Not everybody gives advice to be helpful.
Sometimes people really just like to hear themselves talk. Sometimes they really just want to feel smarter, or more in control. They're not interested in helping you at all.
Mansplained On My Own SongAngry Over It GIF by Women's History Month Giphy
Gig night, still a few bands to go before we go on stage. I'm at the bar checking people out and having beers, because stuff's boring. Guy comes up to me, sees my band shirt, doesn't recognize me (which is totally OK, I like it better that way), proceeds to nag my ears of about our music, trying real hard to go into technical musicalities, which again, is OK, you do you.
Up until the point where he slams one of my songs, saying he doesn't get why the hell it's in F# minor. I tell him he must be mistaken, because the song is very much in A minor. Douche says "Um, you obviously don't have the necessary musical capabilities to recognize the correct tonality when you hear it. Come back when you've actually taken some music lessons."
I wrote the thing. It's in A minor. I've been playing it for years. In A minor.
I managed to try to explain variance is swing time to one of the worlds greatest Jazz drummers on Instagram. In my defense he asked a very basic question and I didn't know who he was. I was definitely not condescending but still feel like an idiot for trying to explain a basic concept to one of the greatest jazz drummers of our time.
He was VERY cool about it. I had a lot of people clowning me and I deserved it
Some People Can't Be Reasoned With
A lady at an office job I had for a short time saw that I was new and decided to try to teach me how to copy and paste on the computer since "we use it a lot". She got mad and accused me of "not listening to her" when I did it by using ctrl+c / ctrl+v instead of her method, which was Edit>Copy, put cursor in desired spot, then Edit>Paste. She wanted me to do it again, so I did ctrl+z to undo everything we had just done. Got mad and started screaming at me "UNDO!!! UNDO!!!" not realizing I had literally just done that, since the only correct way is Edit>Undo!!
She then brought in a younger person to teach me how to set up my email signature. I simply went to the icon that had a dropdown that said "Edit Signature" or something similar and brought up the window. The younger person said "No, that's the wrong one, let me show you where it is" and went through at least 3 different menus only to get to the exact same window. She insisted that was the right one and denied it was the exact same one.
The older lady brought the younger lady in to teach me because "she's the best here at computers". They both got mad at me for "not listening". Older lady went to complain to my supervisor about my unwillingness to learn how to use the computer. I was only in that job while I waited to hear back from developer jobs.
This Is The Worst Kind Of Personawful GIF Giphy
I was admiring a Steinway concert grand piano on display in a hotel lobby.
Not realizing that I had advanced degrees in music and that I was a professional pianist, a woman said (with her nose in the air), "Work hard and save up your money - maybe some day you'll learn how to play."
This Is What We Call Prejudice
There was a time in my life when I was working 100-115 hours a week. 2 full time jobs, roughnecking and welding.
My dog got really sick during this time. So I was in the vets office waiting on the vet, holding my dog.
Had a guy in a suit walk out with his dog, took one look at me and said, "son, if you'd lay off the drugs and ate a little more life wouldn't be so hard."
F*ck that guy.
And it wasn't like I was skeletal or anything. Skinny for my frame, sure. But not skeletal.
This Is Misogyny At Its Worst
I studied music and guitar making for years, which means that I know how to use a band saw, and many other wood tools. I can literally make a guitar out of a bunch of logs. Everytime I meet a guy who plays guitar he tries to explain me how it works and how it's made and even after I tell them that I'm a guitar maker, they still try to prove that they know better. (I'm a girl) Same when I say anything related to wood working, nobody will take it seriously. I was often told to "go back in the kitchen"...
I chose to live with my parents even after I finished my education and had the means to move out on my own because my mother was always ill and needed the help. An acquaintance mentioned to me one time at a party in front of everyone that she earns 65,000 a year which is why she's able to live on her own and I should aim for a salary like that so I could "finally be self-sufficient" - I smiled at her.
I was making 6 figures.
I Sign Your Checks, Mofo
I'm a film producer. I look 20yo but I'm significantly older and more experienced than I look. I'm also a woman which can get you mixed results on the best of days.
On set, I just type away at my laptop and do menial work just to make sure all the holes are plugged up and no one is pooping the bed. I guess one camera assist saw this and thought I was a PA. His response was to flash me a handbook for the fancy camera we were using and tell me to "read up, so you'll actually learn something". I asked him what the hell he thought I was doing, asked his name, and made it clear that I paid his bills.
Go Back To Party City Where You BelongTea Smh GIF by moodman Giphy
Not exactly a normal answer but...
I'm a stripper. I've been working as a stripper for almost five years. The club I work at is very alternative so most of the time I wear converse, which actually makes me more approachable and popular.
New girl (I mean new to dancing not just the club) told me that if I really wanted to make money I should "grow up and wear some heels." I get this pretty often.
I'm consistently the top earner at our club. She lasted less than a month.
What A Jerk
After graduating college I took a part time job at a bar to help pay off student debt and buy some snazzy car parts. This was on top of my full time well paying tech job.
Someone made a mess in the men's room and I was tasked to clean it up. As I'm doing that one of the patrons looks at me and says "you know if you'd have gone to school you could be doing better than this". "Yeah I did go to school, and I have a great job in a related field, and I'm here paying off my debt in advance. But I'll remember that hot tip, thanks".
