Sometimes, it's the simple things that give us the most trouble.
We can carry a job, manage a complicated schedule full of work, friendship, family, and romance, but we can't do the little things here and there.
Maybe it comes down to priorities: the big stuff is so significant we simply must have that nailed down to lead a satisfying life.
So the minor things sometimes get pushed aside. But every so often, a situation arises that calls attention to our inability to handle that very mundane task.
A recent Reddit thread explored some examples.
anonymouspapayaz asked, "What is one 'ordinary' thing that you can't do?"
Many Redditors set their sights on the social realm. They discussed the social behaviors they just can't seem to navigate, and clearly implied how much they'd prefer to have those locked down.
Alas, with the pandemic they have some time to practice.
One In, One Out
"Remember names. It's like I have only so many slots for people's names and when I learn a new one, an older one needs to go."
"Can get embarrassing."
Spontaneity Only
"I'm a pretty funny guy but can't tell a joke to save my life" -- evanallenrose
"How many men walking into lightbulbs does it take to change a bar... Wait let me start over" -- SchuyWalker
"Like you just casually say funny things? I think I'm the same, I think I'm relatively funny, but when I do it on purpose I can't say it without laughing" -- rice_yummy
Anywhere But There
"Engage in appropriate eye contact." -- Amiiboid
"I've been guilty of this one my whole life. It's reflex to not look at people. Especially when I'm the one speaking."
"I didn't even notice I did it until I was talking to a therapist about how to manage stress more efficiently and within 5 minutes of the first session he pointed it out."
"Everyone I ever talk to regularly just got used to it as something I did and never bothered paying it mind." -- ShuyWalker
Others described the basic life skills they have yet to incorporate into their skill sets. They don't always come up, but when they do, these absences can be a real pain.
Always Lost
"I have a lot of trouble with directions and maps. I can't process it, mostly. I can't do geometry either so I think that's related."
"Ironically I'm a very very good Tetris player tho so I have some spacial reasoning skills but I can barely read a fucking map."
Probably Wise
"Drive. I'm paralysed with fear when I'm in control of a killing machine." -- Bagners
"same, and people always insist i should drive because 'you'll get used to it' or 'you're already a better driver than most out there.' "
A Safari Of Social Norms
"Dating. It seems like it's relatively simple for most people, but I've always had horrible luck with it."
"I'm 26 and I've never been on a date, I just figure there's something wrong with me."
-- SupaKoopa714
Never Understood
"My handwriting is so bad my wife usually can't even read it. And we've been together over 20 year's."
"I forgot, my spelling is worse."
Finally, some people described the more bizarre "skills" and abilities that came to mind. These likely won't be much of a problem any time soon.
Nonetheless, these Redditors would love to be able to do them.
Close Enough
"I have a buddy that can't burp. He can pretty much fart on command though." -- SniffCheck
"Wow, he managed to take his skill points from burping to farting" -- Insertstalem3me
"My friend likes to fart and say: 'can you hear me now?' I hate that it still gets me." -- Dregoralive
Practice, Practice, Practice
"Can't do that whistle thing where you make it louder using your thumb and index finger." -- BoysenberryEasy3653
"You have to bend your tongue back over itself and put your two sets of fingers in pressed again each on top of your folded tongue. As you blow your lips will naturally tighten round your fingers so don't worry too much about them."
"Finger tips should be meeting in a V formation. Change the V angle of your fingers meeting until you hear a whistling noise, try both widening and narrowing the V. It will probably be quite faint at first."
"It works easiest with your index and middle finger from each hand. Once you get you'll be able to do with any 2 sets of finger combo (e.g. thumb + pinkie on same hand or even separate)."
"It took me a good 10 mins from being shown to being able to do it. Just keep trying till you get it."
Forever Silent
"Blow a bubble with gum" -- cynical_pragmatism
- "Chew gum til soft
- Tongue condom
- Use lips to firmly grip tongue condom
- Blow" -- HeartXUnderXBlade
Now think about yourself. What minor things can you just not seem to wrap your head around?
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Image by Ichigo121212 from Pixabay |
Years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a gentleman who had spent a few years in prison. He was remarkably kind and open about his experience, particularly about the support he had on the inside that he had thus far been unable to replicate on the outside. It was hard not to reflect on that, the immensity of that privilege.
After Redditor Rizkozrout asked the online community, "Ex-convicts of Reddit, what is your most pleasant prison memory?" people shared their stories and opened our eyes even further.
"About 15 years ago..."
About 15 years ago when I was released from prison, I had nothing to my name, only my $40 gate fee. A dear friend of mine on the inside made sure I had clothes, shoes, and a job to go to. Harold, if you're out there, love you, bro.
