Betrayal hurts. It hurts bad.
Especially when we love and trust the person who has betrayed us. That loss of trust really feels like you have to question everything from then on out. It feels like you might live the rest of your life without your best friend.
But maybe that's for the best.
u/CrypticCrunch asked:
When was the moment you realized that your best friend wasn't your best friend?
Here were some of the answers.
Yikes, I Was Still On The Line
Telling his brother after I had called to talk for a bit like we always did "I told you to say I'm not home if they called....." Was upset but it also clued me in to not waste time on that person anymore. Just told him not to worry and that I would talk to him later. Never did, just left it at that.
Whoops, I Dropped The Check Again
When she invited me out to dinner as a Christmas gift, and then when the check was dropped, told me she actually couldn't treat bc she had impulse bought her sh*tty boyfriend a plane ticket when she was drunk the evening before and therefore didn't have the $.
Among other things, but this was the moment when I was really like, wow, my friendship means nothing to her.
Left Me Alone
We graduated from high school and she went to college halfway across the world. When she came back to visit, when I tried to hang out with her she was always too busy. I later saw tons of pictures posted on Facebook with her and other girls having fun together. So that's what she was so busy with.
Then at one point she told me that those girls had actually invited me to everything but she convinced them I wouldn't be able to go. I would have been able to go. I left her alone after that
I see a lot of speculation in the comments so I'll try to clear things up - these girls were all people I'd been going to school with since kindergarten or so. We all knew each other. I was on good terms with the other girls. The girl I'd been best friends with since first grade so I felt loyal to her even though as we got older she got meaner. I've learned better since then.
I have no idea why she said that but when she said it, it was with no malice or shame or anything. Like she was just off handedly stating a fact. I honestly can't figure out why. Maybe she really did think I was busy and it just came out really, really wrong. But it seems deliberate when you do that consistently for 2-3 weeks while everyone was back home.
Bye Queen
When I invited her to hang out with me at the nearby lake for my birthday, she said she would get back to me. She never did, instead she posted on her Snapchat story about how much fun she was having with her other friends. I stopped talking to her after that.
Party Down
While they were driving everyone decided they wanted to party. No one had money so they suggested they should call Varvatos he always has money. I was sitting in the back seat. I was like uh I'm right here and I'm not in the mood to party tonight.
The Harder Way
I found out she was uploading my art to a "bad art blog". I only found out because she sent me 2 paragraphs telling me I was a horrible friend anonymously on tumblr, then when I went to her crying over it wondering who it was she said it was her and then blocked me. I thought I could still fix things but then I found the bad art blog with my art on it, and found out she was talking sh*t about me to her other friends.
I was only 15 and even though its been years since it I'm still f*cked up by it in some ways.
If you don't like someone, don't pretend to like them and make fun of them behind their backs. Just let them know you feel like you can't be friends anymore and distance yourself. Yeah that will hurt in the short term but it won't monumentally f*ck over someones entire psyche as being fake will.
Not Andy's Toys Anymore
2002 and no cell phones or social media and only dial up internet in a small, rural Ontario town. I apologize in advance for the essay length answer.
Andy and I were thick as thieves all through grades 7 and 8. His parents loved me, and I loved them. We hung out every weekend went through all the standard small town adventures together. Chasing girls and hiking from the town center to his house 5 km outside of town on the railroad tracks.
First beers. Real Stand By Me stuff. When I went to a 3 week Royal Canadian Air Cadet summer camp between grades 8 and 9, he was on my mailing list with my parents and grandmother and we exchanged actual old school handwritten letters. I thought we would be friends for life.
Then Grade 9 rolls around. We went to the same Catholic high school, but that school took students from the surrounding towns that didn't have a catholic secondary option. So suddenly we were surrounded new kids from different towns. There was a clique that Andy wanted into. I couldn't care less.
In the middle of September Andy started inviting some of these clique people to our table at lunch. Then more of them, and all of a sudden I'd show up in the cafeteria and the table would be filled with no spot left for me. These were not nice people. At the time I thought it was just ribbing, but looking back they straight up bullied me.
He started having 'family stuff' going on during weekends and after school. It got to the point where I'm pretty sure he was screening my calls and I'd only see him in the class or two that we shared.
My 14th birthday was in mid-November. Right after Halloween I said 'Hey dude. I know we haven't really hung out much the last little while. Did I do something wrong? Are you pissed at me?' He told me no and that he was just busy with being in high school. I took that at face value, happy that my best friend was not mad at me. I told him I was going out to the movies and pizza and run the roads the following Saturday for my birthday. I invited him. He agreed. That was on a Monday. I confirmed with him on the Friday to meet outside the theater on Saturday night around 6:45.
I was super excited, finally getting to reconnect with my best friend. 6:45 rolls around, then 7, then 7:15. I call his house on a payphone. No answer. 7:30 hits. The movie started 10 minutes ago. At 7:45 I try calling his house again. This time his 17 year old sister picks up. I ask for Andy and she says, very matter of factly, 'he's out with [clique friends]. He doesn't want to hang out with you anymore. Seriously, get the picture.' and then hung up on me.
