Getty / Serge Krouglikoff
We've all had those moments in life where we've walked into a situation and gotten an eye full. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's funny for everyone but you. And sometimes it's horrifying.
Reddit user MakeYourMarks asked people to share their stories.
"What was something you saw you were definitely not supposed to see?"
Of Sound Mind and Body
I found my dad's will. I was on his computer while he was at work and ended up finding a strangely titled word document. At first it didn't seem like a big deal. It contained a note to each of his kids. It wasn't until I got to the last one, my youngest brother, that I realized it wasn't just a will. The start of that line read something along the lines of "If anything is going to make me change my mind now it's writing this part". I realized I had found my dad's suicide note. I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I had no idea how to go about talking to him about it. I decided to just keep it to myself. He started buying us gifts and stuff and I would get really scared and I still just kept it to myself. I remember one day on the weekend I woke up in my bed to a loud bang coming from my dad's room. I laid there in bed for probably half an hour frozen. Once I worked up the strength I went to his room and opened the door. He wasn't in the bedroom. I was so confused until I saw that the bedroom window was open. What had happened is that there was a gust and the wind had slammed the door shut, but my paranoid brain had heard a gunshot. After that I was laughing hysterically and I don't have much memory of the day past that.
Shortly after this incident my dad had returned most of the gifts he bought us kids and I slowly started to believe that he had changed his mind. I never confronted him about it until last year, about 14 years or so later, but I never fully accepted that he was ok now. I called him distraught about a separate matter and he started talking to me about depression. He told me on his own about he had considered taking his life, and went in to detail about it, and all I could do was cry and tell him "I know." We talked a lot longer after that and we were finally able to put it all to rest. arckalocal
When I was 8 or so my old nanny was showing me a video of her time with her boyfriend in Paris. After it blacks out for a few seconds it then suddenly cuts to her lying on her hotel bed completely naked, telling her boyfriend to 'come get it'. She jumped out of her seat tried to cover my eyes and told me to never tell anyone. I have now told potentially thousands of random strangers. Winnie-the-Broo
Growing up with my little brother and single Mom we never had a lot, but she made sure we always had a safe and decent place to live and there was always food on the table. She never really ate much, I remember dinners of baked chicken, beef stew, salmon (it was a lot cheaper a million years ago)... good food, nothing terribly extravagant, but always nutritious, yet she barely ever ate. When I was 10 I saw her eating pb&j; on crackers in her room after dinner. That's when I realized there was never enough food for all 3 of us, she would cook what we had for my brother and I and she would eat the bare minimum, always out of sight, so that my brother and I wouldn't worry about the actual level of poverty we were at. I never asked for another material thing from her after that night. superfly355
Was getting a vasectomy and the doctor told me not to look down.
I looked down.
...I shouldn't have looked down. xoidbiox
My mom was helping her BFF and BFF's husband move, and when she lifted the mattress off the bed frame there was a small box labelled with my mom's name. She had never seen this box before, so she went and asked BFF about it.
Apparently BFF and her husband had started "spicing things up" in the bedroom. The box in question was filled with adult toys, and they labelled it with my mom's name just in case something happened to the two of them; if their parents or children had to go through their things, they'd think the contents of the box belonged to my mom.
And now my (single, early 50s) mother has a cardboard box in her closet labelled with BFF's name. nanna_mouse
I was driving from West Berlin to West Germany in the late 1980's. My bf gives me wrong instructions so I have to take an exit off the Autobahn to turn back and get back to the correct exit.
On the small country road on which we found ourselves, we see a large truck with a missile on it, surrounded by Russian soldiers.
