at work, over the period of a few weeks. Emphasized that one of the most important things in the role is attention to detail. Wording things correctly, showing pride in your work etc.
Day 1 without me, begins sending emails to customers that look like they were written by a 6-year-old. Using the letter 'U' instead of 'you', 'thx' instead of 'thanks' & xoxo at the end of her signature.
I laughed so, so hard. She was fired two days later.
Last night, driving home from a friend's place, this dude on a bike -- no helmet, no lights, no reflective gear, wearing black, at night, riding in the fast lane of a multi-lane highway where bikes are prohibited, turning at a light against the red, while talking on the phone.
Someone who had been trying a 'Mediterranean diet' on the advice of their doctor managed to put on 15kg in the 4 weeks since they were advised to do so.
The classic 'fish and vegetables' approach they had fervently adhered to had comprised of eating nothing but deepfried fish and chips from the local chippy.
For four weeks.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The Cleveland Balloon Disaster of 1986.
At that time, the City of Cleveland attempted to set a Guinness World Record by releasing over one-and-a-half-million balloons into the sky from one location.
The resulting cloud was so thick that it temporarily shaded out the sun over part of the city. Many of the balloons went straight into Lake Erie, which interfered with a very urgent Coast Guard search and rescue mission. The victims were found dead several days later.
Most of the remaining balloons drifted up to Canada, where they promptly deflated and littered natural areas en masse.
For weeks, the shoreline was covered in pieces of rubber.
The Guinness Book of World Records refused to recognize the stunt due to its severe negative impact on the environment. Many of the participants seemed genuinely shocked that the balloons eventually fell back down to the ground.
Okay, this is really, really stupid.
My buddy and I were traveling on a highway with a 60 MPH speed limit but most people go around 70. Lots of long straight stretches, double lanes on each side with a large grass median that makes the highway more like an interstate. The road slightly inclines at a certain point and as we go over the crest we see two vehicles stopped in both lanes. My buddy slams his brakes and I think we're definitely going to plow into them. He stops inches from a car and then I hear tires squealing behind us as a large truck barrels our way. I thought we were gonna die. My friend angles his truck just enough that we don't get ran over. Behind us is total chaos as vehicles slam their brakes. So why were these two vehicles stopped in the middle of both lanes?
A funeral procession was traveling in the opposite direction down the highway and they stopped out of "respect." Remember a large grass median separated the two sections so you could barely even determine it was a funeral procession at all. I couldn't believe the absolute stupidity of the two cars that stopped. I understand showing respect but you cannot come to a complete stop on a highway on which people are going 70 MPH. They almost injured/killed multiple people due to their show of respect.
I had an ex that financed all her furniture for a new house. I got a call from her a few months later saying " did you know when you finance something you end up paying WAY more than an item is worth". Felt bad for her.
Dino-mighty Big Mistake
This reminds me of the beached whale in Oregon in the 70's that was blown up with dynamite and it went so much worse than anticipated. They used way too much dynamite and it rained down decomposing whale bits all over beach goers and even flattened a car or two. Not sure what they were thinking and now they dispose of whales in a much safer fashion.
"A beached whale in one big piece is too heavy! We have to make it into smaller pieces. Cutting it up will take too long. Let's just stuff a bunch of dynamite up in there. What could go wrong?" Maybe they thought it would explode into teeny tiny pieces and burn up completely in the explosion? Too bad that isn't how any of that works
This reminds me of an incident from the early 90s (I think) when a commercial airliner went down. It turned out that a very large family were all on the plane together, going back to the old country to visit relatives. Some poor woman here in the US had just lost 17 family members in the crash. They cut to on-the-street camera footage and all you could see was this crying, elderly Asian woman pushing through a throng of cameramen trying to get to her car. It was repugnant. And being the vampires they are, the TV news editors *still* chose to air those 5 seconds of video. Just awful. I don't watch TV anymore.
i've been a 911 dispatcher for almost 30 years, and when the news stations would want a copy of a 911 tape released, you could literally see their disappointment if the person wasn't hysterical. we had one where a toddler was shot by a bullet that came through the wall from the next apt. when they found out the mother wasn't screaming and upset when she called 911, they literally got up, said they didn't it, and walked out.
