Parenting is a lifelong commitment.
My mother still marvels at how fast I grew up, and I know she was very much taken aback by the (first) time I moved out. I was 20 then and honestly, she would have been fine if I'd stayed indefinitely. Did she ever think, watching me take my first steps, that the years would fly by and that one day she'd be helping me move across the country? I'm sure she did. But that doesn't mean she was entirely prepared.
After Redditor amberarmy1912 asked the online community, "Parents, what surprised you the most when your child moved out?" people shared their stories.
"Or just grabbing something..."
That's hard.
One thing is how much I do miss my kids. I enjoy them not being here (even more once the last one moves out and my MIL is gone) but I miss the f*** out of them. I was so tired of living in one room (the master bedroom was also my office and I work from home) and I enjoy the extra room, but I hate not stopping by and joking around when I see something weird or funny online. Or just grabbing something I know they like when I am at the store and just kind of dropping it by their room as I go past. All those little things are gone now. I hope they realize how much those little things really meant.
The other is some of my own personal issues. I want to hear from my kids but I don't want to bother them so I don't contact them as often as I would like. I have never been much of a just shoot-the-s*** person so that hurts me in communications. I see a lot of my dad in me that way, he rarely ever calls me except when there is a death in the family or something. I used to not call him when he worked because I could never remember when it was safe to call.
"The difference..."
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The difference between peaceful quiet and sad, lonely quiet.
My mother told me this...
...after I left. It must have been quite the adjustment.
"The moment our son moved out..."
The moment our son moved out to live on his own he became vegetarian. He never gave us any indication he was planning to or wanted to be vegetarian.
"I was cooking recipes..."
We have one kid. I was cooking recipes for 6 every night thinking that the portion counts were misleading because we never had any leftovers. Nope. Our grocery bills are now about a third of what they used to be.
That's always nice!
Tell me: Who doesn't love saving money?
"I also realized..."
That we talk more now that he lives on his own. We seriously play games at least twice a week for four to six hours. I also realized I was the safe mom that all his friends felt comfortable with. They still call to talk or stop by for a socially distanced catch-up.
I also realized that my water bill was only a 1/4 of what it used to be. I wasn't imagining the super long showers.
"I found out..."
Mom here. I was worried that I would be sad and heartbroken. I found out that was not the case. I was excited to see where her path took her. It's amazing to see her making her own world and dreams come true. I now have more money, so I travel a lot more.
"I'm sorry, mom." (From a child.)
How many kitchen utensils you actually need to make basic meals.
I'm sorry mom. I will never make fun of your crowded cupboards again.
This is so true!
My kitchen cabinets are so cluttered. In a way, I am thankful. I know I am always prepared in the event I want to make something new. It's a great feeling.
"God knows I love them..."
It's an instant pay rise. God knows I love them, but even when they have been working and contributing to the household, me and my wife have still fronted most of the bills and purchases. Going from providing for a family of five to just me and the wife.... let's just say we eat better cuts of meat and our savings accounts have never been healthier.
"The possibility to spend much more time..."
The possibility to spend much more time with my wife, which wasn't a surprise, but to sort of rediscover her as the amazing individual I once fell in love with. I never lost sight of it, but the roles of mother and father took up soo much of our time, so our "we"-time had always been on the back-burner (I know I haven't worded this very clearly, but I hope you get what I mean).
"They have their own, thoughtful opinions..."
When they move out, they also take a step towards adulthood, which means our relationship also changes for the better. We can take a step away from "parent-child"-relationship to "two people who love and respect each other" and we can talk about many issues much more as equals now. They have their own, thoughtful opinions on many topics, an I love having these discussions because more often than not they'll surprise me with a different perspective, and make me re-think my own opinions.
"I'm a dad..."
The dad identity I adopted isn't who I am.
I'm a dad, but I used to be more than that and still want to be.
Counting Pennies...
How much my food bill went down. Also the quiet.
And electricity. And heating. And water. And how little you move your car anymore.