They were as surprised as we were, but just laughed and waved at us, as we got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. mischimischi
My boss forwarded me an email telling me to do something. I noticed the email chain had his bosses on it so I read through the chain. They had asked him to rate all my co-workers and I from best to worst earlier in the conversation. DtownAndOut
When I was in college I worked at an arcade/minigolf joint that seemed to give zero f**ks about actually making money, but was never in any kind of financial trouble. When I got hired, the owner literally said "I pay minimum wage and I expect to get minimum work for it." I worked the front counter, and collected money for the mini-golf and sold cups of coins (or you could just use the coin changer). The till was completely busted and would be off by $50 or more in either direction no matter what you did. I realized very quickly that I could just pretend to ring up golf fees and cups of tokens and pocket the cash, so I'd pocket $30-40 every shift, and nobody seemed to give a shit. One of the assistant mangers let me take a break twenty minutes after I'd just taken a break because some of my friends had shown up and wanted to smoke a bowl with me. He was like "That is totally more important than your job." It was awesome.
Then one day I walked into the owners office while his secretary was recording figures in the ledger. I can read upside down pretty well and it was very obvious that the figures she was recording had nothing to do with the business we were doing. We sold maybe $60 of golf fees a night, and maybe $100 in coin cups, but she was recording $600 and $1000 for each. I commented on the discrepancy and quipped about how someone would think we were in the laundry business and she got really squirrely and told me to leave the office. The next day the owner called me into his office and we had a very circumspect conversation about how much I was enjoying working there and enjoying the perks of the job, and I very much got the sense that he was trying to decide if I was going to tell anyone anything. Apparently he decided I wasn't (and I wasn't), and so I kept working there. About a year later the owner was arrested for money laundering and we all got fired. Still the best job I ever had. The mob is an A+ employer. Blood_and_Brass
My teacher shoving a flask into his desk drawer when I came in unexpectedly. kaizack
I once walked into my dad's van while he was with a woman who was not my mom. Dad had a drinking problem. Mom took me and my brother to go looking for him because he was supposed to be buying Christmas presents. Found his van at a bar. Mom sent me to look inside the van to see if there were presents in there. He turned over his shoulder and looked right at me and said in the most evil voice, "Get out." This was 20+ years ago now and I still get emotional thinking about it. I still remember the entire thing so clearly. IndyDude11
The other day I was looking for my old passport, when I found a few of my Dad's old visitor's passports. Now, my Dad is older than most (he's 70 while i'm a teen), so imagine my surprise when, listed under "children" in the passport, there's the name of a kid born in the 1970s. The best part is that the name isn't on later passports of his, so I guess I accidentally found out I have a (dead?) half brother. well___-_then
Use Two Cameras Next Time
Not me but a coworker several months before I started at the company. Big boss man comes back from a site visit/weekend at his cabin not too far from site. Has someone burn all photos from his camera to a CD and makes a couple of copies. One copy is with my coworker and another guy looking at photos from site. Suddenly the photos of the site trip ends and there are topless photos of big boss man's wife at their cabin on the disc.
But wait, there's a twist: Another copy of the same set of photos was currently in the boardroom PC where big boss man is showing photos to the client. My coworker doesn't know what to do, tells our lead administrative assistant. She confidently marches into the boardroom and ejects the disc interrupting the meeting. Big boss man asks, "what are you doing?" She simply says, "there's a problem with the disc." and leaves. bigalfry
Back in middle school we had this really strange gym teacher about 6'2 and ripped. Me and my friend were going to the bathroom and thought that the locker room toilets would be clean since no one used them throughout the day. When we walked in to our left was one big shower room and there was our gym teacher showering while eating spaghetti out of a Tupperware container. Thank god he was wearing swim trunks but he turned around and said you guys aren't supposed to be here so we left. stuffn_cannolis
I was about 8 or 9 and my parents were going to be out of town so they had me and siblings stay with a family from our church. Once we got to the house (which was really nice BTW) they had one rule, you can play wherever you want but the basement is off limits. Me being the little jerk that I was snuck down there first chance I got and was supremely disappointed to only find rows and rows of plants growing under lights. Low_town_tall_order
When You Don't Have a Photocopier
Went to a co-workers house to help get the scanner to work, which hasn't worked since her daughter had tried to use it a few days earlier. I tried to load the software, which would hang while trying to connect to the scanner.
