Living with a personality disorder is indescribably hard. The stigma attached to it causes those who suffer to feel ostracized, and many just dismiss them as "crazy". Once they're able to adjust to it, it makes life so much easier, and strengthens their confidence, mental health, and even relationships.
Accepting the diagnosis is the first step.
"I was recently diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (I'm 28). I grew up with the massage that intimacy = surrendering all control to the other person, and I was never able to trust my parents or family members because I knew they were more concerned about themselves than me. As an adult I've always tended to lose myself in relationships, lose sight of my own wants and needs and form myself around the wants and needs of my friends and partners whilst feeling resentful for being unable to show the "real" me to anyone.
Currently I have no real friends because I find that it exhausting, and I have a boyfriend but I hate the way I absorb his values and opinions and I miss being in touch with my true self like when I'm single. I desperately want to have meaningful relationships in my life, but I can't escape the impulse to become subservient to whomever I allow close to me, and I end up resenting them as their identities take hold of me. I don't want to be alone, but alone is the only way I feel in control of myself.
I can't say I'm a "success story" because I only recently received this diagnosis and I still have a lot to work on, but at least I know what I'm dealing with now, and for me success will consist of learning how to actually share my true thoughts/feelings/opinions/ with people (which is really hard), how to end a relationship that doesn't suit me rather than suiting myself to my relationships, and learning to trust myself even when others disagree with me. I think I have a long road ahead."
BPD is a struggle.
Giphy
"I've been with my boyfriend for 5+ years, and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 2.5 years into our relationship.
Before my diagnosis, even though we got along amazingly, communicated well, and were generally happy; I would find myself throwing toddler-like tantrums at any perceived or imagined slight. I hated this about myself. I thought I was a bad person because I just couldn't control myself. My partner happens to be an amazing people reader. He seems to just naturally pick up on people's personality and intentions as easily as I notice hair colour. He was nothing but understanding. Even though we had little knowledge of mental health, we both knew something was "off," and he was a constant support as I sought out treatment.
I was diagnosed with BPD and given a therapist who specialized in PTSD in veterans. It turns out my "flair-ups" were somehow similar to a PTSD flashback. I was taught a bunch of techniques to use when I felt myself starting to flair out. It was also the first time I realised that my parents had been incredibly emotionally negligent, to the point where I hadn't actually learned to deal with emotions. What was accidentally taught instead was that if I am angry or sad, I am about to be yelled at.
It's taken 3 years, but I've found the right combo of meds, I'm not "cured," and I'm definitely not perfect. But I don't have "flair outs" anymore. Sure I sometimes raise my voice when I shouldn't, or get into a stupid argument with my boyfriend, but I'm working on myself every day and we're super solid, and super in love.
I'm actually typing this beside him aboard a ferry on our way to (what will hopefully be) our new life. In 3 hours I'll be doing the entrance exam for a college program that I'm really excited about, and afterwards we're checking out the shop he'll be managing in September. We have a cat and a dog together, we illustrated a book together, found a 20,000 year old fossil together, and forage together at least once a week."
Don't give up.
"I have schizoid personality disorder and it's really not that interesting. I was also diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia so those took priority. I didn't even realize I had it until I reread an old document years later. There's no real treatment for it but finding out helped me understand myself better. Also, if you get a mental evaluation done you should really get a professional to interpret it.
I haven't had much success but I haven't really tried either. After being diagnosed, I've accepted that someone would have to be damn near perfect for a relationship to feel worth it for me and that person might not exist. I'm alright with that for now."
The diagnosis is the first step.
"Literally ALL my relationships were a hot mess before I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2017. I had been through 3 divorces, broken up with my daughter's father, and totally messed up a perfectly fine potential LTR with someone I really did like very much.
Meds, therapy, a DBT therapy app on my phone, and an awareness of what is "me" and what is "BPD" and I have so far managed to not make any horrific mistakes in my current relationship - he's amazing and I'm pretty motivated to spend the rest of my life with him.
