Ever wonder why lawyers defend guilty people? Especially those that are downright dumb? It's not just for the stories; it's necessary to preserve our system of rights. Sometimes they're simply hilarious.
-lifealert- asked lawyers of Reddit: What was the least defendable case ever brought to you?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
15. DNA doesn't lie.
Probably my client charged with statutory rape (multiple counts) who impregnated his high school sweetheart's daughter after having sex with said daughter. DNA in the form of a baby is strong evidence for the State.
Just wondering but how do you deal with somebody so horrible? Can you refuse to take it?
Not a lawyer, but I've worked with legal defense teams. I deal with it by reminding myself that I'm not supporting this abhorrent behavior, but that I am protecting their right to a fair trial.
14. Ill-tempered frivolity.
A woman wanted me to sue her previous lawyer for charging her a lot of money but producing almost no work to justify his fees. She gave me what she told me was the lawyer's total work product - a page printed off the internet for which she said she was charged thousands of dollars for legal advice. She had already brought a claim via my jurisdiction's disciplinary body for lawyers - she had lost and wanted to bring an appeal. The judgment kept referring to documents that I hadn't seen. I pushed her to give me everything and she came in with multiple files full of immaculate legal work that totally justified the fees she was fighting. We told her to get lost but she wasted a lot of my time before we realized she was full of sh*t.
Did you charge her?
No. I suppose we could have but we were ultimately refusing to take her case or carry out her instructions so we thought it best to just get rid of her. Also, she was crazy. Crazier than my account above sets out. She was paranoid and possibly mildly delusional. Charging her for the work would have perhaps been cruel.
13. Your superstitions about pizza aren't other people's problems.
So this guy ordered a pizza, nowhere was it specified that the delivery was supposed to be done under 30 mins but the guy assumed it because "movies." The delivery arrived 1hr later and to apologize even if it wasn't necessary, they brought him his order and an additional beef pizza. The guy wanted our firm to sue them because he is Hindu, doesn't eat beef and apparently felt offended.
Also this one time this dude wanted us to sue his neighbor because he assumed the guy was practicing black magic.
12. Great plan.
This guy murdered his father then during the trial he sent death threats to his mother.
"Ladies and gentlemen, take pity on my client, he's soon to be an orphan."
11. Nice work.
A friend of mine was in a case where a guy was accused for graffiti vandalism (among other things), and the conversation with the judge went like this:
Judge: "Sir, did you make this graffitti?"
Defendant: "No, I did not."
J: "But it has your signature at the end."
D: "Yes, an artist has to sign his work!"
Congratulations. You just played yourself.
10. He invented the piano key necktie. He invented it!
Worked in-house for a famous character company with a large fanbase. A few crazies a year call in.
A guy called in claiming that we stole characters that he created and demanded to be compensated. I calmly ask them to provide more details so I can determine whether this has any merit to it. He states he designed the characters himself and gave it to the well known actual creator when he was a kid, and the creator pawned them off as his own. I asked him when he was born, and it's a good twenty years after these characters were actually created.
I ask him to explain this, and he pivots and says he also created some other well known famous characters and brands. Characters and brands that are not owned by my company. I kindly ask that if he wants to pursue anything to send us something in writing and hang up.
I figured if he wasn't going to due some really basic research on his own claim, he wasn't going to spend any time to write it up. Never heard from him again.
This sounds like a guy I know that tried to claim that he created Toothless as a character two years after the first HTTYD movie came out.
He also tried to tell me that he was an alien- I'm talking he 100% believed that himself and went on and on about how he was waiting for 'them 'to take him home.
9. Your tree, your problem.
She lived on a large riverfront block. She had a jetty for a boat. Her large tree fell over in a storm and landed mostly in the water and making it difficult to moor her boat. She wanted to sue the government for not taking away her fallen tree.
8. How many kids is enough?
Not my client, but my Dad (and the hospital he worked at) was sued by a gentleman after he saved his wife's life.
Details: patient is pregnant with 8th child and miscarries. The fetus is removed but the patient starts bleeding uncontrollably. The only option available is a hysterectomy. It was either that, or she dies right there on the table. My Dad gets called in to do the surgery, performs it successfully, hooray. The patient's husband is quite devout and beyond pissed that his wife can't have any more kids. So he sued the hospital.
No firm would represent him, and he ended up bringing proceedings himself. Went all the way to trial and he lost hard.
It was the 6th pregnancy, my bad. This event happened 20 years ago, so my memory of the details was a bit off. I have added more info in the comments below, for anyone who is interested. :)
He already had 7 other kids. What does this guy want to do? Create a country?
7. This is what stupid does, when it is.
My dad had a client who was on trial for being a felon in possession of firearms, possession of stolen property, burglary, and distribution of narcotics. Guy had multiple pictures of himself on Facebook holding guns, drugs, and cash, and had videos of himself both breaking into someone's house and stealing a gun as well as selling drugs on several occasions. Despite my dad basically telling the genius he was going to prison either way, and to plead out for a reduced sentence, dude still pleaded not guilty. We still occasionally joke that the guy clearly wasn't competent to stand trial by virtue of being so dumb.