Moooooo
who let the dogs out joke GIF by Super Simple
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My oldest son drinks milk like crazy. I'd buy 4 to 6 gallons a week for our family of 5. He moved out so I figured I'd need half that.
Poured a gallon down the sink because it went bad. Okay just get one gallon. We sometimes didn't use that so I buy half gallons now. This means I was spending over $500 a year just on milk for my oldest. It took me almost 6 months to figure out portions of protein, I was making three side dishes, I cut that to two.
Cinderella...
How clean the house can be.
I have lived on my own now for a few years and i used to be bugged about messes but nowadays I realize there is no way to stay clean all the time and having a clean day once a week or every other week is good for the mind and soul. So I'll make small messes and then save a day to do a deep clean.
The Replacements
My mom bought two guinea pigs because "the house felt empty."
My parents have had 5 kids move out so far and are now the proud owners of 3 cats and 2 dogs. I'm fully convinced she is replacing us with animals. Not sure if I should be offended that she got a pomeranian when I moved out. That thing is annoying as hell.
The Last
I'm the last child to move out. I guess what surprised me was how much my dad cared for his children. Mother told me how he'd cried for days because i could have stayed longer but decided to start my life. Never really dawned on me how much he loves us.
Now thats love!
Man, my room was turned into a workout room within a month, my mom still collected child support from my dad for me but didn't support me at all in college, then mom tried to claim me on her taxes as she "continues to provide a home for me". While I had a full time job in school to pay rent and bills. I filed my taxes first which caused her taxes to get flagged, she tried to get me to re-file as her dependent. Now thats love!
the 4 of us...
We are 4 children, the youngest is nearly 28 and we all moved out years ago. I am currently 30 and moved out when I was 18. We all thought it would get to my mum, but actually it was my dad who said he couldn't stand the empty and quiet house. All 4 of us liked to bring friends and the house was always full. I totally get that it must feel strange sometimes, but initially I thought he would love the peace.
He gets all emotional when we visit and keeps our rooms like they were so we always have somewhere to stay if we want to. We are all having kids now and my parents even bought beds etc for them, so we could (and would) stay over night. Tbh I really enjoy it too, when we all come together to this day.
It's Over
To answer on my parents behalf: how much the two of them had grown apart.
That hits, well, home. My parents definitely had a scare, divorce on the table. Instead of fighting they finally freaking talked properly after many years.
Turns out, they love each other and are having a blast now. Communicate, people.
Menu changes
My mom said the most surprising thing to her is all the meals she used to cook for us that I hated, I now request those same meals frequently. Lol.
Sexy Jessica Alba GIF
I'm Missed
On the flip side; my mum told me the first night I moved out, she found my dad sitting downstairs reading my favourite childhood book to himself. I hilariously refused to let anyone read me that book. That was mine and dad's book up until I was about 6 (then I just read by myself)
After all the emotional/verbal abuse he dealt throughout my life I was surprised he cared enough to miss me.
back & forth
Just how much I still miss living with him, even though he's been settled out of home for a few years now after yo-yoing a bit.
XOXOXOXO
Honestly I feel like my dad for sure misses me more than my mom. he wasn't really one to say i love you or I'm proud of you but now he's always hugging me and telling me he loves me all types of stuff.
My mom never hugged us when we were kids. Now she does it all the time. She's a much happier person now that she doesn't have to deal with the three of us.
Found It
The porn that boy stashed under his mattress. I burned it. not to my taste whatsoever.
Who stashes porn under their mattress? Who, after doing so, doesn't take it away when moving out?
It Was You!
Answering for my parents:
That it wasn't their kids who kept making the house messy and hoarding.
The Vibe
We have 4 kids. When the 1st left, I was surprised at how much the whole dynamic of the house changed. Don't know how to explain it. Just a different vibe.
