Disciplining your kids is a necessary evil. It helps them to understand there are consequences for their mischief so they will behave better in the future.
But punishing your misbehaving children isn't always easy.
Sometimes, the hilarious things they say in response to you punishing them can throw you off your game and make you laugh.
There goes your credibility, mom or dad.
Ever hear your 4-year-old drop the F-bomb? Or hear them appropriately quoting from a TV show when you're trying to teach a valuable lesson?
Curious to hear from parents about when they struggled to keep it together, Redditor julita414 asked:
"Parents of Reddit, what was the first time you had to force yourself not to laugh while disciplining your children?"
"Me: What were you thinking?"
"4 year old son: That I wouldn't get caught."
"My husband yelled up from downstairs: 'Why is there a bunch of water in the trashcan?'"
"My four year old proudly announced: 'Because I peed in it!'"
"Charging into their bedroom when they're supposed to be sleeping and watching them scatter like cockroaches back to their beds....I die laughing inside EVERY time."
"This is my move too. Sometimes I sit and wait for them to notice me. The surprise/ fear to panic to guilt transition in there face is almost slow motion. Then without saying a word I leave the room knowing they are going to sleep and I have once again confirmed that I am a Ninja."
"I'm a parent, but this wasn't with my son, it was my younger brother when we were 10 and 11. We had two older sisters who were drama queens and would always threaten to run away when they got in trouble. So this one day my brother and I got into trouble and as our Dad started scolding us my brother looked straight at him and in all seriousness said, 'I won't run away. I'm going to stay here forever and never leave. You'll never get rid of me.' Our Dad turned around, walked out of the room and started laughing. He was laughing so much he couldn't even explain to our Mom what was so funny. We only got grounded for the day. Thanks little bro!"
Vilifying Big Sis
"My sister used to start fights with me in public so I would act silly making everyone in eyesight think she was the absolute devil. One time I did it and said 'dont hit me again sister' in the most offensively retarded voice like Arnie from Gilbert grape and security stepped in. I kept up the act and they paged my parents to the store office. Basically said 'your daughter was attacking your son and it was really disturbing' My dad had to scold me in the parking lot through tears of laughter hardly able to keep his balance while my sister was basically traumatized."
"My then 5-year-old son and I were watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. During the part of the movie where the machine creates a spaghetti tornado hurling giant meatballs, my son's facial expression completely changed as he watched his favorite food being thrown about. He turns to me, dead serious, and says 'oh my f'king goodness". I died."
"I'm a preschool teacher, and part of my job is potty training. In our bathroom the trash can is across from the toilet, about four feet away."
"A little boy, just turned 3, sits down to go and forgets to point his penis down. He starts peeing and it's a direct arch straight into the trash can."
"Little dude goes: 'What the f'k?'"
"I had to step out of the room to recover from cry laughing."
Not A 'Shell Fish'
"I was telling my daughter who was 5 at the time she was being selfish for not sharing she burst out crying and said I am not a shell fish! Couldn't stop laughing but she kept crying saying but I'm not a shell fish"
"My wife and I and our 2-year-old son just got home from a long day of traveling, and he needs a diaper change. My wife is exhausted and not in the best mood. The TV is on playing the show Law and Order, on a cable network that had the tagline at the time of 'We know drama.' (So for instance, when the commercials would segue back to the show, they would first say 'the drama continues...')"
"So he's a happy little kid, getting his diaper changed, enjoying the attention, and got playful and silly and was kicking around and generally not cooperating with my wife. She lost her temper and snarled something like 'I swear if you don't stop squirming around so help me...'"
"There was a pause. Then he said:"
"'The drama continues...'"
"Not a parent but a career nanny. I had a kid come up and ask if he could have a snack. I said not right now, youre supposed to be in bed. Not 5 minutes later I see him Kronk-style tip toeing across the kitchen with a conspicuous bulge in his pajamas. He sees me watching him and startles, causing a blueberry muffin to fall out of the ankle of one pant leg. I was already close to laughing but I about died when he said 'Cant I at least have it since it already touched my junk?'"
My sister used to be a speech therapist in elementary schools. One of her students got mad at her for something. That day, she was helping get the kids on the school busses to go home. AngryBoy gets on the bus, made eye contact with her through the window, flipped her off and mouthed "F**k you!" at her. Cursing in public was one of the things they were working on, believe it or not. She told me the story and we had a good laugh."
"The second day at a new school, my 6th grade daughter dropped another girl who had slapped her at lunch. It was witnessed by school admin but the kid on the ground tried to say that she didn't slap my daughter first. She said 'if I hit her then why am I the one crying?' to which my daughter responded 'because I'm not a p*ssy!"
"This was relayed to me by my daughter while she was on speaker phone in the assistant principal's office. She did not edit her language."
Not Ready For Bed
"When my nephews were like 3 or 4, I was staying with my bro. Kids had been put to bed, but were being reluctant about it, and goofing off instead. My SIL finally gets them both into their beds, and their sister is asleep."
