People Break Down The Best Inside Joke They've Ever Been A Part Of
In the words of Scranton's own Michael Scott, "I love inside jokes...I'd love to be part of one some day."
Inside jokes are born out of bizarre, inexplicable moments, forged between a group of close individuals. You can't make it happen, it has to happen naturally, born out of bizarre circumstances. So if you're open to the possibilities of seeing the world through a skewed, broken lens, anything can be funny.
Reddit user, u/IHaveNoStylee, wanted to get inside the joke when they asked:
Jokes With Your Spouse
You typically end up spending the most time with your significant other, so it's apparent you'll end up forging plenty of inside jokes with them. Fortunately, they last as long as the relationship does.
Drinking All The Delicious Juices
It's my username. I used to have a coworker from India who was in his 30's. He said he tried alcohol once in his life and didn't like it. He seemed confused and said, "Why would anyone want to be drinking alcohol when there are many delicious juices??" I never mentioned it to my coworkers but I told my husband and now we take every opportunity we can to use the phrase "many delicious juices". It comes up more than you'd think it could.
Fertility Following You Forever
It's still happening. When my wife and I got married 13 years ago one of her new agey coworkers gave us this little wood carving of a fertility goddess that is so terrible and very much something we would scoff at. As a joke, I put it in her purse for her to find later. The next day I was at work and found it in my bag. So I put it in the pocket of a jacket she doesn't wear all that often. A few months later I found it in my winter boots when I put them on for the first time that season. And on and on it's gone. We talked about it once a few years ago and had a good laugh. It's now years between finding the thing now. As far as I know, it's in one of her travel slippers inside her smaller suitcase. I would check to see if it is but that would ruin it.
I Grant Thee Permission To Devour Thy Meal!
Thought of one more- my husband and I were on a road trip and it got late but we finally decided we're hungry so we need to stop and eat before there's nothing left open. So we walk into this like average looking restaurant and we can tell we're the a--holes- they wanted to start cleaning up. So then out walks this dude with the weirdest mustache, all of 22 years old and just as pompous as you could be and goes "I AM THE NIGHT MANAGER, I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO HAVE THEM NOT SERVE YOU!"
And we were like oh man it's cool if it's a big deal we'll leave, so sorry. And he went on AGAIN about how much power he held as the night manager, then gave us...permission? To eat. It was hilarious and now anytime one of us asks for something of the other that's a bit ridiculous (I just laid down...bring me that remote!) the other will reply "AS THE NIGHT MANAGER...." it's become a thing to also throw a blanket around you as if you're a renaissance king speaking to peasants
Jokes With Co-Workers
The workplace can sometimes be the thing that beats down your soul like nothing else. However, if you have co-workers with an open sense of humor then anything can become something you can laugh at for years to come.
Was His Name Buddy?
Worked at a big box stores and nearly got a new employee to dress up as an elf for "Elf day" which we told him was always the Friday before Christmas.
My buddy and I were in the break room with him and a few other people. Out of the blue, with no pre arrangements, I asked my friend of he was getting a new outfit for Elf day. We started discussing it like it was just a real and normal thing. The other people in the break room chimed in as well.
The really funny thing was someone that was in there with us left the break room and spread the word that we were trying to get the new guy to dress up like an elf, and to just play along.
We stopped him a week before Elf day when we realized he was planning to buy a $200.00 costume, and asked us if it was good enough.
When a friend at work needed an eye patch for a medical reason. He had some time off work and during that time I told everyone (100+ people) that he was working on a ship in the Caribbean and had got a pet parrot. Not one idiot got it 🤣. When my friend got back to work everyone was asking how he enjoyed the Caribbean 🤣. He didn't respond well but his eye got better and he didn't need the patch for long.
Telling People Where To Go
I had a summer prospecting job in a remote "frontier" community. The name of the local "saloon" (bar) was "Hell" (actually, "L'enfer" but I'm telling the story in English, not French). Whenever a stranger came to town, the following "scene" would play out:
"Hey," said the stranger, "the weekend is almost upon us, what do you y'all do for fun on Saturday night?"