What helps the most other than meds has been learning to self-soothe. I cannot stress that enough. If I feel afraid of being abandoned, I can't put that off on him other than maybe ask for a bit of extra reassurance. I had to learn to give myself positive self-talk and to learn and practice grounding and coping skills. He's there to support me and accept me, not fix me or be a punching bag for my insecurities."
Talk about a stigma.
Giphy
"Diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder a good while ago. It hasn't prevented me from having good relationships with people; I'm fairly charismatic and likable. I realize saying that is a bit... on the nose... but genuinely, I don't believe that it has ever been the reason for any of my relationships ending.
At my therapists' behest, I do make sure to tell anyone that I get in a serious relationship with that, yes, I've been diagnosed and these are some behaviors that you should watch for. I'm manipulative, and it's hard not to be. You figure out how people are going to react to things in the course of normal interaction, and once you know that, how do you not press the buttons that get the reactions you want?
Sometimes it can be a hurdle, having a partner watching for manipulative behavior even when there isn't any, and I really have to try to understand my partner's emotions, but aside from that, I've had plenty of good relationships since being diagnosed."
That's what a supportive partner looks like.
"I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy) about a year and a half ago. it was... rough.
I was scared, but everyone around me was scared too. Of me. The few people I had actually been able to make bonds with were scared of me. Hell, my own parents were scared to even talk to me.
My wife, though, she wasn't scared. She was a bit startled, of course, but she wasn't scared. I asked if she was, and she told me that she's known me for so long, she always knew me and loved me the way I am. For who I am. (She is the only person I've ever dated, after all.) She said she knew I wouldn't change just cause of a piece of paper from a doctor. I gotta say, a little kindness during tough times can even warm the heart of a sociopath."
Love is a powerful thing.
"Diagnosed ASPD by multiple mental health professionals, and I pretty much fit the mold of sociopathy to a T.
I say "pretty much" instead of "completely" because of the relationship I have with my fiancé. I met her almost three years ago, and immediately felt a whole bunch of weird emotions I'd never felt before as soon as I saw her for the first time. I was 22 at the time, and I had never loved, cared about, or been emotionally invested in another person for the entirety of my life. I faked it when necessary but I had pretty much given up on ever feeling love or compassion for another person.
She changed all of that. She is the only human being on this planet that I care about. I would do absolutely anything for her. I treat her with the utmost respect and humanity. I do not manipulate her. I do not lie to her. I do not lead her along through the use of fear, intimidation, and/or psychological manipulation... but rather with my most genuine attempts at love and kindness.
Sometimes I fall short... she's aware of my diagnosis and it sometimes bothers her that I don't treat anyone else in my life the way I treat her. But I do, and always will, try my damn best to treat her like a queen. Because she is.
We've been together for almost two years and we're both extremely happy in our relationship. My current therapist is continuously blown away by the fact that there's one overwhelming exception to my otherwise-textbook antisocial behavior. After growing up almost completely devoid of human emotion, empathy, or compassion, developing these feelings was initially quite scary. I wouldn't trade them for anything, though. Love is pretty cool."
That's tough.
"I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I'm 48. I've not dated since 1992. If she hadn't asked me I probably never would have dated but my curiosity got the best of me. I'm also chronically unemployed.
I've never been able to keep a job mostly because I don't build relationships with my co-workers. School was a disaster probably for the same reasons. I don't seem to be interested in things the way other people are so I'm impossible to motivate."
That's true.
"Schizoid Personality here. What are these relationships you speak of? /s
Relationships haven't changed, but knowing how other people think makes getting by easier."
Solid advice.
"To say I've had a diagnosis or two, been through the ringer a bunch, and have had to deal with the repercussions of that would be an understatement. What I can say though, is when I finally addressed it to the people I trust and care about it lifted a great weight.
I guess my advice would be just own it, don't sugar coat, joke about it, and overall let love ones know you recognize the behavior and move forward with the assumption that it was a learning experience and people progress. Often it makes you a much better person."
But the next best type of stories are the ones that continue spiraling out of control.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor _Mitnix_ asked:
"What's your best 'oh you thought this was bad, it gets worse' story?"
It's story time. You may want to buckle up.