"We're all on the couch watching TV for about 5 minutes before they both come flying into the room, and one of them sticks his pointer fingers in the air, and states 'no. Not going to bed. No way, no how!' And they both proceed to run back down the hallway howling with laughter."
"My brother and I were too far gone laughing ourselves to be of any use, so my SIL follows them, but comes back to report that they were both in bed passed out already. Must have been their last little burst of energy and the laughing wore them out. We all laughed for a good 5 minutes."
"This was over 15 years ago, but I still laugh every time I remember his stubborn little face while he was yelling at us."
Word Of The Day
"When I challenged my 5 year old after hitting me, he looked me square in the eyes and said 'mosquito'."
"This JUST happened tonight."
"We're trying to expand our 4 y.o grandson's diet."
"So I told him we made 'Frog Soup'. (Pea soup)"
"He said 'No it's not coz frogs wouldn't make soup outta their friends'!"
Toddlers are a test of the human experience.
No matter how much you have it together, a toddler has the ability to throw you for a loop every which way. Things you didn't think you'd have to explain become fodder for explanation; phrases you never imagined would come out of your mouth simply have to-for the sake of your toddler.
Here were some of those answers.
We have an almost daily conversation about how its not nice to color the cat.
I'm not saying kids should be intentionally hurt to teach them things, but if a toddler won't listen to their parents about pulling the cat's tail and being gentle then the cat will be more than willing to make the argument.
It Can't Actually Do That
So we were counting down the time on the microwave until her chicken nuggets were done. 3...2...1...END. Not zero. The worst tantrum today was that she wanted to count down to 0 on the microwave, but there is no 0 just END. "No I can't make the microwave be 0 sweetie."
I work at a doctor's office and sometimes take triage calls in the evening and weekend. One time while on the phone with a patient, my son ran over and said loudly, "I NEED YOU TO PROVE TO ME THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A PENIS."
Blame It On The Booty
"We don't touch people like that" after my then 2 yr old daughter reached out and caressed the butt of a woman in a tightly packed elevator. I still remember the look on the woman's face as she spun around and looked at me, and then looked down to see a smiling 2 yr old in her stroller with hand still outstretched.
Not So Loud!
My daughter in the bathroom at Target, "Dad! I'm shaking the pee off!" Me: "What? Child, girls don't need to-" Her: "I'm shaking the pee off my who-ha!" Me, meeting the gaze of another father in the bathroom: "I don't know...." Other father: "You learn to just let some things be."
The Dog's New Best Friend
"You need to make me more chicken nuggets"
Me: well why is that, buddy, are you still hungry?
"No, but Sydney (our dog) was so I fed them to her."
It's not that he didnt want to eat... He just thought the dog looked hungry so he fed her his entire bowl without taking a bite. Needless to say our dog was happy
We are naked potty training and I've literally lost count of the number of things my son has tried to smoosh into his foreskin. M&Ms? Check. LEGO fig head? Check. Grape? Check. So my vote is for "You can NOT PUT THAT IN YOUR PENIS!"
This Ain't Gonna Last
"You can't go to school today because it's Saturday!"
And then she sulked because who the heck dares close the school two days per week. I hope she'll still be this motivated during her teen years.
I Missed My Mouth
No kids here but once i babysat my neph and niece. Was so proud of mealtime, baths, diapers changed on the niece, got them to bed and settled. My sister and BIL got home and the neph woke up to greet them. First thing she notices....the macaroni noodle behind his ear from dinner. How is that possible?
It's Not Your Fault, Nephew
Not today and it was my nephew. He had a bunch of those little McDonald's toys that you can clip onto backpacks and stuff. "Hey bud, how about we find another name for those. Something different than 'hooker toys'"
Vomit As A Weapon
I have twins, everyday I have to remind one of them, "don't throw up," and the other, "don't jump off of anything."
Basically, if they get into a heated fight, one of them will deliberately vomit on the other. Meanwhile, the other one spends all day trying to jump onto her sister and other people from high ground WWF-style (usually triggering the aforementioned fight/vomit-fest).
Before you ask, it's not a medical condition, she will not do it if she's been reminded (we got it checked out too).
You Just Gotta Hold On, Kid
Daddy doesn't like it when he and other daddy have the, uh, door closed for a little while and you lie on the floor and try to peek and listen through the gap at the bottom of the door. Not today but that one is evergreen the weirdest thing I've said.
Did He Deserve It
When my daughter was three this boy (maybe 4) walked up to her in the store and slapped her. The boy's dad of course yelled at him but before either of us could get to them she full on knocked this kid on the ground with one punch. First thing out of my mouth? "Nice hit sweetie but you shouldn't extend your arm that far."
This Isn't Up For Debate
"No, buddy. Nazis really are bad."
Nazis came up in a conversation in front of him and he thinks disagreeing is the funniest thing ever so he kept saying they were good.
