Man Postpones Wedding To Live With Ex Wife To Support Her Through Cancer Treatment, And His Fiancée Is Conflicted
But what would you do in this situation? Someone is clearly in need of help, but someone else's needs are being ignored.
u/engagedthrowaway---- told us the tale:
My [26F] fiance's [28M] ex-wife [28F] has cancer. He's moved in with her and postponed our wedding.
"Max" and I dated for two years and have been engaged for 9 months, with the wedding date set for early January. We have a healthy, honest relationship, and I've never had any reason to doubt him.
He and "Caroline" were high school sweethearts who married very young (They were both twenty-two, right out of college). They divorced after two years. Max told me that they got married too quickly and didn't realise how different their relationship would be in the "real world," i.e. when they were both working full-time jobs and struggling to pay the rent. They split up on good terms, but didn't keep in touch. He remained in our home city, while she pursued a modelling career and began travelling extensively.
Three months ago, Caroline contacted Max over Facebook out of the blue, saying she was in town and wanted to meet for coffee. He agreed. Over coffee, she told him that she had recently been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Her odds of survival were low, but she was determined to fight it through surgery and chemo. She said that all she wanted was for Max to be by her side throughout her treatment.
Caroline's parents died shortly after she married Max. She has no siblings and the rest of her family lives overseas. She described Max as the closest thing to family she has left.
I absolutely sympathise with Caroline. The next day Max had her over to our apartment and she was completely lovely, clearly trying very hard to be optimistic even in the face of her life potentially ending before she turns 30. I feel terrible for her and for the situation that she's in, and I fully supported Max being there for her.
Her first surgery was later that month. Max flew across the country (we live on the east coast, she's on the west) and checked into a hotel a few minutes from her apartment. He's a writer, so working from his laptop is no issue. We spoke on the phone or on Skype almost every day for the two weeks he was over there.
Caroline had her surgery at the beginning of June. Unfortunately, it was not entirely successful. Her doctors moved to the next method, chemo.
Max came home after her surgery to tell me this. He explained that Caroline's treatment plan was set to begin in July and end in late January. It would be an incredibly difficult time period for her, and she wanted him with her at all times.
We can't afford to pay for a hotel until January, so he moved into her apartment, sleeping on her sofa. He's been there for the past month and we continue to Skype, though only a couple times a week now. When we spoke yesterday, Max gently told me that based on Caroline's condition, he wouldn't feel right leaving her so close to the end of her treatment. He'd like for us to postpone the wedding until February, at the very least, so that he can stay with her until her treatment is over.
I'm so conflicted. I feel awful for resenting Caroline at all - she has cancer! She's suffering immensely. But the resentment is still there. I resent her for needing Max constantly holding her hand, as though she has absolutely no friends of her own. I resent Max, too, for agreeing to this situation. We won't be seeing each other in person for months now, on top of our wedding being postponed.
I don't know what to do. I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. Right now I'm just full of anger and guilt, and I don't know how to explain it to anyone else in my life.
Here were some of the answers.
He's intending on living with his ex until February?
And you are to do what? Just wait?
No, your resentment and discomfort is not wrong.
I feel intense sympathy for her, for your partner, absolutely. Death is a terrifying cold thing.
But he's supposed to be with you. It was not her right to ask him to be with her as a husband is through this horror.
(Did she ask you?)
My fear is...okay, so February comes, her chemo's done, now she's weak and miserable from chemo. Is he going to leave her then, feeling like that?
He should not have asked you over Skype. He should have been there in person.
When is the next time you are supposed to see him?
You have the right to resent Max, he picked his ex-wife over his fiance.
He may 'feel' like he has a responsibility to her but he has a responsibility to his future wife. He is asking you to put your life on hold for his ex-wife.
You absolutely have the right to feel angry about this.
Can you see yourself marrying him after this?
