Living with a personality disorder is indescribably hard. The stigma attached to it causes those who suffer to feel ostracized, and many just dismiss them as "crazy". Once they're able to adjust to it, it makes life so much easier, and strengthens their confidence, mental health, and even relationships.
Accepting the diagnosis is the first step.
"I was recently diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (I'm 28). I grew up with the massage that intimacy = surrendering all control to the other person, and I was never able to trust my parents or family members because I knew they were more concerned about themselves than me. As an adult I've always tended to lose myself in relationships, lose sight of my own wants and needs and form myself around the wants and needs of my friends and partners whilst feeling resentful for being unable to show the "real" me to anyone.
Currently I have no real friends because I find that it exhausting, and I have a boyfriend but I hate the way I absorb his values and opinions and I miss being in touch with my true self like when I'm single. I desperately want to have meaningful relationships in my life, but I can't escape the impulse to become subservient to whomever I allow close to me, and I end up resenting them as their identities take hold of me. I don't want to be alone, but alone is the only way I feel in control of myself.
I can't say I'm a "success story" because I only recently received this diagnosis and I still have a lot to work on, but at least I know what I'm dealing with now, and for me success will consist of learning how to actually share my true thoughts/feelings/opinions/ with people (which is really hard), how to end a relationship that doesn't suit me rather than suiting myself to my relationships, and learning to trust myself even when others disagree with me. I think I have a long road ahead."
BPD is a struggle.
Giphy"I've been with my boyfriend for 5+ years, and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 2.5 years into our relationship.
Before my diagnosis, even though we got along amazingly, communicated well, and were generally happy; I would find myself throwing toddler-like tantrums at any perceived or imagined slight. I hated this about myself. I thought I was a bad person because I just couldn't control myself. My partner happens to be an amazing people reader. He seems to just naturally pick up on people's personality and intentions as easily as I notice hair colour. He was nothing but understanding. Even though we had little knowledge of mental health, we both knew something was "off," and he was a constant support as I sought out treatment.
I was diagnosed with BPD and given a therapist who specialized in PTSD in veterans. It turns out my "flair-ups" were somehow similar to a PTSD flashback. I was taught a bunch of techniques to use when I felt myself starting to flair out. It was also the first time I realised that my parents had been incredibly emotionally negligent, to the point where I hadn't actually learned to deal with emotions. What was accidentally taught instead was that if I am angry or sad, I am about to be yelled at.
It's taken 3 years, but I've found the right combo of meds, I'm not "cured," and I'm definitely not perfect. But I don't have "flair outs" anymore. Sure I sometimes raise my voice when I shouldn't, or get into a stupid argument with my boyfriend, but I'm working on myself every day and we're super solid, and super in love.
I'm actually typing this beside him aboard a ferry on our way to (what will hopefully be) our new life. In 3 hours I'll be doing the entrance exam for a college program that I'm really excited about, and afterwards we're checking out the shop he'll be managing in September. We have a cat and a dog together, we illustrated a book together, found a 20,000 year old fossil together, and forage together at least once a week."
Don't give up.
"I have schizoid personality disorder and it's really not that interesting. I was also diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia so those took priority. I didn't even realize I had it until I reread an old document years later. There's no real treatment for it but finding out helped me understand myself better. Also, if you get a mental evaluation done you should really get a professional to interpret it.
I haven't had much success but I haven't really tried either. After being diagnosed, I've accepted that someone would have to be damn near perfect for a relationship to feel worth it for me and that person might not exist. I'm alright with that for now."
The diagnosis is the first step.
"Literally ALL my relationships were a hot mess before I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2017. I had been through 3 divorces, broken up with my daughter's father, and totally messed up a perfectly fine potential LTR with someone I really did like very much.
Meds, therapy, a DBT therapy app on my phone, and an awareness of what is "me" and what is "BPD" and I have so far managed to not make any horrific mistakes in my current relationship - he's amazing and I'm pretty motivated to spend the rest of my life with him.
