There's just no rhyme and reason to a toddler's moods sometimes. They're tempestuous creatures: Be kinder to them: They don't know what the hell's going on most of the time.
The meltdowns, as you can imagine, can run the gamut from annoying to downright hilarious, as Redditor mirarom discovered when they asked parents, "Redditors with toddlers, what's the most recent illogical breakdown they've had?" These parents thankfully still have their senses of humor intact.
"Nothing worked."
I'm a nanny, we are driving home from preschool. Enter his neighborhood
Him "YOU SAID WE WERE GOING HOME.."
me "we are"
Him "NO THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE
Me "I know but we are driving there"
Him "THIS ISNT THE WAY TO MY HOUSE" *pulls up to house"
me "see child we are here"
Him "THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE" He Repeats screaming and crying for about 15 minutes as I try to prove it's his house via his animals and room and toys. Nothing worked. I actually became paranoid that this was not his house and I was in some strangers house with the same pets. The child got to my head.
"...so he was stuck inside."
Because the imaginary door on his imaginary fire truck wouldn't open, so he was stuck inside.
"I asked my dad what initially set him off though."
My son was basically upset I missed the tantrum he had started to throw for grandpa... He was doing his face in the carpet, kicking feet, over the top fake crying when I guess he realized he was missing something.
So he came upstairs, grabbed my hand, huffed and puffed angrily while walking me directly next to Grandpa, totally positioned me for the show, and got right back into meltdown mode. Looking up every so often to make sure we were still watching it.
I asked my dad what initially set him off though. He said he shut off his own show and didn't know what else to do.
"The enraged, sobbing wail from back seat of my car..."
The enraged, sobbing wail from the back seat of my car "He's looking out my window"
My youngest was mad because his brother was looking out of "his" window instead of the other one.
"He already finished eating it."
My girlfriend-at-the-time texted me when she was looking after her 3 year old brother.
"Josh is crying because he doesn't want an icecream.
He already finished eating it. This was 15 minutes ago."
"My mom would then ask..."
Giphy
My mom used to offer food to my brother. He'd clearly say no. My mom would then ask,
"Are you sure you don't want this? Because I'm going to eat if you don't want it. This piece of food, right here."
"No..."
Eats it
45 minute tantrum with hyperventilating crying
"It was just a glance..."
8 year old sister was looking at her. It was just a glance, but my 3 year old went into a f---ing rage.
"My little kraken just slept..."
My little kraken just slept... after a raging tantrum because i did not let him chew on the connected cables.
I'm just trying to keep you alive buddy, I swear.
"Breakdown."
They wanted another chicken nugget, so I gave them another chicken nugget.
Breakdown.
"Buddy, it's not our car!"
I wouldn't let him get in the car parked next to us. Buddy, its not out car!
"Thankfully she's a young toddler..."
I wouldn't let her put crayons in my ear.
Full-on dropping to the ground, wailing and sobbing like I'd killed our cat in front of her. I would tell her we don't put stuff in our ears, which would make her sob louder.
Thankfully she's a young toddler and easily distracted, so it only lasted a few minutes.
"She yells at people..."
Elevators... My kid thinks people get on them to die! I have shown her that it's okay, even ridden one up and down with her (while she screamed the entire time). I just don't get it. She yells at people not to get on the elevator! Screeches and is terrified if someone she loves gets on one...
"...and passed out."
2 AM, 2 year old wakes up due to bad dream. Asks his mother to put the "blanket up" I.e. cover him with the blanket. She proceeds to do so and he yells "NOT LIKE THIS, LIKE THIS!" and holds the blanket six inches above his body.
So my wife takes the blanket and holds it above him, then let's go and it falls. He gets mad. "LIKE THISSSSSS!"
He expected my wife to be able to make the blanket float six inches above him for the entire night.
30 minutes of crying later he conceded that he had lost his fight against gravity and passed out.
"Spoiler alert."
My daughter dropped a pretzel and the dog ate it. She started bawling and threw her entire cup of pretzels on the floor. Spoiler alert: the dog at those too.
"Sydney!"
Me: Sydney, Mommy came in your room and gave you a kiss while you were sleeping last night. I missed you because I wasn't home when Daddy put you to bed.
Sydney, 3 yrs old: immediately begins hysterically crying and yelling, YOU DIDN'T COME IN MY ROOM BECAUSE I WASN'T SLEEPING!!
Me: Okay, Syd, you're right, I didn't come in your room, I only went into Avery's room.
Sydney: still crying 20 minutes later, I WASN'T SLEEPING!
"Guess who got a new cookie."