I've read your edit, and I think you also need to confront the lack of communication as well. I don't understand how Max is unable to Skype you or call you on google hangouts at least everyday. Even if it's going on while he's working on writing, at least you would have time to see him online. It seems ridiculous that you can't just get a hold of him when you need to, while Caroline can.
I think all of you painting Caroline as if she did something wrong are stupid. Max deserves 100% of the blame. Caroline is allowed to ask whoever she wants whatever she wants to ask them.
Max is allowed to say "no, ex-wife, I won't leave my wife-to-be for you, not now, not ever", and not face any judgement, because what an absurd thing that is to do.
OP, I don't know how you can possibly recover from this one. You are not selfish to leave this relationship. You are not selfish to tell him he comes home right now or it's over. You're not selfish to resent him or her for what they've put on you, but you should make sure you understand that HE is 100% to blame for this. He, at every moment along this path, should've taken a look around and realized he was engaged to you, not her, and it is not his fault that she has no one closer than him.
Also, he's literally living with his ex-wife. Can you imagine any circumstance where a guy leaves his fiancee to live with his ex-wife and they aren't, at the very least, cuddling and extremely emotionally intimate?
I'd be done with him, if I was you, what an obscenely selfish man.
Her request that he pick up his life and live with her indefinitely is extremely unreasonable. She will likely die, but what if she hangs on for years of painful treatment? Will he be expected to be there through all that? Will you be expected to just wait it out and not start your married life? And I know you say she sees him as family, but she's not treating him well at all if she's asking him to completely derail his future to provide her with a better present.
Yes, she has cancer and that's awful. But that does not give her license to hijack your husband. Her expectations are outrageous, but your husband is the real problem. Not only has he abandoned you physically, but he hardly ever contacts you. He gives Caroline 24/7 attention but can't be bothered to skype with you every day? Dude....
I had a similar situation like this with a cousin of mine. He was dying of cancer and he moved in with his ex-wife and his ex-wife's current husband. And she took care of him until he passed away. And that was really all there was to it. So it could be a legitimate show of compassion.
But you are in a unique situation with you not living in the same place as him as well as not being married. My sympathies are with you and I hope you find your way.
He's honestly acting like he's still married to her. Please be careful and anticipate him maybe turning around and telling you he's fallen in love with her again. Also prepare yourself to deal with a heavily broken fiance once she passes. He's getting too involved in this, good terms or no. Even if she is sick, they no longer have wedding vows. They're divorced. Yet, he's still up keeping his "in sickness and in health" portion of the vow. That's incredibly unfair to you. It's incredibly rude and inconsiderate of her to just call upon your fiance to take of her because she's sick. I understand she has no one, but she's disrupting your future with your fiance.
A lot of couples realize they committed too young, split, and remain close friends. It's normal for friends to support one another and it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to stay a little while to help her make arrangements and get settled. Especially if she doesn't have a huge support network.
But moving in with her and pushing your wedding back? What about YOU? What about your relationship and your future and what about what you need? What if you should get sick or injured while he's living there? You've been completely supplanted and truthfully, if I were you, I probably would end the relationship.
It might be over by January/February, and he might come home by then. So, you get to be all alone for the next 4-5 months, doing all the wedding planning and prep yourself? Just in time for him to bop home and put the ring on your finger?
And are your finances combined? Is some of your money being used to pay for all the trips?
How much do you want to bet that his ex will beg him to stay after this round of treatment is up? She feels so weak, so sick, he's like her family. Riiiight. So, what, then you get to postpone the wedding?
Balls to that.
He needs to get his *ss on a plane and return now. It's not your problem, nor your husband's problem, to make her feel better. Maybe she should've made more of an effort to maintain strong relationships and a good support network of family and friends. This is YOUR TIME with YOUR fiancé. He can Skype her and visit every few months, but that's it. Seriously, he expects you to put your lives together on hold? F***ing seriously? You're not a 1950s housewife of a military man who has been deployed.
They did not keep in contact. That she is demanding him to be there for her is utterly selfish. She had a good life, traveled a lot. I am sure she made good friends.