What helps the most other than meds has been learning to self-soothe. I cannot stress that enough. If I feel afraid of being abandoned, I can't put that off on him other than maybe ask for a bit of extra reassurance. I had to learn to give myself positive self-talk and to learn and practice grounding and coping skills. He's there to support me and accept me, not fix me or be a punching bag for my insecurities."
Talk about a stigma.
Giphy"Diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder a good while ago. It hasn't prevented me from having good relationships with people; I'm fairly charismatic and likable. I realize saying that is a bit... on the nose... but genuinely, I don't believe that it has ever been the reason for any of my relationships ending.
At my therapists' behest, I do make sure to tell anyone that I get in a serious relationship with that, yes, I've been diagnosed and these are some behaviors that you should watch for. I'm manipulative, and it's hard not to be. You figure out how people are going to react to things in the course of normal interaction, and once you know that, how do you not press the buttons that get the reactions you want?
Sometimes it can be a hurdle, having a partner watching for manipulative behavior even when there isn't any, and I really have to try to understand my partner's emotions, but aside from that, I've had plenty of good relationships since being diagnosed."
That's what a supportive partner looks like.
"I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy) about a year and a half ago. it was... rough.
I was scared, but everyone around me was scared too. Of me. The few people I had actually been able to make bonds with were scared of me. Hell, my own parents were scared to even talk to me.
My wife, though, she wasn't scared. She was a bit startled, of course, but she wasn't scared. I asked if she was, and she told me that she's known me for so long, she always knew me and loved me the way I am. For who I am. (She is the only person I've ever dated, after all.) She said she knew I wouldn't change just cause of a piece of paper from a doctor. I gotta say, a little kindness during tough times can even warm the heart of a sociopath."
Love is a powerful thing.
"Diagnosed ASPD by multiple mental health professionals, and I pretty much fit the mold of sociopathy to a T.
I say "pretty much" instead of "completely" because of the relationship I have with my fiancé. I met her almost three years ago, and immediately felt a whole bunch of weird emotions I'd never felt before as soon as I saw her for the first time. I was 22 at the time, and I had never loved, cared about, or been emotionally invested in another person for the entirety of my life. I faked it when necessary but I had pretty much given up on ever feeling love or compassion for another person.
She changed all of that. She is the only human being on this planet that I care about. I would do absolutely anything for her. I treat her with the utmost respect and humanity. I do not manipulate her. I do not lie to her. I do not lead her along through the use of fear, intimidation, and/or psychological manipulation... but rather with my most genuine attempts at love and kindness.
Sometimes I fall short... she's aware of my diagnosis and it sometimes bothers her that I don't treat anyone else in my life the way I treat her. But I do, and always will, try my damn best to treat her like a queen. Because she is.
We've been together for almost two years and we're both extremely happy in our relationship. My current therapist is continuously blown away by the fact that there's one overwhelming exception to my otherwise-textbook antisocial behavior. After growing up almost completely devoid of human emotion, empathy, or compassion, developing these feelings was initially quite scary. I wouldn't trade them for anything, though. Love is pretty cool."
That's tough.
"I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I'm 48. I've not dated since 1992. If she hadn't asked me I probably never would have dated but my curiosity got the best of me. I'm also chronically unemployed.
I've never been able to keep a job mostly because I don't build relationships with my co-workers. School was a disaster probably for the same reasons. I don't seem to be interested in things the way other people are so I'm impossible to motivate."
That's true.
"Schizoid Personality here. What are these relationships you speak of? /s
Relationships haven't changed, but knowing how other people think makes getting by easier."
Solid advice.
"To say I've had a diagnosis or two, been through the ringer a bunch, and have had to deal with the repercussions of that would be an understatement. What I can say though, is when I finally addressed it to the people I trust and care about it lifted a great weight.
I guess my advice would be just own it, don't sugar coat, joke about it, and overall let love ones know you recognize the behavior and move forward with the assumption that it was a learning experience and people progress. Often it makes you a much better person."
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.