"Well, stranger... you can go to Hell."
"Wow. No need to get hostile! I just asked you a question!"
"And I said you can go to Hell."
Too Bizarre To Explain
Then there are those inside jokes which would be too bizarre to explain in casual conversation, usually involving some deep lore or mythology behind them. Fortunately, we're all here on the internet today to learn all about them.
My friends and I went to the mountains years ago for a bachelor party/trip. We did a day of hiking up a mountain and we ended up at a lake skipping rocks. The best man mentioned he saw a video on YouTube about throwing rock with your non-dominant hand. The best man threw it with his left hand, but lost control, hitting the groom in the face, causing a huge cut on his chin, and you could see into his mouth. Luckily, a random lady at the top offered to drive the groom to the local hospital and get stitches.
And now, any time my friend has to throw anything, a ball, a dice, a rock, we cover our faces.
Surprising Absolutely No One?
In the early 2000s our conservative, rural school paid Danny Trejo several thousand dollars to come to our town and tell us not to do drugs. Except he never actually told us not to do drugs, he just talked about being in prison, name dropped, and cussed a couple times. Trying to salvage the situation, our school paid for a giant banner to hang in our cafeteria for several years with a Danny Trejo quote about how every good thing that ever happened to him was due to his helping someone else. (He never actually said that during his talk).
The whole situation was kind of ridiculous, but everyone would quote it during any opportunity that remotely had to do with either a) helping someone else or b) having something good happen to them. And paying Danny Trejo to come back and give a "motivational" speech was always suggested any time there was a school-wide issue that needed solving.
Eat It. EAT IT.
I went to a Catholic School, and we were showed a video in religion class at one point. In the video, Jesus told Peter, "If you love me, feed my sheep" but me and a friend misheard it as "If you love me eat my sheep." So since that day, we've randomly said "Eat my sheep" during very serious moments to break tensions and it's still hilarious.
Seems Like They're Going To Set Sail And Never Come Back
Ever since we were little, my sister and I would use the term 'mysterious boating accident' for murdering someone. So even today, when someone wrongs us, we'll say, "I think they're going to get in a mysterious boating accident" and now all of our friends use it too.
Inside jokes truly are the best.
Hope you all get to be part of one some day.
In the midst of our shopping, we've all seen those warning labels on product packaging that leave us absolutely rolling our eyes. Who could possibly need to be warned about that?
But since the warning exists, we have to assume that someone made that mistake at some point.
There's the added fun of unnecessary products that no one should believe would work.
But just like the directions, there seems to be a marketable need for every product and direction.
Redditor 98_percent_simian asked:
"What product is marketed pretty much exclusively to stupid people?"
"Over-the-counter 'man-boosting' products like Nugenix Total-T. Though the commercials are hilarious. 'She'll like it too!' Yeah, I bet she did, Big Frank."
"Foot detox pads. Detox anything, actually."
Trust Your Body
"It drives me crazy when people talk about how they are going to do a cleanse and detox their digestive system because they have built up sludge."
"It's insane because your digestive system works just fine. If it isn't working, you need to be in the hospital."
Paid Social Media Features
"Every social media’s paid badges. I just don’t get it. Why? Just why do we need to pay for a badge?"
"Megachurch donations that are advertised to bring you salvation or other holy benefits."
"My friend's mother had her house painted with 5g blocking paint inside and out. She then got s**tty about her mobile not getting a signal and her WiFi not working properly."
"What did she think the paint was blocking?! Honestly, I'm surprised it did anything."
"I've had people attempt to rope me in before. The trick is that they spent hours roping you into the idea of 'working for yourself,' 'being your own boss,' 'affording for your family,' and 'living wealthy.' Pain points that any common American would typically have."
"They make you go through meetings, 'interviews,' and continually feed you the mentality and never actually mention the name of the company or what the actual business is."
"Until finally, after forever, they drop the Amway, Herbalife, Mary Kay, or whatever name. By that point, they've already sold you on the 'dream' that you convince yourself to try and put in the work."
"I've looked up definitions and excerpts about what brainwashing is. It literally felt like the same thing."
