Growing up, I was pretty positive that my dad was a lunatic who was triggered by lights and ceiling fans. Then I started paying the electric bill ; hey turns out that particular bit of "lunacy" might just be genetic. So is the one that makes you really excited about a good air fryer.
He always told me I would get it when I was older. He was right - crispy fried pork chunks whenever I want them IS awesome. We DO have food at home. It can be better than what we would get at a drive-through.
I just have to do it myself. Bummer.
One Reddit user asked:
... looks like I'm not the only one out here "growing up." Other Reddit users are out here coming to all kinds of adult realizations, and honestly they aren't all thrilled about it, either.
King Triton Was Right ... Until He Was Wrongsad the little mermaid GIFGiphy
King Triton, Ariel's dad was right. She was just a child and she was not "in love" with the random prince she saw for all of 30 seconds.
As adults, we have a fully developed brain (hopefully) and more life experience, and therefore we aren't convinced by the ephemeral, but intense emotions, that kids/teenagers have.
But rather than validating Ariel's feelings, interests, and desires, Triton's basically like: "You're wrong for feeling that way, and also I'm going to destroy your room."
Which actually happens. Parents actually do that and are then surprised when the kid turns to the only validating adult in the room, who just might be a soul-stealing witch.
I really like revisiting media as an adult, not only to see how my sympathies have changed, but also to make sure that I'm not the adult who is perpetuating the conflict by not listening. Because as an adult, I expect better from myself.
Always Be Friends
Friendships fading away
I remember my dad telling me all kinds of cool stories about things him and his friends did in the past. I even asked him "why aren't you still friends with these people?"
He really did basically say "it's complicated, you'll understand when you're older."
Even back then I remember thinking "that's crazy, me and my friends will always be friends."
Sitting here now in my early 30's and it really hits home.
Boring Is Best
The quiet, boring, simple, times are the best. Everyone's fed, happy, healthy, chill, napping... these are the good times.
So true. Boring = safe. You can't be bored when in survival mode.
When my old roommate's 7-yo would say she was bored he'd reply with something similar. And I would add, "There are no sabertooth cats lurking in the bushes."
After losing a parent, I deeply wished I had a time machine to take me back to when my family was all happy, quiet, bored, asleep under one roof together. I often remind myself that even when things are bad, at some point later I will probably look back and say "those were the good times".
Family Is Expensive
There was a reason that you didn't get those shoes, the PS5, a new shiny car, etc. Maintaining a home and keeping the family fed is f*cking expensive.
My mom was a single mom. My dad didn't pay child support.
I grew up knowing I could never ask for anything. We never ate out. My grandmother made my clothes.
One time my mom said she couldn't afford to keep me and I would have to go live with my grandmother. I was 12. That was a horrible feeling.
I am very good with money as an adult. I know what it is like to have nothing.
I don't know how my family afforded to have kids.
They definitely made less than like 25k/yr, sometimes WAY less or almost nothing, yet they paid for groceries and utilities and a mortgage and we still got to have presents for the holidays and stuff although there were times when we got groceries from the food bank.
I can barely afford to take care of one person and I make more than they did when I was a kid. They even indulged my expensive obsessions whenever they could and we grew up on that expensive vegetarian health food.
How????? No WAY I could take care of a family on that salary.
Time Fliestime clock GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
Time...wasting time, and how time flies.
It's mid Dec & I'm saying to myself 'what the heck-it's been 9 months of lockdown & I can't believe this year is almost over!'
As you age it seems to go faster & faster. When I was younger I felt like time just dragged on some days.
The thing that is the worst about getting older is seeing your parents and other loved ones age and eventually pass away. When you're a kid (even a high school age kid) you assume these people will just be around forever and things will always stay the same as they were.
It makes it easier to be disrespectful and generally take them for granted. I'm now 35, and this year was the first where I started noticing physical limitations with my dad especially and that was hard. They're minor for now, but it's only going to get worse.
The biggest blow to me is realizing I likely have less than 20 years left with my parents. Losing that constant source of love and support will be hard to take. They've been a rock my entire life.
As you start seeing middle age folk transition into the elderly it's a real dose of reality.
Take The Chicken Out
Why it's so annoying when you forget to take the chicken out of the freezer
The first time that this clicked for me I had to text my dad and say my bad.
My husband literally came home yesterday to me yelling at the frozen chicken I was trying to cut up.. we put it back in the fridge to thaw and ordered pizza hahaha
We have a joke now that we pay $30 a chicken breast bc of how much we end up not cooking. Ugh.
He Was Exhausted
When I was a kid my dad and I had a tradition every week of going to the video store and renting a movie or two to watch together. It was one of my favorite things to do, but I remember I used to get really upset at him because every single time we'd actually start to watch the movie he would fall asleep.
It wasn't until I was older that I realized that the reason he would fall asleep was that he was exhausted from working two very physically demanding jobs to try and give me the best life he possibly could.
On top of that, even though he was tired he still made an effort to try and start a little tradition with me and spend time with me. Those memories of me having to nudge my dad awake are so great in my eyes, because they made me realize what a caring and hardworking man he was and still is.
You Can Still Fail
It is possible to do everything right and still fail. Don't let it consume you. Pick up the pieces and move on.
I had to learn this after a project that I was on for 3 years was sabotaged and sh*tcanned. I did some amazing work, and poured my life into that project... in the end I had nothing to show for it.
It put me in a real slump for a few years. I'm still trying to pull myself out of it without becoming a cynical and jaded a-hole.
Thank you for saying this. My unit was closed after 20 years and it has been a struggle. I try to focus on the people helped, things learned. And to find something else that gives me the same thrill. Or maybe comparable thrill.
I used to drink lemonade every time I went out. At some point I switched and for years now I've drank not much other than water.
A few weeks ago I randomly decided I wanted some lemonade with my dinner, and I almost couldn't drink it. It was like pure sugar. Incredible how your taste can change over time.
Now I completely understand.
It's Not About You
What parents sacrifice just so you can do something fun.
Last night my husband and I sat in a line of cars for an hour and a half so our kids could see this cheesy drive thru light display in my town with Santa and other characters. 0/10 not worth it for us but the kids loved it and it was worth it to see them be able to do a fun Christmas activity during a pandemic.
It made me think of how much my parents had to endure taking my brother and I to theme parks and stuff as a kid just to see us happy. I appreciate it infinitely more now.
When I was pregnant I went to visit my hometown and my friends threw a baby shower for me. I also had a few birthday presents from people for my birthday the month before.
When I was packing to go home, there wasn't room for the baby stuff + the stuff for me, so I took home all the baby stuff and left my presents behind. My Granny said she could bring them up to me at a later date.
I remember sitting there looking at my suitcase with nothing for me being like "oh, so this is how it's going to be."
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
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"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.