When women become mothers, they unlock an innate ability to know everything their child is up to at all times, or so the stories go. Kids, get with the program: You can't hide anything from mom. It's just not possible, as these mothers can attest.'
When learning a new word, our 18 month old runs into the kitchen (away from us so we can't see him) and practices sounding out the word, thinking that we can't hear him. Then he comes back into the family room to delivery the final product.
My coworker found out her 12 year old son was looking at porn on the family computer when his friends were over. She made her husband go talk to him about it. Dad walked into his bedroom, sat down on his bed, and said only
"Your mother knows."
Kid just quietly muttered "oh my god. "
Never had a problem again. Coworker was dying bc he was just typing stuff like "boobs.com" and hoping to strike gold. Kinda sweet.
My 16yr old son watches porn. If you are sitting in bed, laptop on your lap, think about how the screen might reflect off the picture behind you! Geez... At least close the tab when i come in the room...
My 9 year old pretends to go right to sleep when I put her in bed but a soon as I shut her door, I hear the bedside lamp click on and her nightstand drawer open so she can pull out her stashed book(s) and read. I can't be mad. She loves to read and I can't discourage that. So every night I go check on her before I go to bed and put away her book and turn off her light. She has to know it's me doing that but she has never said a word.
I can hear my four year old son walking down the hall when he's supposed to be in bed because he walks like a dinosaur.
I set alarms for the morning on the amazon echo. When I leave the room my daughter cancels them and I hear her snicker "no school tomorrow haha". What she doesn't realize is I also have an alarm clock and my phone. She's five.
My niece(4) is obsessed with rocks. She had an extensive rock collection that my brother and I helped build. when her little sister(2) swallowed a rock from it her parents made her throw out the entire collection. She threw it out and when they weren't looking she got it back out. She keeps it hidden in her closet and i only know about it because i found her playing with it once while babysitting.
My five year old crawls into my bedroom and slides my phone off my night table Saturday mornings. She sneaks into her closet to watch YouTube. She's not allowed to watch YouTube but that extra hour of sleep is glorious. My SO and I act shocked and appalled when one of us finally goes to her closet and 'finds her'.
I know that he's watching YouTube videos about minecraft on his phone when he's supposed to be sleeping. I make a bit of noise in the hallway an hour after bedtime, and listen for the sound of him putting his phone away, then ten minutes later there's undeniable sounds of sleep breathing. I don't wanna always "catch" him. He needs to be able to get away with some things.
My son doesn't eat the sandwiches I make him for lunch at school. He just throws them away and eats the chips and cookie.
My 6 year old has a secret doodle pad that he draws in at bed time. I can hear his lamp click on when he sneaks drawing time in. He will never get in trouble for it.
I know that I walked in on my then 13yo son masturbating. but I let him believe he was stealthy enough that I didn't notice.
I have a three year old and every morning she comes into my room and crawls in bed with me for another 30 minutes before we get up. She has started doing this new thing where when I fall back asleep she will kiss my cheek and tell me how much she loves me. It's a small thing but I love that she does this even though she thinks I'm asleep.
There are a lot of hard things about being a parent and having to wake up early with a toddler but her sweet little voice telling me, "I love you so much mommy" makes it all worth it.
Also, sometimes she will bring me a stuffed animal to cuddle with too.
I know my 13 year old daughter takes an Uber to school when it's raining or when she is running late. She doesn't realise her Uber account is connected to my credit card and she must think the Uber fairy pays for it.
My three year old daughter doesn't understand whispering to herself isn't the same as thinking in your head, she loves to call people idiots to herself and giggle not knowing we can all actually hear her.
When my 9 year old is in the shower forever, I know it's because she's trying to hide the fact that she's crying because she misses her dad. It's been almost 3 months since he died, and she's still getting used to the fact that he's gone.
My daughter used to do this. "eat a cookie" and ask for another.
I found hundreds of cookies squirreled around various drawers and inside toys and under her bed.
She must have died in the great depression in a past life or something.
I know his hiding spot for hide and seek. I know exactly where he is. Hell, I can see him; behind the stroller isn't the greatest cover. I can hear him too, as he answers my exaggerated "Are you behind the couch?!??!?" with "No!"