It All Started With A Cat
"This is a long one, but I promise it's worth it:"
"A buddy of mine was cat-sitting for a friend of his while the guy was out of town on a vacation. My buddy didn't have a car, so the dude told him that if he needed to go out and pick up more cat food or anything, he could borrow the car."
"At the time, my buddy was living right down the street from this guy, staying at his parents' house. So my buddy was just going over for a few hours each day to feed the cat and keep it company, then going back home."
"Meanwhile, he's also been flirting with this woman online. She lives several states away, but he feels like they seem to be getting pretty serious. So he decides to take some liberties, really push the envelope on where he'll pick up cat food from, and he takes his friend's car on a little multi-state road trip."
"This is insane, right? Just atrociously bad judgement, especially since someone does need to feed the cat. To solve this, he left his parents a note. It read, 'I am camping in the woods behind our house. Please go over to ____'s and feed his cat. I'll let you know when I'm home.'"
"Boom. Problem solved, right?"
"Except that the 'woods behind our house' are about 20 yards deep. It takes less than five minutes to walk through them and come out into the neighboring housing development. So his parents went looking for him, calling out for him, and couldn't find him. They got worried and contacted a family friend, a local police officer. He subsequently got a hold of the fire department. There was a full-on search party combing through about 1/50th of an acre of woods. Unsurprisingly, they were coming up with nothing."
"This was before cell phones were common, so my buddy was completely unaware that his plan had fallen apart. He was cruising along on his 12-hour drive, expecting to get to this girl's house just in time for dinner. Except he didn't have a GPS. So he got lost. Very lost. Like, by the time he turned up at this woman's house, it was almost midnight."
"When he got there, she was crying her eyes out. He assured her that it was okay, he was fine, wasn't hurt or in a wreck or anything, he'd just gotten lost. And she said, 'No, no, I wasn't worried about you. My dad just died in a motorcycle accident.'"
"So he bailed on his cat-sitting duties, stole a car, and inspired his parents to file a missing-persons just so he could awkwardly watch a woman cry for a few hours and then drive back home."
– GavinBelsonsAlexa
The Beekeeper's Nightmare
"I will try to keep it short. I am a beekeeper. My 3rd year of beekeeping, I suddenly developed a severe allergy to bee stings. It was spring and I was installing bees for the beginning of the season. I was up to the last hive, went to install that package of bees and one stung me right in the top of my head."
"I finished up a few minutes after and went up toward the house to do some other things. I started feeling flush and I could feel my heart racing. After I few minutes I realized I was having an anaphylactic reaction."
"If you’ve never had one, aside from the physical symptoms, they also say you will get a feeling of impending doom. That was spot on. I absolutely felt I was going to die and people do die from these reactions."
"So I am now in the house and desperately searching for Benadryl of which I have none. I am also having trouble breathing, my body is going haywire and I feel like I’m going to black out shortly."
"I call my mom, who lives an hour away, to call 911 because I feel like I will be unconscious soon. She says okay, phone rings 30 seconds later. It’s my mom, she goes 'I called 911 but they said you have to call'. This was my first wtf."
"So I call and it’s a very typical 911 call she is trying to keep me talking and I essentially started vomiting and she is still on the line and I am waiting and waiting for this alleged ambulance."
"A full half hour goes by. At this point I am actually coming out of the reaction. So I go to sit at my kitchen counter. I’m still on the line with the 911 dispatcher. I see the ambulance pull up and I say, oh they’re here. She’s like great, are you okay? I’m like yes and then she says goodbye and hangs up."
"I see the EMTs outside but my driveway has a gate so they are just standing there and they ring the bell on my gate and I am just looking at them, dumbfounded. Like I called for an emergency over a half hour ago, and they’re gonna roll up here and ring my bell and wait for me to come out when I more than likely could be unconscious or dead on the floor."
"I literally had to go out and let them in. Then they basically talked me in to going to the hospital to get checked out. Another huge mistake because this took place in the 2 months in my entire life when I didn’t have health insurance. So I ended up paying $4000 for a late ambulance and some IV Benadryl and epinephrine."
