Parents Share The Most Ridiculous And Obvious Lies Their Children Ever Told Them
Parents Share The Most Ridiculous And Obvious Lies Their Children Ever Told Them[rebelmouse-image 18353577 is_animated_gif=
_Children are smarter and shiftier than we think they are. They have mouths and minds that can leave you floored. They are in tune but also plotting and they are watching... EVERY. MOVE. WE MAKE. Be careful of what you say and do! For real. _
Redditor **maxxxl **_asked parents of Reddit _Parents of Reddit, what was the best lie that your child has told you, that you knew was a lie, but wanted to see how big of a hole they would put themselves in? **The answers? Insightful to say the least.
I SEE EVERYTHING!!
I opened the kitchen trash can to find a perfectly functional stapler sitting at the top. Turned to my family in surprise and asked who put it there.
5 year old: It wasn't me. Husband: I didn't do it.
So, we all turn to look at my 3 year old daughter, the only remaining suspect.
3 year old: [after long pause] It was you. I saw you.
*69 IS ALWAYS A PLUS.[rebelmouse-image 18353578 is_animated_gif=
We purchased a used Nintendo DS from eBay and it had a bunch of games with it, a number of them were duplicates. A friend of the family has two children and we promised to bring the games for them next time we came over if they behaved well enough by then and their mother approved.
A few weeks had passed and we hadn't managed to head over to their house yet. Right after we finally set up a playdate, my wife received a text message from the mothers phone, asking us to bring the DS games with us. There were some spelling mistakes and inconsistencies with the text and my wife asked who is this.
The response back? Their eight year old had snuck his moms phone to get us to bring the games and didn't think to respond with his mothers name.
I FEEL FAINT.[rebelmouse-image 18353580 is_animated_gif=
When I was little and I wanted to stay home from school I would act sick. Rubbed my forehead before my mom checked it. You know, classic kid. One time, to lay it on extra thick, I added that I have a headache as well. So she, probably not buying it but playing along, offers me a baby aspirin. So, before I take it, totally freaking out about the dangers of medicine due to a crude TV show-derived understanding of overdosing, I ask her, in my most nonchalant way, "Will people who don't have a headache get sick if they take this?"
FIND YOUR SPOTLIGHT DAHLING.[rebelmouse-image 18353581 is_animated_gif=
When I was 4 (1955) I was at a kindergarten concert. We all dressed as little flowers. Looked so cute. I just had to stand about looking cute. Some of the better behaved children got a bigger role and had to say and do things. The teachers put chalk marks on the stage floor so these wonderfully well behaved children knew where to stand.
I was bored out of my mind, although I might have looked cute with my daffodil crepe paper headdress. I wasn't a naturally cute child. So I slowly and casually moved around the stage from chalk mark to chalk mark rubbing them out with the toe of my dap while still looking cute.It was mayhem with kids running around looking for their mark. My mother told me she watched me doing it and knew exactly what I was up to. Said it was one of the best school concerts she'd been to.
When the teacher approached us after the show and asked what I'd been doing my mother said 'she had a really bad itch on her toe and didn't want to take her dap off to scratch it, so tried to rub it on the floor for some relief'. My mother is dead now but she was a real trooper and often came through for me when I messed up. My children and grandchildren are all well behaved, not a spark of rebellion in any of them. Nice people but, a bit boring sometimes.
HIDE YOUR KEYS![rebelmouse-image 18353582 is_animated_gif=
Found a scratch down the side of our (relatively new) van. We had been having vandals in the neighborhood, so we thought someone had keyed it. We then explained what 'getting keyed' was to our 6-year old.
After he said, "or it could have been from a bike handle!"
MMMHMMM....[rebelmouse-image 18978869 is_animated_gif=
Just walking past my four year old son, who was quietly playing by himself.
He looks up at me and smiles, "Nothing's wrong."
OH THE DRAMA.[rebelmouse-image 18978870 is_animated_gif=
He's only two, so he hasn't told any big ones yet. But if I ask him if he did something and he wants to avoid answering, he says "I'm sick" and goes and lays down.
DADDY'S BEEN A BAD BAD BOY.[rebelmouse-image 18978871 is_animated_gif=
3 year old was sat on front of the tv watching cartoons. I went up to put some laundry away and when I came back down he had no pants or trousers on. There was a little puddle of urine on the floor behind him and his underwear and trousers were on the floor on front of the washing machine.
I asked him who had urinated on the floor. He replied 'it was daddy'.
