A mother on Reddit needed some serious advice about dealing with her in laws while trying to keep her kid alive. Reddit had sone thoughts.....
My [F28] MIL won't take my kid's [4] anaphylactic peanut allergy seriously
I've never really seen eye-to-eye with my MIL because she's very strict and old fashioned, she's like this with all of her grandchildren: she'll do things like yell at them for not sitting up straight, elbows on table, etc... I understand that children need discipline, but I prefer a gentler approach with my son. I've asked her many times to not do that, but my husband insists I let it go, so I've tried to.
Until now. My son was officially diagnosed with a life threatening peanut allergy, and we have an epipen for for him. She insists that when she was younger people "didn't have allergies," and if they did they would get rid of them via exposure and that I'm just babying him. I've explained to her that his allergy is very real and potentially deadly.
She has basically scoffed it off and the last time she came to pick him up, she took his epipen/fanny pack from around his waist and threw it on my driveway, saying she's taken him for ice cream many times and nothing has ever happened, and he doesn't "need it" with him. I told him she could no longer take him and brought him inside, she left and called my husband, she cried to him saying I accused her of being an unfit grandmother. Which I admittedly did because my child's safety is my priority and apparently not her's.
Now my husband wants me to apologize to her. He says she would take him to the hospital if he ingested peanuts and that I'm overreacting. I kindly explained to him that epipens save lives because anaphylaxis means your airways are narrowing, your breathing is becoming blocked, etc... and time is OF THE ESSENCE because it happens so quickly.
So, now my stance is... no epipen = no taking my child anywhere.
She's even insisting on taking him to a baseball game, which tends to have a LOT of peanuts, everywhere. I asked that she find a peanut free zone which the stadium does offer, but she once again belittled the idea and insisted he would be fine.
I'm getting really tired of her treatment toward my son, and my husband has always been a Mama's boy who thinks Mama can do no wrong and defends her endlessly. He says he turned out just fine being raised by her and I worry too much.
Would it be awful if I insist she only see him if I'm present? Am I completely unreasonable and overreacting? Is there anything else I can do so that they'll understand the severity or at the very least take some more precautions?
Grow up Dad!
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I'm more concerned about your husband, does this dumbass understand that his kid could die quite easily from this. thetruthyoucanhandle
His blatant immaturity as a man and father. When you marry a woman, your mother takes a backseat. Period. If you're grown enough to start a family, you're grown enough to prioritize that family above all else.
OP, your husband's responsibility became you and your son as soon as he married you. (The whole thing really frustrates me, and I'm sorry that was how things worked out. Alas...) He is married to you–not his mother.
If he's unwilling to make you and your son a bigger priority than his infantile relationship with his mother, then it is your responsibility to fight for your son despite the cost to your "marriage."
Of course, fighting for your son means preserving your son's relationship with his father. That said, your monster-in-law should not be allowed a single unsupervised visit until you are sure she respects you and your wishes as a mother. internetleftovers
"prove she knows better"
Go make your husband read the r/justnomil post about the grandma who nearly killed her granddaughter with food containing allergens because she didn't take the problem seriously. And if that doesn't work, make him read the post about the woman who did kill her granddaughter with coconut oil when the child was allergic to coconuts. And if that doesn't work, demand counseling to sort through why he refuses to back you up when his child's life is on the line, regardless of who's threatening it.
No epi-pen, no unsupervised outings. It really is as simple as that. And frankly, you're being generous: I would make it no outings, period, until Grandma stops gambling with the kid's life just to "prove she knows better" than you and the doctors. mm172
Grow a Pair!
Your husband needs to grow a bleeding pair. Your son could die if his care is not taken seriously, and even an attack could scar him for life and do serious damage. I'd say, stick to your guns and communicate to your husband he's being a poor father by trying to stay the golden son. GlitterAllie
No Joke.
Allergic reactions are no joke. I am allergic to bee stings and various insect bites. I've never (knock on wood) gone into anaphylactic shock, but I have had a few bad enough reactions to require an ER visit. There is no waiting in the ER when it is an allergic reaction, they take you right away to start treatment immediately. Allergic reactions can go so bad so quickly, you have to take them seriously and take all precautions. Lady_Artemis_1230
Mama's Boy.