"Oh which also reminds me, a paramedic also showed, put the IV in when I agreed to go to the hospital. Then I felt something dripping and turns out he put it in my artery rather than a vein and it was just pushing the fluid out of the IV."
"0/10 would not go through any of that again…but I did 10 years later when I had another anaphylactic reaction due to a bee sting. However this went a lot smoother and I had epi-pens and a responsive ambulance."
– soline
Oil Everywhere
"Arrive home from work, my house reeks of oil."
"Go in the basement, and there's a pool of oil, with my stuff floating in it. The oil filter on my burner rotted out (it was defective and recalled, but the tech never bothered to notify me or replace it). Call up the tech, he throws a new one, charges me the emergency call fee, and advises I call HO insurance before running away (it was his fault, I didn't know it yet)."
"This was February in NY, about 13F out, and obviously the burner wasn't on while sitting in a pool of oil. But, they get there pretty quickly soak it up, and get things running so my pipes don't freeze."
"Only way to get the smell out is to dry clean everything I own, then shampoo all the carpets, run deodorizers, etc. Takes weeks. Had a headache the whole time."
"Turns out, my basement has cracks, most of it leaked through. They had to cut out my foundation and dig out the contaminated soil."
"Oil in soil means DEC gets involved. Whole new can of worms as they now had to monitor the process, test at every step. Big enough deal I have a spill number in their database."
"A 20 yard dumpster, with 20 yards of oil soaked sand, is so heavy that it broke through my driveway, destroying it. They did that twice, took out my entire driveway."
"Remember how I said this was in February? March brought the COVID shutdown."
"I spent over a year with my basement in shambles, holes in my driveway, plastic sheets taped up, no washer/dryer, and all sorts of equipment kicking around."
"The next spring, they're back and working, and screwed everything up. Not going to get into every detail, but after a big fight, I managed to get rid of them and bring in a new company to fix their screwups and finish the job. Old crew got very difficult when the new crew requested permits and reports. Turns out, they never bothered. Had to do all that before they could start working again."
"New company dropped a storage crate on my yard to store my stuff while working, destroyed my grass, took out a sprinkler, took out my neighbor's driveway curb, got concrete all over my brickwork, but at least the nightmare was finally over."
– MyNameIsRay
These Redditors have been dealt with some major blows.
People who say that things will always get better, are partially right. Things do come around, eventually.
But you never know how many curve balls life has to throw at you until there's a resolution.
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But we go on.
But the biggest letdowns are the ones we never see coming but must contend with.
Redditor Frequent-Pilot5243 asked:
"What is a depressing truth you have made peace with?"
No matter how much you prize a friendship, not all of them are for forever.
Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
"A friendship you thought would last forever can end in an instant."
– Febreze4200
The Best Mate Who Quit
"My best mate of 20 years, said that he didn’t want to be my best man and just said he didn’t want to be my friend any more. Hurt like hell."
– Gavindasing
It's Okay To Let Go
"Sometimes people you care deeply about will choose to drop out of your life and all you can really do is have the grace to let them."
"edit. to everyone struggling with being left behind, and to everyone struggling with having to be the one to leave- I hope the pain eases for you soon."
– girlloss
Restarting The Process
"I have a really hard time with this one. Every friendship I've had in my adult life has only lasted a couple years tops. Rarely a falling out or anything, but just drifting apart or sh*t happens type deal. It's hard for me to make friends in the first place because I'm pretty shy, so having to regularly restart that process is really discouraging. Right now I don't really have any friends because I've just kinda given up trying."
– plebeian1523
The harsh reality of losing the people we love hits home for these Redditors.
Grandpa Time
"My grandpa just wanted to get to know me and the man I was becoming during his last year of life. Which I was too young and too selfish to realize."
– MrMunky24
Lost Opportunity
"Yeah, this hits home. I spent 90% of my childhood with my grandparents. I was at their house almost everyday. When I got into my teens and obviously found friends, discovered women, all that stuff and then I just stopped seeing them. They’re both gone now and they died with the memories of me as a child. Although they seen me sometimes while I was older, they didn’t know me because I didn’t give them the chance."
