Sometimes we're sober, sometimes not so much. Sex is fun as long as it's consensual and safe. But we all know what it feels like to face that morning after. Especially if you're still in the same clothes from the night before-which are now a wrinkled mess-your hair is the poster child for "bed head," your breath is a bigger killer than Medusa. Oh that is a looooong, treacherous walk.... so I've been told. ;) Or then there are just "life" walks of shame. When we make a fool of ourselves in ways we couldn't imagine and then have to face people. Its brutal.
Redditor u/MichelCamarillo wanted to discuss some tricky life moments by asking.... Redditors, What is the worst "Walk of Shame" you've had? How did it happen?
A Family Affair...
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One of like 3 times I blacked out drinking. Woke up in a nice bedroom with the sun shining in my eyes, rolled over and had zero clue who the girl was. Quietly put on my clothes and tried to sneak down the stairs. Was obvious this was someone's parent's house, the hall was wall to wall family photos etc. I have no clue how to get out of the house, I take a turn and there is the whole family, mom dad, 2 sisters, and grandma and grandpa eating waffles. I mumble something about being sorry for interrupting their breakfast and sheepishly walk out the back door. I go outside and look for my car, I have zero clue where it is parked. I walk around the block for 10 minutes searching for it. I have no cellphone cause this is like 1998, and since this is obviously suburbia, there are no payphones in site.
I muster up every last bit of pride that I have to knock on their door and ask to speak to their daughter. I can't even conjure up her name at this point. One of the sisters answers the door, laughing her butt off. Her sister is upstairs getting yelled at by pretty much everyone but grandpa, who is still eating his waffles. I ask the sister to use the phone, of course it is in the kitchen. I call my roommate and tell him to come pick me up at the intersection down the road. Whole time the grandfather is giving me the stinkeye and the sisters are like in tears laughing. Roommate picks me up 45 minutes later because I am about as far across town as in physically possible. Brings me back to the club where my car was parked. At least my dumb butt didn't drive there. Nissir
The Bike Path....
Many years ago, I hooked up with a friend who lived downtown. I had parked my car on the street before going to the bar the night before. We had gotten pretty intoxicated that night - hence the hookup. We slept fairly late the next morning, both of us pretty hungover.
I had entirely forgotten that there was an event that morning where they blocked off the streets, despite there being signs posted everywhere. So midmorning I dodge my way through crowded streets to get back to where I parked my car, only to find it fenced in by temporary fences to block off the street for the kid's bike race that was about to start. My car was literally the only one left on the block. I asked a police officer when I could get it out, and was told I'd have to wait until after the race.
So, there I sat on a bench on the sidewalk, visibly hungover, miserable, and surely ashamed, while a bunch of kids rode their bikes around downtown with their parents shooting me odd looks. jmh79
Jobs come and go....
The unemployment walk of shame when you got your stuff together and you had to walk to the elevator. KingofSnipers
My current employer has had a few rounds of layoffs since October. My boss tipped everybody off who was safe but we were in the know on who wasn't safe as a result. Despite I was aware of which coworkers were going to lose their job, I didn't directly tell them they were losing their job since you don't know what their response will be. At best, I'll hint that "there's rumored layoffs happening next week." Based upon the responses of some people, I thinkIwould have been in trouble if I were the catalyst to trigger that behavior prior to layoffs. Negafox
Jesus smells you!
One time when I was around 13 I was at a bible study at a relatives house and I was super gassy. I felt a big gut buster coming on and I decided the polite thing to do would be to excuse myself and go to the restroom and blow that fog horn. Well I stood up and made it about 3 steps before I let out a quick pop and then preceded to chainsaw fart my way across this quite room with about 12-15 people reading the Bible.
I stayed in the bathroom mortified until my aunt came and got me. AmeriknGrizzly
Talk about Sparks...
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Went on a first date with a girl from an online dating app. Things went well. Making out in a small pub, I accidentally set fire to my shirt on a candle. Wasted, we didn't care. Ended up staying at hers. Had to walk to work through central London the next morning in a half burnt shirt until I could find a clothing shop and buy a t shirt. MassiveKnuckles
And your son's name is?
Nothing beats waking up in the house of a twenty-something guy who supposedly had his own place but then him expecting you to join him at the breakfast table with his stern looking parents. shelbyc09
A friend of mine recently hooked up from a club, issue is he is in his 40's, she was barely 21, they went back to her place which just happened to be her parent's house, the best part walking out the next day, and a conversation ensues that he is older than her parents by a few years. K-Dog13
A bloody Shame!
Woke up on my prom date's parent's basement pool table, still wearing the top half of my tux. Nothing below the waist. My date was asleep on the basement couch. Jolted upright and bashed my head on the light fixture hanging above the pool table, cutting my forehead open. Could not find my underwear or socks. Walked home in snow and cold with a bleeding wound. Date's mom called my (parent's) house later that day, only to leave a message on the answering machine saying that she'd found my socks and underwear, and that she'd send them to school with my date. DukeOfCheddar
Umm....What kind of days?
After a wild night partying at my friend's dorm, I woke up at her place to the beanbag, carpet, and my clothing covered in vomit. I had to change clothes, gather everything in a trash bag, and carry it back to my dorm which was a fifteen minute walk away, hungover. And did I mention that my friends stayed with me the entire time, laughing at me and pointing?
Man, those were the days. stillslightlyfrozen
Maybe not the walk of shame you are asking about, but a few years ago I accidentally pooped my self at the very crowded Iamstersam sign. I had a very sudden bout with gastro, with almost no warning. I had to do the walk of shame through the crowded streets of Amsterdam, in a poop soaked pair of chambray short shorts. Fruitloops_for_B
How Roman of you....
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I temporarily lived in a hotel in a smallish town (~7000) for construction work for about 6 months. It was Halloween on a weeknight and lots of the construction folks went out partying. A woman friend and I made impromptu togas out of my bedsheets before heading out on the town. I crashed at her hotel that night, overslept a little, and walked back to my hotel along the commuter highway at 8am in only a toga. silent_h
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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