Ride The Wave
Finding out people who can't swim will take their children who also can't swim to water parks and get into the wave pool expecting tubes and floaties to keep them alive.
Wave pools are dangerous enough, even for people who CAN swim. Why would anyone who can't swim willingly get into one? Go to a waterpark, sure! But stick with the shallower rides that aren't full of waves designed to knock people around.
Tl;Dr: A man tried to run full speed through the Disneyland security checkpoint, got clotheslined by security, and then was completely unwilling to understand why his family now wouldn't be allowed in the park due to him being a "security risk."
On my last trip to Disneyland, I was waiting in line to enter the park. Recently, due to stupid people doing stupid things, Disney has implemented a security checkpoint. This includes a bag check and a metal detector. It moves fast, it's easy, it takes maybe three minutes out of your day.
As I was standing there, from behind me, I heard the telltale sound of someone running in flip flops. I turned around and there was a family of five SPRINTING towards the checkpoint, all in matching shirts, looking like they were running for their lives. I think a parade was about to start, or something. Clearly their lives would end if they didn't make it inside in time to see the old man from Up waving on a float.
The mom and the three kids slowed down a little to find a security line. The dad didn't. Desperate times called for desperate measures. If he didn't get Little Jimmy inside in time to see Moana SHIT WAS GOING TO HIT THE FAN.
The dad blew straight past the bag check, jostling a few people, and continued right through the metal detector. The alarms went off, but he didn't stop. Not yet.
A security guard jumped in front of him, threw out an arm, and clotheslined his a**.
By the time I got through the line, they had pulled the guy and his completely MORTIFIED family off to the side, and were attempting to escort them out of the park. The guy was confused, angry, and volatile. What did they MEAN he couldn't go in?! What did they MEAN he was now a "security risk?!" He's here on VACATION.
I ended up walking away, just close enough to hear an angry "BUT WE BOUGHT TICKETS!"
If I had three days and a powerPoint presentation I still don't think I could explain to that man what he did wrong.
By the way, the parade was baller.
As much as we think we can get along with everyone, that's not always the case.
There are certain types of people you gravitate toward and making a connection with them is easy. But there are also those with specific personality traits you know very well to steer clear from.
Try as we might, we can't be friends with everyone. The best we can do is be the best version of ourselves and stay within a community of people who you vibe with.
Curious to hear from the types of people strangers online prefer keeping a distance from, Redditor KnownNormie asked:
"What type of person could you never be friends with?"
Some people like in the following examples should be put in their place.
Too Many Theatrics
"Someone who constantly makes everything dramatic."
"Someone who obviously doesn't care about anyone's boundaries."
Embracing The Dark
"Those who think its cool and edgy to be negative about everything."
How can people who think the world revolves around them expect to maintain or gain friendships?
All About Me
"Self centered people."
"Yeah, that gets old really fast. I am a reformed one upper. I would also interrupt people. I was hard to take when I was younger. I didn’t learn to STFU until I was forced to take a sales job and discovered just how crap I was socially. The last twenty years I’ve gotten a lot better and now enjoy listening to other people’s stories more than telling my own."
Not My Problem
"The one who always blame others."
We could all benefit from personal growth.
They Wait For Life To Happen
"Someone who doesn’t want to learn more about life and its intricacies. I only want friends who think deeply about things and can have varied conversations on religion, politics, the world, and all of life. This life is too vast and insane not to seek depth in it.
Don't Take Life Too Seriously
"Someone who is always serious and can't take a joke. As well as someone who gets offended on the behalf of others."
These are hard "no's."
You Can Bet Your Life On It
"a serial killer."
All Creatures Great And Small
"Someone who doesn't like animals."
It's complicated to categorize exactly the kind of person I would prefer to not to be friends with, but I know that one of my biggest pet peeves that can jeopardize how much effort I put into all kinds of relationships is a person's lack of punctuality.
It says a lot about an individual who is perpetually late outside of an acceptable window between 5 and 15 mins–with a heads up about their tardiness.
If they're always punctual in regards to work obligations and business meetings but very late to meeting up with you for a coffee date, you're clearly not important enough for them to make an effort to avoid keeping you waiting.