– Loud-Distance-1456
In Grief
"My dad passed away 6 weeks ago and I will NEVER see, hear, chat or get to hug him ever again & that forever is a long time."
– somethinggood19
These sobering facts were huge disappointments.
Truth About CPR
"This is coming from a firefighter:"
"If you have to perform CPR on them, it's most likely over for the patient."
"I'm not sure if I've made peace with it completely, but I've accepted it at least."
– Rukhnul
The After Effects
"I've taken CPR training twice in the past 10 years. The instructors were so completely different... The second one flat out told us 'you're giving them about a 15% chance of living, and even if they live, they will probably have some kind of severe trauma that will dramatically decrease their quality of life.' Wow..."
– DavidAg02
Despite Having Good Intentions...
"No one is coming to help."
– _meddlin_
That Train Has Left The Station
"I'm aging nonstop."
– insaight
Innocence Is Gone
"My childhood is gone, and I have no good memory from that phase of my life."
– anonymoose_mrx
No matter what, life goes on with or without us.
The best that any of us can do while we're passengers on this giant spaceship is to take life as it comes and pick up the pieces the best we can when things don't pan out as we'd hoped.
Sometimes, it's about celebrating the small victories–like finally finding a store that has your shoe size.
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What's that smell?
"That there really was a gas leak in the apartment building."
"Thankfully, the fire didn't cause much damage."- yamsnavas2.
There's a reason the bill is so high.
"Our water usage at work went up a lot."
"They checked all the toilets, sinks for leaks, couldn't find anything."
"I mentioned that it seemed to coincide with the new water cooler system installation, maybe that should be checked."
"They basically laughed at me."
"That stupid water system never worked good and the guy came in 3 different times and said it was just the filter."
"Every month it needs changed???"
"Didn't seem right."
"Finally a different technician came in and result was it was never installed correctly."
"I asked, 'could that have anything to do with the increased water usage that started when this got installed?'"
" He smiled 'I wondered if anyone caught that, yes the valve was not correct and water has been running'."
"For 5 months!!"
"If only they had listened."
"Total redemption!"- McTee967.
Nbc Jump GIF by SuperstoreGiphyHave you ever looked at a map?
"I had a coworker doubling down repeatedly, claiming that new Zealand is north of Australia."
"I even told her about how I had lived there and she just assumed I was such a huge idiot that I didn't know where on the globe I was living."
"Brought the smartphone out and put an end to that."
"Let me just say, it's ok to not know where all the countries are."
"The problem is if you heavily assert you are right and others are stupid."- PlopPlopPlopsy.
Is it supposed to hurt this much?
"My husband told me that I was a 'baby' about my IUD insertion and insisted that it wasn't painful."
"That my concerns about entrusting a stranger to shove a foreign object into my body were paranoid."
"I listened to him because really, the info you'd find online is overwhelmingly positive."
"Long story short: the provider placed it wrong, didn't check/fix it when I asked her to."
"I spent 4 years in pain that I eventually 'got used to."
"It expelled half way out my cervix, had to get it yanked out at the ER."
"That's when I was told that copper IUDs are notorious for breaking inside the uterus."
"Because it broke inside me."
"The cherry on top?"
"The female gyno with three kids I saw to get the broken piece removed told me that 'cervixes don't really feel pain' and that I didn't really need to remove it."
"Goes without saying, I was in severe pain for 2 weeks straight before this appointment."
"Tons of women came out with their stories about lawsuits over IUDs, how they got pregnant with an IUD."
" Stories similar to mine."
"And how women should really be offered anesthesia or pain pills for this procedure."
"And when my husband was surprised to learn about the pain I endured I reminded him 'You called me a baby and everyone else told me it was all in my head'."
"Which is why I didn't talk about it."- PopK0rnAndMMs.
Seems like you could learn something from me.
"In sixth grade chemistry a teacher asked us what element was a gas that was lighter than air, and extremely flammable/explosive."
"I grew up on science because of what my dad does for a living and Bill Nye."
