
My ex husband had a super strict NO BUFFETS rule. I thought it was a bit odd, but I had no idea how right that man was to have that rule. I'd only ever been to higher-end sushi buffets where you could see everything, and a Ponderosa once or twice as a kid during a Disney vacation. Six year olds don't care about hygiene when they're all hopped up on the mouse.
Fast forward a few years to my very own Disney vacation. My children (the oldest was about 7 for this) really wanted to go to a buffet. Since Daddy wasn't with us to act as a buffet-blocker, we totally went.
And we totally regretted it.
Can I just ask why people feel compelled to lick the communal serving utensils?!? How hard is it to cover your mouth when you sneeze? Do you really need to dip your finger into every sauce and taste test it?
I left with so many questions; as well as a newly adopted NO BUFFETS rule ... and a stomach bug.
Reddit user no_walking_anytime asked:
What are your all-you-can-eat buffet horror stories?
Brace yourselves, dear readers. Things are about to get incredibly vomitastic. I know that's not a "real" word, but trust me - it's the only word that fits.
Ranch Legos
My mother insisted on going to Hometown Buffet because she found a coupon in the newspaper. The whole buffet smelled heavily of bleach. All the food tasted like it was trying to die but the preservatives were keeping it on life support far beyond normal reason. I stuck mainly to the salad bar and fruits. I'd been using the small portion plates to make salad with veggies and a little ranch dressing. I went back for a 3rd small plate of salad and veggies. I grabbed the ladle in the ranch dressing tub and poured it over my salad, at that moment a ranch dressing covered lego man fell out of the ladle and onto my food.
I kept him. He's chilling in one of my toolboxes somewhere.
Old Lady Vomit
One time I went with my parents and some relatives to Las Vegas. My dad was starving himself all day so he could fill up on crab legs at the Paris buffet.
So anyway, these relatives are just bitter, slow, awful people who make the whole day miserable. One of them is a very old woman in a wheelchair that my dad is pushing around all day. Basically he's hot and hungry and miserable; but excited for dinner. It's the only thing he's looking forward to all day.
We get to the buffet, get our table, dad doesn't even sit - he just goes straight for the food. While he is gone. the old lady throws up all over the table. Stinky, old lady vomit would bother anyone, but my dad specifically is a sympathy puker.
The relatives tried to complain and say the food made her sick, but we didn't even eat yet! We ended up leaving without eating anything. Some other tables nearby cleared out as well.
I was really young when this happened but I remember my dad walking back towards the table with a huge plate of crab legs and big smile and then his face just totally falling lol
Mystery Meat
Way back before you needed a Canadian passport to cross the border into the US, my family would make regular trips into Michigan and Ohio. Once we were at a Ponderosa buffet and my dad put something on his plate that he couldn't identify - he wasn't sure if it was chicken or fish even after tasting it but for some ungodly reason he ate the rest anyway.
Cut to twenty minutes later and we're all packed into the van listening to my dad LOUDLY vomit repeatedly into a bush in the parking lot. He sounded like someone was forcibly tearing out his insides and I still remember the sound to this day.
People walked right past him and kept going inside to eat.
The No Sugar Kid
When I was an emo middle schooler, my best friend's mom forced me to join girl scouts with them. One day she took the whole girl scout troop out to a restaurant with a salad bar buffet. I got stuck sitting next to a girl I hated. She was VERY religious and this was the first time she had ever been away from her mom (she was around 14) and she wasn't allowed to have sugar.
She ordered a large strawberry milkshake, chugged it, ate a huge plate full of spinach with ranch on it, and then vomited bright pink vomit all over the table, the floor, herself, and me. The worst part was that we had to sit in the car with her for the 2 hour drive home, holding our breath.
- 99Stars
Boiling Hot Crab Water
Went to a buffet for my dad's birthday one Saturday night. The workers had just brought out the new tray of crab legs and there was a line forming. My family and I waited patiently in line, when the guys in front of us starting arguing because one of them was taking too long to pick which pieces he wanted. Arguing turned into shoving, and then finally one of the guys pushed ahead and stuck his hand into boiling hot water, grabbed a couple crab legs, threw them on his plate and left the line. Pretty sure he had to leave soon after because he had some serious burns on his hand.