"Over the following weeks..."
I spent a little over a decade in prison, from the early 90s to the early 2000s.
In the state where I did my time, all of us had to work a semblance of a job inside the compound (kitchen, inside grounds, maintenance, painting, cleaning, etc.). Being in a program of any kind, including education, counted as having a job (and thus had waiting lists to get into). Programs also needed better-educated inmates to work there as clerks and tutors, and these were the sorts of jobs that the smart inmates tended to gravitate towards (involving more hours than a menial job, but cleaner and less distasteful). Often it meant we had access to older computer hardware (no Internet or anything, though).
PC video games occasionally made their way onto the compound, usually brought in by one or another of the freeworlders (i.e. prison workers who were not guards) who had a soft spot for his clerks. My boss in the education classroom where I worked was like this, though he had something of a policy that the only games he would bring in would be education, strategy, or puzzle-oriented - such that if he ever got asked about it, he could say that it was a critical thinking tool that was part of his teaching curriculum.
The happiest day of my prison life was the day that he brought in Myst. I had read articles about it and wanted to play it someday, but never imagined that I'd get to play it before I got out. It was an absolutely groundbreaking game for its time, with beautiful graphics, soothing music, imaginative puzzles, and an intriguing storyline. I had never seen anything like it; the articles/reviews didn't do it justice!
Over the following weeks, I would lose myself in that world for maybe an hour a day, living out an alternate life in a beautiful and magical world so far removed from the horrible reality of my current existence. I was disappointed when it was all finally over... though in a way it led to my second-happiest prison memory, which was the day (a year later) when he brought in Riven: The Sequel to Myst.
Video games can provide an excellent escape...
...and quite a few video games can spur your critical thinking. I can confirm that Myst is excellent.
"It was a low-security prison farm..."
I wasn't your usual inmate. I was in for a truck accident where someone died. First ever offence, no violence, didn't take drugs, very rarely even drank alcohol, never committed a crime in my life. So I was a polar opposite to pretty much everyone in there.
It was a low-security prison farm, and one day I decided to walk along the boundary fence to the library. Going on the wrong side of the fence technically meant that you escaped, so it was watched... As I'm casually wandering along, two guards drove up and told me to get into the car. They took me for a strip search and demanded to know why I was on the other side of the fence. I wasn't. I asked them if they had cameras, and they said yes, so I told them to double-check the footage because I'm not a nitwit trying to escape. They checked, and let me go.
Everyone in the prison wanted details on what happened. I was a minor celebrity for the afternoon, and I had a bit of respect amongst the other inmates because even someone as straight as me copped shit from the screws.
"This kid in my pod..."
This kid in my pod was being transferred to another prison located clear across the state.. he had no clue why they were moving him.
He started crying uncontrollably, which you would think is the last thing you'd wanna do in jail/prison.
All of the inmates in my pod immediately went to console him. He was hugged and made to feel as comfortable as possible.
A heartwarming moment.
It's important to remember that prisoners are people, too.
"I was in solitary..."
I was in solitary for three months and they allowed cd players there. I had only one disc - DMX, Ruff Riders. I listened to it endlessly and somehow it inspired me to write something, too. I started with rhymes and short poetry and 15 years later I own a copywriting agency and writing makes me a living. Peace DMX, inspiring me for change!
DMX would have no doubt appreciated this.
Through their work, artists have the ability to make us question and challenge our own lives."It was amazing."
Late to the game here, but I did time at Maine Correctional Center for Women. I had some of the best laughs, most questionable food, and met some of the strongest women I'll ever meet in there.
My favorite memory was coming 'home' (back to the center) from work release and our taxi driver asked if we could keep a secret. Four girls all doing bids because we didn't roll on our codefendants. Yes, sir, we can.
He stopped and bought us all banana splits on the ride home. It was amazing.
"For me..."
For me, the best feeling is every time that you are placed on a new unit, or transferred to a new jail/prison, and you see some people that you know and are good with as soon as you get there. Landing on a unit where you know nobody, especially if you aren't from the area and have no mutual friends/acquaintances with anybody is the exact opposite of a pleasant feeling. With nobody to vouch for you, it's going to end up in an altercation half of the time, and the other half it takes a while before people will be comfortable socializing with you due to lack of trust.
"I don't know..."
I don't know if I would say pleasant, but I will say there was a weird comradery and mutual understanding amongst most of the inmates that I've never felt again in the outside world.
"It was so refreshing..."
I would say seeing my son but no child should have to see their parent in prison. So I would say the Friday Buddhist meditation sessions we would have. It was so refreshing to sit with a group and quiet our minds and sit in stillness.