Also, we did a pretty good job of having dinner together as a family nearly every night. So, of course, everyone had their place at the table and that never changed. For a few months after the first one moved out, sometimes I'd look to the other end of the table and my wife would be spontaneously crying as she looked at the empty spot next to her. (Don't worry, we're doing better now)
Lastly, this can be quite emotional for some parents because in some ways they are almost having a funeral for the child. Once that kid moves out, there can be a literal mourning of the "death" of a child because that child is never coming back. When they visit again they are an adult. And by saying this I certainly don't want to trivialize the trauma folks experience at the actual death of a child. This isn't nearly as hard. Not even in the same universe of difficulty.
Zzzzzzz
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How they can sleep so many hours but yet keep you from sleeping.
It Gets Better
My son left and moved out at 19 last year and I've been verklempt about his absence on our daily lives. Did you feel a difference between the first vs the others? We still have 3 more kids at home and I've stated hugging them twice as much 🥺.
Another Generation
How much harder it is to raise grandkids. We just weren't expecting that one.
I was raised by my grandparents. They weren't expecting to raise more kids. They wanted to retire and travel. Instead they both had to keep working and raising babies (I have a twin). In your 50's is not easy physically, either.
Funny Ha Ha
Answering on their behalf "just a joke" they now have to take out the trash and do grocery shopping themselves, plus they have to get off their seats to get a cup of water.
The Loan
How much we miss our daily interactions, even when they were just 15 minutes long.
Before our oldest children moved out (two to go!), they were hardly home. Between college, "study groups", working and social activities, on most days we'd see them just before bed and just after they woke up.
Now that they're out on their own, we really miss even those "daily check-ins".
We still call and text a lot. But obviously it isn't the same.
I get that your children aren't given to you, they're loaned to you. But damn if it doesn't feel like a part of you has been amputated.
Purfect Replacement
I was the youngest of 3 and moved out with my sister. My mom kept going on about how excited she was to be free. 2 months in she adopted a cat that look exactly like mine. I still call her once a week to make sure she isn't to lonely.
The Pick Up
How quickly they pick things up. I don't mean that literally. I think I thought my daughter would be a potato for much longer than she was.
Showertime
every day shower GIF
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We have son and 2 daughters, when daughters were both in college water bill was reduced by 2/3.
In the Poorhouse
I never realized how much my parents relied on my rent. Every month I have to come up with a different excuse so they'll still take it.
This doesn't seem... right. There is a lot of expenses that come with starting a life as a young adult. Unless your parents are disabled or elderly they are doing you a disservice by not allowing you to save for your own future. You will have time to take care of them later.
Riley
As the one who moved out: How pets can take to the change of household members.
My parents have a cat, Riley, who was with them the time I was living with them (note: This was my second time living at home, bad times in my life) - he always had a connection with me, and would enjoy curling up next to me and purring for me, plus, I am the only one he allows to carry him baby style.
And after I moved out, he spent several days wandering around the house, as if he was trying to find where I had disappeared to.
And the first time I visited after that, he meowed at me a lot, like he was shouting at me for leaving. Even now, when I visit, he'll cuddle up to me the moment I am sat down.
Pride
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How proud I am that they are independent and happy, and shocked I lived to see the day!
Hang Up
That he never called his mother for 3 weeks. She was crushed. She loves her babies even at age 22. We still have 3 at home thank goodness.
Amusingly, my father specifically told me not to call my mother the first three weeks I was away at school.
It was a good move. She got over the worrying phase, I felt some independence and then had a nice talk with my mum.
Crushed...
The crushing pain. Never for a minute did I expect it. Watched him drive away with his friend, car all packed up to move into an apartment together, and burst into tears. Went up to his room to vacuum and sob. Grieved for two weeks. He moved across town.
Then as the years went by, he came back, moved back out, came back again, moved back out again. The last time he moved, he went 2,000 miles away, a 3-hour plane ride. I'll never get over it.
We're damned happy for him to be living a full life on his own terms, but had no idea it wouldn't include us in any way. I just never saw that future in my little crystal ball. We were always supportive: "Do your own thing, whatever it is, we'll support your choices," and still feel that way. But I had no idea what the physical pain of him being out of our daily lives would be. What can I say, he's a sparkler, and our lives are simply dull without him.