But I'll still look for him everywhere, until he creeps out and shouts "BOO", so I can gasp and be ever-so-surprised.
Because toddlers can be fun, if you play along.
Have a daughter in college. Her first summer back home I went to wash all of her clothes she brought back (as a college girl, it was at least 4 loads), as I sorted her clothes before washing them out tumbled butt-plugs wrapped in a bag.
So I carefully wrapped them back up and slid them back into her things.
My eldest stepdaughter, 14, borrows my clothes and returns them to my closet when she's done wearing them. Not that big of a deal, but I really wish she'd ask. She goes to great length to deny that she likes my style of clothing...She will hide them in her bookbag and change in the bathroom at school. I've tried buying her similar styles in her own size (she's a medium, I'm a large/xl) but she still always goes right back to mine. I'm honored that she likes my style, even if it's in secret, and hope that one day we can use this as a bonding experience.
My eldest son, 13, still sleeps with his plush Dalek at night. He waits until his brother (they share a room) goes to sleep, then gets it out of the top of the closet and sleeps with it, and returns it to its place in the morning. I hope he never grows out of loving something so dearly that he just can't part with it.
My middle stepdaughter, 11, and youngest daughter, 10, are full on pissed that they weren't born as twins. Seriously angry about it. So, they created their own "not-twin-twin club" and have their own secret language. The scary part is that they actually ACT like twins sometimes, to the point that if one of them is upset or hurt, the other knows about it without even being there. I hope they are always this close and share that special bond.
My youngest stepson, 9, leaves treasures for the rest of the kids to find. He has no clue that everyone in the house knows it's him because he isn't the least bit sneaky lol. He will find a pretty rock shaped like a heart and leave it for one of the girls or find an interesting looking old coin and leave it for his brother, sometimes he'll stumble across a discarded marble or something similar and leave it for his father and I. He swears it's the backward pirate that does it. I love that he has such a giving heart and hope he continues doing for others with no particular reason in mind other than to see them smile.
When she was three, my oldest thought if she couldn't see us, we couldn't see her. She would cover her eyes then try to sneak into the kitchen for snacks. I let it go on (other than watching to make sure she didn't fall) mostly because it was hilarious.
I do my kids laundry still, I went into her room while she was at school one day to grab her laundry and I found a note mixed in with her clothes it was a confession about liking girls to her best friend and to scared to tell anyone. Not going to lie and say I wasn't shocked ,she played it off amazing that she was into boys. I didn't share what I found with her or anyone else and a year later she came out to me and a few other people. I honestly struggled containing myself for that whole year waiting for the day I could just tell her I love and accept her for who she is and not to date crappy girls. For Christmas she asked me for pride stuff, I got it and she opened it in front of everyone in the family who had no idea so she could come out to them. I think she was more shocked that all the guys were just giving her the red flags of crazy women talk and not judging her.
My 17 y/o son copped to sneaking beer but I know it was my other (13 y/o) son. I don't say anything because the other 23.5 hours of the day my oldest is a complete a-hole and picks on his younger brother constantly. I secretly enjoy the fact that he is in trouble because he is such an a-hole all of the time.
I know that my nearly 14 year old daughter is inarguably gay. I don't know if she recalls, but when she was much, much younger she used to ask me questions like "What if I want to have a baby but I don't want to have a husband?" Of course, at the time, I just thought it was funny. But as she has aged it's become more and more obvious that boys are of no interest to her.
I've tested the waters once or twice to see if she may be ready to talk about it yet. She didn't engage so I have never pressed further than casual conversation.
My only fear is that she is holding on to a secret because she worries about how we may react. I can't bear the thought of her carrying something like that.
I like to think maybe SHE hasn't figured it out yet and that's why she hasn't brought it up, since we otherwise have a very open relationship.
Either way, I know. I think maybe Mom's always know. And I also know she is going to make one lucky girl very, very happy one day.
When my 20 month old is grunting and her face turns red, and I ask rhetorically, "are you pooping". She gets upset and shakes her head "no".
I say, "you should sit on the toilet". She runs away so she doesn't have to sit on the toilet.
But the kid loves sitting on the toilet when she doesn't have to go?!