Not everybody gives advice to be helpful.

Sometimes people really just like to hear themselves talk. Sometimes they really just want to feel smarter, or more in control. They're not interested in helping you at all.

u/dreamer_boy_ asked:

What's the most condescending piece of advice you received from someone who assumed you were poorer or less educated than them?

Mansplained On My Own Song

Angry Over It GIF by Women's History Month Giphy

Gig night, still a few bands to go before we go on stage. I'm at the bar checking people out and having beers, because stuff's boring. Guy comes up to me, sees my band shirt, doesn't recognize me (which is totally OK, I like it better that way), proceeds to nag my ears of about our music, trying real hard to go into technical musicalities, which again, is OK, you do you.

Up until the point where he slams one of my songs, saying he doesn't get why the hell it's in F# minor. I tell him he must be mistaken, because the song is very much in A minor. Douche says "Um, you obviously don't have the necessary musical capabilities to recognize the correct tonality when you hear it. Come back when you've actually taken some music lessons."

I wrote the thing. It's in A minor. I've been playing it for years. In A minor.


Clown College

I managed to try to explain variance is swing time to one of the worlds greatest Jazz drummers on Instagram. In my defense he asked a very basic question and I didn't know who he was. I was definitely not condescending but still feel like an idiot for trying to explain a basic concept to one of the greatest jazz drummers of our time.

He was VERY cool about it. I had a lot of people clowning me and I deserved it


Some People Can't Be Reasoned With

A lady at an office job I had for a short time saw that I was new and decided to try to teach me how to copy and paste on the computer since "we use it a lot". She got mad and accused me of "not listening to her" when I did it by using ctrl+c / ctrl+v instead of her method, which was Edit>Copy, put cursor in desired spot, then Edit>Paste. She wanted me to do it again, so I did ctrl+z to undo everything we had just done. Got mad and started screaming at me "UNDO!!! UNDO!!!" not realizing I had literally just done that, since the only correct way is Edit>Undo!!

She then brought in a younger person to teach me how to set up my email signature. I simply went to the icon that had a dropdown that said "Edit Signature" or something similar and brought up the window. The younger person said "No, that's the wrong one, let me show you where it is" and went through at least 3 different menus only to get to the exact same window. She insisted that was the right one and denied it was the exact same one.

The older lady brought the younger lady in to teach me because "she's the best here at computers". They both got mad at me for "not listening". Older lady went to complain to my supervisor about my unwillingness to learn how to use the computer. I was only in that job while I waited to hear back from developer jobs.


This Is The Worst Kind Of Person

awful GIF Giphy

I was admiring a Steinway concert grand piano on display in a hotel lobby.

Not realizing that I had advanced degrees in music and that I was a professional pianist, a woman said (with her nose in the air), "Work hard and save up your money - maybe some day you'll learn how to play."


This Is What We Call Prejudice

There was a time in my life when I was working 100-115 hours a week. 2 full time jobs, roughnecking and welding.

My dog got really sick during this time. So I was in the vets office waiting on the vet, holding my dog.

Had a guy in a suit walk out with his dog, took one look at me and said, "son, if you'd lay off the drugs and ate a little more life wouldn't be so hard."

F*ck that guy.

And it wasn't like I was skeletal or anything. Skinny for my frame, sure. But not skeletal.


This Is Misogyny At Its Worst

I studied music and guitar making for years, which means that I know how to use a band saw, and many other wood tools. I can literally make a guitar out of a bunch of logs. Everytime I meet a guy who plays guitar he tries to explain me how it works and how it's made and even after I tell them that I'm a guitar maker, they still try to prove that they know better. (I'm a girl) Same when I say anything related to wood working, nobody will take it seriously. I was often told to "go back in the kitchen"...



I chose to live with my parents even after I finished my education and had the means to move out on my own because my mother was always ill and needed the help. An acquaintance mentioned to me one time at a party in front of everyone that she earns 65,000 a year which is why she's able to live on her own and I should aim for a salary like that so I could "finally be self-sufficient" - I smiled at her.

I was making 6 figures.


I Sign Your Checks, Mofo

I'm a film producer. I look 20yo but I'm significantly older and more experienced than I look. I'm also a woman which can get you mixed results on the best of days.

On set, I just type away at my laptop and do menial work just to make sure all the holes are plugged up and no one is pooping the bed. I guess one camera assist saw this and thought I was a PA. His response was to flash me a handbook for the fancy camera we were using and tell me to "read up, so you'll actually learn something". I asked him what the hell he thought I was doing, asked his name, and made it clear that I paid his bills.


Go Back To Party City Where You Belong

Tea Smh GIF by moodman Giphy

Not exactly a normal answer but...