Speak to some former prisoners sometime.
You might learn something valuable. Prison is not what you might see on television; I daresay television shows give us the idea that everyone in prison is out to get each other, but that is far from the truth.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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Price and quality don't necessarily correlate.
You can pay an arm and a leg to come home with a piece of junk that craps out after only a couple weeks.
But, thankfully, sometimes you only spend a few bucks--or nothing at all--on something that turns out to last forever and even go on to occupy a special place in your heart.
Truly, sometimes the most inexpensive items hold the highest value.
Some Redditors describe their most cherished possessions that didn't break the bank.
String_Variable asked, "Whats the coolest thing you own that ISNT expensive?"
Some opted to highlight the objects in their lives that draw their value from the backstory behind them. The origins of these items bolster them with meaning and value unmatched anywhere else.
A Parting Token
"A poem book that I got recently. It's called Años maduros And it was part of a competition for poets that never got the chance."
"My dad passed from cancer when I was six and he died before knowing if he won. He did. And his poem was dedicated to me."
-- urkov
A Well-Traveled Watch
"When my great-grandfather died about 30 years ago, the only thing he willed to anyone in particular was his watch, which he gave to me, his oldest great-grandchild."
"It's not a fancy watch, just a working-man's Bulova wind-up, but it was gifted to him by his (notoriously stingy) father-in-law in the early '70s. It still keeps perfect time."
"I work at NASA and managed to get it flown on a Space Shuttle mission."
The Knife That Keeps on Giving
"I have a family owned machete, I don't know much about it. I asked my father where did it come from and all he remembers was getting it from his dad."
"He tried getting it back, but I told him I use it to cut coconuts open.....haha"
From a Wonderful Day
"An old pirate cap gun. My most prized possession. Given to me when I was 11 by an older sibling after she visited Disney World via make a wish."
"The following year she passed away."
Others chose to describe the random items they've grown attached to. These were often acquired during travel, or from some stranger.
But they all share a common theme: they were something simple that the owner never knew they wanted.
Earthly Treasures
"When I visited the Dead Sea, I found a string that had been tied into a loop, that had a lot of salt stuck to it, so it looks like a necklace made of salt."
"It might not sound like much but I thought it was a pretty unique souvenir."
-- gh0st-47
Right Place, Right Time
"A kepi blank (the classic white hat of the French Foreign Legion) given to me by a person in the process of deserting. I was on a train when this giant guy tells me that he just deserted from the Legion.
"He said 'don't believe me? Here's my uniform' and opened up his duffel bag. I said 'Cool! How much for the hat?' to which he replied 'I don't need it anymore -- here' and handed it over."
"It's my favorite hat from my collection."
-- 1tacoshort
Bent Into Shape
"A guy made my name out of a wire coat hangar."
"Was just waiting in line at the store one day and he said he did it has a hobby, pulled out a coat hangar and twisted it until it spelled my name in cursive. It's part of my key ring now."
-- SpawnSnow
And some people discussed the useful items they purchased long ago, and have enjoyed for years since. These items were simply well made, so they've stood the taste of time.
Still Humming
"My early 2000's Toyota Corolla."
"It's definitely seen better days but it has this 'never die' attitude that I love. When I bought it, I paid 14k dollars. It's probably worth a couple hundred dollars now. It has 250k + miles on it and it still keeps going. Never had to replace anything, except tires."
"The paint is chipped, there's a bunch of dings and dents and rust spots. The air conditioning doesn't work and the CD player is busted."
"But it starts every time with zero lag, it never complains, and has been my trusty steed. Sure, I've had other cars since then that are still around. But my Corolla, though it might not be cool to some, it's definitely a trusty bucket of rust and bolts that is way beyond cool to me."
-- gizmosbutu
More of These!
"I have woman jeans with huge pockets. They're the greatest thing ever." -- ScrewTheCouncil
"That's a national treasure. Keep it safe" -- 2baverage
"I don't know why this is still a thing. Is there a massive silent majority of woman that actually like having no pockets?" -- sometimes_interested
"Fun fact: anyone with a little DIY streak can make their own large pockets! I sewed pockets so big I can fit my nintendo switch in my sweats!!! :D" -- catfart-
Stylish and Functional
"I bought a bucket hat for $10 last spring. On the inside of the hat there's a small velcro pocket. It's big enough to put like cash and your ID and a credit card in."
"It keeps the sun out of my eyes and off my neck/ears, I look sexy AF in it, and I have a secret pocket. What more could you want for $10?"
-- HogFin
I'll bet you have at least one object that fits the bill. It's a nice activity to sit down with the item, actually hold it, and reflect on the long, winding road it took to become yours and stay yours for as long as it has.
