We're all stupid. We need to just accept that fact. We're stupid because we don't know everything and that's okay. And because some "stupid" is natural... it can be shocking to realize. Most of the time.... it's pretty funny. Often the way we evaluate the simple shows us how we lack attention to detail. Which, in truth, exposes the obvious.... and that makes us "feel" stupid. When most of us are just oblivious... so don't feel bad.
Redditor u/jamespedala wanted hear about the times we've all realized.... we maybe a little slower than we hoped by asking.... What was a moment you said to yourself: "Damn, I actually AM stupid" ?Glass Hunt
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Me: "Hey, have you seen my glasses?"
Her: "Did you check the fridge?"
And there they are just like the 100 other times I can't find my glasses. Why do I put them in the fridge?
Thanks "Kenny"
My dad is a prankster. When I was about 18 he tried to convince me that Kenny Rogers owned Kroger. And it was really convincing. It didn't help that we called it Kroger's with an "s" and not Kroger, which is correct.
He kept saying, "He even named it after himself! Kenny Rogers, K. Rogers, Kroger's!" It made sense, but knowing my dad my bullcrap detector was going off so I announce that I'll find out once and for all and call the local Kroger and ask.
I called, asked for a manager. He gets on the phone and I ask if Kenny Rogers owns Krogers and relay the argument my dad gave. The dude laughs hard for a solid 2 minutes, thanks me for the best prank call he's had and hung up on me.
25 years later my dad STILL asks if I found out if Kenny Rogers own Kroger yet.
That's Mine....
Found a lost smartphone when walking somewhere. It was the exact same model as my own phone. Dropped it off at the nearest police station so they could contact the owner. Found out later that I had dropped off my own phone instead of the one I found.
It's Us!
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When someone told me they had the same name as me; I said "Really? What's your name?"
Needless to say, I felt like dying.
Heads it is....
This one time I was asked to ref a football match, was gonna flip a coin to decide which team would start. I asked for a rep from each team, asked the first guy whether he was picking heads or tails. He picked heads. I asked the other guy what he was going to pick.
The Hazy
One particularly hazy morning I went to the cafe, paid for a cup of coffee, then promptly turned around and walked about a half mile down the block before realizing I never got my coffee.
Went in to buy gas once, decided to get a fountain drink, gave the clerk a $20 bill, got in my car and promptly drove away. Was only when I looked at my fuel gauge like 10 minutes later I realized what I did.
Most expensive Dr. Pepper ever.
The Humvee...
In the army I was learning how Humvees worked. You have to lock the doors from the inside by slamming down a bar. It's called combat locking the door, then you put a padlock on the driver door to secure the Humvee. My squad leader taught me a trick to reach through the window and slam down the bar instead of having to crawl through and reach the bar for each door. Then you just push the window up and you are done.
I thought I was high speed when I learned this so the next day when I was showing off my new trick, I locked all 4 Humvee doors faster than anyone! What I forgot was that you are not supposed to combat lock the driver door.... this meant the Humvee was completely combat locked and could only be unlocked from the inside. I had to disassemble an armored Humvee door which took hours and was roasted the entire time by everyone around.
Hang On
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I was talking on the phone with my mom.
After a while I got frustrated because I couldn't find my phone any where. I told my mom about it and she replied: "wait a second, I'll hang up and then call it so you can find it". I figured out how dumb I was as I was staring the ringing phone in my hand. We had a good laugh about it. But apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.
Take the Lid Off
I used to work at a lovely deli around two, three (?) Years ago. Some of the beverages we offered was fresh, hot coffee. A gentleman walked in and asked for a coffee with lots of cream. Not a problem, says I. I pull out the cream, take the lid off, and my boss reminds me to shake it first.
Not a problem, I think again, and shake the (open, lidless carton of light cream) sending cream all over the floor, counter, fridge, etc. Everyone in the deli just stopped and stared at me for a few of the longest seconds of my life. Made me rethink so much of my life.
October 31st....
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I said out loud. "Wouldn't it be crazy it Halloween fell on a Friday the 13th" it would be crazy because that's not how dates work.
Freaking Hot Dogs
I'm from the south and dated a girl when I was younger. First time meeting her mom, in a heavy New York accent, she asked me, "you like dogs?" I said, "no thanks, I'm not hungry."
It took me way too long to realize she was talking about the two giant pets they had, which were literally in between us, and not freaking hot dogs.
Years Ago
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Asked a friend what year he graduated from high school.... at our reunion.
"tap, tap, tap"
During a dental appointment, my dentist asked me to bite down on this little strip of like sand paper? Not sure what it's called exactly, but she says okay now "tap, tap, tap" but while she said it, she motioned with her hands like this:👌🏽 .... what she meant was tap my teeth down on the sand paper a few times... I took it as okay I'll tap my fingers together - and just mimicked her gesture. She was trying so hard not to laugh at me when I realized what I had done.
Validation....
In my kitchen I have one cabinet for bowls and plates and another one for cups. This hasn't changed since moving into the house four years ago.
About 75% of the time, I open the wrong cabinet to get what I need. Even when I try really hard to focus on opening the right cabinet, I still regularly get it wrong.
That was the final straw that validated my stupidity.
Pants Off
I was preparing to run a 10K race. It was cool so I was wearing my running suit. Right before I go to the starting line, I'm about to take off the pants and I realize I'm not wearing any shorts underneath. Just Under Armour. I forgot to put them on. Somehow I managed to set a PR.
It's become a running joke (no pun intended) that I make sure I'm wearing shorts.
What are we doing?
My divorce finalized in early 2017.
In late 2017, I got back together with my ex-wife.
Sitting across from my ex-wife in a Mexican restaurant in late 2019 after our thousandth argument, I very calmly, but firmly, said "we're the stupidest people on the freaking planet." She agreed.
A couple days later she moved out.
I'm Good
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This conversation with my boss.
"I will be in late tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment."
"Is everything ok?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
The 6th Floor
I was 10, at a basketball tournament out of the city. I told my mother I was going to a friends room at the hotel we were staying at. He was 3 floors below the room we were staying in. I got in the elevator, and pressed floor 6. The doors closed and nothing happened. I pressed floor 6 again.
Instant panic shot through my body. Pure sweat dripping down my forehead. I was stuck in an elevator. Instantly, I had to poop. I sat on the floor for 10 minutes, accepting that this is where I was going to die. Not once did it occur to me to press the emergency button.
As I sat there and went through how I would die, I figured, I might as well press the door open button, and see if I could reset the elevator or some magnificent plan.
I pressed "door open" and the elevator doors opened, and there I was, on the sixth floor.
I immediately remembered that I was staying on the sixth floor, and pressed the same button that was the floor I was staying on... that's why it didn't move. I needed to go to the third floor.
Singing Appliances
I put my phone in the freezer to charge. I remember having the thought that it would actually work. Several hours later, I couldn't find my phone. When someone called me, my brain refused to put together that the reason why my fridge was playing music was that my phone was in it. I just thought it was a feature I had missed.
All Over
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I said, "I'm consistent just not all the time." And it really had to be pointed out to me.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.