The Loophole
I'll never forget when I was a teenager and working the buffet line at a Ponderosa steakhouse, this morbidly obese child had a plate with a MOUNTAIN of food. Like some of literally almost everything from the buffet. Mashed potatoes, pizza, chicken wings, jello, pudding, like EVERYTHING piled on top of each other.
So I go up to him because it was bizarre and I'm like "Hey you know you can use a second plate?"
He said "I'm only allowed to have one plate"
His parents were trying to restrict his diet and he just found a loophole. But if you have a kid with this sort of issue, maybe don't go to a buffet?
Roast Beef Lady
I remember going to one a few months ago and there was a lady seated next to my table. I was eating when she leaned in and asked, "Hey, what's that you're eating?" I told her it was roast beef. She said, "Looks good. Mind if I try some?" and proceeded to cut a piece off ofmy plate with a fork she had used! She decided she really liked it and left to go get some more from the carving station.
I pushed the plate aside and finished everything else. I left to go cut some more roast beef when I see that there's no more left. Then I see the lady - I kid you not- with about 3/4 (all that was left) of it on her plate. I just got something else from the food bar.
After about 30 minutes, the lady only ate a quarter of the roast beef before loudly exclaiming, "I'm full! Excuse me, may I get my check?"
The waitress came over and said that she had wasted too much food and explained that they charged 20% more for wasted food. The lady got really mad and yelled "Heck no!"
She tried to leave paying only the regular price before the waitress told her she hadn't paid everything. The lady yelled "This is one scam business you guys have!" but she finally agreed to pay. On her way out the door, she yelled "I'm telling all my friends about you guys!" and stormed off.
People just kind of looked at her and continued on.
Mini Octopus. Never Again
I had an internship a few years ago with an engineering group of an industrial plant. Every now and again they would go out somewhere for lunch and invite me along. One day they decided to go to a Chinese buffet nearby. I love Chinese food and cheap Chinese food so I was totally game. It was your typical Chinese buffet, and was actually pretty good.
But then one of my colleagues brought back on a plate the source of my soon to be woes. A singular mini octopus. I have no idea what the proper name was, but it was just a tiny octopus pickled in something, and was about the size of a thumb tip. He brought it back as a joke kind of passing it around trying to get people to try it.
Then I said "I'll give it a shot."
Everyone just kind of laughed and looked at me, but I insisted and he put it on my plate. Now I'm a pretty adventurous eater and love trying new and especially weird foods. I'll try just about anything and enjoy doing so. I had also had octopus many times before served several different ways so I thought "how bad can it be?"
Very. Bad.
I don't remember the exact flavor but it was vinegary and salty for sure. That and it tasted like it was sitting on the buffet for a week. The texture was worse. The best way to describe it is like trying to eat a rubber bouncy ball. I tried to chew it a bit but made little progress. So at this point everyone at the table is asking how it was, and somehow through all my grimacing I manage to say "not great."
They kind of awkwardly change the subject while I find myself in a weird position. I want to spit it out, however I was sure doing so would have made me vomit all over the table. But the thing was so damn hard to chew that if I actually chewed it properly I would have vomited anyway. So I decided to just swallow it mostly whole and get it over with. It was extremely unpleasant and an all around bad time.
However, my pain didn't stop there. Oh no. The real pain came when we got back.
Almost immediately after getting back to the maintenance office I could feel it. My bowels were in some of the most intense pain I ever felt. I very quickly got up and headed out of the office towards the bathroom, grabbing a clipboard on the way out to make it look like I was actually going to work instead of my own personal hell. I get to the bathroom and sit on the toilet.
The most vile poo you've ever seen. It felt like it was relentless. It burned so bad and I hadn't even eaten any spicy food. The fact that I didn't cry or scream still amazes me. As I'm writing this right now my bowels are crying in pain over the memory of what happened.
Wiping was the revenge of my expelled demon. It was like trying clean up an oil spill with one paper towel. The single ply toilet paper never stood a chance. Wad after wad, wipe after wipe came back brown, as if I had never even attempted.
Eventually though, I was finished. There was no more material, and no more wiping. There was already enough damage done. I wash my hands and look in the mirror at the broken man before me.