I don't think he is closer to her than her relatives. It is not his duty to be there for her. If even the relatives cannot come to visit her, why should he?
Also, postponing the wedding would not be an option for me.
There is no reason that he has to spend all that tine before the wedding with her. If she were important, they would have stayed in touch.
I lost a friend through cancer - but not once was she this demanding at any time.
You should set clear boundaries with your future husband.
The worst human beings are those who cloak it behind a facade of righteousness.
"Oh, I'll ditch my fiance for a year to live with a model whom I used to have sex with. But I'm totally a great guy, because she has cancer."
sad trombone noise
Max is living with his ex. She was his first love. She is probably dying of cancer. Oh yea, she's also beautiful enough to have traveled the world through modeling. Sorry girl, but there is no way they haven't slept together. While her situation is very sad, it is completely unreasonable for Max to ask that you put your relationship and life on hold until she recovers or passes. If she recovers, they'll get back together. If she dies, he'll be heartbroken. In neither situation do you get the man that you once wanted to marry.
If I were you I would probably just chose to break up with him. Honestly, he does not seem like he is in a good place to be married and traumatic experience like these can make emotions and feeling very confusing. I would just remove myself from the picture and tell him to go.
I mean, I would personally not fly out to stay with someone unless they were for sure terminal. Because once you're terminal they pump you full of needs until you pass. But since she isn't terminal yet, he should just visit and not stay with her. Because she could possibly live through it or not, but it's not his responsibility to her to wait it out. It would be too emotionally draining and could bring up false emotions. I don't think either of them had bad intentions with this, but it can't easily turn into a sticky situation. I would have him return home until she had gone terminal and then go from there.
One of my best friends, Dave, was diagnosed with stage four stomach cancer in March, he passed away last month. Throughout the end of his life his former life partner, Lindsey, was by his side as much as she could be, which was extremely challenging for her because she was also planning her wedding, which happened the weekend after he passed. Her husband to be, Dan, supported Lindsey and Dave as much as they could as Dave transitioned out of his life. It was extremely challenging for everyone. I don't know if Lindsey was still in love with Dave, although she clearly loved him deeply. How could she not? They spent so much of their lives as team mates, they knew each other so well. Beyond their romance was a genuine deep connection. There was no way Lindsey would have not been there for him. If Dan had asked her not to I don't know if they could have continued on in their relationship.
I don't think he would have asked that of her though. There is something extremely sacred about a person's death that kind of...cancels out all the other bullshit. When someone you love or have loved is leaving this planet the right thing to do is to be there for them and hold their hand while they go through the pain, the loss, and the passing. That is the right thing for him to do.
I don't know what the nature of your relationship with your husband is, how you deal with jealousy specifically, but I do know that the death of a loved one comes above all else. I think you should support him as much as he needs it. He needs to be there for her, he has made that clear. Try not to take it as a you versus her decision. This is very very different than any of the other decisions he has to make about your relationship. Because, it's not about your relationship... it's about her leaving this world... one of the most powerful experiences this life has to offer...
This isn't to say that you should be excluded or closed off from him. He needs to include you, his current partner, in this process with his former partner. Can you handle that? These are new territories for you, him, and her. Maybe you can all work together to process this together? You don't have to be excluded from this and I'm sure your husband would benefit from your support.
I'm so sorry you're all going through this. I'd love to talk more with you about this and what my friends went through, as I was very close with Dave. PM me if you want to talk.
I've ended a long term relationship with an ex-fiancé before. We had dated from high school into our mid-twenties. Neither of were closed to our families and for a long time, we were each other's worlds.
Then we grew up and our worlds grew bigger. One day, she wanted to go left and I wanted to go right so we split.
I loved her and part of me will always wonder what could have been.
Years later, she called me in a crisis. A new relationship had gone south in a tragic way. A child had been conceived, abuse, two thousand miles from home and no money.