Counting Possibilitiesseinfeld newman GIF Giphy
A former boss when I was waitressing told me that I "don't have the right temperament to be an accountant".
I've been an accountant for 25 years now.
I finished UNI and starred working as a nurse in an operating theatre. I was only 21 at the time and male so everyone assumed I was an orderly and not an RN. First day an older lady who was an orderly starts giving me advice on how to do really basic things and bossing me around. I didn't let her in on my secret. Just let her go on in her condescending way. Boy did she get her nose out of joint when they let the new orderly scrub in for an op. She really was a witch.
To the Mill.....
"Honey, do you know what a millwright is?" Asked some guy after I told him what I did for my job (as a millwright).
What is a millwright?
An industrial mechanic. Installations, repair, and maintenance of heavy equipment of all kind including and not limited to turbines, pumps, motors and machines.
I was 16 and working a retail part time job after high school hours, so it was like 5pm. A 30's something woman came in with their 10 ish year old child and said "see honey, this is why you stay in school and go to college, so you don't end up like her." Then she came up to me and said "I'd advise you to stay in school but clearly your parents didn't raise you well enough."
Hero MomMom Shopping GIF by MassWIC Giphy
My mom runs into this all the time. No specific examples exactly, but people will talk down to her or treat her badly because all they see is a jobless single mom on disability. What they don't know is she got her undergraduate summa cum laude, and then her MALS from Dartmouth College while she was pregnant with me. This was while being married to a toxic, abusive jerk and struggling with physical and mental health issues. She is my hero and I'm very proud of her.
We had a loss in the family that resulted in a gathering of all the extended family. my aunt who dropped out of college after getting married asked me what i was doing these days. I told her i was still going to school (i'm 27). she said, "you're too old for school. why don't you just go get a job and start making money instead of wasting it?"
i'm currently in medical school after having gotten a master's. i think i'll be fine.
The Bean Place
I was the cadet (intern) on a container ship. The captain liked good coffee, and our order didn't show up before we left for a pretty remote part of the world. He handed me $2,000 from the safe and sent me to Starbucks.
I'm a dirty 18 year old kid, haven't shaved or gotten a haircut in two months, wearing work boots. I walk into Starbucks and ask if they'll take 100s. Manager thinks this is some kind of joke. I tell her I need a bunch of coffee. We go back and forth, she tells me to leave the store, and there is a short line forming behind us, she just can't take me seriously.
I put 2g's on the counter and said "please convert this into coffee beans."
She was shocked.
Summa Cum Laude Surprise
I worked at a gas station in undergrad. During my last summer working there (before my senior year), a dude told me if never make anything of myself as a high school dropout. I graduated Summa Cum Laude within the year, and started law school. I was just saving money so I could go back home to Scotland to see family, so like screw him and his close minded fool who never probably never left that town once because "forget foreigners."
I bartend so I get a lot of crap. It used to annoy me because it was always unsolicited. I understand it though especially from people who have never been a bartender before so they don't understand how much money you can make.
One time though I actually had to laugh at that guy. He was a regular and came in for lunch with his employees at least twice a week. Friendly bunch and always tipped well. We started talking about the kind of work they did and what not. They had a small company that did residential electrical work. Said that I should come by and drop a resume off if I ever wanted to get a "real" job.
I entertained him and asked about pay, hours, benefits etc. he then told me I could start out at $11 an hour and with in a year or two be up to $14 an hour. Which isn't terrible. But it was the way he said it that pissed me off.
Normally I don't tell patrons what I make but this time I had to because he was coming off like he'd be doing me a huge favor. So I told him thanks but no thanks, even at $15 an hour I'd be taking a 50% pay cut. Sure there were benefits which he reminded me of but I'm sorry. $15 at 40hrs a week is $600 before taxes, I could make that in less than two shifts.
I Can Readfarm animals farmer GIF by Super Simple Giphy
Not really advice but one time I told a girl I really enjoyed the book Animal Farm and she just turned to me and said something like "but you don't study history so you don't understand all the complexities in it like I do so you couldn't possibly enjoy it".
Not that it matters, but history was mandatory at our school.
This isn't quite what the post says but I have a black belt in a martial art thing. I went to a class on a different day than I usually go, and wasn't wearing my belt. Some moron kept trying to teach me basic blocks during drill and being really condescending about it.
God every time I tell people I work from home as a romance author. You can see in their faces they mentally adjust my IQ to something significantly below zero. I then get to listen to their oh so original ideas for the novel they're either going to write when they retire, or have been "working on" for the past 5+ years. Men especially love to give me writing tips and advice and suggestions.
I've been writing for 20 years. I'm very niche (queer fantasy romance) but good at what I do and popular in my tiny circle. I seldom make less than 5k a month and have several awards to my name. But thanks for the advice, bro.
This happened a week ago.
I'm a 30 year old woman and I manage a grocery store. Our store got lucky and we were chosen to host a hiring event for assistant department managers because our office is a bit bigger than most of the stores in the area. An older guy was peering at the meat counter and I walked up to him and asked him if he needed help because I didn't see anybody behind the counter and he said, "I doubt it. I'm waiting for my interview for assistant manager and I have an insane amount of experience."
He then spots the meat department manager behind me (who happens to be another guy in his 40s) and dismisses me entirely.