Then I check my phone and realize that I had been in the bathroom for over an hour and a half. Realizing this, I grab my clipboard, walk out of the bathroom, and head back to the engineering office trying my best to look like I accomplished something. I walk back into the office and sit back down at my laptop. No one says a word to me. They knew. They had to have. But they didn't say a thing.
So, yeah. That's my worst buffet experience. Mini octopus. Never again.
The Moment It Dawned On Me
Years ago, I would take my father to lunch every weekend. He loved buffets, preferring all-you-can-eat restaurants over finer dining establishments. On one such lunch occasion, we were quietly enjoying our first plates, and I see a teenager hurriedly making his way to the restroom. The kid has one hand over his mouth, and puke is running through his fingers and around his cupped hand. I immediately lose my appetite, and just hang out as my dad goes back a couple more times.
Cut to 20 min later, and I see puke kid at the buffet, loading up his plate, handling the same serving utensils as everyone else. I'm sure he did his best to clean up, but this still grossed me out. That's the moment it dawned on me that every customer, hygienic or otherwise, handles these same utensils. The guy that licks his fingers, the kid that picks his nose, the lady with an itchy armpit...
Pizza And A Fire Engine
I was a volunteer firefighter back in my home town. After a Saturday training class we went to Cici's, an all you can eat pizza joint. It wasn't my normal shift so I kinda pigged out, I think I earned it given the training we had just gone through. Most calls we get are medical emergencies and given that I wasn't on the responding shift I figured I was in the clear. I was wrong.
Towards the end of my pizza binge a call goes out a few districts over. It's a brush fire threatening a mobile home park. Weekends are usually when most volunteer departments have man power, and given that it was an actual fire we all figured departments would be fighting over it. Nope.
First department gets toned out, no answer. Second gets toned out, still no one answering. Third gets toned out, with an update of a confirmed mobile home fire. Well at that point we have made it to the fire engines and the chief offers our department to respond since nobody else is. One fire engine, one tanker (water tender, depending on where you are from), and utility vehicle with the chief and another fire fighter on board. We are bringing everything you could need to this fire. We are still the only department (district) that has answered.
So there I am in the back of the engine trying to get my bunker gear and scba on. It isn't easy to do that in a moving vehicle much less in an out dated fire engine with less room than a dressing room in a department store. I'm feeling the pizza at this point but once I sit back down all seems to be ok.
We get on scene and I jump out and start pulling an attack line off the truck. Get all 200 feet situated and ready. The chief puts two guys on that hose and yells for me to pull the other line. I feel the weight of every slice I put into my trap with each movement I make. But adrenaline has command so I pull another 200 ft of hose. By then other departments have started arriving.
Chief puts me and another fire fighter on that hose and we start concentrating on the fire on the outside and threatening other homes. I had to open my air flow valve all the way just to keep from puking in my mask. It's hot and sweaty and my pizza burps are not helping at all. I went through a 20 minute pack of air in 10 minutes. Once I was out of air the subs were put in.
The medical team there to support rehab zeroed in on me at this point. Apparently I was very pale and looked like I was going to pass out. I walked pass them, all the while they are trying to get me to sit down, and barfed up everything from that days meal. I swear it didn't stop for a good 2 minutes.
Once I was done with that I felt great. I continued to assist with outside operations, the med team wouldn't let me go anywhere near a spot where full gear was needed. We were able to save the surrounding homes. Once back at the station I let my mask soak in disinfectant to get the smell out.
- Acidain
"Yeah, We Know..."
Went to Golden Corral while I was pregnant, and after we'd finished eating I reached to get a napkin out of the dispenser on the table and a roach came out with the napkin. I immediately wanted to vomit. I called the manager over and told her what happened. She said "Yeah, we know. We're working on it but we just can't seem to get rid of the infestation. We even had somebody come spray last night but I guess it didn't help."
I freaking lost it. I ended up reporting them to the health department after the manager told me she wasn't sure anything had been cleaned after the pest control company sprayed the night before.
Every now and then, we can't help but be proud of certain accomplishments.
Graduating from college or grad school, earning a promotion at work, hosting your first Thanksgiving dinner.
Though it shouldn't be forgotten that pride is one of the seven deadly sins.