When I said that daddy was at work, he told me that daddy had 'came home, wee'd on the floor and then left again'.
'In the few minutes that I've been upstairs?'
*shaking his head and rolling his eyes in disapproval.
THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS BEST.[rebelmouse-image 18978872 is_animated_gif=
Not my kid, but my little sister. When she was in maybe first grade our mom got a call from the school requesting a meeting. She shows up and the teacher says "I just wanted you to see this in person". And with a look of disgust slaps down a piece of paper in front of her. In my sister's first grade hand writing was a note that read: please excuse sister von Manfred from doing her homework. I was too stupid to help her. Signed, mom.
THERE'S A STRANGER IN MY HOUSE.[rebelmouse-image 18347764 is_animated_gif=
Me: your room is a mess! You are gonna have to clean it tomorrow.
_4yr old: yeah, I don't know what happened. _
Me: I know what happened, you didn't put your toys back and messed up your room.
4yr old (completely deadpan): there was a stranger in your house.
WHEN YOU GOTTA EAT, YOU GOTTA EAT.[rebelmouse-image 18978873 is_animated_gif=
When my son was about 4, I spent a few weeks with him and his sister at a summer camp. We lived on the first floor of a dorm while we were there. in his little mind, everyone else who lived there had better food than I was serving - to be fair, it's hard to cook a good dinner for 3 in a dorm room. Anyway, I fed the kids and was preparing to leave for the evening, and lo and behold, my son was gone. I went up and down all the halls, asking everyone where he was. I finally found him on the fourth floor, happily eating dinner with another family. They said he told them I had already left, and did not give him dinner before I "left". He had evidently gone from room to room, checking out what everyone was having, and then lying his way into the best of the lot.
YOUR TEETH ARE NOT A WEAPON.[rebelmouse-image 18978874 is_animated_gif=
I was making dinner and my 3 year old let out a blood curdling scream, so I ran to the den where him and my 5 year old daughter were playing. He's holding his leg so I pry his little fingers off and there's a fresh set of teeth marks. I look at my daughter and ask what happened. Straight face, calm voice "I was just laying here and bubba's leg FELL into my open mouth, then he started crying". I act shocked and tell her she must have "rock teeth" and we better get her to the dentist right after dinner. Her eyes got huge, then I got the boy an ice pack and went on making dinner. We finish eating I tell her to grab her shoes and I get my keys. It was about 2 seconds after I started the car when I got the truth, he wouldn't give her the remote and started to run away she tripped him and bit his leg. She got grounded from tv for a weekend.
BEEEPPPPP......[rebelmouse-image 18978876 is_animated_gif=
When I was 7.... back when answering machines existed....
My mom called and i didn't feel like talking so I picked up the phone and said "hello, please leave your message at the beep. BEEP!"
I was totally convinced this would fool her.
HELLO. IT'S ME....[rebelmouse-image 18978877 is_animated_gif=
_It wasn't my child but, when my brother was about 6 he answered the home phone (Back when there were still cords and before cell phones). My aunt was there inner calling and asked him, "Can I speak to your dad?" He smirked and deepened his voice to say, "This is my dad." He thought he was being so sly. It's still a family home thing today, and he's 30 now. _
SANTA DID IT.[rebelmouse-image 18978878 is_animated_gif=
I just told my husband the thread I was reading and his story is when he was a young kid on Christmas night he would take all the presents "Santa" brought him and put them in bed with him. When his parents got up and asked him about it he would reply "Santa put them there". They couldn't fess up without admitting Santa wasn't real to him and his two sisters.
HURRY UP! TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE![rebelmouse-image 18978880 is_animated_gif=
I have two kids and neither of them have gotten themselves so cold busted as I did when I was seven: my mom would always be yelling at me for dilly dallying and coming close to missing my bus, which picked me up right out at the end of my driveway. Well, one day my mom was doing her normal yelling and trying to get me to hurry. I finally went outside and the bus never came so I figured I missed it and my mom would be super mad. So I told her I saw it at the end of the driveway and ran towards it screaming for it to wait but it just drove off. So my mom was really mad and drove me to school, only to realize when we got there that it was a school holiday!
CHEETAH DNA?! WINNING!![rebelmouse-image 18978643 is_animated_gif=
My 4 year old told me "Daddy let me explain it to you. I have Cheetah in my DNA" when I asked why she was purring. She ran with the lie for weeks until we told her Cheetahs can't eat ice cream or chocolate, she confessed to lying and how she would never lie again because it's too stressful.
TIL: there are people who identify as Cheetah.