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The finite nature of a hotel stay can lead guests to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. And where there is saucy behavior, there are the artifacts left behind.
And who is there to pick up those pieces on the following morning? The hotel staff--cleaners, maintenance people, technicians, even managers when things get unruly enough.
Some Redditors who've occupied those positions recently shared the wildest things ever left behind by guests.
Some were gross, some exciting, and some just downright puzzling.
MichaelJCaboose_ asked, "Hotel cleaners of Reddit, what's your most memorable find left behind by a guest?"
Many people chose to share the times they came upon the disgusting remnants of an uninhibited night before. The guests responsible left a collage of artifacts that looked more like a still-life picture of hedonism than a living quarters.
Alone Time
"Three empty bottles of wine, about two dozen cherry pits scattered all over the floor and under the furniture, and red-colored puke all over the bedspread."
"There was only one guy staying in the room."
-- OneWayRabbit
The Consequences of Fame
"Found a human poo in the kettle once. Worse part was it was a 'celebrity' (crappy uk reality show) doing a guest appearance at a local club."
"Him and his mates filled the rooms iPad with di** pics too. Hotel got rid of the iPads shortly after that."
-- Geknock
No Closet Is Too Nice
"Friend worked a 5-star hotel and found a turd in the closet." -- Boganvillia
"That's not a very nice thing to call your guest, but as someone that worked in customer service, I agree. They are turds." -- theassassintherapist
"Closet poopers are what happens to shy poopers if they don't face their poop anxiety." -- Stunning_Honeydew201
Work Retreat
"I do maintenance. Had a group of part time housekeepers that are mentally handicapped working with their job coach go into a suite with adjoining door. There were 3 construction workers staying, 2 and their supervisor."
"In the one side with a pull out couch and DVD player, they found a full size blow up doll, empty small bottles of lube, used condoms, several beer bottles, and a stack of porn on DVD. Doll was on the pull out couch and everything else was all over the bed."
Other former cleaners described the times they came to a vacant room to find some very unexpected objects. These weren't as gross as the previous examples.
But the mysteries of what exactly the guests did with these items are still unsolved.
Steer Clear of Gadgets
"Almost tazed myself with a 'tube of lipstick' that I found under the bed." -- Naprisun
"insert lipstick taser gif here" -- georgiomoorlord
"so nobody's talking about this person using hotel bed lipstick" -- ST4R3
Back on the Road
"My friend's family owns a motel. He tells me they once found an auto transmission in the bathtub of a room." -- smorkoid
"Yup, I've heard of this before. You go to the town on a bachelor party, take a pill and then wake up and your transmission is in the bathtub full of ice and 3rd gear was removed" -- cavegoatlove
Making it Cozy
"I worked as a hotel cleaner during undergrad."
"My first day of work someone left a hatchet in the bathtub."
"Also, someone completely decorated the room with framed family pictures.. and left them all there. I think their stay was only 2 days. They set some up on the furniture.. but also legit hung some on the walls."
-- Eric_Partman
Finally, some people shared about the times they were pleasantly surprised to find that guests left behind some really nice stuff.
And, of course, finders keepers was in full swing.
Ahhhhhhh
"I worked for a hotel that had cabins, so I would be in and out all day in the hot sun. On one of those hot days I opened the fridge to find an unopened bottle of Dr. Pepper in the freezer part.. it was perfectly slushed."
"It made my day. This was years ago, too!"
-- Syndaquil
As If They Knew
"A whole box of magnum ice creams. My fave!" -- nightcana
"If this was in Melbourne, you're welcome. I bought them but got invited out. Checked out the next day and left them in the freezer and I couldn't stand the thought of putting them in the bin." -- hemansteve
Repurposed
"My partner gets apartments ready for the next people renting them out after leases are up, they've found so, so many bdsm toys. One of which (a flogger) is my cats favorite toy over all others now including her very expensive cat toys hahaha"
It's a fun idea to think back on all your hotel stays and recall anything you've left behind over the years.
And then, depending on what exactly it was, you can imagine what the other side of that story turned out to be.
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Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.
Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.
U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?
Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.
Was it worth it?
He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.
> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'
> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended
> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended
> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended
Uhhh what was the intention here?
He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.
Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.
Boom theret.
At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."
So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.
I hope there was no overlap in the columns.
She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.
2 separate lists or just the 1?
Same list 2 columns lol.
Holy crap.
Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.
This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.
Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.
Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.
Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.
A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.
Every school had the cat girl.
The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.
Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.
Mood.
Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.
I was exactly this kind of weird.
He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.
The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.
I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man