I shrug it off and head to the back to get the interviews started.
Guess who my first interviewee was?
Who's the stupid one?
A co-worker treats everyone he works with as a first year apprentice and talks to people like they are stupid despite having the lowest level of education i.e. he just has his basic trade certificates while those around him have all gone on to higher education. He also has the least amount of skills and experience as in he is an average welder/fabricator whereas those around him can also do fitting work and/or machining.
I had just started with the company so I got the job of working with him because no one else would and he tried to explain to me how to use a bandsaw like I was a child, I told him to screw off and that I would do the job myself. So far he hasn't spoke to me since which is a bonus in itself.
I can Vroomcat car GIF Giphy
A store clerk told me I should save for a car because I went to the store while it was raining. I just said "yeah maybe".
I have a car, I just don't like to drive for less than 2 blocks. GustavoAlex7789
Let me hit you with a crutch....
I am a second degree black belt and have been doing it for years. Well, I injured myself one class and had to be on crutches. Its important to note I am not super thin or look super fit but I work so damn hard in my martial arts. This guy my family knows asked me what happened and I explained that I sprained my ankle and he told me "You are too fat to do martial arts. Lose some weight then you can do it again." He is by no means skinny. It was so rude.
"get out of there"
I work in a high SES area and live in a low SES area.
We hired a new employee who lives in the wealthiest suburb of this area. We were casually talking and she asked me where I live, I told her and her whole demeanor towards me changed and she started giving me money saving advice so I can "get out of there" and then started grilling me on where I plan on moving to when I have the money.
I love where I live. I'm looking for a job closer to home. I have no intention of moving any time soon.
Probably my boss telling me how to do a part of my job as I'm doing my job, then setting out a schedule for the rest of the day that I had already done. All so he can have this feeling of control or authority. I feel bad for the guy.
I have a destination....
The mom of one of my son's (very wealthy) friends offered to drive my son home after a playdate at the friend's house, instead of assuming that I could pick up my son, because she "wasn't sure if [I] had a car" since she always saw me walking around town and biking longer distances. Parking is scarce in my town and I like being active, so I rarely bother driving if my destination is less than a few miles. I thought it was kind of her to offer to drive my son home and funny that she thought I didn't have a car. I have a car.
Step Aside Sirflex flexing GIF by Christina Aguilera Giphy
When I was working as a gardener, by boss was picking up a bag of mulch from home depot, when someone said, "you need help carrying that to your car, little lady."
The "little lady" got to her. She runs her own gardening company, and will regular haul 50 bags of mulch in an afternoon.
My dad used to tell a story about the time a young women started gossiping about a co worker with him.
"Did you know he lived in a trailer park?! I had no idea.... he seems like such a nice guy... and drives such a nice car" etc. And a bunch of other judgmental things regarding stereotypes of tailor parks and the people who live in them.
My dad heard her out, then responded with "my mom lives in a trailer park."
Apparently the women went beet red and started trying to backtrack all the negative things she had just said.
*as a side note, the guy had plenty of money, he just wasn't a 'house' guy.... he spent his money on cars. Where as my grandmother was a widow who lived off social security only and couldn't afford anything outside of the park she lived in.... still kept the place immaculate. So NEITHER examples fit the stereotypes this women was referencing.
That I need to get some nutritional education. On reddit with this obvious username indicating my profession.
On Reddit there is always that one person that will argue with you (often resorting to the good old ad hominem attack) if you don't confirm their world view, even if you are an expert in the topic and have provided a clear, nuanced, and sourced argument. Then you get all the people that treat the upvote and downvote buttons as agree/disagree buttons rather than good content/bad content buttons thus turning the comments into an echo chamber.
Had a sales rep come into the doctor's office where I work front desk and tell me I needed to travel the world and try other things before settling down in a desk job.... I'm in my mid 30s and lived a lot of life before I started this job. I wasn't offended but did think it was very presumptuous of him to say that, but maybe it was wishful thinking for himself projected on to me, who knows.
I was like 19 and he was 12.....
I was babysitting my younger brother when I was like 19 and he was 12. He was pretty short for his age at the time. I took him to the movies and then to get ice cream. Some older lady was watching us the whole time at the ice cream place. She came up to me and said something like it was nice to see a young mother taking her son out for ice cream, but it was a shame I was so young. I was like "ummm, we're brother and sister, lady, chill."
I'm Already Famousnick miller typewriter GIF by Thierry Van Biesen Giphy
A fresh out of high school young lady who had just sold her first article to some online site for $20 decided to give me personal tips on FB about how I could make money writing, too, although she really doubted I would make money like she did because not everyone had her talent. I had mentioned that I was interested in freelance writing. I also mentioned that I had been a successful, full-time one for about 18 years, but she apparently didn't read that part.
I Know Facts
I've had so many people trying to claim that they're a doctor to win the argument when I point out something that is factually incorrect. I'm still only a med student but I know more than enough to tell you got your medical knowledge from a misinterpreted Google search. I try to add sources to any comments I care enough about now, but a lot of people will find ways to claim the source is invalid.
Doesn't help that half of the academic world is hidden behind pay-walls - no wonder so many people believe wacky pseudoscience when accessing the original source is impossible without a university login and a thesaurus.