This is exactly his issue, maintaining his status as the perfect son in his Mom's eyes. When I asked him to talk to her about the severity of his allergy, he literally said to me, "Sorry that I love my Mama and I trust her? That's your problem if you don't, I'm not going to talk to her."
Not paraphrasing, word for word. I was jaw dropped. Like, I'm thrilled you love your Mom, but this is our son's life in danger...????
We got in a huge argument after that, which didn't really end in any resolution. I'll try communicating with him further though. Pnutproblemz
Avoid the Suffering!
Yo, so I have a peanut allergy, and I just wanna provide the perspective that having an anaphylactic reaction really HURTS and I'm pretty sure I have some level of PTSD from the reactions that I had as a child.
I cannot reiterate enough that it is painful. My skin was on fire, headache like I had a knife through both eyes, body pleading for air that I couldn't get. This is more than a "we will have to go to the hospital and have him fixed" problem, this is an "she will cause your child agony" problem.
You're not just protecting him from a clinical list of symptoms and consequences, you're protecting him from suffering needlessly. 5RabbitsInALongCoat
It's NOT you!
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You're not at all overreacting. Your child's life is more important than whatever your MIL believes. Until she understands how serious and life threatening something like that is, you should be with her. If your husband doesn't understand that it isn't okay for a person with anaphylaxis to always have their epipen on them at all times no matter if they know they're gonna be exposed to peanuts or not then you really need to talk to him.
My brother has anaphylaxis and starts to have visible reactions to even smelling peanuts and his throat will start to be irritated. You get to be protective over his life until they get it. lamestlauren
he is a threat to your child's life.
When she was younger people did have allergies. They just died of them.
She is an unfit grandmother. Your husband needs to decide whether he wants his mother to be happy or his child to be alive.
It would be awful if you let her see him without you present and he died.
Seriously.
Your husband needs to choose between his mother's will and his child's life. And if he chooses his mother, then it turns out you need to choose between your marriage and your child's life.
Start documenting this now. Your mother-in-law's behavior, your husband's insistence that it'll be fine.
Explain to him that you love him, but if you have to choose between him and your son's life then it's your son, and if it does come to that? You're going to need this documentation to ensure that he never, ever gets unsupervised access to your child, because unless he can take a stand against his mother, he is a threat to your child's life. Otherwise_Window
"good old days"
Yeah, this is a logical fallacy I see a lot. "When I was young, nobody had X,"
Or even, "our ancestors never suffered from X, it's our modern lifestyle and all these chemicals..."
Okay, there are some lifestyle-related illnesses (like diabetes). But a lot of the increase in chronic diseases and genetic conditions is because of modern medicine saving babies & kids who wouldn't have survived.
People who are nostalgic for the "good old days" never want to look at stuff like infant mortality. HarrietVane-Jones
Talk all Together....
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Is there any way you could sit down with both of them and a doctor to explain why it's so important he has it with him? It might be that she's not taking it seriously because it's coming from you as horrible as that sounds. Either way you are not overreacting at all! This is your child's life. The fact your husband is not in agreement with you is worrying. Your MIL might not even take him to the hospital even if he did react because apparently "exposure" is a cure 😩 sofie-l
Tragedy.
I came on here to mention the coconut oil one. Literally can't even read that without crying. It's so sad and so avoidable. Do not let anyone who openly threatens to put your child's life in danger. You are in the right here and trust your instinct. TepidBrush
"I can't believe you're alive right now."
This! I have a tree nut allergy and was exposed to a near-death level in high school. There is nothing like having a doctor look you in the eyes and say "I can't believe you're alive right now." I had panic attacks, PTSD dreams where I was choking to death, developed a dependence on sleeping pills to avoid the dreams, and developed an eating disorder (including losing about 40 lbs I didn't have to lose) due to the lasting psychological stress from this experience.
I can't even imagine going through all of that as a young child where I didn't understand what was happening. OP, your husband needs to understand that even if your child is exposed and survives, he probably will have lasting psychological damage from such a traumatic experience. Is grandma's stupidity worth it? snookums666
Talk to a Doctor.