I'm a stripper. I've been working as a stripper for almost five years. The club I work at is very alternative so most of the time I wear converse, which actually makes me more approachable and popular.

New girl (I mean new to dancing not just the club) told me that if I really wanted to make money I should "grow up and wear some heels." I get this pretty often.

I'm consistently the top earner at our club. She lasted less than a month.


What A Jerk

After graduating college I took a part time job at a bar to help pay off student debt and buy some snazzy car parts. This was on top of my full time well paying tech job.

Someone made a mess in the men's room and I was tasked to clean it up. As I'm doing that one of the patrons looks at me and says "you know if you'd have gone to school you could be doing better than this". "Yeah I did go to school, and I have a great job in a related field, and I'm here paying off my debt in advance. But I'll remember that hot tip, thanks".


Counting Possibilities

seinfeld newman GIF Giphy

A former boss when I was waitressing told me that I "don't have the right temperament to be an accountant".

I've been an accountant for 25 years now.


Hate Her! 

I finished UNI and starred working as a nurse in an operating theatre. I was only 21 at the time and male so everyone assumed I was an orderly and not an RN. First day an older lady who was an orderly starts giving me advice on how to do really basic things and bossing me around. I didn't let her in on my secret. Just let her go on in her condescending way. Boy did she get her nose out of joint when they let the new orderly scrub in for an op. She really was a witch.


To the Mill.....

"Honey, do you know what a millwright is?" Asked some guy after I told him what I did for my job (as a millwright).


What is a millwright?


An industrial mechanic. Installations, repair, and maintenance of heavy equipment of all kind including and not limited to turbines, pumps, motors and machines.


See Honey...

I was 16 and working a retail part time job after high school hours, so it was like 5pm. A 30's something woman came in with their 10 ish year old child and said "see honey, this is why you stay in school and go to college, so you don't end up like her." Then she came up to me and said "I'd advise you to stay in school but clearly your parents didn't raise you well enough."


Hero Mom

Mom Shopping GIF by MassWIC Giphy

My mom runs into this all the time. No specific examples exactly, but people will talk down to her or treat her badly because all they see is a jobless single mom on disability. What they don't know is she got her undergraduate summa cum laude, and then her MALS from Dartmouth College while she was pregnant with me. This was while being married to a toxic, abusive jerk and struggling with physical and mental health issues. She is my hero and I'm very proud of her.


For Family...

We had a loss in the family that resulted in a gathering of all the extended family. my aunt who dropped out of college after getting married asked me what i was doing these days. I told her i was still going to school (i'm 27). she said, "you're too old for school. why don't you just go get a job and start making money instead of wasting it?"

i'm currently in medical school after having gotten a master's. i think i'll be fine.


The Bean Place

I was the cadet (intern) on a container ship. The captain liked good coffee, and our order didn't show up before we left for a pretty remote part of the world. He handed me $2,000 from the safe and sent me to Starbucks.

I'm a dirty 18 year old kid, haven't shaved or gotten a haircut in two months, wearing work boots. I walk into Starbucks and ask if they'll take 100s. Manager thinks this is some kind of joke. I tell her I need a bunch of coffee. We go back and forth, she tells me to leave the store, and there is a short line forming behind us, she just can't take me seriously.

I put 2g's on the counter and said "please convert this into coffee beans."

She was shocked.


 Summa Cum Laude Surprise

I worked at a gas station in undergrad. During my last summer working there (before my senior year), a dude told me if never make anything of myself as a high school dropout. I graduated Summa Cum Laude within the year, and started law school. I was just saving money so I could go back home to Scotland to see family, so like screw him and his close minded fool who never probably never left that town once because "forget foreigners."


Slinging Drinks

I bartend so I get a lot of crap. It used to annoy me because it was always unsolicited. I understand it though especially from people who have never been a bartender before so they don't understand how much money you can make.

One time though I actually had to laugh at that guy. He was a regular and came in for lunch with his employees at least twice a week. Friendly bunch and always tipped well. We started talking about the kind of work they did and what not. They had a small company that did residential electrical work. Said that I should come by and drop a resume off if I ever wanted to get a "real" job.

I entertained him and asked about pay, hours, benefits etc. he then told me I could start out at $11 an hour and with in a year or two be up to $14 an hour. Which isn't terrible. But it was the way he said it that pissed me off.

Normally I don't tell patrons what I make but this time I had to because he was coming off like he'd be doing me a huge favor. So I told him thanks but no thanks, even at $15 an hour I'd be taking a 50% pay cut. Sure there were benefits which he reminded me of but I'm sorry. $15 at 40hrs a week is $600 before taxes, I could make that in less than two shifts.


