Redditor treblegetting2reddit has some serious family issues that could really use a good amount of advice because they have no idea idea what to do. They reached out to Reddit My (20f) parents have decided to bring back my mentally ill sister (33f) out of rehab to come stay with them because they're convinced that they can cure heal themselves Here is how the story goes...
My sister has schizophrenia and bipolar. I'm not really sure how because for the majority of her illnesses coming up I was a kid and didn't know what was happening. Since I was 13, I've had to room with her and I've had to deal with her long unending stories (some about her life and later on they became ramblings about things that never happened), her tampering with (and sometimes destroying or throwing away) my things, her claims of how things that belonged to me are actually hers and her little exercise routines that went on from 2 in the afternoon to 12 in the night complete with blaring music all in addition to telling me how to eat and calling me fat and stupid and whatnot. All of this with minimal intervention from my parents. The only times I had any sort of peace was when it got really bad and they'd have to admit her in the hospital a few times.
Everytime they bring her out, it's obvious that my parents feel guilty about putting her in a mental health care facility because it feels like they're abandoning her. But everytime she comes back it's like I have to deal with all her shenanigans and outbursts while they try to "heal" her. This healing ranges from them taking her to doctors, priests, shamans and sometimes messing with the doses of her medicine (lowering them gradually with no improvement at all and with no input from a doctor). It just stresses me out everytime I come back home from school because its horrible having to deal with your older sister basically acting like a child and then trying to exert her power over you because she's older and then having your parents yell and argue with you because you dared to yell at your older sister after she trashed your things. I always have to be understanding and giving and everytime there's a choice between things, I'm always asked to let her choose first.
Lately, she's been in a mental health care facility in another city and my parents visit her now and then (despite her asking them not to because she says it'll make her want to go home). Even though she hated it at first, she got used to it and later started enjoying living there. They gave her work to do to keep her busy and she was getting the help she needed. My dad kept hinting at bringing her back because apparently she was doing so well and obviously she was "healed" (I'm putting this in quotes because there's no way she's getting healed of her schizophrenia, it's impossible). I'd tell him that it was not very likely and she was probably faking being better so that she'd be able to come home and my dad would get irrationally angry and argue with me till I just backed out and said that she's your daughter, your problem not mine.
I'd been having a horrible few months because I have college and I'm stressed with a bunch of work and I come home late because I live out on the outskirts of the city and I travel by bus everyday. I've been exhausted and discouraged because I haven't been able to pursue any of my hobbies. I'm including this to show that I'm basically exhausted all the time and I'm not in the best state of mind as it is.
They went to visit her this weekend and they brought her back. They made some dumb claim about the doctor saying that "she needs to be around normal people so that it'll make her normal" therefore she was free to go. I basically gave up at this point. The first thing she told me the minute she walked into the house was that I've become fatter than I was. I just gave up my room because I knew I'd have argument after arguememt about how she treated my stuff and again when I mention how this isn't going to fix anything, my mom says I have to deal with it because she's family and she deserves to have a life too.
I brought up having to not have my own room anymore and my mom basically said fine she'll sleep with me (my mom) and my dad will sleep on a spare bed in the living room. This makes me feel horrible because I'm giving my parents (both of whom are in their 60s) shit about having to share a room with her and then inconveniencing them more. I know they feel guilty about leaving her in another city and I feel for them but I don't want to have to keep sacrificing my stuff because they have these big delusions that they can fix her. I just want to get out of this situation, I'd like to move out but my daily routine doesn't even leave me time for myself much less being able to find and work at a job without basically dying by the second day. I have no money and I don't know how to deal with this situation. I've been stressed for months on end already about college and this has just made everything much worse than it was. I have no place that I can feel safe and it sucks so hard.
Your immediate response people?
You do you first...
Giphy
Your mental health is important too. You need to make urgent plans to move out.
Their amateur psychiatry is going to end very badly for all of you. They seem unable to accept that she isn't going to get better, all she can hope for is a safe managed environment, like a ward.Well, parents do crazy misguided stuff for love. And like many families, yours revolves round the most damaged person. You are being ignored to save her. This is sadly common (it seems to have evolutionary roots, which I am sure are of no interest to you right now, so I'll STFU on that.) Their view will be that YOU are able to cope for yourself. So there's no point trying to guilt them ("Your stupid and dangerous idea is driving me out"). And don't you feel guilty either: she is their responsibility not yours. Their sleeping on the sofa is a direct consequence of their own bad choices, not yours. Sure, life dealt them a shitty hand by giving them a schizophrenic kid, but they are making bad choices that make it worse for all of you: them, her, you: everyone would be happier if she were in a facility.
Stick with the meds...
I agree with a lot of this post. OP definitely needs to prioritize her personal well-being.
However, I do need to challenge your statement that "she isn't going to get better, all she can hope for is a safe managed environment, like a ward." People with schizophrenia can definitely hope for more than that. They can often live mostly normal lives - if they are diligent in complying with their meds and other treatments. The fact that OP's parents keep trying to take OP's sister off her meds, away from her treatment, and sending her to priests/shamans/etc. Is absolutely inexcusable. So yes, OP's sister is definitely better off in a facility; Not because that's all that people with schizophrenia can hope for, but because it keeps her away from her dangerous parents.
Coping Mechanism
You either move out or dig deep and find a way to cope. Your parents are consumed by their own guilt and destroying the lives of both their adult kids and it's terrible. You don't really have any power here though. I encourage you to look into your own counseling through your university and start doing anything and everything you can to look into moving out as soon as possible.
Run away...
Giphy
Your parents are people that forget the hard-earned lessons they learn each time they bring her home.
You remember. And you are not obligated to stay and watch them make the same mistake over and over. For your own mental health, you need to figure out a way to move. And figure out how to do it in such a way that you never need to return.
Find roommates. Get a loan. Move closer to the school. Reduce your class load. Whatever it takes to make this work. You cannot share a house with someone with a proven history of destroying your stuff. You'll probably be shocked by how much better you'll sleep and how much more energy you'll have once you're out of that house.
You can't clean up your parent's mess...
In the short term absolutely take your parents room while you're finding somewhere else to live. They caused this situation, and you need to protect your mental health. It sucks but maybe if they have to sleep on the sofa they'll be less keen to remove her without an long-term support plan in place.
Work hard... Get out!
Giphy
Oh God, I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is work as hard as you can, get the best grades you can, and MOVE OUT as quickly as you can. That's literally the only thing you can do to make your life better. You can't change your parents, you can't change your sister, your only option is to save yourself.
Life-long engagement
Go to your school's financial aid and residential life offices. Find out what options are available to you financially, and see if they can find you an affordable living space.
I'm so sorry your parents refuse to understand that managing serious mental health issues is a life-long engagement that can require ongoing care. Or if they do get that, then they feel they can do it themselves. They can't and they've obviously done much to damage their relationship with you. And since they are willfully obstinate about this, you are under no obligations to forgive them any time soon.
Time's up!
Giphy
So here is the problem with living with other people, you have to accept how they do things. It's time for you to stop staying with your parents.
Focus inward
Giphy
What about your mental health?? You need to tell your parents how you feel, and if they can't come up with a way to help you feel safe and supported as well, look for roommates and rooms to rent. You're doing so well trying to get through college, but you're going to have to be your own advocate because your prents aren't able to help you both.
Also, your parents doing this yo-yo thing, in/out in/out is NOT helping your sister. It's hurting the whole family
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
Giphy
Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
Giphy
A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
Giphy
A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
Giphy
Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.