At age 19 (2005) I was replacing the fuel sending unit in my mothers car on a Saturday afternoon. Pretty standard job; disconnect the lines, drop the tank straps, tank basically falls out in your hands. Easy Peasy. It's an intimidating task for the first two or three times but then you figure out the secret to all mechanicdom; there's not a single part on an automobile you can't remove and reinstall successfully if you're reasonably detail-oriented and cautious.
One of my uncle's friends, classical "greatest generation" asshole, showed up to visit and quietly (by deaf senior standards) asked my uncle "He's always struck me as kind of useless, all I've known him to do is computer stuff. Does he know what he's doing?"
Meanwhile, three weeks earlier he'd brought his prized vintage (and very rusted out/worn out) 1960 Chevrolet C20 pickup to a local mechanic's shop to have it fixed. It'd spun (stacked) a bearing and he'd opted to have the engine rebuilt while it was in the shop.
If Mr. "Greatest Generation" had bothered to speak to the lowly mechanic rather than just hob-nobbing with his wealthy pal who owned the shop, he'd have learned that *I* was the mechanic who had rebuilt the engine in his prized clapped out crapbox pickup.
Get a "Nice" Job
Straight out of college, I worked in a management training program where the company made us do every single grunt job to really learn the ropes for the first 4-6 months. My aunt was dating a nice older gentleman who had a daughter my age who worked as a receptionist somewhere. We had a family get-together right after I got off work, and this man saw me in my grubby clothes, not knowing the backstory of my chosen career path. He asked if I had even finished high school and suggested I might be interested in a "nice office job" like his daughter had.
Asking is not Begging....
This is happening a lot to me RN. I'm homeless and living in my car so I post on r/Assistance when I need help with gas money. I've been having arguments with people who will say some crap like "lol, you're begging on reddit, who cares what you have to say" as if by being homeless and needing help, I'm no longer a human being with life experiences.
If you have to dig through someone's post history to find something to throw in their face to try and invalidate their argument, you've already lost.
It's on ThemTell The Tea GIF by Dreezy Giphy
Has everyone noticed that the more insecure people are, the more likely they are to talk down to other people?
I think it's a combination of Dunning-Kruger, and insecurity: desperately not wanting to be the least competent person around.
Days in Retail
I worked as a retail manager and one of my staff asked me how to input a %off coupon in the till, as they had only done $ off coupons before. The customer asked us for a calculator to show us how to calculate a percentage. I was going to a top engineering school at the time and my staff member went to a prestigious university as well. We just gave each other a look and I taught her how to enter the discount into the till. The assumptions made by the customer that we were uneducated pissed me off, but I don't mind being underestimated.
Oh I can Play....
A dude was trying to explain to me how "historical military" communicated when things like radios didn't exist. He was going on and on about the drums and these little wooden flute things called fifes and how the songs played by them now a days were once used to relay commands on battlefields.
I play the fife in a fire and drum corps. The majority of the songs he was mentioning were jam tunes played for fun to lighten the mood. Some were even freaking sea shanties.
Are you Hearing Me?
I posted this like a year ago:
So I was at a bar with a friend of mine and we got to talking with this girl who was there on her twenty first birthday. We congratulate her and buy her a round.
Shortly thereafter we get into a conversation about the peopling PEOPLING of South America. She then, incredibly arrogantly, explains that there were people there and that I'm white washing history. I explain, again, that I'm not, and that there were no human beings there until they migrated there at a time we're still trying to figure out.
No she insists, these invaders wiped out the indigenous populations.
No, I say, that happened thousands of years later.
She accuses me of mansplaining. I'm like, at a loss, and am like "ok well I'm sorry." She yells at my friend (female) and is like "how are you friends with him?" And is like "God what do you even do, like, sell freaking stocks?"
I'm a geographer.
I worked at a grocery store once. A group of me and a few other employees were entertaining an older man when he suddenly asked about the frequency of how often we get our paychecks. We kind of awkwardly answered, and he got a little twinkle in his eye and he threw a little "what a great lesson in saving and money management that must be". We were all in our mid to late twenties, and didn't really say anything until he walked away. He seemed a bit ignorant to the fact that we kind of had to be experts in that field in order to pay our bills every month or we were screwed out a place to live.
Stay Sober Fooldrunk cruise moves GIF Giphy
Having first year law students trying and explain to me why their friend cant be arrested for drunk and disorderly after they got in a fight and poured a drink on a bouncer.
Oh We All Know
The number of wealthy businessmen that are friends' spouses or friends of friends who try to teach me about wine when we're out to dinner.... I'm a winemaker (fair enough, how would they know? I guess it's just the assumption that a young girl can't be a winemaker; or maybe just genuine enthusiasm that inadvertently comes off as condescending). Still, was satisfying was when one of them was debating me and raving about a wine and my sister spoke up and said "yeah, she knows. She made that." 👍👍👍
Commission for the Win
I've been in real estate for 13 years, only the last two as a licensed broker. At a Xmas party a family friend was chatting me up about it. She was licensed but left the industry a few years ago. She said "doesn't this business suck. I tried to warn you. You should do like I did and pay (company redacted) for leads. They take 70% of your commission, I only made $1500 per transaction, but that's what I did and it'll help you a lot paying the bills since you're new and probably don't have anything going on."
I proceeded to tell her a client of mine is under contract on a $20mil USD apartment complex and we're closing next week. I made 2.5% commission.