I don't understand people's fascination for positing their crimes on Facebook. Morons.
They want people to look at them and think "Wow, he's so cool! He's above the system, the cops can't stop him!"
And since cops aren't on his friends list, there is no way that they would be able to trace his illegal actions through the internet!
6. Divorce brings out the worst in everyone.
My dad's lawyer hated divorce and custody cases because he always gets the stupid clients.
Wife wanted everything in the divorce, her boyfriend sent a video to her husband-it showed the wife and boyfriend having sex in her husband's house. Wife, clearly at fault, still wanted everything. She didn't get anything and was charged with adultery. Husband celebrated by having a banana split.
1.a) I messed up his one, the charged with adultery happened in my home country of the Philippines, wife was caught banging a neighbor and her husband took her to court, were she would be charged with adultery by the a local court.
Wife wanted custody of her kids and she was actually winning, until she drove to her husband's place, drunk as a skunk and threatening to kill him if he didn't withdraw from the case. Also, she forgot to mention to her lawyer that she was on anti-psychotics.
Guy wanted custody of his kids, but had a rap sheet a mile long- along with a history of domestic abuse and threatening people in the Internet. Judge tried to give him a chance but he f---ed that when he posted a tirade on his Facebook on how he'll curbstomp his kids because their mother deserved it.
Woman was going to lose custody of her daughter, so she threatened to cut off her lawyer's balls if he didn't win. She said this right in front of the judge
Ex-husband denied stalking his ex-wife and putting poop in her mailbox. His social media accounts says otherwise. He even took selfies with his ex in the background, not knowing the guy who wasn't supposed to be near was near her.
Husband wanted a divorce, he was cheating on his wife and concocted a plan to have her be seduced by another guy. Another guy takes her and they both fall in love for real, guy fesses up and husband is the one getting served divorce papers.
My dad's divorce with his first wife was this for her (the first wife). Basically dad's lawyer took any and all evidence and it was discovered she was ffking men while husband was at work and it was known her husband (my dad) can't have kids but she was 5 months pregnant (everyone thought she was just fat) when the proceedings started. Dad's lawyer also pretty much got my dad everything, anything in his house is his and the only thing she got were the clothes in her closet. She couldn't have the grand piano, the fur coats, the jewelry, or even any of the wedding gifts. First wife and her boyfriend tried to break into the house but dad had housesitters he paid with the stuff they wanted. Dad also had to pay her money during the proceedings ( it was like $30-$50/week but his lawyer said not to pay that.
5. You're not gonna win, Jennifer.
Not me but my dad's lawyer.
My dad's ex wife decided that they weren't getting on with divorce proceedings fast enough and decided to make a move while my dad was at work and we were all at school.
So she locked my little brother in my room (the only one they didn't touch) and called over 40+ people to take whatever she thought was hers (so pretty much everything, including furniture, old music and pictures from before she was even around.)
I show up to the house to pick up my little brother and it's empty.
I don't know what she thought was gonna happen when she possessed many things that were obviously my dads, like pictures of just me and him, or the computer that he bought through his job at Dell.
My dad sued her 3 times and won every time. She just got caught laundering money from the summer camp she worked at and my old Boy Scout troop, that her son is (was) now in. F*ck her.
Interestingly enough my dad just remarried to a district attorney.
4. Most fraud is clumsy.
I haven't had anything too spectacular, but I've had a couple of clumsy civil fraud cases that I withdrew from. Both involved defendants who forged documents but didn't understand metadata.
"I can right click this added pdf text to view its properties. It indicates that the text was added six weeks after the document was supposed to have been submitted in competed form. The other side will ask about this. What's our response?"
I'm also assuming they get angry at you and your firm for not being able to just think of a magical solution?
Actually, in both cases, they didn't object much to our withdrawal. They knew what they did and knew that others figured it out or would figure it out.
We were willing to provide a defense (e.g., by challenging the claimed damages). The main problem was that we couldn't defend them in the way they wanted to be defended, which would have involved making really bad arguments and likely suborning perjury.
3. He's not wrong.
A guy wanted to sue God because it was unfair to blame the rest of us for Adam's poor choice.
I read about a guy who tried to sue the devil for making him commit crimes. The judge threw it out when the man couldn't prove the devil lived in the judge's jurisdiction.
In 2008, a lawsuit by Ernie Chambers was thrown out because he failed to serve process to God properly.
He sued him to draw attention to all the frivolous lawsuits that were being made and how the people were wasting the courts time, he wasn't crazy.
2. Good guy mule.
-Guy is driving pounds of drugs across the country (multiple state lines).
-Decides to pick up hitchhikers on the way.
-Keeps quarter kilo of hash oil in cup holder for "easy access" while driving.