"'HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead.'"
"The ad never even says what HeadOn is supposed to actually do. It's supposed to relieve headaches, but they couldn't claim that because they have absolutely no proof of it maybe working."
"Essential Oils, not for the aromas, that’s all well and good but for its 'healing properties.' It’s sad when people become vehemently ill and rely on lavender to heal them or their children."
"Bunch of sad stories of children dying due to moronic parents believing in the powers of some plant over modern medicine."
"Fat loss everything."
Got Fight Milk?
"Fight Milk. I drink it every morning so I can fight like a cow."
"I'm thinking Scientology."
"When I go to Eastern Europe on vacation, there are mini-casinos on every corner. Sports betting, slot machines, etc. The middle-aged men in these clubs, frantically smoking cigarettes, hopelessly staring at the screens, with not an ounce of life in their eyes."
"Not sure if it's stupidity or desperation. But it's a sad sight to see."
"Online free IQ tests."
"Vacation Club 'points' (worse than a timeshare because it's nothing tangible)."
"My FIL offered to 'use points' to book us a vacation years back. He bought the points as a flex in front of his BIL and thought they were the greatest thing since sliced bread."
"Fast forward about two months after purchase and he makes his offer to cover a trip for us with some of the points. What he failed to mention/realize is that the points were for the ROOM ONLY."
"So as we started looking into the 'trip' being offered we realized not only would we have to pay for our flights but we would have to pay the all-inclusive fee at over 100 dollars each/per day. When we mentioned this he told us we would have to cover it because 'they cost too many points.'"
"So I did the math and hopped on Expedia to show him I could get the same trip for over 1000 dollars less when I just booked it online without the points. He REFUSED to believe this was possible until he tried to book his own trips with the points and ended up getting hosed. The look on his face when he tried to 'sell the points' (which the salesperson assured him would go for more than he paid for them if he decided to sell) was priceless."
"I bet you already guessed that the only 'customers' for the points are the company that sold them in the first place and they buy them back for pennies on the dollar." - YKYB
Some of these products and ideas have been around for a long time and continue to interest new consumers. But as some here have pointed out, the products are more about putting on a good appearance than actually delivering results.
Most people can be very guarded because of their vulnerabilities, even if you think you know them really well.
These disconcerting memories or character traits are better left undisclosed, for they can be painful for individuals to revisit or acknowledge.
On the other hand, opening up about these disturbing facts can also be therapeutic as long as they are revealed anonymously.
And the opportunity for strangers online to unburden themselves arose when Redditor _Lord_Infamous asked:
"What is a scary, unsettling fact about you?"
Certain facts about these Redditors are perplexing.
"I do not actually remember a decent chunk of my life, whenever I talk about most of my childhood I use words that leave room for mistakes and am generally using memories and ideas I've compiled from hearing other people say things about me."
"There is actually a large chunks of facts about myself that I only think I know, and don't have personal confirmation of."
Dead Or Alive
"I’m convinced with no evidence that my father is still alive and that my whole family is lying to me. I logically know he is not. But every knock on the door I open half expecting my father. Could be something to work through … but it’s not really affecting me day to day. My grandfather died and I thought I would feel the same way. Nope. He is dead and I miss him but he is dead."
Warning: Self-Harm Trigger
"Growing up I had a recurring nightmare set in my grandparents backyard looking at the back of their house. There was just something 'off' about the house. Something mildly sinister. I dreamt this over and over, many times over the years."
"In 2018, my dad (who now owned the house) went into the backyard to that spot and killed himself."
"I haven’t had the backyard dream since."
Nightmares Come True
"I had a recurring super vivid intense dream at like 4.... my uncle was chasing us around a labyrinth with a large knife... trying to kill me and my grandmother. 25 or so years later the same uncle (complete paranoid delusional schizophrenic) murders my grandmother at her condo... with the very nice chef knife I bought her for Christmas the year before..."
"Less scary and more shocking, but when I was 9 years old I survived a home invasion where I was shot 6 times. I played dead on the floor until the man left and called 911 and in my adrenaline rush I thought they couldn't find my house so I crawled with my left are swinging the wrong way and my right leg limp from nerve damage, all the way to the front door when he broke in from the back of the house."