Word for Word
Not advice, but someone once explained to me in literally the most basic words ever who Freud was, and why that meant she was interested in men that are the same age as her father. I have a Masters Degree in Psychology. Also It's still creepy.
I Love Anthro.....
Not advice necessarily, Customer checking out at Anthropologie. She and her daughter were trying to do math to calc discounts on the clothes. Her daughter asked some random math question. Before I could speak Mom says, "honey if she could do that kind of math in her head she wouldn't be working here." (given more than a split second I likely could have done the math-but I'm bad at math so glad I wasn't on blast).
I actually had passed the bar exam a few months prior and was still applying for full time attorney gigs AND I loved my part-time mindless work at Anthro, esp after studying for and taking the Bar, and their discounts are exceptional.
I said all of this to Mom and she kindly said congrats. Wasn't really awkward or anything. Just the right amount of, "if you can't say something nice, don't say it in earshot of it's subject."
And anything a guy says to me, almost ever.
Poke-Duhi wanna pet it my work GIF Giphy
My username is PokemonTrainerLily. Some time ago a guy posted a photo in a random sub with a Pokémon t-shirt and I commented "I love your shirt!". Some dude then replied to me "that's the Pokémon mimikyu on the shirt, did you know?" or something like that.
To be fair, most redditors don't read usernames before posting/commenting.
For instance, Unless I have someone tagged or have upvoted/downvoted them multiple times before so they have the counter next to their name, I almost never read the username.
Damn, I almost recommended SovietWomble's Videos to SovietWomble himself once.
There are some questions that illustrate such vulnerability, such open tragedy on the part of the asker that we fend off tears while we come up with an appropriate answer.
Sometimes the question comes from someone who's been so steeped in struggle that they need help understanding that another possible reality exists.
Sometimes it's a question that cuts right to our own core with startling efficiency.
Whatever form it takes, it stops us in our tracks and we're likely to remember it for quite awhile after.
Curious to hear the saddest examples, Redditor julylovestory asked:
"What question has someone asked you that secretly broke your heart?"
Many Redditors responded by sharing the sad questions uttered by young children.
Kids just have the knack for cutting straight through to the essence of it all.
A Tragic Conscientiousness
"As we passed the toy aisle at the store, 'I know you don't have much money right now, but maybe when you get some we could come back and get a toy?' "
"I was not doing well financially back then and my daughter brought me to tears in the middle of the store."
Puzzled and Sad
"First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time."
"I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom."
"Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice 'l thought you were coming with,' followed by an even sadder quieter 'Why did you leave me?' "
" 'Can I wish for my sister?' - A 10-year-old student of mine whose big sister died 4 years ago. We were working on an activity about dreams and aspirations for their futures."
How Bad Must It Be?
"I was like 22 and it was probably 10pm or so at a Walmart. I was on my way to a party and stopped for beer. The store was fairly empty and as I was in the beer aisle, I see this kid completely by himself."
"He was about 5 and at first I thought it was kind of funny because he was trying to pick up a case of beer. I waited like 30-60 seconds, looking around for this kid's mom/dad to come get him. A couple people walked right by him like it was normal, so then I started getting worried. I picked up my two cases of beer and walked over and kindly asked him if he lost his mom or needed help."
"The kid completely ignored the question and instead was thoroughly impressed that I was strong enough to carry two cases of beer. Eventually an employee noticed and came over as well. I told her everything I knew and she took over and told him that she was going to bring him to find his mom."
"As he was walking away he kept looking back at me and I smiled and said goodbye. The kid stopped and said 'can I just come home with you? I don't like my mom.' "
"I was caught off guard so I just laughed and told him the lady was going to help him. Now I'll never know the full story, or what happened to him but the more I think about it - that kid more than likely had a pretty shi**y childhood."
"I mean, the store wasn't busy and it was late at night on a weekday. It really makes you wonder why he was there in the first place, how he got separated from his mom and why would he ask to go with a complete stranger instead of worrying about where his mom was?"
"It still makes me sad. Hope everything worked out for the little dude."
Others talked about the times when they or somebody else realized just how tragic their own circumstances were.
"My ex asked me what I liked to do with my family growing up."
"Made me realize my family never did anything together and I literally had no answer to such a basic question."
Seeing Another Version
"During college, parents took a friend and I out to dinner. Very normal dinner, chit chatted about whatever. After we left and were walking back to my car, he turns to me and says 'Is that what a normal relationship is like?' "
"We talked more after that, I had met his parents a few times and they seemed strict but never seemed to have a terrible relationship. Turned out apparently his dad had cheated on his mom multiple times, dad had zero respect for any of my friends sisters and essentially expected them to do all the housework while the men did 'guy stuff.' "
"Hunting, training for sports, school, etc. Turned out his childhood was pretty fu**ed, dad was never around and he had to essentially be the father figure in the house. As the oldest child, never really saw a normal loving relationship that he could look up to."
"My friend is a really nice guy, still has some messed up views of relationships though. I never realized how 'abnormal' my very normal family/childhood was."
A Better Place
" 'You've never beaten me or told me I couldn't do something. Is that normal?'
"My first girlfriend told me that. I have never felt such a wave of anger, sadness, and heartbreak wash over me like I did when I heard that"
And some people discussed the time a question destroyed their social confidence.