I Can Read

farm animals farmer GIF by Super Simple Giphy

Not really advice but one time I told a girl I really enjoyed the book Animal Farm and she just turned to me and said something like "but you don't study history so you don't understand all the complexities in it like I do so you couldn't possibly enjoy it".

Not that it matters, but history was mandatory at our school.


Basic Strikes

This isn't quite what the post says but I have a black belt in a martial art thing. I went to a class on a different day than I usually go, and wasn't wearing my belt. Some moron kept trying to teach me basic blocks during drill and being really condescending about it.


Love IQ

God every time I tell people I work from home as a romance author. You can see in their faces they mentally adjust my IQ to something significantly below zero. I then get to listen to their oh so original ideas for the novel they're either going to write when they retire, or have been "working on" for the past 5+ years. Men especially love to give me writing tips and advice and suggestions.

I've been writing for 20 years. I'm very niche (queer fantasy romance) but good at what I do and popular in my tiny circle. I seldom make less than 5k a month and have several awards to my name. But thanks for the advice, bro.


This happened a week ago.

I'm a 30 year old woman and I manage a grocery store. Our store got lucky and we were chosen to host a hiring event for assistant department managers because our office is a bit bigger than most of the stores in the area. An older guy was peering at the meat counter and I walked up to him and asked him if he needed help because I didn't see anybody behind the counter and he said, "I doubt it. I'm waiting for my interview for assistant manager and I have an insane amount of experience."

He then spots the meat department manager behind me (who happens to be another guy in his 40s) and dismisses me entirely.

I shrug it off and head to the back to get the interviews started.

Guess who my first interviewee was?


Who's the stupid one?

A co-worker treats everyone he works with as a first year apprentice and talks to people like they are stupid despite having the lowest level of education i.e. he just has his basic trade certificates while those around him have all gone on to higher education. He also has the least amount of skills and experience as in he is an average welder/fabricator whereas those around him can also do fitting work and/or machining.

I had just started with the company so I got the job of working with him because no one else would and he tried to explain to me how to use a bandsaw like I was a child, I told him to screw off and that I would do the job myself. So far he hasn't spoke to me since which is a bonus in itself.


I can Vroom

cat car GIF Giphy

A store clerk told me I should save for a car because I went to the store while it was raining. I just said "yeah maybe".

I have a car, I just don't like to drive for less than 2 blocks. GustavoAlex7789

Let me hit you with a crutch....

I am a second degree black belt and have been doing it for years. Well, I injured myself one class and had to be on crutches. Its important to note I am not super thin or look super fit but I work so damn hard in my martial arts. This guy my family knows asked me what happened and I explained that I sprained my ankle and he told me "You are too fat to do martial arts. Lose some weight then you can do it again." He is by no means skinny. It was so rude.


"get out of there" 

I work in a high SES area and live in a low SES area.

We hired a new employee who lives in the wealthiest suburb of this area. We were casually talking and she asked me where I live, I told her and her whole demeanor towards me changed and she started giving me money saving advice so I can "get out of there" and then started grilling me on where I plan on moving to when I have the money.

I love where I live. I'm looking for a job closer to home. I have no intention of moving any time soon.


Poor Fool

Probably my boss telling me how to do a part of my job as I'm doing my job, then setting out a schedule for the rest of the day that I had already done. All so he can have this feeling of control or authority. I feel bad for the guy.


I have a destination....

The mom of one of my son's (very wealthy) friends offered to drive my son home after a playdate at the friend's house, instead of assuming that I could pick up my son, because she "wasn't sure if [I] had a car" since she always saw me walking around town and biking longer distances. Parking is scarce in my town and I like being active, so I rarely bother driving if my destination is less than a few miles. I thought it was kind of her to offer to drive my son home and funny that she thought I didn't have a car. I have a car.


Step Aside Sir

flex flexing GIF by Christina Aguilera Giphy

When I was working as a gardener, by boss was picking up a bag of mulch from home depot, when someone said, "you need help carrying that to your car, little lady."

The "little lady" got to her. She runs her own gardening company, and will regular haul 50 bags of mulch in an afternoon.


Living Arrangements

My dad used to tell a story about the time a young women started gossiping about a co worker with him.

"Did you know he lived in a trailer park?! I had no idea.... he seems like such a nice guy... and drives such a nice car" etc. And a bunch of other judgmental things regarding stereotypes of tailor parks and the people who live in them.

My dad heard her out, then responded with "my mom lives in a trailer park."

Apparently the women went beet red and started trying to backtrack all the negative things she had just said.

