People Share Their 'I'm F***ing Dead When I Get Home' Stories

Trending

Can I just NOT go home forever?!

Trouble will find us no matter what. Even when we do our best to walk the straight and narrow... or do our best to cover our tracks, the universe will send justice. Justice often is sent in the form of mom and dad or 911. They will be swift and heavy and it makes going home the most nerve wracking experience. Home becomes the enemy but being naughty comes with consequences.

Redditor u/CosmicLuxray wanted everyone to open up some tales about naughty behavior by asking.... What was your "I'm f***ing dead when I get home" moment?


Don't be Dirty!

Giphy

When i was a kid (grade 1) we got to wear our halloween costumes to school(i went as a doctor), and my mom told me to not get my costume dirty. Well we had painting time and of course i ended up with paint on the outfit. Hearing my moms words in my head i thought i was going to be in so much trouble, so my best idea was to hide in the cupboards until pick up time. I was so upset i had to show my mom my ruined outfit and cried when she picked me up. She ended up not being mad and we turned the splotches red with paint to make it a more 'realistic ' doctors outfit and all was saved. carrotcart

Idiot. 

I was arrested as a teenager for graffiti and malicious damage. My mum had to leave work to come get me out of lock up. That car trip home was horrifying especially because i knew when i got home my old man was going to absolutely tear me a new one for being a damn idiot. goreway

"I'VE SWALLOWED MY CHEWIE!"

More of a 'dead IF I get home' story: My mum always used to say "Don't swallow chewing gum. It will wrap around your heart, and you will die". I can't remember how old I was. I'll say 7 or 8. One day, while out riding my bike, it happened. I accidentally swallowed my chewing gum. I abandoned the bike where I'd stopped it (maybe 100 yards or so from my house.

What use was it to me by then? I was terminal), and screamed "I'VE SWALLOWED MY CHEWIE!" ("chewie" being slang for chewing gum, where I lived). Fearing for what little precious life I might have left in me, I ran home, in floods of hysterical tears. I was hoping to I'd at least have enough time to explain to my mum that I was about to die, and why, rather than have a stranger find me in the street with no explanation, and cause my family to panic.

I didn't die. matildamint

Be Juvie....

Im pretty old, so this happened a while back, when i was in Jr. High. An occurrance in school.

Just want you to know that i am the living, breathing actual reason why cherry bombs became illegal in Texas.

BTW; Juvie is not that bad if you are admitted as a folk hero. Bebe_Bleau

Sad Truth.

Giphy

Every waking minute for the first 25 years of my life.

My mom is a violent sociopath. toidi_diputs

I was SO clever!​

Growing up, I had a friend who lived a few doors down from me. 15, I was pretty rebellious and was seeing a guy my family forbade me from seeing (hindsight, they were right for good reasons).

One day, I had the genius idea to tell my parents I was going to my neighborhood friend's house, when really I was walking .5 miles to visit said boy. I was SO clever!

The grand plan came to a halt an hour later when my friend came over to my house asking if I wanted to hangout. Probably should have told the friend I was using her as an alibi... My parents called my phone, and didn't say anything except "come home now", and I just KNEW they knew. I've never had the anxiety like I did walking home that day. thepaige

Hail Mary. 

Was hanging out with some girls when I was 14, one of them was mad I wasn't drinking their beer so she poured it all down my shirt.

I was mortified that my mom would smell it on me, so I washed it in ocean water then hosed it down with "Off" bug spray.

And my Hail Mary worked! Got away with it, LOL. eljefino

Oh I was so damn wrong.

When I was in 7th grade I was dealing with a lot of depression over the year which made me not want to focus in class a lot so I fail 2 of my classes which meant I would have to go to summer school. I was handed a paper stating I had to attend summer school if I want to move on to 8th grade. Obviously me being the scare nervous child I just kept quite about it and hid the paper in my bag. I got home I hop on the Xbox hoping that my parents would just come home make dinner and I could tell them tomorrow when I calmed down.

Oh I was so damn wrong.

My mom practically kick down the door and yelled for my name, she came upstairs saw that I was on the Xbox and she was furious about that and she straight up yelled at me for a good hour. I swear my mom is gonna kill me in my sleep on day and I wouldn't be surprised. msunfair

4th grade troubles....

When I was in 4th grade, this guy used to kick me in my shin every single day. One day I snapped. I borrowed my friend's perfume, sprayed it in the kid's eyes, punched him a few times, then walked off the school bus like a G. I went to daycare directly after school, and the bus driver ended up parking there so that she could rinse the kid's eyes with water. The director of the daycare center called my mom and I just knew I'd get into so much trouble.

Once I told my parents the whole story, they weren't mad. I also didn't get in trouble at school because I had a good reputation. I had a good relationship with my principal and all of my teachers, so they knew that I had been pushed to that point. I have no regrets. TheLocaChica05

Sparks....

Giphy

I set my school on fire.

I was with some friends who had a lighter after school. There was a large amount of white fluffy balls that i think come from some sort of tree during spring. They began talking about how you can burn a dandelion and it'll have a cool effect. Naturally my eyes went to the field which they noticed. We gathered up a small handful and lit it on the cement not the field.

We weren't completely stupid but the wind carried the burning embers to the field next to us and suddenly the sky went black from smoke. We ran like idiots and where caught a couple blocks away.

Got ticketed and a court date. I walked home that day. Not out of having a lack of funds for the bus but wanting to buy some time. Anon761

Moms not Happy....