Worst Teacher Ever
"I have a stutter, when I was a kid I had to read a page of a book to the class. I stuttered, and the teacher said 'can you even read' and that fu**ing broke my 13 year old heart."
"No one takes stuttering seriously."
There's the Answer
"When I was 19, I hung out with a cute girl from my high school that I never got to hang with when we were in school. Had a great day together, and that night she asked, 'can we be like secret friends or something? I don't really hang out with people like you.' "
"Never hung out again."
Comparing and Contrasting
" 'Oh, are you the girl with the hot sister ?' " -- JustehOK
"I worked in a department with two Melissas. One day, I was sitting next to one Melissa when we overheard another coworker say to someone, 'have you seen little Melissa?' "
"The other Melissa got kind of a defeated look in her eye and said, 'oh, I'm big Melissa.' " -- EarhornJones
It's a list that's sad enough to leave one wondering about the questions they've received that struck them as particularly hopeless.
Sometimes, though, that vulnerability can be the start of accepting new realities and new possibilities.
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If you live on this earth and you're fortunate enough to form long-lasting relationships with different people, chances are you'll know the pain of heartbreak. It's an unavoidable fact of life.
We are not guaranteed to stay with one person forever, as we were reminded once Redditor disturbance of mirrors asked the online community,
"People whose long-term relationship faded, what was the final straw that made you realize it was time to call it a day?"
"The last time..."
"When she 'broke up' with me for the 12th time.
We had a long-distance relationship and whenever we had an issue or a disagreement, instead of engaging in a conversation with me about it, she would say we were done and shut me out for two or three days before coming back and manipulating me into groveling for her forgiveness. The last time, I just said no to going back and stuck to it. She freaked out and tried to drive 6 hours to my place at 2:00 a.m... I got a call from her mom saying she had left in the middle of the night as a head's up and, upon finally getting ahold of her when she was just a couple of hours away, I was able to convince her to turn back.
That relationship f***** me up for a while but, once I began dating my now fiancee, it was unbelievable to me how wonderful a real, loving relationship with healthy communication can be."
"Her brother was living with us..."
"Mine was not a slow burn like most seem to be, but a very definitive moment.
Her brother was living with us and this was right when WiFi was becoming available to the general public. We couldn't afford it cuz we were broke kids, so her brother would take my GF's MacBook (it was a gift) and sit on a nearby bus bench and leech off someone's unsecured WiFi.
Well, one day we get a call from her sister and she says we need to get home immediately. Turns out some guys came up and asked him for change for a $20 and when he told them he didn't have it they tried to snatch the Mac and jump in their car.
He knew it wasn't his so he held onto it and tried to get it back but they were too much. He had gotten dragged by the car, kicked in the head, and then had his leg run over. He was in pretty bad shape.
As we turn the corner (didn't know what had happened yet) GF sees cop cars and an ambulance and says "This better not have anything to do with my Mac. We walk in and he's visibly in bad shape and she is just immediately "Did you lose my Mac?" I'll never forget his face. He was so ashamed and felt terrible and just started crying. She however started screaming my computer! My computer! And hitting him. To the point where the cops considered arresting her. It was an instant eye-opener."
"I'd sit in my car..."
"I'd sit in my car after work playing on my phone for like an hour because I just needed a break before going inside and dealing with him."
That would do it.
"I would find any excuse..."
"I would find any excuse to work late or sometimes go sit at a bar by myself just to avoid the misery at home. We divorced."
"He was a workaholic..."
"He was a workaholic to the point that I saw him about 6 days per month."
"Somewhere between giving up on small talk and not looking forward to the weekends anymore."
That's no way to live.
"It really forced us..."
"Honestly it was the pandemic. It really forced us to actually spend time together and I realized we kind of just didn't do much together at all. I had spent years thinking it was cool that we kept our own friends and space but once those distractions were taken away it was just really clear to me that we were more roommates than a couple."
"When I realized..."
"When I realized I was needed and not wanted. Constantly trying to make someone happy who didn't want to be happy."
This one hurts. I've been there myself. (And I have also been that person––I thankfully got help.)
"We lived together..."
"We lived together but lived completely separate lives. Basically a housemate I shared a bed with. Happened twice to me so far."
"I would have moved mountains for him..."
"I knew it was over when I cared more about his wellbeing than he cared about his own wellbeing. I would have moved mountains for him if it made his life easier and he just continuously put himself in shi!ty situations. I eventually just gave up. I can't be with someone who doesn't care about themselves. Thank God that's over."
If you think you might be stuck in a pointless or unhealthy relationship, it's worth evaluating your options. And it's never worth sticking around and risking your emotional and mental health.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below.
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There is always that "one." There is always going to be that person.
That person who you will always remember. And when they are the one who you regret losing most... they are the ghost that will haunt you forever.
I have a few escapees. I'll never know how it would've turned out. But that is part of why I'm haunted. I need to discuss....
Redditor u/AssistantNo1733 wanted to discuss all the times we've lost in love by asking:
Who's the one who got away?
Do we even have a clue that they're the "one" that got away? How long until it sinks in? And how do we not know there isn't another "one" coming behind them? I have no answers. Just asking...
The DraftEpisode 1 Omg GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy
"The girl who summoned up the nerve to ask me out towards the beginning of high school. I was so humiliated by the life my family was living that I stalled until she gave up."