Give a Ring
I grew up with strict parents. Religious, politically conservative, all that.
My folks were strict enough, that when I was in college and over the age of 18, they would still interfere and make decisions for me.
When I finally got out on my own, I stopped telling them about a lot of my life. I started doing a lot of things that I had always wanted to do. And I also found that I didn't need or want to talk with them that often, because they were my primary social group even up to my early 20s.
Last year, I made the decision to start calling my mom once a week. Before that, even though I didn't talk to her frequently, I made sure to tell her I loved her before I hung up.
This year I am calling my mom twice a week. Our relationship has gotten a lot better, and I kind of wish I had started doing this 10 years ago.
What a Mess...
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My best friend found half of their dishes hidden in their son's closet. They were dirty and disgusting. They knew dishes were going missing and had asked him dozens of times if he had them but he always denied it. He wasn't mean or rotten just lazy and goofy.
A New Son
That her boyfriend continued to live here. When my daughter went back to college her boyfriend had already been staying here for a few months. His dad had died & his mom had to move into a much smaller place so he moved in with us. When my daughter went back to her dorm he stayed & continued to commute to his college. It was temporary & he's a good guy so it wasn't too bad, just unexpected.
Sorry Ma...
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I moved out at 17 because my GF got an apartment. Mom was heartbroken and I feel bad about it today.
Same old...
My parents have reported most of the same; sad, quiet, lonely, cheaper food bill, etc. But once my brother moved back in for a while in his early 20s and my mom said she missed being able to go downstairs and get coffee in the morning without putting clothes on.
I'm the Kid!!
When I moved out (I moved countries too so I was gone, gone) I got a pitiful phone call from my parents. They begged me to return. My dad said he needed someone to talk to (basically he wanted his free therapist back) and needed someone to give him back massages (He historically had back problems and my mom is crap at massaging sore muscles without leaving bruises). My mom begged me to come back and take over parenting, cooking and cleaning again saying that she was too old. It made me feel very used.
I hadn't realized how much I had been doing for them. It was especially manipulative when my mom put my baby sister on and she cried and asked why I didn't love her anymore and told me about how my mom wasn't taking care of her and just ignored her needs (she was 4).
Secret Life
All the stuff he had. I don't know where he got thousands of dollars worth of cameras, tablets, laptops, and other expensive things.
He never had a traditional employer. When we saw all the stuff, we thought he got into drugs or stealing or something.
A New Beginning...
How similar it feels to starting your life over after a breakup or graduating from college. And then the immense sadness you feel when they ask to move back in because the $150K liberal arts degree you bought them won't let them actually make a living.
Thanks Covid
My parents begged me to move home because they wanted to have a full house again. When COVID hit, they got their wish. They seem to forget their kids aren't children anymore and that we don't have to ask permission to come and go or to spend time somewhere that isn't home.
Im Out New York Fashion Week GIF by NYFW: The Shows
That last one hits me something fierce...
...and I'm not even a parent!
It must be incredibly difficult to accept these kinds of changes after so many years of sacrifice.
If you'll excuse me, I'll go hug my mom. (Thankfully we've been able to see each other during this pandemic!)
Have your own stories to share? Feel free to share them in the comments below.
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Rule number one in life...
"You are entitled to nothing!"
Money does not make you better and this isn't your world that the rest of us are merely guests in. Just some mantras to begin with.
$$$
kim kardashian school GIFGiphy"Stopped giving money so they had to get a job to have the things they wanted. Helped a lot."
Breaking the Cycle
"Having been abused and neglected as a child, I vowed not to make the same mistake with my own kid. I made a bunch of different ones instead! I didn't discipline here enough, because the only kind of discipline I knew was physical abuse and I refused to do that. In trying to do better I went in the opposite direction, and by the time she was about four years old she was a spoiled, tyrannical brat."
"My husband had worked long hours and wasn't home a lot, and she usually behaved well for him so he was largely ignorant of what was going on. He eventually got permission to work from home a couple days a week and that's when he realized how bad things were. He gently took me aside and pointed out that a four year old should not be screaming at their parents after having been asked to perform a simple task."
