There are some moments in life that we want to forget, but there are even more we want others will forget. Whether it's facing the consequences of that spicy food we ate or downing that last regretful shot of tequila, our bodies can quickly go from being our friend to becoming our worst enemy. It's good to have a sense humor about these things, they're only natural after all. Here are the best of the worst moments that truly, ahem, stunk.
Redditor u/madbubers asks:
What is the most embarrassing way your body has betrayed you?
Urine Trouble Now!
I peed myself in class. I was wearing a skirt and no tights. I was 17.
It was my first year of college and the lecture lasted 4 hours. I held it as long as I possibly could, until at some point I was 100% certain I would pee myself as soon as I stood up. I couldn't excuse myself to the bathroom because I'd pee myself on the way in front of everybody.
So I stayed. I waited until the other students left, but they didn't. Of course they had questions for the professor, some lingered... I got out, made it out of the classroom miraculously, then as soon as I was out the door I couldn't hold it anymore. I kneeled down on the floor, pretended to look for something in my bag (someone even asked if I was okay), hoping against all hope that no one would notice the puddle at my feet.
I kept pretending to look in my bag for 5 more minutes until everyone was gone, then walked to the nearest bathroom to dry myself as best I could. Then I went home, changed my underwear and dried my skirt and shoes with a hairdryer, because it would look suspicious if I came back with different clothes.
No one ever mentioned it. To this day I wonder if some did see it and avoid talking about it to spare me the embarrassment, or if I somehow managed to hide it.
He Was Scared Stiff They'd See
So in 2016, I had hernia surgery.
I got the dopey medicine that's supposed to make you act crazy, and my parents were watching to see what I would do. Now, this is the first time I've ever had it. My *ss just sat there and spaced out, but I had one thing in mind:
DON'T GET A BONER.
The hernia was right above my groin, and they had to have full view of Mr Wiener. I didn't want to scar those poor nurses and surgeons.
After about 30 minutes, (maybe? Coulda been 2 hours even, time was weird) I get wheeled out to surgery. I'm like f*ck yea, no boner.
Then, I feel it.
Well, it decides that being moved is the perfect time to rise and shine (this was at about 7:45 AM) and I'm sitting there whacked off my a*s thinking "eh whatever, I'll live with this embarrassment."
Yea. They put me on the table and it was a tent.
To the nurses and surgeon (all females), I'm so sorry. You caught me at the worst time possible.
Full Of Hot Air Much?
2 hours train ride. I felt the air coming slowly but I held it back until the end. Finally, the next stop was mine, so I stood up and walked to the door, still holding back that, now massive, amount of air in my colon. Just when the doors were about to open, some child stumbled into me from behind. It surprised me so much that I, just for a moment, didn't hold in.The result was the loudest, most disgusting fart you could ever imagine.
I never left the train station faster in my entire life.
Out, Out Damn Spot!
When I was in high school by starting a period without any of the usual symptoms and leaving a bloody puddle on the chair and huge stain on my jeans.
This happened to me, except I knew it was happening. My (male) teacher had a blanket, no-using-the-bathroom-during-class rule, and I was too embarrassed to tell him what was going on.
Its not even technically legal for them to do so.
We had a teacher in elementary school who had this rule. If you didn't go during lunch that was your fault. One day a girl was begging and literally crying asking to go with the teacher being very loud and telling her no, we have lunch soon.
Girl wet herself. Luckily the whole class recognized it was the teachers fault so no one made fun of her for it and some even berated the teacher.
Seriously teachers: if i could sue my job if they said i couldn't go because holding it can cause medical problems an angry parent is gonna have a way easier time. Let people go to the bathroom.
Oh Veil No!
On my wedding day..... but not like you're imagining. Woke up at 6 AM, blew up the toilet, thought it was just nerves. About an hour later the vomiting starts. Then the poop. Then the vomit. Repeat this cycle for a few hours. My friends are thinking, oh she's just hungover. Hell, I thought it could be that too, I had drank wine the night before but not in my usual quantities and had gone to bed sober as a judge. After awhile we all realize this is bigger than a hangover. My mother finally picks me up off the bathroom floor after a few more hours of the puke-sh*t-repeat game and drags my ass to urgent care where I burst into tears when they ask what's wrong.