This was my opportunity to show her, to show myself, that I was better than she believed. That I was strong enough to rescue her and could finally silence all doubts cast by her, her friends, her family,
So I left my house, took time off work, kissed my wonderful girlfriend on the cheek and drove two thousand miles and moved her and the child two thousand miles home.
It was dumb but it was also something that I needed to do. See, it wasn't about sex. It wasn't about her. It was about rescuing someone that represented my youth and carefree days that we're starting to seem so distant the longer I spent working late nights in an office. It was about proving to myself that i was dependable, strong, and capable. And part of it was because I still loved her.
Maybe your fiancé is dumb like I was. Maybe he's scared that you two will soon marry and he left his last marriage in failure. Maybe he sees this as a chance to prove something or fix something he can't quite put into words. Maybe he still loves his ex like I loved mine... Not in that romantic or sexual way but like some cherished memento of something that once was.
I don't know. I guess I'm saying is before you go issue an ultimatum, you two should talk about why he's doing this. I promise you, it's not sex.
Any engaged couple looks forward to the big day when after months of planning, they get to tie the knot and declare their love in front of family and friends.
What could possibly go wrong?
It turns out there are so many variables that can contribute to making the bride and groom's celebration a major matrimonial miss.
Curious to hear examples of weddings gone wrong, Redditor lolf**kno asked:
"Those who have been to a ruined wedding, what happened?"
Dramatic brawls and speeches plagued these weddings.
Catty Attendees And Booze
"Very beautiful wedding in a huge barn at this apple orchard. They must have spent a ton of money on the decorations and catering because it looked like something out of a magazine. The ceremony was great, the flower girl did her thing, the vows got everyone choked up. Everything seemed to be going well. Not even 15 minutes into the reception the mothers of the bride and groom getting into a full out brawl, hair pulling, red wine being thrown. Their sons jump in to defend their honor, chairs start being throw, tables are flipped, parents are grabbing children and running for their lives."
"The bride and groom are horrified and leave immediately and head back their honeymoon suite. My fiancé and I left after this as well but we heard from some other friends that most people ended up staying and getting wasted at the open bar on the bride and groom's dime. Apparently, the fight started because one of the groom's sister complimented the bride's grandmother's dress. The bride's mom thought she was being sarcastic and called her a b*tch, then the drama ensued. Mind you they had all been pregaming the wedding pretty hard."
Playing For The Drunk Uncle
"I played a wedding where as we started playing the set, everyone ran outside and nobody was to be seen for the rest of the night."
"I originally assumed it was because nobody liked us but the bride came in afterwards and said there was a huge fight involving multiple members of both families and everyone basically went home upset, injured or in a police van."
"We couldn't stop playing since we were payed and it was our job, and the only person watching was the drunk uncle dancing on his own asking for requests we didn't know."
Maid Of Honor Speech Goes Off The Rails
"Was a guest of friend of the bride, did not know anyone attending. Very expensive over the top place, several hundred guests of this very Italian wedding. Maid of honor grabs mic at the cocktail hour begins her speech, rambling, drunk. Quickly devolves to stating the recently deceased mother of the bride was against this wedding and that's basically what killed her. Plus Vinny will never give up sex workers. She is tackled by several people and dragged away."
"The happy couple is separated and divorced within a year."
This is what happens when bad luck crashes weddings.
Tumbling Into The Sunset
"I work at a golf course with a lot of history behind it. We do wedding venues inside the clubhouse and the actual ceremony is held outside by the historic water fountain and large pond."
"First problem was the weather. I live in the high desert and it was very warm. A solid 90 degrees that day and it was also pretty windy. So everyone's outside, no umbrellas, no ezups."
"The next problem, and probably the worst, was the golf cart incident. The bride and groom wanted to 'ride into the sunset' on one of our golf carts. Drive around a little bit on the golf course. To be fair, it is beautiful on the course during sunset. However the cart had somehow gotten a nail in the tire, tire went flat, battery on the cart went crazy and the cart ended up freaking out. It came to an complete stop from 15mph to zero. The wheels and mechanisms locked up, almost seizing. Both the bride and groom (fairly overweight mind you) both fell out and rolled over a few times. They were totally okay, just a few bruises and perhaps a bruised ego or two. So retrieving that cart was fun."