Which should serve as a reminder that we should be careful of what we boast over, and that some accomplishments might not be cause for celebration.
A Redditor was curious to hear some of the more questionable skills and/or accomplishments people have boasted about, leading them to ask:
"What are people stupidly proud of?"
Yeah... not cool.
"Being cruel."
"My ex actually said, 'Yeah, I saw this guy in a pub yesterday who tried talking to us so I basically burned his stupid shirt for an hour lol,' which is one of the main reasons I broke up with him."- AnyCurrency6027
Always read the fine print.
"Those IQ tests people share but they don't know how to read their results."
"Had some guy just so proud that he was in the top 90%."- 7grendel
Can knowing and doing nothing really be considered an accomplishment?
"Willful ignorance."
"Example: pride in not knowing how to do basic math."- stupidlyugly
"Willful ignorance."- storm_the_castle
Definitely not the parent who deserves to be celebrated..
"My dad, a father of 7, brags that he's never changed a diaper."
"Like, congratulations on being no help?"- Porrick
...Where do you even start?...
“'I’m proud of myself, I haven’t cheated in a while'.”
"Me: 'it’s been 2 months and I’m not f*cking proud of you'.”- Pufferfish4467
They shouldn't be allowed to have pets!
"That their dog weighs so much, but really it's an obese sausage with legs who can't even take three steps without running out of breath."- whiskybidnus
But what's the payoff?
"Long commute times and working hours."- KyotoGaijin
"I'm terrible at my job, let's celebrate!"
"Teachers being proud that their classes are hard and their students are always failing."- GreatXs
It's hard to imagine what some of these people were thinking when they boasted about these non-accomplishments.
In all likelihood, they weren't thinking at all.
I love TV!
Some television shows are a part of my DNA. That's why an ending is so important.
In the end we want to be forever satisfied. Which is a near impossible ask. Not everyone is going to love the chosen ending.
But sometimes writers really get it right... Buffy the Vampire Slayer... (save for *@#*'s death!!) is EVERYTHING.
But then they can get it really wrong... Game Of Thrones fans are STILL fuming apparently.
Redditorslice29wanted to discuss all the best entertainment endings we've ever watched.
They asked:
"In your opinion, what TV show had the most satisfying ending?"
I hate and love endings of shows. I love them when they're done well. I hate that it's over. Let's start with one of my favs!!
End of Life
"Six Feet Under."
sweet_jones
"Watched this in real time with my mom. The whole show. Every episode. As they aired. I grew up along with it, and the ending felt like the opposite of a death - I was a grown up. You're right."
ipakookapi
Dirty Harry-style...
"Sledge Hammer! For those too young to remember this gem from the 80s, it was a show that satirized the Dirty Harry-style bad cop dramas that were in at the time. The show ended with Sledge trying to defuse a nuke ('Trust me, I know what I'm doing...'), failing."
"And then the camera slow-pans across the charred landscape of the ruined city and you hear the distant voice of the long-suffering police chief yelling 'HHHAAAAMMMMMMMEEERRRRR!!!!!!' Priceless."
ekchew
We Live!
"Blackadder Goes Forth The ending of a comedy set in WWI trenches to end with everyone dying after going over the wall is both sobering and satisfying."
PhreedomPhighter
"When Darling thinks the war is over because all the guns stopped firing. 'Thank God! We lived through it! The Great War: 1914-1917.' But we know there was still another whole year of war to go through."
Jose_Jalapeno
Shocker
"Newhart. No one in America saw that plot twist coming."
soIstartBlasting
"And with the rise of the internet, I doubt any show could pull off a twist like that again and take people by surprise. The Season 1 finale to 'The Good Place"'was a rare exception of this happening post-internet."
WaldoJeffers65
"The twist is that good, and so few people saw the show during its original run, that there are probably tons of people discovering it every week. I don't want to ruin it for anybody."
WaldoJeffers65
Last Call
"Cheers. 'We're closed.'"
Taskerst
"Thought the same thing. Have been going through the series again, usually one a day and about to start the last season."
SnooLobsters4636
Ah 'Cheers.' Not my favorite show, but a great end. And 'Six Feet Under?' GENIUS!
Afterlife...