NO RUNNING WITH SCISSORS.[rebelmouse-image 18978881 is_animated_gif=
When my son was 6 he came home from school with a tear in his new pants. I asked him what happened and he said he fell in the playground and ripped them. I said, oh no how is your knee? He said, it was sore but the bruise went away. He was actually limping a little too. So I responded, gee it looks to me like your pants were cut with a pair scissors. He looked at me completely confused and said, how did YOU know?
Wild guess, not to mention it was a nice clean slice. Tried really hard not to laugh.
IT WASN'T ME![rebelmouse-image 18978883 is_animated_gif=
We were toilet training and my 3 year old boy had accidentally wet the bed. He was clearly upset about it so I decided to give him an out.
Me: Oh no! Did I do wee in the bed?!
He jumped at the chance to blame me.
Kid: Yeah, it was you. You did wee in my pants.. :/
ALWAYS GO WITH TRUTH.[rebelmouse-image 18978885 is_animated_gif=
My son was about seven. After finally getting his attention I asked "Didn't you hear me calling you?"
He said "Not the first two times."
Who doesn't enjoy a compliment every now and then?
But have you ever thought you were complimented only to realize you've just been insulted?
For some people those backhanded compliments are unintentional, for some they're very much deliberate and for some people it's actually their love language.
Whatever the purpose, some of these veiled insults are downright clever.
Redditor Ad3quat3 asked:
"What’s an insult that sounds like a compliment?"
"My uncle once said to me 'Nice tattoo, did you do it yourself?'."
"It's on my back."
What do I usually look like?
"You clean up well."
"Wasn't sure if compliment or insult or even how to respond."
Pandemic or party?
"You really look great with this mask!"
Lord, it's hard to be humble.
"You are very modest and have much to be modest about."
"You look well... Fed."
"Did you REALLY do that?"
Stay home next time.
"Thanks for coming!"
"You know, you really didn’t have to.”
"No one could possibly think more highly of you than I do."
"I love how you just don't care how you look."
"I could never do that I'd feel too awkward."
Depends on the person, right?
"I hope your day is as good as you look!"
"I hope you get what you deserve."
"May your day be as sweet as you are."
While some may consider it passive-aggressive, others just find these insults funny and clever.
So what's your favorite complimentary insult?
A good story—whether it's a book, movie, manga or TV show—can really draw us in.
We can get invested in the story to the point we begin to have real feelings about the characters.
That's why having a favorite character die can cause real grief.
Redditor Iridescent126 asked:
"What was the saddest fictional character death for you?"
"Spock, in Wrath of Khan."
"'I have been, and always shall be, your friend'.”
"'Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human'."
Stoick the Vast
"Stoick the Vast How to train your dragon"
"Dude literally just reunited with his wife after over 15 years of being gone and spends a total of about 15 minutes with her. Cause of death: basically took a bullet in the chest to protect his son."
"I saw it in theatres and a bunch of kids started to cry. Not like sniffing but out loud wailing. It added to the atmosphere."
"I cried, 20-something y.o. dude just ugly crying"
The Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant will ALWAYS have me ugly crying when he goes up to stop the missle"
Where The Red Fern Grows
"The dogs in 'Where the Red Fern Grows'."
"Came here to say this. This book destroyed me in grade five but also really demonstrated grief in such a profound way."
"Bubba in Forrest Gump. That whole scene had me wrecked."
"From Bubba's weak, 'I wanna go home,' to Forrest's narration saying he died by that river in Vietnam while showing him holding Bubba....."
"God damn, I'm crying just thinking about it."
Saving Private Ryan
"Saving Private Ryan has two of the saddest, most brutally gut wrenching deaths I’ve ever seen on screen in Wade and Mellish."
"Wade trying to talk the guys through his injury that goes from panic and terror to acceptance of his own death as he cries out for his mother and says 'I want to go home'? Jesus Christ."
"Mellish is brutal for all the more uncomfortable and raw reasons you’d imagine. War is horrific. Young men are sent off to die, and their lives are cut short for no reason."
"It’s tragic and heartbreaking, and this is one of the only movies to really nail that feeling"
Ellie From Up
"Ellie from 'UP' gets me everytime"
"Sometimes I wonder how movies ever took off when the first ones were short with no sound."
"Then I remember the time a 10 minute animation with no dialogue absolutely wrecked me. It's a god-damned masterpiece and I hate it."