"And last but not least, the power inside the clubhouse went out to do the high winds. There was no after party available. Only the cake was cut, hardly any food was given out. Yeah, not a great day to cover for someone on your day off."
"I was not born yet, but my parents rented the observation deck on the Hancock building in Boston for their reception. Tallest building in the city, beautiful view. My dad pored over historic weather charts to figure out what day was statistically most likely to be nice out. Day of the wedding comes and of course, thick fog unlike anything they'd ever seen before. Couldn't see a thing out the windows of the room they had picked specifically for the view."
"Worked out well though, they were happily married for nearly 30 years before cancer took my dad's life a few years ago."
"There's one other funny anecdote from that wedding: The wedding was held in Kings Chapel, which is an incredibly historic church here in downtown Boston that's somewhat of a major tourist attraction. To close that on a weekend afternoon for a wedding, it turns out, was not very expensive. The tourists waiting outside to see the church didn't know that, though, and someone started the rumor that my parents were incredibly wealthy, maybe even Kennedys. As a result, there were tons of people taking photos of them when they left the ceremony. Not sure if any of them ever figured out that my parents were most certainly not rich or famous."
"I was best man at my sister in laws wedding (stepped in for the brother of the groom, that's another story entirely)."
"For a whole year of planning all the bride (SIL) wanted was a dove release while they said handwritten vows to each other. Very small, non denominational (most of the family are atheist anyway) wedding."
"Day arrives (early summer) and something is off with the bird handlers. They show up a bit late and are sourcing help from the wedding party to get everything in line. When the time comes to say their vows I help the handler carry the chest with the doves in it over to what is to be the altar where the bride and groom are standing."
"Vows are just about wrapping up and the handler gives ME the signal to open the chest. I open it and see 20-30 DEAD DOVES IN THE CRATE!!!! I immediately close it to try and limit who knows what happened. Too late. The look of horror on the bride's was all that was needed. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer everyone up but by the end of the reception the entire wedding party had organized and filed animal cruelty complaints on the handler. It was all anyone could focus on."
Tragic losses unfortunately befell leading up to or at a couple's nuptials.
The Wedding Guest Who Left Too Soon
"When I was 6 or 7 I went to a cousin's wedding. Everything was fabulous for little me, so much sugar everywhere, basically heaven. The reception was in a big community center that was reserved for the occasion. Went to the girls' bathroom, passing by the men's room to see my uncle on the floor. Went back to the main room to tell my dad my uncle was looking weird. Well, uncle had a stroke and had died."
"The bride spent the rest of the afternoon crying, and everyone except close family left."
"Bright side is the mariage is still going strong 20 years later, despite what happened that day."
A Terminal Diagnosis
"Leading up to my friends wedding his father had been battling cancer after a terminal diagnosis. And it was touch and go whether he would be well enough to attend the wedding, in the end he was too unwell to attend despite wishing that he could."
"Just as we got to the wedding reception my friend was informed that his father had just passed away. It was devastating."
"Happened to my classmate. He is successful middle level manager, divorced, about 35yo or so. Found a girl of his dreams but from a provincial poor town. The girl insisted to have the wedding in her town to show off her 'success.' The wedding is crashed by her old friends including male friends who are not that sophisticated and have some tense feelings towards the successful groom from the city. Somebody starts a fight in the middle of wedding, groom is trying to stop it and got stabbed in the back. Died right there. And he was my classmate."
An Unfortunate Trespassing
"The wedding was at a state park that's famous for its giant gorge/waterfall. I don't know whose idea this was, but someone suggested a photo overlooking this gorge and everybody was game. The wedding party went around a stone security barrier and the maid of honor literally fell off the cliff to her death. It was like 500+ feet."
With a lot riding on a wedding to go off without a hitch, the mounting pressure is one where something is surely to buckle.