And I got no time for that.
There are numerous advantages to being bilingual.
Knowing the language of the country you may be traveling to, being able to translate for those who need help, not to mention, knowing what some people might be saying as they are literally talking behind your back.
Indeed, many people wish they could be fluent in at least one other language.
Though these same people likely also wonder, how exactly does the brain of a bilingual person work?
How easy is it to jump between multiple languages?
Is it really as easy as it looks to jump between languages?
"Bilingual people, what is a thing that non-bilingual will never understand?"
They All Blend Together
"The fact that I no longer 'translate' in my head when I use my second language."
"The fact that I can be unaware which language I am reading."
"I have a bit of a stutter in one language but not the other."
"Jokes that work in both languages are the funniest."- Mortlach78
"Speaking two languages at the same time."
"Usually because you forget certain words in one language but remember it in the other or because a word is easier to say."
"'Je n’ai aucune idée what the f*ck you’re talking about'.”- ctwheels
There's Not A Word For Everything
"Literal translations rarely work."
"A lot of monolingual people seem to think other languages are like their language but with other words, and every word as an equivalent."- TheAmazingKoki
Knowing The Language Doesn't Mean They'll Understand You
"Having an 'accent' regardless of which language you're speaking."
"Learning a language allows you to feel better understood as we interact and build connections with others."
"So it's frustrating when you feel as though you're not communicating as clearly as you would like to express yourself. It's been great to feel understood!"
"I've enjoyed reading through the comments and learning that there's a lot of people that are actively becoming multicultural."- Silv3r_lite
Less Gets Lost In Translation Than You Think...
"Translating is a whole different skill than speaking another language."
"When I first learnt English, I would translate things in my head to understand them."
"As I became fluent, I stopped doing that because I didn't need to."
"When someone speaks to me in English, I don't translate stuff in my head back to french to understand them, I just automatically understand it."
"Cue to if someone speaks English, and another person doesn't, and ask me 'hey, can you translate what he said ?'"
"I completely suck at it, I can ultimately do it but it means I need to take what was said in English, and reprocess it in French and find the most adequate words for translation and it's honestly not that easy to do."- Matrozi
Words, Words, Words
"How near-impossible it is to translate words when there is only one word for something in one language but multiple variants of it in another."
"For instance, the word 'cousin' in English is just 'cousin', but there are eight different words for cousin in Chinese, all extremely specific."
'Older male on maternal side, older female on maternal side, younger male on maternal side, younger female on maternal side, older male on paternal side, older female on paternal side, younger male on paternal side, and younger female on paternal side."
"There is no general cover-all term for 'cousin'."
"So when an English speaker says, 'I was having dinner with my cousin last week', how do you translate that into Chinese, for a Chinese audience, without knowing which of the 8 cousin categories it falls into?"
"It creates a '404 Error: Cannot Compute' in the interpreter's brain."
"If you are ever giving a speech in English to a Chinese audience and want to see a look of crazed terror on your interpreter's face, just use the word 'cousin' and watch the panic and despair unfold."
"Was an interpreter."- SteadfastEnd
There's No Simple One And Done
"That the way language is constructed is not straightforward."
"It's not just a different set of words and rules of grammar, it's kind of a whole different way of processing thoughts into speech."- Peanut_Butter_32
It Ain't As Easy As It Looks
"Real-time translation takes a LOT of mental energy."- selfawarescreen
What's The Word?
"Brain fog, when asked to translate, at a critical vocabulary moment."
"You need that one word to make the perfect translation."
"But it is not there."- toyoung
Forgetting Your Native Tongue
"Forgetting words from your native language if you are using the second language too much."
"I have lost count of how many times I knew what I wanted to say in any other language, yet I forgot how to say it on my own native language."
"I end up remembering them later on anyways, but it is such an embarrassing feeling."
" Also, another little thing."
"Accidentally switching languages in the middle of a conversation."
"I may be talking to someone in English, and when I didn't understand something, I would be like 'Qué?'(What? In Spanish), all without even thinking about what I did until I realize that I spoke in Spanish by mistake."
