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Welcome to adulthood.

You now have to pay bills every month, remain employed, put logistical effort into maintaining friendships, and face the truth that the Santa Claus in the mall was just a dude with a comfortable leg.


And thanks to the anonymous, crowd-sourcing wonders of the internet, we now have access to a behind-the-scenes look at the Mall Santa profession.

It all goes to fostering a greater appreciation of the mall Santa.

These are velveteen warriors. They're glasses-halfway-down-the-nosers, majestic polar kings on the throne.

And oh my goodness do they have stories to tell.

Witt461 asked, "Mall Santas of Reddit, what is the most memorable thing a child has asked for?"

On the Nice List

"I've been a Mall Santa every Christmas for a couple years. This one, I'd have to say...4 year old once asked for his 'mommy and daddy to lov each ofver.' His dad was the one taking him."

"The next year, he came back and thanked me. Both his parents were there. I almost cried."

-- Ulavala

One and Only Request

"Never a mall Santa, but I was santa claus for Halloween one year and a kid came up to me asking for caterpillars." -- eldercrocling420

"What is this some kind of crossover episode?" -- TraditionSeparate

"This is like breakfast for dinner." -- Decent-Unit-5303

Tough to Deliver in the Sleigh 

"This was in 2005 so I was a junior in High school and I was Santa's helper (elf) along with another girl who was also Santa's helper and this little boy came and asked Santa for a pirate ship."

"But the kid couldn't pronounce his r's that well so it sounded like he said he wanted a pile of sh** for Christmas."

"The mall Santa I was working with looked confused as hell so I had to tell him that he said he wanted a pirate ship not a pile of sh**."

"When my shift was done I went to my car and laughed till I couldn't breathe. I tell this story every Christmas."

-- AM_Conspiracy

This Way for Heartbreak 

"I took over a property from a friend once that was being rented out to drug addicts. They were already way behind on rent payments, and we put them out."

"They left behind the worst mess imaginable."

"As I was cleaning out the kids' room, I found a letter to Santa from what I guess must have been a six or seven year old girl. It read 'Dear Santa, if you can please get me one thing for Christmas. If you can't, it's ok.'"

-- Substantial_Remote62

Bothering Santa On His Break 

"A few years ago I was waking the dog late and I approach a family at the bus stop, instantly three children run at me. DO NOT BOTHER THE GENTLEMAN a stern voice commands."

"The older of the kids stops in his track. The middle kid slows to a stop."

"But the youngest runs at me, stops in my path, crosses her arms and ANGRILY declarers Santa, why did you lose you way and not find our house AGAIN?"

"I stated I was not Santa but she wasn't having any, gave me a rant on my incompetence as I waked away."

"I shaved."

-- lobamansa

This Christmas: A Militia 

"When I was 3 or 4 my mom took me to the mall santa. I had an unhealthy fascination with military small arms at the time."

"I made a list of every firearm I could imagine and a list of volatile materials to boot. I had a multi-page list in hand that even the A - Team would envy."

"When I showed my list to the santa he said nothing to me. He simply gave my mom a very disapproving look over his spectacles."

"My mom snapped a picture right at that point showing the upset santa with a very excited me explaining every entry on my list."

"We still have that picture and the story is shared every Christmas with friends and relatives."

-- FluffySheelRule

A Magic Moment 

"I was an elf. I remember we had this young Santa that worked with us. Not many like him since he looked young for the part."

"He was on shift one evening and we had this little girl come who was hearing impaired."

"Well this young Santa made her day by knowing Sign Language. They were able to have a conversation with each other."

"I remember the Mom crying a bit."

-- Wash80

Human After All 

"Not the Santa but the most memorable for me was when I was 10."

"I asked for a clock radio for my room and Santa looked taken aback and then looked at me like that was the dumbest f***ing thing I could have asked for."

"To this day I still chuckle about it because I have no idea why he seemed so offended."

-- _unmarked

An Early Skeptic 

"Years ago I took my son to see Santa. As we waited, we were able to overhear some of the kids talking to Santa ahead of us. One little boy said, 'I just want Grandpa to be okay.' Awwww."

"Santa replied with something we couldn't hear and then the child yelled, 'That's the same BULLSH** my mom says! You guys are LIARS, he told me can't even PEE anymore!!'"

"I still wonder if that kid got a catheter in his stocking that Christmas."

-- SuzQP

Merely a Representative 

"I wasn't a Santa , I was an elf but I heard anyway, they asked for the real Santa to listen to them." -- StarDestroyer10

"That's gotta hurt" -- Logischer_Panda

"They musta had one of those parents who gets their kid educational stuff and stuff that the parent wants for the child, not stuff the child wants." -- TraditionSeparate

Just Heartbreaking 

"I think I broke some poor Santa guy. The Christmas after my identical twin died, I asked for her to come home." -- PeepsDeBeaul

"Oh my god this f***ing broke my heart." -- TraditionSeparate

"As a mom to identical twin girls I feel like I can't breathe just reading this comment. I'm so sorry... sending hugs from an internet stranger." -- ForgetfulSheep

Santa Delivered

"I remember working as a mall Santa a while back to earn some cash. One kid asked me for his dad to come back safe from the military."

"His mom smiled at me, then next thing I know, I got a letter saying how grateful he was."

-- SetriKid

The Gift of Security 

"I once convinced a kid that I was watching to ask Santa for some bladder control medicine. Santa didn't find it as funny as myself and the kid did though." -- blindgirlandherguide

"I am told that getting pee'd on is a job hazard / perk for Santas...if you had not heard about this, your prank is even funnier!" -- SG14ever

Modest Request 

"I've never been a mall santa, but i have a relevant experience."

"I was an ALT in Japan a couple of years ago now, and we had an English speaking test where I would ask each student what they wanted for Christmas."

"Most were all like 'I want an iPhone XR' or maybe snacks or something, but one kid said he just wanted a mechanical pencil.."

-- ninthtale

Even the Big Man Got Choked Up 

"I'm not a mall Santa, but I was Santa's elf for 2 years when I was younger. I was the helping set up kids and getting them to smile, not the one taking pictures."

"The request thy brought tears to my eyes and that I still remember 10+ years later is the kid (6-7 years old) that asked if Santa could cure his mom's cancer and make her happy again. This kid didn't want his mom to hear, so he'd asked me to get his mom to stand further away."

"Santa told him he didn't think that was something the elves could make, they weren't doctors after all. The kid just looked at him and told him he trusted him and the elves."

"Santa was a pretty stand-up guy, but even he looked stunned."

-- RosaGG

Embroiling Santa in the Family Drama 

"I took my kid to see a Santa, and the boy in front snuck in a kitten in his huge jacket and asked for Santa to force his parents to let him keep it."

"Always wonder how that turned out."

-- Thazhowzitiz02

A Huge Fan 

"Wierd? Peter Dinklage. Pretty sure he was only like 8" -- Ambience2273

"The kid asked for Peter Dinklage as his Christmas gift?" -- Kristeninmyskin

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Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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