"I'm supposed to get married in three hours and the vomiting and diarrhea just won't stop!" Ugh. Cringe. So they pump me full of IV fluids and nausea meds. Seems to be helping. I go home and get dressed for my wedding, not so sexy when your mom has to help you into your fancy underwear. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Here comes the red wave to further ruin my day. I'm in awe at this betrayal. (Also, it starts hailing outside as I'm putting my dress on. Between sh!tting my brains out and not eating, my dress is now too big and is falling down. And, my wedding is outside.)
This is where I just laugh because there's nothing left to do. My period is especially infuriating because I've been prophylactically taking birth control pills for over 3 months so I could purposefully skip my heavy and erratic periods on my wedding day (I have an IUD so I already had birth control and wasn't relying on the pills for baby blocking). I tell this story to nervous future brides to remind them that your body, and nature for that matter, don't give a f about what day you've selected to get married. Luckily my marriage has been much, much better than the wedding but how could it not be?
Quite The Sob Story
In a meeting with my managers. They're complaining about X, Y, and Z that I haven't achieved. I'm not upset about the criticisms, if anything I'm angry I have to ear them, but for some bizarre reason my eyes started watering.
We'd have these meetings weekly and every time my eyes would water and tears would pour. It started just happening when I wasn't even angry.
And even in normal angry situations I'd never tear up. Just in those meetings.
Omg I have the same thing. Whenever I'm confronted with something by a superior, I start crying for some reason. It sucks because I don't want them to think I'm upset about minor things, because I'm not.
They Come Out Of Nowhere
Panic attack, nothing was wrong just my heart did not want to be in my chest for some reason.
Edit: wow this blew up harder than my heart.
I get panic attacks so often. Feels like my chest is being crushed. I swear one day I will die of a heart attack just assuming it's panic. They are the worst feeling.
Seriously, Did Something Die Inside You?
Farted the most rancid fart of death in 6th grade.
The teacher somehow knew it was me and kicked me out of class- told me to go to the nurse and have someone pick me up because she was convinced I had to be sick to produce such a toxic stench.
I thought it was cool I got to get out of school though and my dad thought it was hilarious.
From Frisky To Risky
Story Time.
My grandmother was killed when she received the AIDS virus through a blood transfusion, back in the day. (If you live in Minnesota and get a blood transfusion, know that my grandma was the one that ate the bullet that makes hospitals screen blood.)
My family donates blood on her birthday. I hate donating blood. I hate needles, I hate seeing blood, and I hate the weird cold feeling you get throughout your entire arm. In a terrible twist of fate, I happen to have Universal blood that is CMV negative (I can donate to babies and small children, which apparently is rare?). Hospitals are always in short supply, it seems, as I am always getting calls to donate a double amount every time I'm eligible. (I charge them twice as many cookies as they give other people).
One time, after giving a double dose, I was feeling just fine. I usually feel wiped out and need to go to sleep, but that day I was feeling fine. I got home and the wife was there, and we're trying to have a kid, and we were both kind of flirty, so we went for it. I got in the buff when my knees wobbled, the room spun, and I just collapsed on the floor. I never lost consciousness. I was just sprawled naked on the floor, unable to lift my arms or legs. I could lull my head about.
TL:DR - Don't try to have a romantic time after donating a double dose of blood.
Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star
When I was 12, my best friend and I were hanging out in front of my apartment complex on the front steps with two guys that we were SUPER interested in.
I was sitting on the top step with my bestie, and the two guys were goofing off further down the steps and making us laugh.
Well, I started laughing. So hard in fact that during one of those laughs where you're laughing so hard you're no longer making any noise, where you've basically lost control of it and CAN'T stop, I started farting really loudly.
Even though I was MORTIFIED, I COULD NOT stop laughing and laughed harder and then I started pissing my pants. I couldn't stop!! The piss was running down the steps as I tried desperately to stop laughing by covering my ears and shutting my eyes.
I finally gained control of my body and stopped laughing, but it was too late.
My crush came over to sit next to me, and right before he sat down next to me he saw the puddle of piss and jumped up alarmingly and said "Whoah!"
I got up and tried to run inside, but I didn't have my key, so I had to ring the buzzer and had to wait for my mom to buzz me in in front of them with piss soaked pants, and the giant puddle of my piss that had run down half the steps.
I stayed inside the rest of the day, and that night my crush miraculously came back and asked me out through my bedroom window.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.