*as a side note, the guy had plenty of money, he just wasn't a 'house' guy.... he spent his money on cars. Where as my grandmother was a widow who lived off social security only and couldn't afford anything outside of the park she lived in.... still kept the place immaculate. So NEITHER examples fit the stereotypes this women was referencing.


Reddit Diet

That I need to get some nutritional education. On reddit with this obvious username indicating my profession.


On Reddit there is always that one person that will argue with you (often resorting to the good old ad hominem attack) if you don't confirm their world view, even if you are an expert in the topic and have provided a clear, nuanced, and sourced argument. Then you get all the people that treat the upvote and downvote buttons as agree/disagree buttons rather than good content/bad content buttons thus turning the comments into an echo chamber.


Don't Project

Had a sales rep come into the doctor's office where I work front desk and tell me I needed to travel the world and try other things before settling down in a desk job.... I'm in my mid 30s and lived a lot of life before I started this job. I wasn't offended but did think it was very presumptuous of him to say that, but maybe it was wishful thinking for himself projected on to me, who knows.


 I was like 19 and he was 12.....

I was babysitting my younger brother when I was like 19 and he was 12. He was pretty short for his age at the time. I took him to the movies and then to get ice cream. Some older lady was watching us the whole time at the ice cream place. She came up to me and said something like it was nice to see a young mother taking her son out for ice cream, but it was a shame I was so young. I was like "ummm, we're brother and sister, lady, chill."


I'm Already Famous

nick miller typewriter GIF by Thierry Van Biesen Giphy

A fresh out of high school young lady who had just sold her first article to some online site for $20 decided to give me personal tips on FB about how I could make money writing, too, although she really doubted I would make money like she did because not everyone had her talent. I had mentioned that I was interested in freelance writing. I also mentioned that I had been a successful, full-time one for about 18 years, but she apparently didn't read that part.


I Know Facts

I've had so many people trying to claim that they're a doctor to win the argument when I point out something that is factually incorrect. I'm still only a med student but I know more than enough to tell you got your medical knowledge from a misinterpreted Google search. I try to add sources to any comments I care enough about now, but a lot of people will find ways to claim the source is invalid.

Doesn't help that half of the academic world is hidden behind pay-walls - no wonder so many people believe wacky pseudoscience when accessing the original source is impossible without a university login and a thesaurus.


"Greatest Generation"

At age 19 (2005) I was replacing the fuel sending unit in my mothers car on a Saturday afternoon. Pretty standard job; disconnect the lines, drop the tank straps, tank basically falls out in your hands. Easy Peasy. It's an intimidating task for the first two or three times but then you figure out the secret to all mechanicdom; there's not a single part on an automobile you can't remove and reinstall successfully if you're reasonably detail-oriented and cautious.

One of my uncle's friends, classical "greatest generation" asshole, showed up to visit and quietly (by deaf senior standards) asked my uncle "He's always struck me as kind of useless, all I've known him to do is computer stuff. Does he know what he's doing?"

Meanwhile, three weeks earlier he'd brought his prized vintage (and very rusted out/worn out) 1960 Chevrolet C20 pickup to a local mechanic's shop to have it fixed. It'd spun (stacked) a bearing and he'd opted to have the engine rebuilt while it was in the shop.

If Mr. "Greatest Generation" had bothered to speak to the lowly mechanic rather than just hob-nobbing with his wealthy pal who owned the shop, he'd have learned that *I* was the mechanic who had rebuilt the engine in his prized clapped out crapbox pickup.


Get a "Nice" Job

Straight out of college, I worked in a management training program where the company made us do every single grunt job to really learn the ropes for the first 4-6 months. My aunt was dating a nice older gentleman who had a daughter my age who worked as a receptionist somewhere. We had a family get-together right after I got off work, and this man saw me in my grubby clothes, not knowing the backstory of my chosen career path. He asked if I had even finished high school and suggested I might be interested in a "nice office job" like his daughter had.


Asking is not Begging....

This is happening a lot to me RN. I'm homeless and living in my car so I post on r/Assistance when I need help with gas money. I've been having arguments with people who will say some crap like "lol, you're begging on reddit, who cares what you have to say" as if by being homeless and needing help, I'm no longer a human being with life experiences.

If you have to dig through someone's post history to find something to throw in their face to try and invalidate their argument, you've already lost.


It's on Them

Tell The Tea GIF by Dreezy Giphy

Has everyone noticed that the more insecure people are, the more likely they are to talk down to other people?

I think it's a combination of Dunning-Kruger, and insecurity: desperately not wanting to be the least competent person around.