Yesterday my son cried because he didn't want to finish his chewed up cookie. He basically put it in his mouth, sucked on it, and then spit it into my hand. And then he decided he wanted a new cookie. I told him he can't have a new cookie because I knew he was going to keep doing it. Plus the cookie he spit into my hand was fine lol. Cue mental breakdown. He's 1 1/2. Guess who got a new cookie.
"Suddenly my toddler noticed..."
My husband wanted a hug from me so I was about to go give him one. Suddenly my toddler noticed and screamed "NOOOOOO only I can give daddy love!" and proceeded to have a meltdown while pushing me away and hugging him. She instantly calmed down, glared at me, and said "you're not allowed to hug daddy, daddy's love is mine."
Key word: "Tried."
My daughter tried to wipe off my tattoo and went into full tantrum mode when it wouldn't come off.
Reddit user RasheenHyuga asked:
"What’s something that’s better when it’s smaller?"
We expected—and skipped over—the talk about butt stuff. Nobody is here to shame the size queens.
We did not, unfortunately, expect nor skip over the stuff about spiders.
We had to read it, so now you do too.
Differing Dad Approaches
"Pills/capsules shaped medicines."
"I have this difficulties swallowing hard capsules/tablets, if I'm aware."
"My dad used to hide them into fruits so I was not too anxious about it and not too bitter if I had to chew them."
-laffinator
"As a child, my father said that I’d need to learn how to dry-swallow pills in case there’s a world war & clean water is rationed."
- jesusbabygirl·
GiphyTiny Pets
"Kittens and puppies. They’re so cute when they’re tiny and I just wanna pick them up and hug them all!"
-bobcatnat123
"Kittens, because when they grow up, they become bitches."
- MrFroggys
"I'm gonna get hate but dogs."
"I really like little dogs because they're like little wolves...but not! They're pocket companions and, if trained properly, can be well behaved and loving!"
"Yeah, having a large dog that can do stuff is awesome - but having a mini wolf you can shove in your back pack and take wherever is even cooler in my opinion. You'll never be alone because they're portable!"
"On a subway? Pocket dog."
"In a store? Pocket dog."
"Riding a bike? Pocket dog."
- CosmosFactor
GiphyUno!
"The amount of Uno cards you're holding"
-saikopasu_neko28
"I wouldn't mind a few more if they are all wild cards"
--nogoodusernames0_0
"Especially if it’s a plus 4 or plus 2!"
- Thecrazytrainexpress
"The amount of Uno cards you're holding - while also remembering to say Uno on the last card. Learn from my mistakes..."
- poopellar
GiphyBills, Bills, Bills
"Bills."
-Resistycometostrike
"A duck would disagree with you."
-smnow
"Hospital bills in the USA is the obvious answer."
- No_Comedian_9677
"With the hospital bills in the US right now, I totally agree."
"I got some old painkillers, tweezers, hydrogen peroxide, liquor, gauze & duct tape. I'll be fine."
- bleezzzy
GiphyThe Small C
"Cancer."
"It's never good, but it's better if it's smaller. I had a low grade Glioma (pre-cancer, caught it early) scraped/removed out of my skull, hell ya!"
"Statistically 60% of people don’t know they have one until they have the first seizure. That's what happened to me but I had other symptoms like light sensitivity, vision rainbows, exhaustion, insomnia, etc."
"I work on a computer everyday and I happen to have light sensitive eyes. One day I had a seizure."
"Lots of tests, MRIS, cat scans, pet scan, brain scans. They found a mass of brain that was explained as a “black mold” of brain matter."
"Surgeon suggested removing it sooner rather than watching it slowly grow over time."
- TastelessDonut
"My cancer was caught on a mammogram when it was too small for even my doctors to feel, and it was right under my skin."
- notthesedays
GiphyNo Good Stones
"Kidney stones."
"I've never had one, just figured bigger object through peepee = more pain."
-Manekosan
"Fun fact I learned from experience: smaller kidney stones are way easier to pass, but the pain of them getting to that point can be far more severe because they're more likely to be jagged in structure."
"Suffice to say I agree with this one, but only just barely cause nonexistent is the best size for a kidney stone. That sh*t hurts. lmao"
-eltanin_rastaban
"Aaahh, human pearls."
- KrAzY_TsEnG
GiphySpeaking Truths Over Here
"Potato wedges are crispier and have an overall better taste when they're smaller."
-CLTalbot
"First answer I have read that isn't just making a bad thing smaller but rather is increasing how good something is"
-MrGoogabonomon
"Yes. See? A real answer. Something I can apply to my life. Unlike philosophical moral truths and magic shrinking debt."