"The Good Place."
gr3ybacon33
"I need to rewatch that show. If someone told me to watch a show about the afterlife, philosophy, morality, interspersed with d*ck jokes I wouldn't be able to take it seriously but somehow they pulled it off."
jn2010
The Tie Up
"Gravity Falls. Tied everything up nicely, but left me wanting more, but what good show doesn't?"
smugfruitplate
"I want more so bad, but we all know it's better to die a hero than a 25 seasons show nobody wants to watch."
Equivalent_Meal2688
"Agreed. Whether Alex Hirsch does something new in the future or just sods off with his residual checks, I couldn't be more proud."
smugfruitplate
"why we fight"
"'Cherish the memory of a question my grandson asked me the other day when he said, ‘Grandpa were you a hero in the war?’ Grandpa said ‘No... But I served in a company of heroes.'"
Thirty_Helens_Agree
"Band of brothers is GOAT. Even reading that line gave me goosebumps I stumbled across 'why we fight' the other day, must have seen it 20 odd times, watched it again, still amazing. In fact, my missus is out tmrw, you've inspired me to start episode one again."
Curahee!
Realities...
"M*A*S*H, still the greatest final episode in TV history. It made it clear that nobody would be the same after the war. Winchester couldn't love music like he had before without being reminded of the war. Father Mulcahy lost his hearing as a result of the war. Hawkeye lost some of his sanity."
"Margaret had to lose her self-reliance and realize that it is okay to accept help. Potter had to lose his beloved horse, which was his #1 way to stay sane. BJ had to learn to say goodbye. And, of course, Klinger had to give up his dream of leaving Korea at least for the foreseeable future."
"There are times (most times for me) when being in the military totally sucks. Living in deplorable conditions, spending 24 hours a day with the same people; working, playing, and sleeping together with people you like and people you hate. Missing your family and loved ones. Yet, when you have to separate, the feeling of loss is like nothing else that I have experienced in civilian life."
NoFunHere
Beyond
"Star Trek TNG. The episode itself was great, but that ending scene was phenomenal."
"'Nothing is wild and the sky is the limit.'"
HaCo111
Those are definitely some incredible endings. And endings are hard to pull off.
Friendship is not something that can be forced.
As with any kind of relationship, it all depends on compatibility and chemistry, and thus must happen organically.
On the flip side though, it can be pretty clear when people will not end up being your friends, owing to a fundamental difference in personality or beliefs.
Redditor Chola_Bhatora was curious to hear the type of people the Reddit community would never become chummy with, leading them to ask:
"What kind of person would you never be friends with?"
Basically, people who aren't nice
"People who don't apologize for their mistakes, blame others for their problems, and generally complain without doing anything about their situation."
"Oh, and generally a**holes."- NerdyDadGuy1981
"People who are overly rude and constantly laugh it off and call themselves 'a**holes' as if it is an uncontrollable character trait."- Business_Grand7665
Don't you twist my words around!
"People that distort what you said."- Mystery_I
Just take some responsibility!
"People who can never admit they're wrong about anything."
"No matter how blatantly wrong."- Rachfo44
Say it to my face!
"The kind that talks behind your back."- 0breanna0
Are you sure about that?
"Someone who thinks they already know everything."- Fragrant-Crow-4513
Then why aren't I laughing?
"Someone that puts you down in front of your other friends.. 'as a joke'."- motherfugher
How well do you actually know them?
"People who abuse your trust and honesty to manipulate you, especially when they disguise it so well."
"Had it one too many times, thankfully gets easier to spot but some people are freakishly good at it."- nothingjustk
Yeah, well mine's better!
"One uppers."- BasedChickenTendie
Someone needs a lesson in self respect...
"I'm a woman."
"Had a classmate strike a conversation with me for the first time."
"2 minutes in said she doesn't have female friends because all women are b*tches."
"Why are you talking to me then?"
"What do you think you are?"- Minimum_Greedy
As Jane Austen famously explored in Pride and Prejudice, first impressions can often be misleading.
But every now and then, they can give a crystal clear depiction of who someone really is.
Which could easily be someone you do not want to be friends with.
Age is just a number.
We all hope to stay sexy until the end.
And even when we don't feel sexy, maybe there will be people who still think we are.