Giphy

In 5th grade we were on the computer during some free time before school ended (1998, so being on the computer was a big deal). My friend happened upon an unblocked porn site, and we dared him to set one of the pictures as the computer background. He resisted, resisted, and with the peer pressure of 4 boys aged 10-11 years old, he quickly did it as the bell rang. We thought it was hilarious.... our moms did not. Wu-TangJedi

Escape Artist. 

I was 7 years old and I was sent to my room for some reason. We lived in a one-story house so it occurred to me that I could open the window, push the screen out, and go to my friend's house accords the street. It felt good to escape for a moment but I knew I was in for it when I went back home. And I was. buzzmebrotendo

It was a dark day.

I skipped school to hang out with my boyfriend. He convinced me that I sounded just like my mom on the phone so I should call into school and pose as my mom saying I was sick. So I did. The office lady took the info and I thought that's that.

10 minutes later I get a call at my boyfriend's house from my mom. Office lady knew something was off and called my mom at work. Mom knew where I'd be and called my step-dad to go get me. He was already down the block by the time she called me at his house. I still remember the icy chill of her voice when I got on the phone. It was a dark day. bnbdp

We knew we were damn dead. 

Well it was my friend's birthday and we all were at his house. Our friend who was 17 (we were fish, he was a junior) picked all 5 of us up at midnight and we drove around. We ended up in my friends neighborhood around 2:30am and the speed limit was like 35 and our driver decides 85 is close enough to the limit. We see lights and all crapped ourselves. The cop interrogated our driver and questioned why we were out past curfew.

Anyway we got a warning and we all unpoop ourselves. The cop is walking to his car to leave when one of our friends recognized the cop as his neighbor and yelled "Officer ___ it's me your neighbor." We all just looked at him. He claims to this day he was the one to get us out of being put into juvie. Anyway we get home to the lights on in the kitchen and the bedrooms. We knew we were damn dead. Reddit

Angry Dad.

Giphy

We were fish on a school trip. Dad had told me not to swim into the blue because I have one pec which is smaller than the other. I was determined to prove him wrong. Ended up being abducted and in a fish tank in a dentist's office in Sydney.

My dad eventually came to pick me up with this weird girl he met underway. He was glad to see me, I though he would've killed me. GeneralBamisoep

360 Issues. 

I skipped school and my mom texted me in all caps

"YOU SKIPPED SCHOOL??"

Turns out I forgot I had life 360 on my phone. BillOnMyPoopButt69

"Hey I'm up stairs"

I received a detention for doing something bad in 3rd grade. As I was walking home from school I noticed my dad's car in the driveway when he normally wouldn't be home for another 2-3 hours. I just knew, I knew why he was home early. Walked in the front door and I instantly hear "Hey I'm up stairs". Never got a detention again after that. SeriesLive

The Koolaid Man. 

Well i was already home and it was thanksgiving morning. Mom worked nights and was on her way home. Me and my brother fought often and this day we started fighting in our narrow hallway. He grabs me to i guess put me in a headlock or something and i lower my body and stick my butt out and he proceeds to push me against the wall and my entire butt goes through it like the koolaid man.

Well a few minutes later my mother pulls up and i decided to take it on the chin and tell her what happened before she saw it for herself Huskimbo9

(Progress reports are the bane of society)

It was eighth grade and I had gotten a D on my progress report (progress reports are the bane of society) and your parents had to sign them for the school. I sat in the grocery store parking lot while my dad screamed at me for getting a D. Swear to god I felt like I was tilting on an axis. He went into the store and it was dead quiet. I cried the whole way back. I knew he was going to tell all his friends about it too.

It was absolutely the worst, and I'm not a bad kid. To this day my parents getting progress reports or report cards terrifies me even if i get something like a 79 in fear of the screaming.

Edit: wow I know everyone never expects it but I REALLY didn't expect this to be seen by so many people and have them relate as well. It makes me sad that this is a universal thing but at least we can band together. Sharknado92

"Where the hell were you that day?"

Giphy

My parents didn't let me date. As a girl-obsessed high school kid, one day I decided to ditch my $3,000 SAT course that my parents paid for and hang out with this girl I was crushing on. I lied to my parents that I was going to do some after-class group study with some people in my class afterwards so I could earn a few more hours to be with this girl. Everything went fine that day. My parents didn't doubt me a bit.

The trouble came a week later. I forgot to hide any "evidence" that I wasn't in class off my desk (used movie tickets, receipts from Panda Express, etc.), and while I was in school, my mom discovered those things in my room. When I came home, my mom's mood suddenly changed, and she scarily asked me, "Where the hell were you that day?" and handed me all the "evidences" and lashed out on me for three hours for wasting my precious time on girls while I should be focusing on schoolwork. My parents and I didn't talk to each other for two weeks after they discovered that I lied.

It was one of the sweatiest moments of my life. TuxedoCatSupremacist

REDDIT

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Low income jobs might be looked down on for their perceived position in society. However, only the uninformed think there's nothing to be gained from this level of work. In fact, these jobs can teach you valuable lessons for life, as demonstrated by these people's experiences.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Picture the most fun thing you could ever imagine doing.

Maybe it's an enviable career path that has always felt inaccessible. Or perhaps it's some kind of social activity that feels more elite than you'll ever be.

Keep reading... Show less
You May Also Like
Hi friend— subscribe to my mailing list to get inbox updates of news, funnies, and sweepstakes.
—George Takei