Love is so grand and resplendent. We spend so much of our lives chasing it and we can become obsessed movies and literature that tell us where and how to find it. But rarely do realize that love is the most imperfect of emotions and that love stories take work in order to not derail. We have to be self aware enough to know that every relationship needs help. There are always signals along the way telling us when story is crumbling. Too often we opt not to pay attention.
Redditor u/TeamDodgy wanted know what signs will arise to warn that the love story is waning by asking.... What are signs a relationship is about to fail?
The Horsemen Approacheth.....
Giphy
Dr. Gottman studied this for 20+ years.
He determined that criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are the four strongest signs.
This was true even during interviews with couples that did not argue and attempted to "put on a good face" during the interview process.
He called this "the four horsemen." pittsburgg
Be Louder!
When you don't even bother arguing anymore cause its not worth the effort. CCHTweaked
It would be a hell of a lot of work to come back from - because at that point, at least one partner in the couple has lost the motivation/desire to recover, even if they are afraid to lose their SO. If any couple comes back - and I mean truly back to an open ground of talking about uncomfortable and painful things and actually going through disputes with the goal of being together - then that couple deserves each other and are stronger than probably most people in interpersonal relationships. ClassyEmu
Don't be so curt....
Not wanting to spend time with you, no communication between the two of you (Short answers from her for example) And just a change of attitude in general towards you.
I've been there a few times. jamie9000000
Stoned!
Essentially, if one or both is highly critical of the other, there's a defensiveness which shuts down all meaningful communication in the relationship - this can be immediate, or slowly over time. It leads to one/both hating the other (contempt) either spoken or not.
The worst couples never fought at all; to avoid confrontation, they froze all meaningful communication and were mostly silent to each other. This is known as stonewalling.
I've been there, and it is NOT pretty. The worst part was that I loved this person and she wasn't always critical - but oh boy, could she be critical! pittsburgg
Private Thoughts....
Giphy
I would say "Asking yourself if your relationship is about to fail" is a pretty big sign your relationship is in the process of failing. Numinae
Just Leave!
Dreading them. Absolutely dreading them. Their laugh, their jokes, having sex. If you avoid them, if they avoid you.
Telling yourself that the next time he/she does something bad that you're going to break up with them, and when that bad thing doesn't happen you freeze and you don't do anything.
Wishing they would leave you alone, loving it when you finally get one day to yourself.
When your friends don't understand where you're coming from, further propelling you into the relationship where you think you're the bad guy for thinking something is wrong. Them telling you you can't have same sex friends. Them going through your phone. BumbleBlooze
What's App?
When she says she is going to sleep and you see her Whatsapp status watching movie on your friend's mobile which is hidden to you
Lmao ಠ╭╮ಠ ZampyaMaster007
I'm sorry she hurt you like that bro... CatndOstrich
The Tells....
Syrupy sweet Facebook statuses about one another.
That's a good "tell."
Happy publicly = often miserable privately.
No publicity = often happy privately.
Good podcast about this:
Hidden Brain: When It Comes To Our Lives On Social Media, 'There's Always Another Story'
Excerpt:
For a long time, Rachel Leonard felt pressure to post only positive news about her life. Even photos of the view from her front porch were carefully edited before she shared them.
"If you looked only straight you could see mountains," she said. "If you looked to the left you'd see a factory, but of course I didn't take pictures of the factory, because why would you do that?"
Plenty of us follow a similar strategy on social media. Posts about engagements and babies will receive ravenous applause. News about a grandparent passing away will elicit virtual hugs.
But fears about not making rent? Marital tensions? Hesitations about becoming a parent? Those sorts of posts – posts that show ambivalence – are verboten.
Spoiler alert: public Facebook statuses are for looking happy and successful. The real story is told in private messages.
Video: Instagram Husband gotthelowdown
The 2 Way Street....
When one or both stop being thankful about things because they think they "deserve" that thing. You know, the mentality that says "that's what he/she is supposed to do anyway."
Yes, you deserve to be taken care of, but let your SO know that you appreciate him/her. If you don't appreciate them, the things they do will slowly feel like a chore to them, and they'll get tired of doing it. Yes, you are supposed to be respected, but let them know you're thankful for the respect they show you.
The Definition of Insanity....
Giphy
When you keep having the same fight. You talk it out, promise each other changes, and everything is great for a little while. But then one or both of you slips back into an old pattern and you're back at the fight a month or two later. And it goes on like this for a while until each time it gets harder to talk it out. magikot
I Hate You!
Feeling contempt for your significant other. When you're looking at the person you're supposed to love with disdain or resentment, then it's time for the relationship to end. let_them_eat_kale
Talk to the Hand!
Not communicating with each other. Getting angry whenever your partner tries to get you to talk problems out. thehumblehorror
Oh Well....
Giphy
When one person in the relationship really stops caring about what the other side person is doing. totspur1982
Every. Little. Thing.
Arguing over every little thing. xxwatchmerun
You see my partner and I were like this, we used to argue over everything. Stress and lack of communication made us turn on each other. If you're a couple and find yourselves arguing continually over every little thing then try find the reason why. I see it too often in today's gen that giving up in relationships is easier than working through the hardships. If there's mutual love and respect hard work will make a relationship. There were times I though sack this this isn't how I want to live my life but I'm glad I committed to working on us. We made it through and we never gave up. Relationships are hard. Every experience is different, I'm just hoping to reach out to those who feel arguing (to an extent of course) might not be normal or means the relationship must be over. dippyhippy_
Good Grief.
Seeing his name come up on the phone and thinking 'good grief, what does he want now?'
The End!
When you put your arm around her shoulder at Endgame and she says "could you not." because she's still mad about a little crappy argument about her Mom the night before. FultonHomes
I'll do Me.
When you start avoiding communication with your S.O.
When the sound of your text notification makes you sigh or strikes fear because it might be your S.O. When you start to make plans just so that you have an excuse to be away from your S.O. When you start avoiding communication with your S.O. kitskill
No Interest.
When he / she doesn't seem to be interested in what you have to say and then they go out with friends more. If they don't seem as happy as when you first got together then it may be close. Its hard to tell. Disfigured_Doughnut
Where'd you go?
Giphy
When you're physically in the same room together, yet it feels as though the other person isn't there - that their thoughts and emotions are elsewhere. Back2Bach
It's Just Over.
The signs are different in every relationship but a simple thing to look for is, if this person wasn't attached to your identity as in this is so and so my gf/bf. If they weren't linked with you in that sense or having sex with you, would you be friends with them? If the answer is no then the relationship is over. Sarpanitu
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
Giphy
Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
Giphy
A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
Giphy
A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
Giphy
Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.