I don't know how long I stood there at the payphone. Bailed on by my best friend on my birthday for some d!ckheads in a clique from an entirely different town. I didn't see a movie or get pizza that night. I just wandered around town in a daze until curfew, then went home and cried.
I went to school on Monday. Our lockers were right across the hall from one another. He didn't show. I walk to homeroom, and see him outside the library doors with some of the clique maybe 25 feet away.
We lock eyes, then he looks away, says something I couldn't make out, then the clique turns and starts laughing at me.
That was more than 16 years ago. I haven't spoken to Andy since that day outside the library, but I did get to be the clique's bullying target for the next two years. I ended up swapping to the public school system in 2004, and Andy sent me a FB friend request literally the day I created my account, but I declined it.
Red In The Head Means I Ain't Wastin Time On You, Girl
Giphy
When she told me my husband and I would make hideous babies because red headed babies are the ugliest thing she has ever seen. She also locked me out of our hotel 4 hours from home with no way home at 3 am that same day after an arguement over her saying my husband kills people for a living (he's a chemist who works on developing chemotherapy). That was the last time I've spoken to her, 4 years ago. Such a jealous woman.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
When I got an internship at my dream job and she started to pull away more and more until two months went by and I realized she ignored most of my texts and snapchats. After the internship I tried to contact her a few times thinking it was just a product of her being busy with graduation/me being in another state working crazy hours but a mutual friend stepped in and told me she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
I considered her family, she decided I was very replaceable. It hurt a lot more considering we both used to bond over the fact that our childhoods were filled with "best friends" dumping us for more popular people.
No More Helping And Not Being Helped
Giphy
When my "best friend" had marriage troubles, I was there for him. All through his wife's infidelity, the divorce, and the custody battle. I testified on his behalf in court and he got custody of the kids.
Fast forward 2 years later, when I find out my wife is cheating on me. He's not really interested in talking to me about it so much, and even acts like he's not home when I stop by for a visit. And no, he wasn't the one my wife was cheating with.
He's a good dad and a fun guy to hang around with, but he's just not emotionally available to help other people out much.
The Start Of A Cyberbully
Best friends for a couple of years. We were in different classes, I wrote her a message that I be on my way to her. When I arrived she forgot to alt tab the chat window with someone else making fun of me at the worst possible way. At that time she was my only friend. Was tough to have no friends after that for loooong time - this might not sound like a lot but I think that scared me and I'm still struggling making friends.
I Don't Exist For Your Expense
My senior year of high school, when the group of "friends" had inside jokes about me. They made a game of mentioning these jokes in front of me. When it finally got out I pretty much never talked to them again. After graduation, never seen again.
User To The Nth Degree
Giphy
I gave this person way too many chances.
When she would only have me come over so she could go to a concert. Because her parents liked me and let us go out.
She stopped talking to me for a while but hit me because she was applying for a job and needed "clean urine"
We stopped talking again. Then she would call me to tell me she needed food and money for her son. And then bought drugs.
I've stopped helping her. And she's no longer my "best friend" but I listen when she needs to talk and having a hard time. Do the "man, that really sucks"
I don't hate her. But I've set boundaries. I really hope she gets her life together.
This Was A Test And You Failed HARD
After years of giving me a hard time for eloping, making me promise after my 1st divorce that if I marry again she MUST be invited.... I invited her. She got her mom to babysit her kids, and then went to her ex boyfriends house to f*ck all weekend, totally blowing off my wedding.
My wedding was extremely small. Besides my daughter, she was my only invited guest.
She showed me right there exactly how important I was to her.
Buried Emotions
For years, my best friend had asked me every summer to go to this sleepaway summer camp in the Poconos with her but my mother wouldn't ever let me go. The year she finally broke down and said I could go, my bestie and I spent weeks shopping and planning and talking about it nonstop. It was going to be glorious - the final summer before junior high.
After her parents dropped us off, however, this b*tch proceeded to flat out ignore me the entire two weeks we were there. She wouldn't even have a two minute conversation with me to tell me what I'd done. I was beyond miserable. All the other kids had been going there every summer and all knew each other and here I was, basically alone in another state, pre-internet and cell phones, totally bewildered and upset because my best friend since kindergarten (and the only other person I knew there) wouldn't so much as look at me. I was miserable. When her parents came to pick us up, I didn't say a damn word the whole two hour trip home and never spoke to her again. To this day I have no idea why the f*ck she acted like that but I'm still a little pissed off.
Makes You Never Want To Make Friends.
When we both tried to get in a frat, i didn't make it and he did which was cool bc we'd still hang out. That is until for the next month him and a few of his new frat pledgees would throw food at me and on at least 4 occasions id be blindsided on campus with them tipping me over, im in a wheelchair. They wore masks so i had no proof to anyone but he was pretty big and i recognized his shoes. he'd then try to still hang around me and act like he never did anything. I didn't really figure it out til about the 3rd time when they tipped me over and thats when i saw his shoes, confirming it.
About a year later he randomly texted me saying how sorry he was for what he did and hoped we could be friends again but by that time i could care less. Turns out he had gotten kicked out of the frat for drug use and now he couch surfs.