Redditor Debonair-Redditor21wanted to hear about famous crushes that enter into the "Harold & Maude" territory. They asked:
"Who is the oldest celebrity that you still find attractive?"
All Hail Dame Helen Mirren. Is there anything else to say?
How Old?
"Viggo Mortensen. Very handsome at 63."
Sidewalk_Tomato
"Damn, he is 63? Time flies."
2020UsernamesBeLike
Personas
"Elvira. Cassandra Peterson. Just turned 70 and still breaks out that amazing personality at every appearance."'
darkoath
"Omg. I saw the BEST suggestion for a movie ever. Elvira & Dolly Parton playing their stage personas as estranged sisters who must team up to fight evil."
ClothDiaperAddicts
Fatale
"Jane Seymour. 71 and still stunning."
MrWiggy89
"Live and Let Die. Incredible, and she'll always be in my mind as Elise McKenna, the woman so beautiful that Christopher Reeve's character went back to be with her in Somewhere in Time. I totally get the desire."
pcserenity
Hey Su...
"Susanna Hoffs (63)."
analogtapes
"Plot twist: She sang 'Walk Like an Egyptian' because she's immortal and actually lived in Ancient Egypt."
RealisticDelusions77
"She was my first crush. As a child, I used to watch MTV for hours just for that moment when she cut her eyes in the 'Walk Like an Egyptian' video."
3lon_Mu5k
I am loving this list. I didn't think I would.
Maddy
"Mads Mikkelsen."
Valuable-Mango368
"You mean my daddy issues? Damn I love that guy. Death Stranding really nailed how he can come through a medium without much hassle."
This_User_Said
My Biological Clock
"Marisa Tomei."
LiveShowOneNightOnly
"Jesus, I was so confused watching the new Spider-Man movies with Marisa as Aunt May. Marisa Tomei is perpetually the hot 80s chick in my head, also Jennifer Connelly. I was watching Morbius and seeing Requiem for a Dream and Career Opportunities. I AM OLD, I GUESS."
Forge64
Oh Captain
"Christopher Plummer, right up until the day he died at 92."
amodernjunecleaver
"I first saw ‘The Sound of Music’ as a child, watched in many times, know if off by heart etc. I didn’t watch for many years."
"Then as an adult I wanted to introduce a friend’s kid to it, put it on, and spent the next couple of hours absolutely dumbstruck by how hot Christopher Plummer was. It had never struck me before that time but go**amn have I never forgotten. No wonder Maria chose the Captain, if I had to choose between him and God I know who my pick would be."
niconiconeko
Hey Tim!
"Timothy Olyphant. Idk what it is about him. He's so funny, charming, and handsome that I don't care how much older than me he is."
throwaway-getaway122
"I do NOT get tired of watching him; he is so expressive. In Catch and Release there's a scene where he and Jennifer Garner are having a conversation that consists entirely of gestures and facial expressions. Hilarious!"
BugsRatty
"He is amazing in Justified and Deadwood... hell, pretty much everything. I think I just found out I may have a man-crush on the dude lol."
Captain-Hornblower
Yeoh
"Michelle Yeoh."
ThinkIGotHacked
"Ugh she was a vision in Everything Everywhere All at Once. And if she doesn't win all the awards then there is something really wrong with the voting system."
HoaryPuffleg
YUM YUM
"Oof that's kind of a hard one. Without looking up a bunch of older actors I think I'd have to go with Ken Watanabe. I think he's in his early 60s now and the last time I saw a recent pic of him he was still looking fine AF. And an honorable mention is Steve Carell... I don't know what it is but he keeps getting hotter with age. I was never attracted to him until he did that silver fox photo shoot with the paint brush 'n shi*t."
total class act...
"Stanley Tucci. As my mom says about handsome men, he just looks like he smells good."
vonye25
"He visited our hotel a few weeks ago. As the Restaurant Manager I was specifically told that my team and I were not to treat him any different to other guests, which we don't."
"The guy was a total class act polite, courteous, and always keen for a chat. Never mentioned his movies, his career, but was there to enjoy time with his family, and they themselves were also a joy to be around. Can confirm he always had a slight aroma of warm cinnamon."
valdezverdun
Well that is a long list of sexy. Cheers to growing sexy with age.