People Share The Dumbest Things People Have Said To Them

People say and do stupid things, but sometimes they're so dumb that our very faith in humanity shatters into tiny bits - like stopping on a highway out of respect for a funeral going the opposite direction, or using "xoxoxox" as a signature in a work email to a client. We've come a long way as a species, but like... WTF?

SmokeyBare asked, What made you say "f*ck, people are dumb"?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Apparently dogs only understand English.

A girl in one of my college classes didn't understand how dogs in Spain understood their owners. She thought dogs only understood English and were just lost as hell in any other country.


This person drives for a living.

I once had a Lyft driver who could not wrap her mind around the fact that people in Australia drive on the left side of the road. "How do they even do that without getting into an accident?!" I lost some of my faith in humanity that day.


Not surprising in the least.

Worked at a Starbucks in a mall a few years ago. Some of the stores were going to be closed for Easter, and they had a list of those stores on signs all around the store way ahead of time.

Lady walks up to me at the register and asks if I know what stores will be closed.

I tell her I don't know them all but that there's a sign right behind her with a list to which she promptly responds with "I don't read signs" then expects me to tell her what she wants to know.

I couldn't hold my laughter after that.


Can confirm. 

Bartending for the past 14 months has really helped me with my staircase wit. I would recommend everyone try bartending, but bartending also taught me how stupid people can be.


We've all met this lady.

I've met this lady.

I worked at a tea house. We closed for private events. When we did, it usually meant we closed early. The catch was that the guests still needed to get inside, so we closed the doors but didn't lock them. Signs were posted outside, directly in the path of the door, on big sandwich boards, explaining we were closed for a private party.

The party starts, gets going, and everyone has arrived. They have their tea, they're having a blast. Two hours in, this lady trips over our sign, moves it out of the way, and drags the door open. I'm watching her do this, feeling what little faith I had left in humanity drain away, pray she'll get it together and stay outside. But no, she's determined. She's getting her $7 coffee even if she has to chip a nail to do it.

She gets inside, straightens her coat, huffing at me. "You're so unwelcoming, making it so hard to get inside! Anyway, I want—,"

Jesus, she's actually trying to order. At this point, the party is starting to notice. She doesn't belong, she isn't here for their baby shower or bridal shower or whatever.

"Oh I'm sorry, we're closed!" I'm trying to be nice. I've had the face on all day, surely it will withstand her and my inner anguish will stay under the surface, right.

"No, I want my latte," she just brushed it aside. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"I can't do that for you, we're closed for a private party, I'm sorry!"

"Um, what?" Disbelief. Shock. It's starting to sink in through her inches of make up and cloud of self-entitlement-scented perfume. She's being told no? Perish the thought.

"Yeah, like the sign you moved out of the way said, we are closed for a private party. I will not serve you today." Polite. Firm. Passive aggressive. I'm supposed to be the one staff here that's good with the difficult customers. Keep it together!

"Ugh, whatever! Like, I don't read signs! Your coffee isn't even that good anyway, I was just supporting you people because you're foreign!"

She left in a huff, stumbled around the sign again, and walked down the block to Starbucks.

What a piece of humanity.


Professionalism 101.

Trained up a new girl at work, over the period of a few weeks. Emphasized that one of the most important things in the role is attention to detail. Wording things correctly, showing pride in your work etc.

Day 1 without me, begins sending emails to customers that look like they were written by a 6-year-old. Using the letter 'U' instead of 'you', 'thx' instead of 'thanks' & xoxo at the end of her signature.

I laughed so, so hard. She was fired two days later.


Darwin award.

Last night, driving home from a friend's place, this dude on a bike -- no helmet, no lights, no reflective gear, wearing black, at night, riding in the fast lane of a multi-lane highway where bikes are prohibited, turning at a light against the red, while talking on the phone.



Someone who had been trying a 'Mediterranean diet' on the advice of their doctor managed to put on 15kg in the 4 weeks since they were advised to do so.

The classic 'fish and vegetables' approach they had fervently adhered to had comprised of eating nothing but deepfried fish and chips from the local chippy.

Every day.

For four weeks.


Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

The Cleveland Balloon Disaster of 1986.

At that time, the City of Cleveland attempted to set a Guinness World Record by releasing over one-and-a-half-million balloons into the sky from one location.

The resulting cloud was so thick that it temporarily shaded out the sun over part of the city. Many of the balloons went straight into Lake Erie, which interfered with a very urgent Coast Guard search and rescue mission. The victims were found dead several days later.

Most of the remaining balloons drifted up to Canada, where they promptly deflated and littered natural areas en masse.

For weeks, the shoreline was covered in pieces of rubber.

The Guinness Book of World Records refused to recognize the stunt due to its severe negative impact on the environment. Many of the participants seemed genuinely shocked that the balloons eventually fell back down to the ground.