"It's not really common for it to happen, but I do remember each and every single time it does."- AruPeachy
"When some word only comes to mind in another language, and you just can't remember what that word is in your native tongue."- Acceptable-Damage43
Not All Sayings Are Universal
"The struggle of explaining / understanding sayings."
"Americans use a lot of sayings like “'et’s play it by ear', and in Spanish we also have sayings that don’t quite translate."
"Also when I’m too excited/ angry etc my brain switches to my native language and can’t quite express myself correctly the other language."- immigrantme
Humor Isn't Universal
"Some jokes make no sense in other languages."- Dukanduu
The Emotion Behind What You're Saying
"You have different personalities based on the language you’re currently speaking, and your native language has emotional ties that aren’t always present in other spoken languages."- P-Wizzl
One needs a fairly active brain to be successfully bilingual.
Though, one can only imagine that internally worrying about your everyday problems in French would likely make them seem a little more romantic.
Much as we might try to deny it, who hasn't found themselves dealing with one of "those colleagues" at work?
The sort of colleague where work gets done in spite of them, who doesn't seem to possess any of the basic qualifications their position requires, who uses up all their paid sick days at the very beginning of the calendar year.
The kind of employee where we're often left wondering, "how did they get that job?"
Then, when we actually do a little digging, we might learn the answer to that very question.
Often resulting in our making a surprising, if not downright humbling, discovery.
"Why hasn’t that “one guy” at your job been fired yet?"
"He ended up leaving work the day management was going to talk to him about his behavior and got into a severe motorcycle accident."- eatsbrainz
Just Not Possible
"Cuz he’s the boss."- Hotline-Furi
A Little Manipulation Goes A Long Way
"Because his supervisor is in love with him."
"He’s 'charming, charismatic, and everyone loves him'."
"He’s really close to the manager and his mom used to work for the company as well."
"She left a path for him to walk on."
"As my co worker once said, 'he harasses us but gets rewards'.”Happy Penn Badgley GIF by LifetimeGiphy
"If you were ever to meet him, he makes you feel like you’re the king of the world but he’s really scummy."
"He’ll make you believe you’re incredible and valuable but will talk sh*t about you to other people."
"It’s a shame because he’s taken advantage of a lot people and a lot of things at work."
"I thought he was the coolest guy around until I started observe him and his demeanor around others."- Low_Excitement_5339·
A Sign Of The Times
"We are so short-staffed and ratios need to be met in classrooms."
"A body is better than no body, in the eyes of admin at least."
"Some days I'd rather work short-handed than work around a useless/annoying person."
"I end up doing their job anyway."- quietly_anxious
Just The Way Things Are...
'Office politics."- defensiveminded2020Bored Season 3 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
...Rather Not Answer...
"What if that one guy is you?"- dizzyrazor
"Because he goes to my boss's church."
"My boss has somehow hired at least 8 people from his church."- SparklesLuvsScotch
"She’s the boss's daughter."
"In the past 6 months, they have hired over 100 people, 3 of them are still working there."
"Every one of them quit because of her and very outwardly expressed that but no one will fire her."- RedditVeronica Lodge Daddy GIF by Camila MendesGiphy
Do We Really Want Them To Get Fired?
"The one guy at my job just got fired 3 days ago, after years of doing nothing."
"Now I can't use his continued employment as my assurance of job security."- i_make_potholes
"I legitimately don't know."
"I've been sending my bosses emails about her dropping the ball on many things and even causing several catastrophic failures for our customers."
"They promise me they are documenting everything and to be patient but my boss has his head in the sand and is not really doing anything."
"I think it's catching up to him though because corporate is starting to look at this office more closely."- CamStorm
"IDK, he sits and f*cking texts WHEN PEOPLE ARE IN LINE FOR THE REGISTER."
"Pisses me off."- Public_Living_3344Bored Grocery Store GIF by TravisGiphy
Charisma Overshadows Many Flaws
"He’s 'nice' and chatty and gets along really well with our customers."
"He will go into an office, not do anything or make something worse than it was before the repair, bill them hundreds of dollars, someone else will have to go in and fix it right and bill them more, and they’ll still request him."