"Betsy, if by some stroke of dumb luck you're reading this... I'm so sorry. It was 25-27 years ago, but I still hate myself for that. You were beautiful, intelligent, a good person, and if I had anything resembling a stable, presentable home I would've said yes in a heartbeat... I had a crush on you since 7th-grade 'intro to drafting.'
I Love Her
"Weird, I was just confiding in my mom about this last night. I'm late but for catharsis's sake I'm going to post. My first girlfriend is a classic case of you don't know what you have until it's gone. She's the complete package. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and so kind. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 21."
"For reference I'm 30 now. I was an idiot. I wanted to play the field. I wanted to party and hook up with college girls. It was fun at first but after a while I felt this gnawing hole in my heart. The feeling of doubt crept up slowly and still, a decade later my chest feels tight thinking about it."
"I didn't realize until my later serious relationships that getting along with your SO's family is so important. Her mom and step dad genuinely treated me like a part of their family. It's not a stretch to say I literally grew up with these people. I spent some of my most formative years with them. Birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, you name it. They celebrated me and my accomplishments. They genuinely cared about me. Just amazing, salt of the earth, lovely people."
"Her birthday was in March and I sent her a text and we ended up talking for a bit. She's happily married and stable with a daughter and a second on the way. I'm genuinely so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I just wish I was a part of that. Sitting at work 10 years later I'm tearing up. I numbed myself out to it for years, it's so strange to me that I've been so stuck on her lately. Is this normal?"
15 Years Later
"My very first real love. I was a teenager and I didn't really know how to be comfortable in myself or with myself. I played silly teen girl games and lost him even as a friend. Now 15 years later I still think about R from time to time. I genuinely hope he's happy in his life."
"Edit: Wow this blew up while I was sleeping. Thanks for all the sweet words and to everyone with their "one" congratulations! I suppose I hadn't looked him up on social media because I'm scared, scared he won't respond, scared he will respond, scared he'll think I'm a stalker. I'm in a happy relationship now, but what if... Etc etc etc. But I'll give it a Google."
Missed You Muchrhythm nation dance GIF by Janet JacksonGiphy
A girl I dated in high school. Went on a date one time she took me out parking and I was too stupid to realize it.
"She always talked about moving away as soon as she got finished with high school. I always thought I would stay in a little town the rest of my life. Turns out I was the one who left and move to another state. Later I heard that she had told someone that I knew that she thought that we would be married at some point. Missed it by that much."
Ok... I've been a bit blind to the light. People can be cruel, but also highly creative. Why not just lead with the truth? It'll always hurt more after lies.
Chuck E.Chuck E Cheese Wink GIFGiphy
"Ah the rare AskReddit question I can answer."
"I met a wonderful woman circa 2013-2015. We worked at what I can best describe as an upscaled Chuck E Cheese. Or ghetto Six Flags. Your choice."
"We hit it off instantly, though at the time I was rather romantically inept. Eventually, she says she's leaving to join the Air Force. I tell her I'll miss her, and wished her well. The thought of asking for her number so we could stay in contact didn't even cross my mind."
"Cue the next day, I stop for lunch on my way to work, and as I'm walking to my car I hear my name being called. I turn around, and it's her, running toward me. Universe giving me a second chance, right? Wrong. My dumb butt still didn't ask for her number. She looked a little upset, and I still think about her often. Desiree, I hope you're doing well."
"He was my first and last love. I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. We bounced around like idiots, on again off again, finally got together mid 20s. We both fell into bad habits - drugs and alcohol, more booze for me, more drugs for him. We had some bad things happen that were pretty detrimental to staying sober. We would split, reconcile, get sober, fall off the wagon, split, etc... repeat as necessary. We realized we were very bad for each other unless we could BOTH just get sober for ourselves, and split."
"Ten years later, I was sober for 7 years (still am, going on 18 years end of this month, actually! Woo, go me!) and he was beginning to come back, sober about a year. He contacted me, we met, talked about trying again. He said that once he had been totally clean for a year, we'd do it. That whole "Don't make any changes for a year" thing. I would visit him, tho, things were good."
"He woke up one morning feeling bad, thought he had the flu. (This was pre-now) I stayed around because he was sick, but neither of us thought he was drastically bad, just the flu, right? He got worse and worse, finally we called an ambulance because he got up from a nap and couldn't breathe. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Aortic dissection."
"He got away, but someday I'll see him again. I never stopped loving him, and him me. We just weren't good for each other."
Ce la vie...
"My most serious Ex."
"Don't think I truly understood love until I met her. Loved her more than I ever thought I could love anything. It eventually ended when she told me that, through no fault of my own, she had fallen out of love with me. That was 2 years ago, still hurts to think/talk about."
"Ce la vie..."
"I'm in the middle of trying to avoid that right now actually."
"It's not worth the heartache trust me. I fought to stay in a relationship for an entire year. If I would've just let her go the first time she wanted there would've been a lot less pain. We would've left on good terms. I would've lost a lot less sleep. Rip the band-aid off because once the band-aid starts peeling it's inevitable it'll fall off with time."
Sweet...Kim Tate Eye Roll GIF by EmmerdaleGiphy
Damn man why bring this up.