"I got therapy to help work through my own issues, and together my husband and I came up with a strategy that allowed me to discipline our daughter without physical punishment. (It took a few tries before we found a strategy that worked.) Then covid happened and now my husband works from home four days a week, which has helped immensely. Our daughter is still spoiled, but her behavior has improved a lot over the last few years to the point that she's usually pleasant to be around, lol. She and I are both a work in progress, but so far the whole family is doing better."
Wonder Woman
"I started a relationship with a wonderful woman who puts everyone else first. She has a heart of gold and is the sweetest person I have met. However, this desire to make everyone happy is not how you parent children. She has a moderately autistic child who is 15 and another child who is 13. She created an environment where they rely on her for everything. The 13 yo can't even make himself toast."
"The 15 yo did whatever he wanted because she was more concerned about him being happy than being independent. So far, I've gotten the child with autism to wear underwear, stop peeing anywhere he wants, stop abusing his mom, to begin feeding himself finger foods, and in general, to listen if we ask him to do something. I need to work on the youngest one to start making himself food and to eat something other than just frozen chicken strips and french fries."
The Oldest
"My husband had this realization a couple of weeks ago about his oldest. He was shocked when we were at the store and I said no to our toddler, he said ok and didn't whine, I praised him for listening and at that moment my husband was like Holy crap, I think he's more confident and independent than his teen sister, I done effed up with her, haven't I? I just shrugged."
"I told him it's not too late, he just need to keep working on it and not feel guilty about the past. Most people didn't expect a 20 some year old guy to step up and take care of a kid by himself, now that he's older he knows better and going forward can work on building a more positive relationship with his oldest kid which I believe will be helpful to her and might even encourage the confidence and independence she'll need one day. But I'm no expert our kid is very young and most days behaves like all toddlers do 😅."
The Son
Fathers Day Dad GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"I realised that, because my daughter was so difficult (I have since found out she has ADHD and Autism, like me her Mum), I was letting my Son away with so much more than I would her."
"It was my fiancé that pointed out to me that I was letting him walk all over me for an easy life so I could focus on my youngest and we have made huge changes in the way we discipline him and as a result he is back to the delightful young man he was in the earlier days. I owe a lot to my fiancé actually!"
Rule number 2...
Parents, don't be afraid to parent. Don't try to heal your wounds by allowing a new generation to just do whatever comes into their minds. Raise decent humans, not make-up versions of you.
Tapped Out
sad scream queens GIFGiphy"My daughter was throwing a fit that her bottle of water was not the brand she wanted so someone asked her why she didn't just drink tap water. Her response was, "what's tap water?" She's 10."
The Limit
"Would have to be when my daughter was 15. I set up credit card account for her, set the limit to $500 and told her the card was only for emergencies, such as if she was out somewhere and needed an Uber home. Got the bill the first month, the card had been run to it's limit, $125 at a beauty salon, $200 at various clothing stores and multiple fast food runs."
"So I sit her down and say "Didn't I tell you this card was for emergencies?" She looked me in the eye and calmly said, "Yes, and that's all I used it for." I reply, "And getting your hair done and a sale at Hot Topic are emergencies?!?" She replies, "Yes for someone my age, they are." Needless to say her credit card was quickly revoked."
- Dervrak
Oh Mama...
"Not one of those parents. But my mom never learned. She has spoiled my younger sister since she was a toddler. Sister is now in her mid 40's, and is still an entitled b*tch. To make things even better; my mother has been the child care provider (free childcare) for all three of my sister's kids from the time each was born. So now. Not only are my nieces and nephew being raised by a narcissistic mom. But by their grandmother, that made their mom that way in the first place."
"The last Christmas we went to their house, which was years ago now since it was THAT BAD. All three kids were in various stages of meltdowns because they didn't get what they wanted. And that was the year the kids got brand new iPhones. The oldest was 9. The middle was 7. And the youngest was 5. It's funny listening to our mom be confused about how they are all spoiled brats."