"They’re actually more likely to complain about the guy who went in and fixed it correctly and would have billed them half as much and been done in trip had they started the job."- makenzie71
Fear Of Feelings Getting Hurt
"Because his boss avoids conflict."
"So we get to deal with the sh*t for brains creeper instead of him being thrown out on his a**."- No-Patient1365
Hopefully, Just A Matter Of Time...
"You don’t get fired for being bad at your job, you get fired for making a scene."- sleekandspicyFed Up Reaction GIFGiphy
Everyone deserves a second chance.
But if people are incapable, or worse unwilling, to learn, is there really any chance their work will improve?
When "that employee" is your boss, then the question is ultimately irrelevant.
Audiences today are too savvy and unforgiving.
There are so many cinematic aspects that leave so many of us irritated.
And one of the big reasons is that they know they can make them better.
Give me a quick million, you won't be disappointed.
Redditor Ecstatictobehere wanted everyone to vent about everything wrong with movies and Hollywood, so they asked:
"What pisses you off about new movies these days?"
I'm exhausted with the lack of originality.
There are too many talented out there for this.
Turn it down...Race Fans GIF by Formula 1Giphy
"The disparity in volume, explosions are so loud that they hurt and conversations are whispers... I stopped going to the cinema and started waiting for them to be available at any streaming service so I can turn it down or up and so I can enjoy it."
"I have a bone to pick with comedy in general. I felt that ever since the Anchorman era, we just decided that comedy movies were in the line of sketch comedy."
"Create funny situation, let a comedian riff for 20 minutes, take the best take and move on to next funny situation. Which is why comedy movie plots have SUCKED since the early 2000s."
"Sure I love Kristen Whiig, Will Ferral, John C Reilly, Mellissa McCarthy, etc, but damn, I can't help but think that some comedies that have come out int the last 20 years would be memorable if they wrote a funny script instead of making a 120 min sketch show."
"Most movies are getting watered down for the sake of mass appeal. I get why, but it just sucks."
"Some say this is a result of streaming platforms. People used to be able to take risks on movie making because if they didn't do well in theatrical release, there was still a chance for it to become a cult classic and make money with DVD sales down the road. That is no longer an option because everything is streamed for free so now making a movie that doesn't immediately appeal to a large audience is a bad investment."
Lost in Translation
"Not just movies but TV shows - they take a book that's got great reviews, make a poor job of translating it on screen and then flip the ending so it's the opposite of what happened in the book. Proceeds to blame the audience when they pan it for being crap."
BlahBored Season 5 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Lack of originality and a reliance on franchises."
Enough with franchises and reboots. Lord.
Some light please!jerry cant see GIF by HULUGiphy
"How dark they are. Like literally dark. It's difficult to see what's going on, especially for those of us with vision problems."
Break it Down
"For horror and mystery, everything having to be explained."
"A movie like the original Alien would be lambasted by online critics if it were released today, for the simple reason that by the end of it you know next to nothing about what happened. What was the creature? What was the derelict? Why did the company want it, really? The movie has stood the test of time precisely because it avoided answering those and other questions."
Too Much Redo
"The overuse of cover songs. Recently been a lot of classic rock songs covered by an artist who recorded a slowed version of it. Just saw the trailer for the new Ant Man. It also does this."
"This has been bugging me lately. They do it in commercials too. The cover is slowed way down with a melancholic, reverb-heavy voice. Extra points if you take a classic 'happy' song and add minor chords to it so it sounds threatening."
Too Many Cooks
"A lot of movies feel like they were written by a marketing department. It feels like they got 10 execs in a room and everyone wrote down ideas, characters, plot-points, etc that they know will sell - and then tried to organize them into a narrative structure."
"There's no vision. There's no plot progression. Its just one random event next to another random event, and characters delivering sh*tty one-liners. Like writing madlibs. Even B-movies from the 80's and 90's have better narrative structure and story-telling than half the new movies out today."
GiveawaysCybill Shepherd Applause GIF by SHE'S FUNNY THAT WAYGiphy
"Trailers. They're always about 4 minutes long, give away the entire plot, show all the best scenes and jokes and basically ruin the movie before you've even watched it."
Do better filmmakers.
We're watching. Sadly...