You've likely jaywalked at least once in your life, and if you've ever lived in New York, you do it all the time. You've probably never been ticketed for it, either, and you've likely not been conscious of the act to begin with, and most people don't even know the rules against it to begin with.
Other people have done worse––significantly worse. That's what we learned after Redditor atticushoi asked the online community: "What's a crime you committed by accident?"
"When I was 7 or 8..."
When I was 7 or 8, my father was driving my sister and I somewhere. He ended up getting a flat so he pulled into a gas station to change the tire. Bored, my sister and I started to mess around with the pay phone. We kept calling 911 and hanging up, not knowing you didn't need any quarters to call 911. Probably 20 min later, the gas station was swarming with cops, firetrucks and an ambulance. Nobody was happy.
"One time in college..."
One time in college, I opted to go grocery shopping with my roommates. I didn't need anything, but wanted to hang with them rather be bored by myself at our house.
I wasn't planning on getting anything, but saw a sale on beef sticks so I picked some up to snack on later. After awhile, I got tired of carrying them around... and since I didn't have a cart or basket, I just put them in my hoodie pocket to get them out of my hands.
They took a LONG time shopping, and it wasn't until I got out to the car that I found (and remembered about) the beef sticks.
Saving the embarrassment, I just kept them and didn't go back in to pay for them.
This was over 10 years ago and it still bothers me.
"When I was like 3..."
When I was like 3, I asked my mom if I carry around this doll set I really liked while we were shopping. She said yes, but only after reminding me she wouldn't get it for me. 3 year old me got tired of carrying the set, and put it in the bottom of the stroller, intent on taking it out later.
And then we left the store, and I forgot I had it in the bottom of the stroller, until my mom found it shortly after we left and asked me what it was. Cue innocent apologizing, and my mom ended up just bringing it back to the store.
So yeah, my first crime didn't go too well.
"Very young age..."
Very young age (like 6-8 years old). The elementary school that I attended was right next to a busy main street. We had tall metal fences all around the playground. That playground contained sand. Decided that it'd be hilarious to throw a hand full of sand at the cars below. Needless to say, they were mad. Cops were called.
What can I say? Kids are dumb as hell, I was definitely no exception to that.
"My friends and I..."
My friends and I were getting high at one of their houses. The owner of the house was drinking pretty heavily as well - though we all had drunk to varying degrees. The owner walks into the room, trips, and puts his arm through a glass coffee table. There's blood going everywhere, as a minor artery had been severed. He told us not to call an ambulance, so I stemmed the bleeding at well as I could (thank god for first aid training), grabbed his keys, put him in the car, and drove him to the nearby hospital (I live in Australia, so free care). I helped him get in there, and waited with him while he got patched up (I think he had something like 12 stitches), and then we left and went back to his house - where we continued to smoke.
It wasn't until later on in the night that we realised that I was driving half-drunk, and high, to the hospital. My licence had expired, to boot, so it was pretty illegal. I didn't think, I just reacted to the situation.
"So I envelope up $300..."
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Xmas shopping time. Our liquor store is VERY busy. Every time we get $300 in cash we are supposed to "post" it into the safe (safe has a letterbox opening) that way none of our stores are worth robbing (that's the theory anyway).
So I envelope up $300 but there's a rush of people and i put it in my pocket and forget about it and hgo home.
It's not until I'm about to get in the shower and take of f my clothes that I feel something weird in my pocket and pull out....$300 in a clear plastic envelope.
Oh Shit. What do I do?
I went to work the next day and just quietly posted it onto the safe. I figured even just talking to people about it wasn't a good idea; better to just fix it silently.
"I accidentally..."
I accidentally smuggled alcohol and weapons into Canada once. My ex decided to surprise me with a trip to Niagara Falls, had the car packed and my passport ready but didn't tell me where we were going. She wanted me to drive so she was giving me directions as we went. We get to the border and the guy asks if I have any alcohol in the vehicle, to which I reply no. Then he asks if I have any weapons, again, no. After we get through she tells me that my present is a bow and arrow in the trunk and there is a case of beer back there.
"When we were really young..."
When we were really young my sister and I had the cops called on us (by our parents) because we didn't know that smearing peanut butter on random bike seats was a crime.
"I was in IKEA..."
I accidentally stole a bookcase from IKEA.
I was in IKEA with my uncle picking up a few things, then we got to the seconds and returns place right near the checkouts. There was a bookcase that was pretty beat up, but perfect for what I needed. In the seconds section, the manager has some discretion on the pricing. It was marked as half off, around $60. I offered $10. He thought for a second and said 'what the hell, sure' and printed off a new label. Going through the checkout with my uncle, getting everything scanned, I asked him if we had scanned everything to which he said yes. It wasn't until we were half way home that I looked at the receipt and didn't see a charge for $10, and the bookcase wasn't listed anywhere!
"When I was younger..."
Piracy.
When I was younger, I received a Fire Card (or whatever) for the DS that had a ton of games on that we didn't pay for
"A friend and I..."
A friend and I used to hide and smoke in an abandoned graveyard.
This place hadn't been used in a long time and people used to throw trash inside.
I remember putting out a cigarette and saw a small piece of tissue burn. I made sure to burn it off and left the place.
Went to a mall nearby and it was only about 20 minutes later that we saw the firebrigade and a couple of police cars going in the direction of the graveyard.
All that trash caught fire. They made sure to permanently lock the gate after that.
"Driving around..."
Driving around in places I'm not familiar with. Speeding. So. Much. Speeding.
"I once went..."
I once went into a local coffee shop, and ended up walking out without paying. I realised I didn't pay until I got home.
"I thought the salad dressing packets..."
I stole salad dressing. At a salad bar, I thought the salad dressing packets were free so I grabbed one and put it in my pocket. No one said anything, I paid for the salad and left. Only the next time I was there, did I notice the sign saying "dressing, $1.00"
"Fully unfolded it..."
Clothes shopping and found a funny shirt I liked (Colorado: How's Your Aspen?), picked it up, and took it to checkout. Scanned, bagged, and took it home. Fully unfolded it to find it was a thin shirt and actually two of them and was only charged for one.
"After a trip..."
After a trip to the grocery store I realized I rang up my organic vegetables... as regular vegetables.
"I realized..."
I bought 2 identical makeup brushes (one for my sister one for me) at Target. I realized I needed to exchange something else from that trip so I went back and while I was looking at the receipt I saw the double charged makeup brush and forgot I had in fact bought two, so I showed it to the customer service lady and she refunded me for one basically no questions asked. I didn't realize my mistake til way later.
"After two years..."
After two years of fairly frequent flying, I realized that my wallet had a mini swiss knife in the side pocket all along. Somehow, the airport scans never picked it up and i didn't realize I was sneaking a weapon on board several times a year.
"In second grade..."
In second grade I had to get a signature from my mom for something, but she wasn't awake yet so I signed her signature myself. She gave me a lecture on how that was illegal and I was so sure the cops were gonna break into my house that day.
War Face GIF
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Apparently, their sense of humor has no bounds. Curious to hear from drill sergeants online, Redditor darkstalker1000 asked:
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
Longheld Punishment
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
Confusing Paycheck
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
Eye-Level Reprimand
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
The Stain
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
– ScootaFL
Ambush Training
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
The Replacement
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
– Konebred
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.