- CombustibleA1
GiphyLiteral Small Packages
"I'm a postal worker - packages. If it fits in your box, fuck yeah. Time saved."
-BeechCow
"I replaced my street side mailbox a few years ago. No real need to but I put in a much larger box."
"My postman stopped one day and thanked me for doing it."
-richg0404
"F*ck yeah, I love it when my postal worker fits their package in my box."
- Kerrigore
"That reminds me of a jazz song called 'I'm Your Mailman' "
"It's about postal workers and yes, there's LOTS of innuendo."
- BeechCow
GiphyYummy
"M&Ms"
"Mini m&ms are so much better in my opinion."
-ArkhamBookworm
"Damn I used to live mini M&Ms but they stopped selling them in my country."
"The tube they used to come in now comes with the regular size m&ms, which makes no sense cause you barely get any. What the hell is up with that?"
- crnhs
GiphyNo Anus
"Spiders and all arthropods"
-Background_Egg1364
"Are you sure? Demodex is a genus of tiny mites that live in or near hair follicles of mammals."
"Around 65 species of Demodex are known. Two species live on humans: Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis, both frequently referred to as eyelash mites, alternatively face mites or skin mites."
"They have no anus so they just live in your eyelash follicles until their own sh*t makes their exoskeleton burst and they die."
"You probably have some living on you right now, they're just too small for you to see."
-doublestitch
GiphyOK, you know ... we were all good until the poopsploding mites that live on your eyelids.
Somebody always has to make it weird on Reddit.
I'm starting to wonder if it's a secret by-law or something.
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"What is something you cannot find hot or attractive no matter how hard you try?"
People discuss the looks and behavior that are off-putting to them.
Know-It-All
"Everyone's typing sexual shiz, but here's mine: Ego. When someone thinks they're just a top of the line kinda person and know everything about anything? No, just no."
"Had a guy I had just started dating awhile back ask me about my job at the time. I was telling him about it, but he would interrupt me to try and CORRECT me on things he clearly had no idea about (and was also wrong about every time he opened his mouth lol)."
– NuckingFutsWinx
Puckering Up
"When girls put lipstick above their lip line to make their lips look bigger."
– JackEyedPees
"I don't respect people that can't color within the lines, didn't in first grade and don't now."
– Zerole00
Lip Augmentation
"Those huge pumped up lips on a woman."
"Gross."
– fishnwirenreese
And To Top It Off
"The female equivalent of a toupee."
– jfq722
Negative Behavior
"Bad attitudes."
– ForExpToronto
"I feel like that's the kind of thing that's alluring because it conveys confidence until you actually get involved with someone like that and realize they're just an a**hole."
– Turkey__Puncher
There's a certain way adult couples speak to each other that others find annoying and more fitting for a nursery room.
How Infantile
"Baby talk."
– Dendad6972
"If you think it’s bad coming from a girl try hearing it from a guy. !!"
– Watermelonito
Missmatch
"Girls doing baby voices, I was once fooling around with this very cute girl and she used a baby voice sounding like tweety bird and sh*t and I couldn’t recover, I had to cut her free, hope she found the right guy who’s into that."
– santichrist
"That" Couple
"My ex would often talk in this very childish way of speaking, like trying to be funny and cute, and honestly I thought it was, until one day we were hanging out with her ex and her ex started talking like that and I was like….ohhhhhhh….I see."
– Vila_VividEdge
When it comes to the bedroom, these activities were ones Redditors could do without.
Getting Anal
"Scat."
"Truth be told, I had an ex who loves being f'ked in the a**. But it wasn't till the 20th ish time I realized she only wanted it up the poop shoot If she had diarrhea. And unfortunately it ended up all over me. Then she'd lick it off. Every single time I went immediately limp and couldn't finish. I tried, but, no.""I tried because she was into it."– oO_SbowWulf_Oo"Beep bobbly dee doot dah dah bup ba boodle doodle hee bat NOPE!"
– Alewort
It's A Fecal Thing
"Scat play. I'm not here to kink shame, but... Miss me with that sh*t."
– TheCantrip
Leave It For The Gastroenterologist
"Unsolicited internal organs shots."
– yeet_onfleek
Here's A Pisser
"Golden showers."
"She asked, I obliged, we broke up within a month."
– MelantorBoost
We all have our preferences that draw us towards certain people.
What others find repulsive, others find totally sexy. That's the beauty of dating, though, isn't it?
There's someone for everyone.
For those of you who are single and still looking, don't lose hope.
Your unicorn is out there.
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