M*A*S*H Had A Few
"Henry Blake. MAS*H. The scene in the operating room. The actors weren’t told about it, just called back for one last scene shoot and Radar walks in and tells them. The silence is amplified by the sounds of instruments still working. Haunting"
"Piggy backing off this, the guy they tried to keep alive so his kids wouldn't remember Christmas as the day their dad died. That one gets me just thinking about it."
"I just saw that one like a month ago! That was totally heartbreaking. Hawkeye spins the clock forward to twelve o five December twenty sixth and they all conspire to forge his death certificate"
"'He can’t see without his glasses'"
"What made this especially shocking/sad is that the entire movie was a huge bait-and-switch, but in a really effective way."
"At the time, 11-year old me thought -- based on the trailers and the marketing -- that I was about to watch a lighthearted coming-of-age movie."
"And while it does have some of that, boy did it have a macabre edge to it."
"Littlefoot’s mother’s death"
"My son fell in love with this movie when he was 3 or 4, and every time that part would come on I would have to leave the room because no matter what age I am, I will always get emotional. Something about the music and the overall vibe that really just punches me in the gut."
"The music plus the quote 'Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely'. It's so beautiful and tragic."
The sign of a great story is how it can touch our hearts and sometimes break it.
So what was the saddest character death for you?
There is always a way to make money.
We can start to collect coin as early Pre-K.
We just have to be creative.
And who is more creative than a person who thinks they have nothing to lose?
Every school has a black market system.
Things are being sold and traded for that would shock us all.
Redditor AWESOMEKITTY7364 wanted to discuss the school system's biggest entrepeneurs, so they asked:
"What 'black market' did kids at your school run?"
I know a friend who sold pickles laced with vodka in high school.
She made a killing.
MixturesMix Lab GIF by BrownSugarAppGiphy
"Used to crush up warheads and mix them with sugar. Sold them by the straw with the ends melted. .50 a piece."
'you got the goods?'
"I used to deal in whiteboard markers for teachers in high school. One teacher had a tendency to hoard them, leaving none for other teachers. I would take markers from him and provide them to other teachers in need."
"While there was no formal payment, I was given a little bit more leniency at times (e. g. Requests to leave the classroom for a moment etc)."
"Once the marker would start squealing on the whiteboard because it was almost empty, I'd get teachers giving me a nod as if to say 'you got the goods?' I'd then supply them with the marker color of their choosing (usually black)."
"It was actually a lot of fun, and I never heard teachers talk about my systems or chastise me for taking markers."
An Unfair Edge
"I was in elementary school when pogs were big. Everyone had cool slammers and stuff but I didn't have money for good ones. My dad made one out of 1/2' mild steel for me and used an engraving pen to make a simple pattern. Everyone was asking me where I got them from."
"I didn't wanna lose my unfair edge but i also knew i could make money. My dad had a big sheet of this 1/2' steel. I told them I was the only one who could get them. I sold them for 15 bucks a pop. My dad kept 10 I got 5. And thats when I learned what overhead was."
"I went to a private high school with a strict dress code, ties, belt, etc. So I bought a bunch of ties and belts from a thrift store and ran a lucrative rental business out of my locker."
"If you forgot your gym uniform more than once, you would get fined $5 to rent a uniform from the teacher or serve a detention. I would buy an extra set in the beginning of the school year of each size, and then rent them out/wash them myself undercutting the teachers 'fine' at a cost of $3. Very lucrative over my middle and high school years."
Got Pepsi?Fail Diet Coke GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"I used to sell coke (the drink) because they didn't allow fizzy drinks to be brought in."
Everyone loves a good fizz...
Copy-SellKing Yes GIFGiphy
"The only guy in the school who's family had proper TV channels used to tape wrestling events and rent them out."
"I have family in NY and would go visit a couple times a year back in high school. Every once in a while we'd visit Chinatown in NYC and I'd end up buying $100s worth of fake watches (Rolex, Tag, Gucci, etc) return to school and sell them for double than what I paid for them."
"A lot of people still do this. They fly off to China, buy cheap knock-offs and sell them for a huge mark-up wherever they’re from. It’s big business here in the Philippines."
"My school used the metallic ends of pencils as a currency. Bronze was rarest, so it was the most expensive. Green was most common, so it was the least. We traded for erasers or pencil cases or a spot up in the four square line. Eventually got banned but we still operated with people acting as banks to keep the currency hidden and to keep transactions hidden."
"Pokemon cards we would hide under playground equipment and trade them because the teachers would take them if they saw them. So we always set up 'deals' in class and created a whole Pokemon card trading network."