"I knew about the Hindenburg, and so I was really proud of myself when I raised my hand and said 'Hydrogen'."
"The teacher laughed at me and said that no, it was Helium, and the entire rest of the class proceeded to laugh too."
"Almost three decades later I work in a lab now, and f*ck that teacher I was right."- vanyel_ashke.
Season 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphyThe dictionary is your friend.
"I have worked as a translator and a proofreader."
"For one of my translations, it went something like 'and he piqued her interest'."
"My proofreader docked me for an inaccuracy and switched it to 'and he peaked her interest'.”
"I’m still salty."
"I tried to get the agency I was working for to remove this person as a proofreader since I question his/her command of the English language."
"Had a similar problem with the phrase “lynch pin” used metaphorically."
"I stopped working with that agency because it pissed me off so much being 'corrected' incorrectly."- spot_o_tea.
spelling GIFGiphyNo, that's just an illusion.
"When I told my mom that the clouds were moving and she laughed like I was crazy."-
Did you even read the menu?
"I was in the passenger's seat at a Carl's Jr Drive Thru with a friend."
"He asked what I wanted and I requested the Fried Zucchini."
"He puts half his body through the window to the voice box and goes on this 'My friend here thinks you have some kind of food I know you don't have so I am just going to say it for laughs because you will get a kick out of this'."
"She wants FRIED ZUCCHINI' and starts laughing."
" Well guess who ends up eating fried zucchini."- User Deleted.
And how do you spell that?
"Believe it or not, the pronunciation of my own middle name."- ThePlantie.
We have standards in this community...
"Not me but my Mom tells a story about how she wrote a paper for school about how tough her small town makes it for any new people moving in."
"Basically if you didn't grow up there you were a social outcast for decades and were excluded from a lot of things."
"The teacher didn't agree so she got a bad grade and scoffed at."
"A few years later a news paper reporter essentially wrote the same thing and won a local award for calling out the same small town BS that was going on."- Jberg18.
It's pretty amazing that anyone in this day and age would jump to tell someone they're wrong without having any authority.
Particularly when someone can quickly look up the truth on their phone in less than a minute.
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Watch where you're going!!
"Switch lanes without looking."- yamsnavas2.
But you're such an easy target.
"Criticize you and laugh like it’s common practice or just part of the conversation."- oneandahalfeggs123
Ha Ha Lol GIF by Pierce The VeilGiphyPeople just love me!
"Repeatedly telling everyone that you're 'such a good person'."
"If you have to constantly say that about yourself then you might not be that much of a good person."
"Kinda like the 'I'm a nice guy' situation."
"I had a team leader who would say that about herself."
"She's the reason everyone quit the team ,including myself."- grumpycoffeee.
"I'm right, you're wrong."
"Wildly overestimating their knowledge/competence, while also underestimating the competence of actual experts."
"'Everyone that works with ___ are so dumb, they should just do [this] and [this] but they only care about ___'"- chshcat.
know it all boomerang GIFGiphy"You're kind of in my way."
"Stand in the way of aisles, doorways, etc., then actually act offended that you dare say 'excuse me' when you need to get through."
"I get people sometimes loose track of where they are and don't mean to accidentally block access ways."
"But most people actually are embarrassed they did it and legitimately apologize and immediately get out of the way."
"Jerks however feel entitled to block the way and think you're the one imposing on them for asking them to move."- llcucf80.
"Cause you're there for me too..."
"They remember you are their friend only when they need you or need something from you."- SuvenPan.
Oops!
"Not apologizing when they found out they were clearly wrong."
"Destroying your property because they are entitled."- kitchen_clinton.
Ugh, can you believe him?
"When I meet someone who spends more than half their time complaining about other people they know."- ofsquire.
earth litter GIF by Lil Dicky"Hey, you!"
"The impatient finger snapping that some people do to get someone's attention such as in a classroom or when asking for the check at a restaurant, etc."
"It's just degrading to snap at someone like that and instantly puts a bad taste in my mouth."- Sixhaunt·
It's always a good idea to try to really get to know someone, and not resort to pre-judgement.
But sometimes, one single action can simply say it all.
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