"I lived with only my mother who unfortunately didn't survive. I vividly remember picking out the guy in a photo line up while recovering in the ICU."
"I am very lucky to have kept my left arm, I have 32 pins and screws to make up for my shattered elbow. My left leg has permanent nerve damage and I now have 'drop foot'. Despite my physical injuries and PTSD, I am doing very well."
We are not all born the same.
"I'm one of the lucky few with the CCR5-delta-32 mutation. Why is that relevant? It makes me immune to HIV and a handful of other pathogens, most notably the Bubonic Plague."
"I have 2 lenses in my right eye, so it focuses like binoculars. My doctor wrote a paper about it. Mostly blinded as a baby in my left eye. Dr suspected my right lense split then healed as 2 distinct lenses. Better than 20/20 in my right eye."
"When I was born, I was so premature that my dad, who had quite dainty piano fingers, could slide his wedding ring up my arm to my shoulder. (I weighed 2 lbs, born at 27 weeks)."
"I had 6 toes on each foot at birth and got them cut off you can see the place they cut them at."
People live with the unfortunate risk that their lives can be cut short at any given moment.
Ticking Time Bomb
"I have an enlarged aortic root. It's very unlikely, but it could spontaneously rupture leading to the medical term adjusts glasses... 'instantaneous death'. I would pass out, bleed to death, and then fall over. Dead before hitting the ground. And it could happen at any time. My wife is very uncomfortable thinking about it lol."
For The Sake Of Survival
"my immune system backfired and tried to murder me and almost succeeded. I now have to take multiple injections every single day all day or i'll die a painful death within a week."
"Just trying to write diabetes in the most bad-a** way."
A friend of mine once told me that the name I've known him by was not his real name.
He had gone by an alias, which everyone at work assumed was his actual name, to protect himself and his identity after he had been violently hunted down, stalked and threatened for his life for witnessing a murder.
The suspects involved were eventually caught and locked away for good.
I don't remember all the other details about the traumatizing incident because I was completely stupefied.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
We never leave two movies feeling the same way.
In some cases, we are so moved by what we just saw, that we are sobbing so loudly, we're getting concerned looks from our fellow moviegoers.
In other cases, we waste no time in leaving, as we have just spent two hours or so of our lives we'll never get back again watching something which could have been made by second graders.
And then, there are the times when we leave the theatre, and all we can think is, "what the f*ck?"
Not necessarily because it was bad, but because we can't process exactly what we just saw.
It could be something we can appreciate more over time, with repeat viewings... how many views did it take you to fully understand Inception? Be honest!
Or, we are befuddled beyond words as to how such an inane, amateurish creation ever saw the light of day.
"What is your "WTF did I just watch?" movie?"
Dystopian Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It
"You have a certain time to become married and if you fail to find a spouse you get sent to an asylum where you must find a spouse from among the other singles."
"If you again fail to find a partner, you must choose which animal you want to be turned into, and then they turn you into that animal."- Leemage
Chloë Sevigny Knows How To Pick Them...
A Podcaster's Worst Nightmare
With A Title Like That...
"Antichrist."- EwoksEwoksEwoksWillem Dafoe Smile GIFGiphy
Only 67 Minutes... But Plenty Of Gore
"Tetsuo the Ironman (would very strongly not recommend for people with weak stomachs)."- PeruvianPolarbear14
A Homicidal Car Tire... Yes You Read That Correctly...
Beyond Love, Beyond Death...
Glad It Didn't Disappoint... I Guess?
"Salo, or 120 days of Sodom."
"Granted, I had a phase where I was purposely looking for disturbing movies and this one sure didn't disappoint."- Reddit
Was The Title An Actual Apology?
"Sorry to bother you."- kappaidan
Darren Aronofsky At His Strangest...
"Mother."- dank-yharnam-nugsjennifer lawrence mother movie GIF by mother!Giphy
Meet The Parents gone wrong...