"My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. Mutual breakup through a lack of communication on both ends I feel."
"Thought I was over that hill until this week she messaged just to say hey and ask an innocent question. We text for the best part of the day and it's brought up a lot of old feeling. Feeling pretty bitter sweet right now."
Love is a mess. Why even bother trying if you can't be true? It's not hard to just spell out the situation. And if you're the one needing to put together the words... look closer. The dialogue shouldn't be difficult.
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What are the odds you'd click on this link today?
What was the biggest coincidence that made you question the fabric of reality?
There's small coincidences, occurrences so minute that you wouldn't even notice them if you weren't paying attention. However, once someone makes a big deal out of them then there's no other choice but to acknowledge that what just happened was spectacular.
Each Having A Buddy Coming To Town
"My friend and I were on a road trip a few years ago and needed a place to stay. We both told each other we had a friend in the city we were going through, so we figured we'd be able to crash with one of them. Turns out our two friends were roommates and had both been telling each other that they had a friend coming to town soon."
What's That Got To Be? A 1 in 1000 Chance?
"Several years ago I was at a coffee shop with some friends and one of them had an ipad, another friend went to unlock it and asked him what his 4 digit unlock code was, so I just blurted out 4 random digits pretending like I knew it, and it actually worked. I had never unlocked it before or knew of the same numbers being used for anything else, or his phone number, etc."
Both Probably Assumed What The Best Time Was
"I passed out after receiving a flu shot when I was 28. The nurse who helped me up kept asking if I wanted my mom. It seemed like a really weird thing to offer an adult woman - the option to have her mother phoned and brought in - so I was really confused and getting progressively more annoyed at her repeatedly asking...
...until my mom walked up to me. She had the appointment after mine to get vaccinated. The nurses assumed we had come together, but neither of us knew about the other's appointment, and we lived an hour away from each other in different cities."
Living in such a big world can lead you to the conclusion that math is silly and odds are never in your favor. With over seven billion people roaming around, chances of meeting someone of significance?
Less than you think.
A Simultaneous Love Of Traveling
"This guy I went to grade school and high school with, an acquaintance at best. I've seen him in 5 different locations in different countries throughout the last 15 years.
Disney World when I was a kid.
Some beach bar in Thailand.
The Bean in Chicago.
A pub in Budapest.
A library in San Jose, Costa Rica.
We've become friends due our love of traveling, but neither of us post on social media and neither of us communicated with each other our plans to travel. We never talked outside of the random meetings. Now if I see him, its like the world wants us to have a beer together. haha"
"I Mean, The Crash, Yeah, But How Have You Been?"
"My dad lives in a national park here in Australia. It's farmland that's grandfathered in. It's the remnants of a volcano that blew itself up very violently, so it's very hilly terrain.
One day we were sitting out on the deck, when we see a hang-glider come down halfway down the valley, and it didn't look like a nice landing. "Sh-t, we better see if he's alright, they don't land anywhere near here"
So we get in the car, drive for about 10 minutes to reach the spot. We head over to the guy who is standing by a very damaged glider. The pilot is staring at us incredulously, he stammers "F-ck, Jack, is that you?".
My dad, who hasn't seen his childhood friend for 35 years shouts "F-ck, Tim, is that you?".
They both grew up in Greymouth, NZ. Found each other randomly after a glider crash in NSW, Australia."
Takes A Wedding To Bring People Together
"My wife and I were looking to hire a caterer for our wedding and when we met, my wife and her started talking about their lives a bit.
Turns out they had both literally grown up on the same street, in a city of 10 million people, on the other side of the world. Both had left the city around a decade before immigrating to our current country.
They knew the same people, had hung out at the same coffee place, attended the same church. They even used to grab mangoes off the same large tree that hung over the wall of one of the large houses in the neighbourhood.
But they had never met one another until meeting on almost the exact opposite side of the planet, in a small town of about 50,000 people."kor_hookmaster
What we can gain from these experiences is a coincidence will occur more than you think, you just have to have the eyes sharp enough to spot them.
But how would you explain these?
Position Is Key
"I dialed my mum on my mobile when I was on public transport and accidentally swapped two numbers around.
The person I called was on the same carriage."
"Go on, tell us what happened then!"
"So I was listening to my phone and at the exact moment it started the ringing sound I heard a phone start ringing and I thought it was a coincidence but then the phone answered and it wasn't mum.
All I said was "Oh, are you on the Upfield train?" and they said "Yes, who's this?" but I got shy and I hung up.
Poor guy must have been so confused."
Universal Echoes Bringing You Closer Together
"One time, me and my dad were discussing his friend while out driving at night without many other cars on the road. As we were talking, we pulled up to a red light, and the car waiting in front was my dad's friend. He didn't even live close to there."
Extremely Unlucky Odds. Go Buy A Lottery Ticket.
"A couple of years ago I was visiting my hometown and decided to sit on a bench at my favorite park. As I was sitting, I felt something land on my head. Bird poop. After heading home and washing my hair, I went back into town. While I walked around, I watched as a guy got hit with a drop of sky sh-t. As I was laughing about the apparent irritable bowel syndrome of the birds in my town, a bird flying right over me drops a fat sh-t on my head."
There's no magic at play. All of these happenstances can be explained away with simple math and rudimentary probability.
Still, it's fun to live when you're in the moment.