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If you have a regular doctor, it might also be prudent to have your husband educated on what a peanut allergy even is and what the epipen is for/how to use it properly.
Im allergic to many things and had plenty of family and friends think I was being too sensitive despite the asthma attacks I would have in front of them. Thats fine, you cant control their behavior. But what is most concerning to me is the fact that your husband sees this as a non-issue.
Reddit always has two sides of the story and it could've been easy to dismiss your post as FDP if not for the fact your child is LITERALLY PRESCRIBED AN EPIPEN. EmoMixtape
Good Luck.
I know you've had a lot of great replies, but I just wanted to add my own because I've been there as a kid myself.
When I was a toddler, I had a milk allergy. Not anaphylactic, but I would be sick and have diarrhea for a few days. My parents explained this to my grandparents (dad's side) but Grandma didn't believe in allergies, and so when they came to pick me up later on that day I had a chocolate bar in each hand.
I was, unsurprisingly, sick for days. By the time my brother came along, we were no longer left alone with the grandparents, because my brother had (and still has) an anaphylactic egg allergy for which he has an epipen. They weren't about to let my grandparents near my brother considering how they treated my less serious allergy.
Essentially, your MIL should under no circumstances be left alone with your son, and your husband seriously needs to understand that his actions right now are basically saying "I care more about being a momma's boy than I do about my sons life." Follow the other Redditors suggestions and educate him about anaphylaxis, because until he understands that, frankly your sons life is in danger. Good luck. Little_Numbers
Divorce is no Solution.
I've heard stories about children dying because grandma didn't take allergies seriously.
I'd never normally advise someone to consider divorce, but when your husband is putting your child's life in danger, I'd say that's an irreconcilable difference. Better a broken family than a dead child. Valuable_K
If they divorce, the father/grandmother will likely have visits with the child and the mother won't be there. It could be even more dangerous, depending on what type of visitation is allowed. no_mo_usernames
Straight Up Fool.
Your husband is a straight up fool lol. intentions aside, your MIL is actively trying to put his 4 year old kid into life threatening situations on purpose and he's more worried about his big scawwy mommy telling him off?
she is an unfit grandmother, and he is an unfit father. if there's one thing a father is supposed to do, it's to protect their children.
to me, it's as simple as this: they are trying to kill your infant child.
Jesus. r0dents
Protection Above All.
I'm pretty excessively trained in first aid. Allergic reactions like this can cause death in minutes without immediate application of an Epi-pen. Driving to the hospital is not going to be an option 99% of the time. Your MIL is dangerously wrong about this. You aren't overreacting. Do what you have to protect your kid. CretinActual
Cut her Off.
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Nope, you're not overreacting. You've been more than forgiving, and now she's risking the life of your kid by not believing the diagnosis of a damn medical professional. She can screw right off with that nonsense and so can your husband.
I'm allergic to poultry, but not anaphylactic shock level - even then it comes on QUICK. If I ingest any bird product, within minutes I'm spewing vomit like a possessed demon..... so it won't take long for your kid to suffocate before they even realize what's happening.
No messing around here. You're well within your right to cut her off. Who's to say she won't lie to you, say she'll take it seriously, and then risk his life when you're not around? Take her and husband to the next doctor's appointment and have the doctor explain this if need be. fifthsonata
NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
My youngest daughter was diagnosed with a nut allergy at around 7 years old, she's 16 now. Everyone who came around her, or had any contact with her had to follow my strict rules for food. If she went anywhere with anyone, the epipen went, and all persons were instructed on how to use it.
My MIL actually started watching what she made for family holidays. If anyone refused to abide by my rules, it was NC until they did. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
OP you are not in the wrong here. You do not owe anyone an apology for protecting your child. Captsbunni28
Out of Time.
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I think your right to stand your ground about and I don't think you have anything to apologize for. This is something that happens very fast, and is very life threatening if you don't act within minutes. Driving to a hospital or having to wait for a ambulance is time wasted. disorder_ce
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.