"I'm Thinking of Ending Things."- Vandalatwork
Charlie Kaufman Strikes Again!
"Being John Malkovich."- getlough
Not The Kind You're Thinking Of...
"Teeth."- timyorbaHappy Dance GIF by benjamin lemoineGiphy
One thing that can be said about all these movies, those who see them will never forget them.
Which may or may not be a good thing...
Now, which film should we add to this list?
Franklin D. Roosevelt once famously said, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Words of encouragement to all Americans during his inaugural address, as America was in the midst of the great depression, with countless people having lost their jobs, their homes, and even their will to live.
While America did, indeed, bounce back, it hasn't stopped people from constantly living in fear.
Sadly, we're not talking about unfounded fears, such as ghosts or superstitions.
Unfortunately, there is plenty to be afraid of in this world, and horrifying evidence to prove it.
"What is a fact that scares you?"
"That something like close to half of murders reported in the US are never solved."
"That’s just of the reported ones."- YAYtersalad
It Could Happen To Anyone
"Any day, you could have a stroke and lose all your autonomy and become as dependant as a baby."- FrenchMaisNon
"That any of us could have a brain aneurysm right now and not even know it's coming."- becomingNope
Just The Way Things Work
"The number of people older than me will never increase."- Vinny_Lam
At Least You Wouldn't Feel It?
"For some reason, the fact that you poop/pee yourself when you die."
"I know that it won’t matter because I’ll be dead, anyway, but I’ve always been weirded out by that."- EllieK24601
Cherish Your Time Together
"That my parents and grandparents are slowly getting older and it's just a matter of time before I start losing them all one by one and there's nothing I can do about it."- Kysman95
When Nothing Ever Seems To Be Alright...
"I logically know I am fine, but my anxiety won’t let me accept that."- HotSpicedChai
Next Time you Think About Putting It Out There To The Universe...
"That outside of our planet, zero of our achievements/history/language/currency matters."
'It can all be erased in a second and there would be no knowledge of us ever existing in the first place to anyone else in the universe."
"We are meaningless outside of this sphere."- EmergencyNoodlePack
It Really Doesn't Seem That Long
"We only live for about 4,000 weeks."-_Light_The_Way
"That Dopplegangers exist."
"They say that there are at least a couple people in the world that look exactly like you without being blood related and I met mine."
"He was a f*cking criminal and got into trouble so many times with the law that I myself had been mistaken for him three times."
"The only difference was me having sleeves."
"My tattoos saved me from being mistaken for him."
"I was brought in and put in a lineup, and she said herself, 'that looks like him, but he doesn’t have a single tattoo'."
"4 hours later they found him and the sheriff’s department was dumbfounded that we weren’t twins."
"Like looking in a mirror."
"I was released, and a more than needed apology was given by the chief of police and arresting officer."- TinyoneT33
They Need Something To Keep Them Going
"The most well-educated and intelligent people are also those most afflicted with issues like despair, depression, and existential crises."
"Reality is a nightmare of horrors lying just beneath the surface, and the more aware of how things really work you are the more truly miserable you are, generally."- Emperor_Cartagia
It Could Be Comforting?
"When I die, I will be able to hear what people are saying, my last bit of brain activity will be processing those words or sounds and they will be echoed into my forever dream."
"Hope nobody says anything f*cked up.
"According to recent studies, auditory stimulus is the last sense to be lost, it's anticipated that people actually listen long enough to hear they’re pronounced dead."- TheUpsideDownWorlds·
Where Does The Time Go?
"The fact that the past 10 years of my life have flown by, and it means I got about a decade before I become the same age as my parents when I was born."
"Meaning that I’m just slowly going to age till it’s time for me to pass."
"And I still don’t even know why I’m living or what I want to do, or even feel like I’m happy."- Unhookingsnow6
"I've lived over half my life already."- Lucky-11
It's hard not to be scared by any or all of these facts.
But being afraid of just about anything almost never does anyone any good, as there is also plenty in this world to be hopeful and optimistic about.
As famously quipped in Baz Luhrmann's classic Strictly Ballroom, "A life lived in fear is a life half lived."