Days in Retail

I worked as a retail manager and one of my staff asked me how to input a %off coupon in the till, as they had only done $ off coupons before. The customer asked us for a calculator to show us how to calculate a percentage. I was going to a top engineering school at the time and my staff member went to a prestigious university as well. We just gave each other a look and I taught her how to enter the discount into the till. The assumptions made by the customer that we were uneducated pissed me off, but I don't mind being underestimated.


Oh I can Play....

A dude was trying to explain to me how "historical military" communicated when things like radios didn't exist. He was going on and on about the drums and these little wooden flute things called fifes and how the songs played by them now a days were once used to relay commands on battlefields.

I play the fife in a fire and drum corps. The majority of the songs he was mentioning were jam tunes played for fun to lighten the mood. Some were even freaking sea shanties.


Are you Hearing Me?

I posted this like a year ago:

So I was at a bar with a friend of mine and we got to talking with this girl who was there on her twenty first birthday. We congratulate her and buy her a round.

Shortly thereafter we get into a conversation about the peopling PEOPLING of South America. She then, incredibly arrogantly, explains that there were people there and that I'm white washing history. I explain, again, that I'm not, and that there were no human beings there until they migrated there at a time we're still trying to figure out.

No she insists, these invaders wiped out the indigenous populations.

No, I say, that happened thousands of years later.

She accuses me of mansplaining. I'm like, at a loss, and am like "ok well I'm sorry." She yells at my friend (female) and is like "how are you friends with him?" And is like "God what do you even do, like, sell freaking stocks?"

I'm a geographer.


Saving Coin

I worked at a grocery store once. A group of me and a few other employees were entertaining an older man when he suddenly asked about the frequency of how often we get our paychecks. We kind of awkwardly answered, and he got a little twinkle in his eye and he threw a little "what a great lesson in saving and money management that must be". We were all in our mid to late twenties, and didn't really say anything until he walked away. He seemed a bit ignorant to the fact that we kind of had to be experts in that field in order to pay our bills every month or we were screwed out a place to live.


Stay Sober Fool

drunk cruise moves GIF Giphy

Having first year law students trying and explain to me why their friend cant be arrested for drunk and disorderly after they got in a fight and poured a drink on a bouncer.


Oh We All Know

The number of wealthy businessmen that are friends' spouses or friends of friends who try to teach me about wine when we're out to dinner.... I'm a winemaker (fair enough, how would they know? I guess it's just the assumption that a young girl can't be a winemaker; or maybe just genuine enthusiasm that inadvertently comes off as condescending). Still, was satisfying was when one of them was debating me and raving about a wine and my sister spoke up and said "yeah, she knows. She made that." 👍👍👍


Commission for the Win

I've been in real estate for 13 years, only the last two as a licensed broker. At a Xmas party a family friend was chatting me up about it. She was licensed but left the industry a few years ago. She said "doesn't this business suck. I tried to warn you. You should do like I did and pay (company redacted) for leads. They take 70% of your commission, I only made $1500 per transaction, but that's what I did and it'll help you a lot paying the bills since you're new and probably don't have anything going on."

I proceeded to tell her a client of mine is under contract on a $20mil USD apartment complex and we're closing next week. I made 2.5% commission.


Word for Word

Not advice, but someone once explained to me in literally the most basic words ever who Freud was, and why that meant she was interested in men that are the same age as her father. I have a Masters Degree in Psychology. Also It's still creepy.


I Love Anthro.....

Not advice necessarily, Customer checking out at Anthropologie. She and her daughter were trying to do math to calc discounts on the clothes. Her daughter asked some random math question. Before I could speak Mom says, "honey if she could do that kind of math in her head she wouldn't be working here." (given more than a split second I likely could have done the math-but I'm bad at math so glad I wasn't on blast).

I actually had passed the bar exam a few months prior and was still applying for full time attorney gigs AND I loved my part-time mindless work at Anthro, esp after studying for and taking the Bar, and their discounts are exceptional.

I said all of this to Mom and she kindly said congrats. Wasn't really awkward or anything. Just the right amount of, "if you can't say something nice, don't say it in earshot of it's subject."

And anything a guy says to me, almost ever.



i wanna pet it my work GIF Giphy

My username is PokemonTrainerLily. Some time ago a guy posted a photo in a random sub with a Pokémon t-shirt and I commented "I love your shirt!". Some dude then replied to me "that's the Pokémon mimikyu on the shirt, did you know?" or something like that.


To be fair, most redditors don't read usernames before posting/commenting.

For instance, Unless I have someone tagged or have upvoted/downvoted them multiple times before so they have the counter next to their name, I almost never read the username.

Damn, I almost recommended SovietWomble's Videos to SovietWomble himself once.



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