And because wedding guests are usually inebriated and high on the buzz of celebration, they throw caution to the wind and make some choices they wouldn't make under normal circumstances.
People's ill-advised actions can have regretful consequences, but no one expects death to be an outcome.
Fortunately, the weddings I've attended or heard about from friends were not as catastrophic as the anecdotes mentioned above.
While the Redditors' stories are sorrowful, it gives me a sense of relief these devastating examples are rare occurrences.
Sometimes I think back to a teacher I had when I was a kid who demanded to know whether any of us were "raised in a barn" in response to crappy behavior. Namely littering. She hated littering. Can you blame her? It's a horrible habit and some people do it with no sense of shame. She dedicated much of her time to telling students to pick up after themselves and dispose of things properly. For that, I'm thankful.
But why didn't anyone else get the memo? The trash I see on the streets is obscene.
People had lots of thoughts to share after Redditor SneakyStriedker876 asked the online community,
"What seemingly uncivilized thing is commonplace in society?"
"We delight in the deaths of others as long as we feel it was justified. But when the reverse happens we act all high and mighty like we wouldn't engage in the same behavior."
"Slaughtering each other..."
"Slaughtering each other via warfare to solve political differences. It's standard policy worldwide."
Indeed it is. And it seems impossible to stop.
"Littering. Especially dropping cigarette butts on the ground/flicking them out the window.
The world is not your personal ashtray/garbage bin."
Every now and then I find new trash in my yard and I am constantly amazed by how nasty people can be.
"Mobbing someone because of their opinion or for a comment they made a long time ago, even if that time was yesterday."
"Xenophobia. The fact that racism and racial violence still exist is an indicator that we're still tribal primates in fancy clothes."
And it makes no sense! It's not based in reality. We are truly a tribal species.
"Shouting while arguing, refusing to listen to the opinions of others, basically the inability to debate and maintain proper communication."
"Letting people die..."
"Letting people die of curable conditions simply because they can't afford healthcare."
Probably the biggest reason why much of the Western world looks at the United States with shame in their eyes.
"Parents forcing their kids to hug family/friends despite the kid being uncomfortable doing it. They feel uncomfortable for a reason."
"During the holiday season..."
"During the holiday season, customers take products off of our online fulfillment carts. Y'all have legs. Get your own."
"Using phone speakers..."
"Using phone speakers in public. I don't care what you and your friend think about that restaurant, or how much that Spotify jam speaks to you. Nobody else wants to hear it."
We truly need to stop all of these, don't you think?
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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I love presents. I try to hide my enthusiasm, and I do my best to appease the greater public by saying "it's the thought that counts." But that is a WHOLE lie. I don't just love gifts, I love great gifts. And if you go rogue from my lists, please keep a receipt. It's just plain rude to divert from what the recipient has requested.
This thought process has emerged from experience. I have received some trash presents over the years and now I'm too old to pretend you just went crazy while shopping. Like... "do you even know me?!"
Redditor u/sulemannkhann wanted to hear all about the presents some of us have received that we prayed, came with a receipt, by asking:
What's the worst birthday gift you ever got?
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks FamiliarBroad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy
"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basicslaw school finals GIFGiphy
"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy
"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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I'm still on the fence about this whole extraterrestrial situation. I need more proof. Now I'm not naive enough to think that in this vast, endless universe only the human race exists. I just need proof, tangible, solid, didn't see it from my trailer through beer goggles proof.
I also need proof about the afterlife, another out there topic. Truth be told, I've never been that into this whole conversation. I've got enough daily problems on this planet, let alone worrying about making Will Smith's biggest hits into documentaries and not just popcorn/comedy space farce.
But let's compare thoughts...
Redditor u/ValencikHannibal197 wanted to discuss life beyond this planet, what do we really think? They asked:
What's the best theory on UFOs or aliens you've ever heard??