Potty
"I wouldn't say I spoiled her myself, I traveled a lot and just wasn't there for my daughter as much as I should've been. My ex wife, my mom, my MiL all spoiled the hell out of my daughter. I came to the realization after my divorce. I had my daughter for the weekend. She was 4.5 at this point. Not potty trained yet because god forbid she did something that was different."
"I remember sitting on the floor, trying to get her to use the potty and she's just yelling at me that she wants her diapers back. When she went back to her mother's house I get a phone call from my ex, yelling at me for trying to make her use the potty when she wasn't ready."
"My daughter was 4.5 years old! At that point I knew. Did some research, called a behavior specialist and started to get her on the right track. I love her and she's a pretty amazing child. She's still spoiled as hell. I can only do so much with the time I have with her."
Product Placement
"She bullied kids for not having Gucci, supreme, other designer brands, and the latest apple products."
See there, a whole lot of people need a good role model to set them straight. Again, I happily volunteer. I'm not saying parenting is easy, but a ton of you can certainly do better. For the world's sake.
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That's not to say the whole article is Testes Fest 2021 (please don't, you guys.) but I'm not in the business of lying. This article is not the one for younger readers or anyone who just isn't here for juggling any more balls than they had to.
I'm not sorry for that pun.
Reddit user "SecretariatGodHorse" asked:
"Women, what are some questions you've always wanted to ask men, but were too embarrassed?"
Pre"dick"tably, people started out with everything you never knew you needed to know about ... well ... you read my intro. You know what you're getting into.
Let's just go on ahead and get the probing penis questions out of the way now.
New Kinds Of Kisses
Lips Kiss GIFGiphy"When you use the toilet, does your weenie just hang into the toilet? Do you rest it on the seat? Do you ever get poop splash on your ween?" - misternuggies
"It hangs. Sometimes a splash hits the balls. Poseidon's kiss they call it." - SkeletalElite
"When your tip touches the toilet bowl/rim it's called The Witch's Kiss " - CaptainFeather
All About The Scrunch
Track And Field Dancing GIFGiphy"What happens to your balls when you run?"
"Are they just banging around? Do they stick between your thighs? Do they end up tucked? I've been dying to know, thanks." - Gettin-liiifted
"The nutsack isn't always floppy. It scrunches up or loosens. They don't flop when scrunched."
"Also Underwear keeps it in place." - LemonWaluigi
"Yeah, this is the answer. Your sack can contract so much, it presses your balls pretty far into your groin area."
"Then they don't dangle. They're just there." - Weikor
An Inconvenient Truth
Are You For Real No Way GIF by 1 Play SportsGiphy"Is it true you really get random boners?" - Kanyesb7889
"Yes. Distressingly often as a teen, but even later on it happens." - SoAngry75
"Constantly... I was told at some point that they would stop... I'm thirty f*cking seven and still waiting for that time I can stand up without having to shift things to hide it...." - kezow
"51 here. Hasn't stopped yet. I'm guessing they won't be able to close the coffin lid when I die at this rate." - gonesnake
Great, now that we've gotten all that out of our systems it's important to remember that men, like all humans, are so much more than their crotch-quirks.
Some may not always like to admit it, but there are hopes, fears, insecurities and genuine emotions happening over there. Of course there are!
Human - to - human, the questions turned into something more interesting. We got examinations of what patriarchy, socialization, and expectations look like in the real world.
In short - it got real.
Throwing Away Your Shot
Giphy"Is it true that guys generally hesitate or avoid going up to and talking women that are super attractive?"
"I mean like a 9 or a 10/10? Is attractiveness/appearance something that makes you stall when 'shooting your shot?' " - hoodfairyy
"Can't speak for all guys, but what I tell myself: 'Why the hell would someone like her be interested in someone like me?' " - LiquidGhost8892
"Absolutely. True story:"
"There was this really pretty girl in my friend group (all young 20-somethings) in San Diego. We'd hang out, go to parties, go to concerts, go to the beach, etc. I never even considered asking her out because she was waaaaay out of my league."