Okay, this is really, really stupid.

My buddy and I were traveling on a highway with a 60 MPH speed limit but most people go around 70. Lots of long straight stretches, double lanes on each side with a large grass median that makes the highway more like an interstate. The road slightly inclines at a certain point and as we go over the crest we see two vehicles stopped in both lanes. My buddy slams his brakes and I think we're definitely going to plow into them. He stops inches from a car and then I hear tires squealing behind us as a large truck barrels our way. I thought we were gonna die. My friend angles his truck just enough that we don't get ran over. Behind us is total chaos as vehicles slam their brakes. So why were these two vehicles stopped in the middle of both lanes?

A funeral procession was traveling in the opposite direction down the highway and they stopped out of "respect." Remember a large grass median separated the two sections so you could barely even determine it was a funeral procession at all. I couldn't believe the absolute stupidity of the two cars that stopped. I understand showing respect but you cannot come to a complete stop on a highway on which people are going 70 MPH. They almost injured/killed multiple people due to their show of respect.



I had an ex that financed all her furniture for a new house. I got a call from her a few months later saying " did you know when you finance something you end up paying WAY more than an item is worth". Felt bad for her.


Dino-mighty Big Mistake

This reminds me of the beached whale in Oregon in the 70's that was blown up with dynamite and it went so much worse than anticipated. They used way too much dynamite and it rained down decomposing whale bits all over beach goers and even flattened a car or two. Not sure what they were thinking and now they dispose of whales in a much safer fashion.


"A beached whale in one big piece is too heavy! We have to make it into smaller pieces. Cutting it up will take too long. Let's just stuff a bunch of dynamite up in there. What could go wrong?" Maybe they thought it would explode into teeny tiny pieces and burn up completely in the explosion? Too bad that isn't how any of that works


News Vampires

This reminds me of an incident from the early 90s (I think) when a commercial airliner went down. It turned out that a very large family were all on the plane together, going back to the old country to visit relatives. Some poor woman here in the US had just lost 17 family members in the crash. They cut to on-the-street camera footage and all you could see was this crying, elderly Asian woman pushing through a throng of cameramen trying to get to her car. It was repugnant. And being the vampires they are, the TV news editors *still* chose to air those 5 seconds of video. Just awful. I don't watch TV anymore.


i've been a 911 dispatcher for almost 30 years, and when the news stations would want a copy of a 911 tape released, you could literally see their disappointment if the person wasn't hysterical. we had one where a toddler was shot by a bullet that came through the wall from the next apt. when they found out the mother wasn't screaming and upset when she called 911, they literally got up, said they didn't it, and walked out.


Ride The Wave

Finding out people who can't swim will take their children who also can't swim to water parks and get into the wave pool expecting tubes and floaties to keep them alive.

Wave pools are dangerous enough, even for people who CAN swim. Why would anyone who can't swim willingly get into one? Go to a waterpark, sure! But stick with the shallower rides that aren't full of waves designed to knock people around.


Security Risk

Tl;Dr: A man tried to run full speed through the Disneyland security checkpoint, got clotheslined by security, and then was completely unwilling to understand why his family now wouldn't be allowed in the park due to him being a "security risk."

On my last trip to Disneyland, I was waiting in line to enter the park. Recently, due to stupid people doing stupid things, Disney has implemented a security checkpoint. This includes a bag check and a metal detector. It moves fast, it's easy, it takes maybe three minutes out of your day.

As I was standing there, from behind me, I heard the telltale sound of someone running in flip flops. I turned around and there was a family of five SPRINTING towards the checkpoint, all in matching shirts, looking like they were running for their lives. I think a parade was about to start, or something. Clearly their lives would end if they didn't make it inside in time to see the old man from Up waving on a float.

The mom and the three kids slowed down a little to find a security line. The dad didn't. Desperate times called for desperate measures. If he didn't get Little Jimmy inside in time to see Moana SHIT WAS GOING TO HIT THE FAN.

The dad blew straight past the bag check, jostling a few people, and continued right through the metal detector. The alarms went off, but he didn't stop. Not yet.

A security guard jumped in front of him, threw out an arm, and clotheslined his a**.

By the time I got through the line, they had pulled the guy and his completely MORTIFIED family off to the side, and were attempting to escort them out of the park. The guy was confused, angry, and volatile. What did they MEAN he couldn't go in?! What did they MEAN he was now a "security risk?!" He's here on VACATION.

I ended up walking away, just close enough to hear an angry "BUT WE BOUGHT TICKETS!"

If I had three days and a powerPoint presentation I still don't think I could explain to that man what he did wrong.

By the way, the parade was baller.


Kid forming a cross with two fingers
Markus Spiske/Unsplash

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