It's Just Right There
Obligatory "not a parent" but I am a preschool teacher and the weirdest thing I've had to say so far to a kid is "We don't kiss our teacher on the butt."
Can't say I blame the kid, I mean, adult butts are right at their face level.
This may not sound weird to most people, but those with a toddler will be wondering WTF
"No bud, you cant have just peas & carrots for dinner. Can you at least try a bite of chicken nugget or cheese?"
(My 2 year old is a freak of nature and regularly eats only the veggies, no matter what i make)
Mom Who Questioned Whether Timeouts Are Actually Good for Kids Is Sparking a Heated Debate About Parenting
One mom blogger challenged parents to look at the way they punish their kids.
Now it's sparked a debate
Mom blogger, Laura Muhl, wrote a post that suggests parents look at the way they handle toddlers and punishment. Most kids have been put in a corner for misbehaving, but Muhl challenged that idea.
Timeout is used for any infraction from whining over nothing to throwing things or hitting others. And Muhl claimed timeout leads to long term issues for children.
Muhl started her post with a quote from L.R Knost's book The Gentle Parent:
"Perhaps the reason teens isolate themselves when they're overwhelmed instead of coming to us with their problems is because when they're toddlers we isolate them when they're overwhelmed instead of helping them with their problems."
These words spoke to Muhl when she read the book. It sparked something in her that she felt needed to be shared.
Muhl added her own take on it:
"When our kids are small and trying to manage emotions, they can't express what they are feeling. They throw tantrums, they throw things, they have meltdowns, they scream and they whine. This is their way of communicating with us."
Muhl went on to suggest that this isolation is teaching children to suppress their feelings. According to Muhl's interpretation of Knost's work, this causes children to pull away from their parents when they are teens because they have been taught to suppress their emotions.
"Give your child permission to feel. Let them know their feelings are valid and that you care, no matter how small. Make sure they know that they are heard."
"Pretty soon meltdowns over crayons will turn into breakups, heartbreak, sex, or even depression. You want your child to know that you will always hear them, no matter how small. You are their safe space."
Parents weighed in on both sides of the argument.
The post quickly racked up a whopping 4000 comments both for and against timeouts. Those who agreed with Muhl liked the idea of a steady and balanced approach to dealing with toddlers and their tantrums.
Other parents stood on the "Hard No" side of the line. Citing lack of discipline in today's youth, they blamed isolation in teens on cellphones and social media.
There were also those parents who use timeouts to pull their children out of the situation.
This gives the child a chance to calm down and step out of the situation. After the child calms down, it gives the parents and child a chance to talk over what caused the problem in the first place.
Child Behaviour Research Clinic at University of Sydney in Australia recently did a study in regards to timeouts. The study showed that children are happier when given timeouts.
It also showed that timeouts are still the most effective form of punishments for the very young child.
Professor Mark Dadds, based at the University's Brain and Mind Centre, stated:
"In 30 years, we've treated thousands of kids with disruptive behavior. When we use time-out as part of a positive parenting program, kids are much happier and much more regulated."
This study, and other smaller ones, have shown the same thing. Timeouts are more effective than physical forms of punishment.
After the comments, whether for or against, started pouring in, Muhl stated:
"A lot of people misunderstood my words and interpreted it as me saying to never discipline your child. This is totally not the case. As an adult, when something stressful happens, I don't want to be sent off to cry it out. Being left to cry it out is being told that they shouldn't have those feelings in the first place."
She continued with:
"Everything we do shapes their emotional brain for the rest of their lives. Being mindful of our own actions and the effects we have on our child is so important ... [as is] making sure that your child knows that they are loved and heard and capable of making better choices going forward."
Time out chairs grace Pintrest boards and Facebook marketplaces.
As kids, many of us sat in chairs in corners while waiting for our parents to let us up. Emotions are better conveyed if a person can pull themselves from a situation and calm down before talking things over.
But the generation before us were spanked. The generation before them went to the woodshed with a belt or a switch.
Discipline evolves over time.
ChildMind.org explains it best.
"That means a lot of affection and positive feedback for kids, but also consistent consequences when they act inappropriately. Timeouts help you communicate that behavior is unacceptable without blowing your top."
Kids don't have a filter. Seriously: They don't––and they can sometimes say things that are brutal, surprising, and even inappropriate.
Today's burning question comes from Redditor illVent, who asked the online community: "What was the most brutal thing you heard a kid say?"
We're going to say "Ouch!" in advance.
There's just no rhyme and reason to a toddler's moods sometimes. They're tempestuous creatures: Be kinder to them: They don't know what the hell's going on most of the time.
The meltdowns, as you can imagine, can run the gamut from annoying to downright hilarious, as Redditor mirarom discovered when they asked parents, "Redditors with toddlers, what's the most recent illogical breakdown they've had?" These parents thankfully still have their senses of humor intact.