"One night she and I were the last of our group at the bar. She has no car so I offer her a ride home. She invites me in for a beer. Cool."
"We're watching late night tv and she leans her head on my shoulder. Eh, fine... we're buds, right?"
"Then her hand is on my thigh. Weird."
"I turn to look at her and she's looking in my eyes. I ask if she's okay and she says she'd be better if I kissed her. WTF?"
"She's like a 9 and I'm a 6 at best (maybe a Scranton 8). But, F*CK YEAH! We make out for a bit, but when I go to cop a feel she breaks it off and says, 'We've both had a lot to drink. Maybe you should sleep here tonight.' "
"I see I've blown it and say, 'Sure. Thanks.' "
"She heads to the bedroom and I kick off my shoes and stretch out on the couch. A couple of minutes go by and she comes back and says, 'Are you coming?' "
"WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING? But I smoothly go 'Um....yeah.' "
"That was Dec 12, 1981. We married April 3, 1982. Still going strong."
"If it wasn't for her, never would have happened." - CharDeeMacDennisII
For A Smile...
Flower Petals GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I'm with someone who buys me flowers to make me smile--what would be something I could do similarly for him that is nonsexual that would brighten his day?" - JustFineAnd
"Be the big spoon. Scalp massage. Back rub, not necessarily a massage, either."
"Next time y'all are watching TV in bed or on the couch. Let him lay his head on your chest or lap, and run your fingers through his hair, or just pet his back like a dog. Even better if he's shirtless and you can lightly scratch his back."
"May not seem like much, but it makes a big impact on us, even if we may not immediately show it. For me, it slows my mind. Helps me stop thinking for a while and process the here and now so much better." - Infectious_Cockroach
"Compliment him. He may not show it on the outside, but he's giggling and blushing on the inside." - wamj
Clingy
Season 5 Hug GIF by The OfficeGiphy"How often do men want to be hugged? Does it feels clingy, if a girl offers it every now and then ?" - SpillBeanss
"Cling to me and just never let go. I wouldn't mind. Hugs are great!" - SlamUnited
"I don't know how many guys I speak for but for me being hugged by a girl you're dating or are close with is like getting permission to relax and be happy." - Crionso
"2 situations when someone being clingy has been an issue: when I was going to work and was already late from my schedule and when trying to do a #2."
"Any other time than those, if you're the one I love you could glue or tape yourself to me and I'd be happy." - Betanyymi
What About Your Friends?
Season 5 Friends Tv Show GIF by FriendsGiphy"Do you ever worry about what your friends think of the attractiveness of your girlfriend/wife? Like are you ever worried that people you know don't find her good-looking or judge you for being with her?"
"(This question is obviously coming straight from my insecurities lol.)" - MommaJ94
"I actually did have this fear with my last girlfriend. She was a bigger girl and I wasn't really concerned about what they thought, but just didn't want anyone being judgmental toward her."
"It's hard to explain, I wasn't ashamed of her or anything, just hate the thought of people judging her by her appearance." - saddestclaps
"I have never once asked my friends their opinions on my significant other's appearance, and I have never offered my opinion on theirs. And now that I think about it, I haven't really had an opinion on their looks by means to judge them." - secret-hero
Commitment Comments
Running Away Bake Off GIF by The Great British Bake OffGiphy"What makes you want to commit (be exclusive, or get married) does it have anything to do with your partner or more of 'I have to be ready within myself first?' " - Secretly_Uninhibited
"For me it was needing to feel like I had personally matured enough to be committed."
"I didn't want to commit to someone who was clearly ready to commit to me if I wasn't ready and could somehow end up wasting their time." - Langhof
"I pushed my wife away for a while, not cut I didn't like her, just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. We've been married for 10, together for about 15." - LostOldAccountTimmay
There's a lot more in the thread, but there's only so much article time you can devote to erections, hugs, and that one guy whose now-wife is the real MVP.
Shout out to that lady. We applaud you, sis.
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.