I definitely wouldn't turn down an excursion to AREA 51. I'd like to poke around and get a sense of the place. I've never personally been up close and face to face with a "non-Earther." Not sure I'd like to be...
TV Truthx files monkey pee GIF by The X-FilesGiphy
"UFOs/Aliens are a cover for all of the secret projects that the government is working on. Actually stole that from the X files."
"How human birth parallels alien abductions:
- Babies are taken from their home (womb)
- They still developing sight, so they see bright lights and grey figures.
- They hear an "alien" language they don't understand.
- They suddenly feel cold after leaving their womb.
- They are in a surgery room being poked with tons of instruments.
Long story short: some people suggest that abductions are just people who had memories of their birth."
In the Mind
"I just don't think anyone will ever see this. But I think that UFO's are the projection of our unconscious collective mind. Everything that exists in reality, also exists, in our immaterial mind. Is it possible that the insides of our mind are also just one drop in the ocean of consciousness... and together we create the material reality were in, simply by experiencing it in a real way, inside-out through our senses."
"My father was an aircraft mechanic and fabricator for test and spy aircraft for the USAF. He spent 75-85 working with test aircraft. He said that when they were going to do a test, that could possibly be seen by the public, they would make a betting pool on how many UFO reports local authorities and flight towers received."
Under the Seasci-fi ufo GIFGiphy
"I like the idea that some UFOs aren't machines. Instead they are some sort of Upper-Atmosphere Jellyfish. I found the issue of Fortean Times that had this article. Here's the cover: http://ft.gjovaag.com/q/images/a/ae/FT291.jpg"
Interesting. There are some ideas we can look into. None of it proof, but possibilities. There are certainly plenty of future film ideas.
"We are like that un contacted tribe and everyone agrees not to bother us."
"I've heard it explained from a channel (idk if you know what channeling is) kinda like this. First of all, we as a species tend to freak out, shoot first and ask questions later. Most humans would have a literal psychotic break. You have to believe in vibrational energy as it relates to our consciousness."
"The aliens (certain ones) are at such a higher level that it would be jarring for us to come in close contact with. We are slowly getting there but it's a process. Like 2012, end of the Mayan calendar, wasn't the end of the world it was the end of an energy cycle that we as the human race had never made it past before."
"Previous civilizations have been destroyed or destroyed themselves before they got this far. We passed a point where we are very unlike to destroy ourselves anymore. This doesn't mean we won't see some real bad hardships yet but we will keep progressing."
"train your eyes"Dancing GIFGiphy
"I was a firm believer in t em when I was in high school and kept googling theories and info in my spare time and during my study halls. They said their bodies were so lightweight or something that the reason why you can't see the evidence is that they disintegrate before hitting the ground."
"And then LOL it was so funny, some people would swear you could "train your eyes" to see rods... HhhahAHAHAHA. Like there were these experts. Video showed him walking around with a serious face, then pointing. And he's like, "that was one just there." "You can't see them, you have to be used to them... like me."
"I've spent many years immersed into hunting them finding them. That's why I can see them." And then one day China, who loves occult stuff, had like a lab that set up a nighttime camera to capture footage of rods at night... then realized they were normal bugs at overexposure. lol"
"The Dark Forest theory. Basically the theory that the reason we haven't made contact is because all the other civilized life in the universe/galaxy knows not to broadcast their location. They've learned that there's something awful or predatory lurking in the dark forest of our galaxy, and that it's better if they keep to themselves."
"That the universe is so vast that we haven't been discovered yet."
"This makes sense to me because traversing the distance to or from even our our stellar neighbors would require technology that is not known to us now or likely to be known by us anytime soon if it's even possible at all. To assume without evidence that aliens could possess this technology and have visited us does not meet my skeptical standards."
Back and Forthback to the future great scott GIFGiphy
"Time travel exists, and UFO sightings are actually future humans coming back to our time. That is why they are so discreet, and never openly make contact."
I hope time travel exists. Now that I'm onboard for. If aliens do exist... just come on out guys. We could probably use your help.
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