"We did something similar in my school. We also bet cards on matches. That got shut down pretty quick. We didn't see anything wrong with it at the time. Ahhh, those were the days."
Bag FullBlack Friday Christmas GIF by TargetGiphy
"At my school they too all sweets out of the vending machines and replaced them with healthy snacks."
"In the local town there was a sweet shop where you could buy a kilo of mixed sweets for £5, so every week I would go there and buy £1 of small paper bags and spend the Sunday night before school repackaging them all ready for the week ahead."
"Come Monday I would go into school and load my bag up every day selling the bags for 50p."
Kids are shady, yet diligent.
What kind of sneaky operations did your school have? Let us know in the comment below.
Love itself and the search for it can be a total mess.
But no matter how much we thirst for it, we have to be diligent and look out for warning signs that a potential partner isn't a good fit.
Red flags and warning signs are always jumping out in front of us.
Follow your instincts and trust your guy.
If you think there's something off, they probably could be!
Redditor Artistic_Pop_3323 asked:
"On the first date, what were some immediate red flags that made you not go on a second date?"
On a first date years ago the man I met was easily twenty years older.
Found out he used his son's photo. Whacko.
"Dude spent the whole date talking about how he used to sell drugs."
"I had a first date like this, too! Guy admitted when we first met years before, he was selling drugs and was also still in a relationship with a girl while trying to go out with me."
"On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the University in the town we lived in. I knew immediately there was no med school, but thought perhaps he was taken his pre-med classes or something, so went on a second date. He had spent an hour telling me how when he got done with his military service he had worked as a military contractor doing 'spy' work in Iraq and 'if I only knew the things he’d done!'"
"We stopped by his apartment to pick something up and while there I noticed all his mail was in a different name than he had given me. I 'magically' got a text from my work, told him I had an emergency and had to go immediately into work and handle it."
"After I told him there wouldn’t be a 3rd date, he got spooky angry and I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment, late at night, several times. I eventually had to get a restraining order - in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!"
worst date ever...
"She was still married and said she just wanted to know if she’d 'be able to still get dates if they split up'… worst date ever."
"Was hit on by a married woman, not my wife though. We talked for about an hour because I wanted to see what her game was. After telling her that I was married, she got really angry at me. I thought, WTF? Is there some kind of weird double standard going on here? She got really pissed off when I asked her why it was OK that she was married but not OK if I am married."
Need to make an order...
"Few years ago met up with a guy at a bar and like the entire time he would not stop talking about how he couldn’t wait to go to Russia and get a mail-order-bride."
"Maybe he was trying to make you jealous. Like, 'Oh no, I might lose out on this prime life partner opportunity, better make my move posthaste!'"
Twitchereye twitch GIFGiphy
"He was about 10 years older than his pictures, he didn't stop twitching the entire time, and he kept pressuring me to go back to his place. I noped the f**k outta there."
Umm... maybe get through the first course before offering your place?
By the KnifeMad Addams Family GIFGiphy
"She pulled out a switchblade mid conversation to slice up a passing ant."
For My Own Good
"I was planning a first date with this guy years ago and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but I've done it once a few years prior and I was legitimately terrible at it. The group I was with at the time made it fun regardless of me being totally uncoordinated."
"He offered to teach me, but I said another time- I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl, minus the lessons and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down. The night came and the lessons started almost immediately."
"How to stand, where to stand, everything I'm doing wrong, I'm not taking it seriously, he's trying to teach me 'For my own good.' He became mean. Not one smile except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun/chill night I said I was looking for and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night."
"He tried to change my order with the waitress because I didn’t order what he’d recommended."
"Oh my God, I came here to say this exact same thing! He suggested something, but I wasn't feeling it. I ordered, and he grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and said 'No, she'll have [xyz] instead, thanks.' And let her go, and that was that. It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be pissed. Walked right out of the restaurant."
"I once went on a first date with a guy who was clearly not over his ex. He spent the entire time talking about her, comparing me to her, and even showing me pictures of them together. It was a huge red flag for me and made it clear that he wasn't ready for a new relationship. Needless to say, I didn't go on a second date with him."
Slugwrestlemania 22 eating worms GIF by WWEGiphy
"He told me he had worms. Not in a casting, fishing, or terrarium kind of way. Full on internal parasites."
"Hahaha, I once had a date graphically describe the time he had to remove a tapeworm from his own butt.. while I was trying to eat spaghetti at an expensive Italian restaurant."
Oof... this is why I'll never date again. #Singleforlife
Do you have any other singles stories? Let us know in the comments below.