A quick power cycle of the scanner, and the software loaded. The software defaulted to the "recent scans" screen. The most recent scan was the genitalia of my co-worker, her daughter or I suppose it could have been a page from a XXX magazine.
My hotkey skills were fast, so I may have Alt+F4'd before she saw what I did, but once that software worked, I used a different program to perform a test scan.
Easy, but uncomfortable way to earn $20. essieecks
Santa and Mommy Were Doing More Than Kissing
Saw a Homer Simpson keychain in my mom's desk drawer. Didn't say anything. Two weeks later its in my Christmas stocking and she goes "Wow, how did Santa know how much you like the Simpsons".
That's how I figured out Santa must've been sleeping with my mom. jay_bro
Walking in on my cousins railing each other.....
Now I understand why they were close at Thanksgiving. Dooooly
Read a Book
My dad once handed me his tablet and suggested I look at an ebook or something, while we were sitting around in a theater waiting for a play to start. I don't know if I misunderstood him or what, because when I brought up his amazon reader app, I saw that the last book he had been reading was "How to deal with a sexless marriage" or something along those lines. Dad was very embarrassed, quickly took the tablet back, and we did not speak of what had just transpired. EclectusInfectus
More heard than seen, but... I was golfing with my mother's fiance when he got a phone call. He had his cell volume turned up really high, and I overheard a woman who wasn't my mother say some things, including the phrase "f_#$" in a seductive manner. I convinced myself that it wasn't my business, or that I'd misunderstood, and dropped it. A few years later, her now-husband was revealed to be a serial cheater, with active partners numbering in the dozens. Yes, I still feel like s*_t. Yes, they're divorced. thegawking
Close Your Browser
Dad handed me his phone and asked me to look up something for him, while we were sitting around the living room at a family get-together. When I opened his browser app, the last page open was porn. The video began autoplaying and I frantically tried to figure out how to close the tab, but all I really managed to do was look at the video for far longer than I wanted to. So I shoved the phone back at my dad and said
and we once again did not speak of what had just transpired. EclectusInfectus
Always Wipe the Hard Drive
When I started a new job, someone had left a bunch of HR files on the computer I was given. I opened one up, not sure what it was, and I got to see every employee's salary in the company. Even the CEO. The next day, it was gone. My boss realized his mistake and logged in to my system and deleted the files. It was a memorable experience. cartmancakes
I was in the 7th grade so I was almost 12. I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my mom screaming. I jump up and get ready to defend my mom. I open up my parents bedroom door and my mom was definitely not in trouble. I didn't understand it at the time, but I wanted to get out of there before they noticed me. However, I fainted instead.
That my friends is something I was definitely not supposed to see.
Forever scarred. I'm 25 now and my dad still likes to bring it up at Christmas dinner. Grkitaliaemt
I saw an employees check stub that he dropped.
He had been there for a month and was making what I made after my first year and was not a very good worker. I got a raise. rustyshackleford239
When I was 14 a friend hosted a birthday party at his house with all the parents invited. Needed to use the restroom but the main one was occupied so my friend told me I can use the one in his moms bedroom. As I walked up to the door I could hear somebody in there so I decided to wait until whoever was in there was finished. A good 10 minutes later, my friends mom (who was hosting the party) and another good friends step-father walk out and see me standing there all confused. They asked what I was doing there and I just said I was waiting to use the bathroom. Surprisingly they played it cool and just said I can use it now and walked off. jawnteexbawx
I was bartending and it was slow. I was putting away glasses by the only two people sitting at the bar. They seemed a new couple, very touchy, etc. At some point I noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring and he was not. Right as the music died down between songs, he turned to her and said:
"You know, they're going to ask you where you were when he drowned." Noped out of there real quick. PurpleLotus46
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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