-Gets pulled over
-Immediately tells the cop the drugs are his because he "didn't want the hitchhiker's to get in trouble"
Somehow, we still got him 0 jail time in lieu of community service and a fat fine. Small rural county cares more about the money than sending some kid to prison. The rich don't go to prison.
Sure, he's a drug dealer and committing federal crimes, but honestly bro move for a) picking up the hitchhiker b) not letting him get in trouble
If the dude had to go to jail, that bro move should've earned him a can of beer per week during mealtime.
1. "I'da got him 10."
A lady was sacked by a large company. They had caught her embezzling money to fund a gambling habit. They had clear evidence the embezzling had occurred, and she did not deny it.
She sued the company for $300,000 for unfair dismissal.
My sister's firm represented the company against this woman. The case was so easy, the firm gave it to my sister as her first ever solo attempt.
My sister screwed it up. Badly. Not only did she lose, the court awarded the woman $500,000 instead of the $300,000 she asked for.
In the end it was a good career move. The partners all knew her name and dropped in to her office, one by one, to offer their sympathy.
I'm not entirely sure. I know she botched the negotiation for a settlement, and then she must have made a serious mistake during the proceedings and really irritated the court.
What's the silliest lawsuit you've ever heard of?
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If you don't have any experience with construction, it can be pretty interesting to watch those reality HGTV shows (I know I'm addicted at this point). Some of the best episodes can be the one's where they open up the walls to find the builder didn't do anything right, causing a huge blow to the budget. The drama!
As someone who doesn't know much about building, and is dreaming of homeownership, Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked a question I wish I had thought of first.
Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked:
"Home inspectors of reddit, what are some horrible things that almost went unnoticed?"
Here's some horror stories that shed a little light on the home owner unknowns.
Behind the closet wall.
"Going through a home with [the] home inspector, didn't find any issues, bring my dad in to look through the house too and he was [incessantly] checking everything. Looks at the Zillow listing with the floor plan, measures the basement, finds out the actual measurements smaller than the floor plan which led us to go looking in a closet and realize they finished a wall and closet around the old oil tank, never decommissioned it, never planned to tell anyone about it, and we would have had to rip walls out to get to it to remove it. It was a non starter and we walked away. So happy to have my dad's sharp eye while home shopping."
If you need a good prank idea when you're renovating, here's one:
"I saw a post once, this guy said his dad's house had a diagonal outer wall and he was installing a combination wall and bookshelf to square the room. Since there was a small dead space on one side, the dad (who was a doctor), got a life-size plastic human skeleton from work and tossed it in there."
"So if someone tore the wall out to remodel in 30 years or whatever, they'd see it and freak out."
Man cave mayhem.
"Not a home inspector, but I did ask our home inspector what crazy stuff he had seen over the years. He had two stories."
"He inspected a modest three bedroom house and found that were very strange structural cracks in the walls. The area where the house was built is primarily clay soil which leads to a lot of foundation issues, but these were really abnormal cracks. He headed to the attic to wrap up his inspection; it was located over the garage so there was absolutely no structural support there. He poked his head up into the attic and couldn't believe his eyes: the owner had a fully furnished man cave in the attic over the garage. It had a couch, big screen tv, weight set, and a huge gun safe. He said he had no idea how in the world all of that stuff didn't come crashing down through the garage ceiling or how the guy had managed to get the giant gun safe up there without some sort of elaborate winch system. He said it was only a matter of time before the house collapsed."
"The only other weird thing he encountered was a cistern (an old well) in a crawlspace underneath a house. He said he was crawling along on his stomach when he almost fell into it; it was left uncovered."
A rats nest of wires.
"I'm sure there will be some stories about wiring above drop ceilings. When I was looking at houses, I saw (not the home inspector) one once where like 10 different wires came into one rats nest of a cluster. To make it even better, there was a regular lamp cord that ran from it to power the hanging kitchen light above the table. And if you want whip cream and sprinkles on that.... the power came into that mess through knob and tube."
"I am an apprentice electrician and this comment just made my soul cry."
"I found an uncapped steel conduit with live wires behind my sink while remodeling. There wasn't even a cap on the wires."
"While ripping out our old kitchen we cut the old crappy countertop with a sawzaw, to our surprise saw a spark and blew a breaker. some mother f**kers who previously renovated this kitchen ran the wiring for a new outlet on the wall around the studs in a crevice in the back of the countertop...."
"My family flipped a house a few years ago. There were four ceilings, each a couple inches lower than the one before, and all but one had old wiring in it. It was like cutting into a weird lasagna, trying to find the studs in that house."
"Grandma was shrinking with old age, but her kids didn't want her to realize."
"Not me, but one I spoke to. Place almost passed, until out the corner of his eye... bam... jack stand holding up a beam under the house."
"Same with a house daughter was interested in. The place was a flip and totally redone. Beautiful. And down in the basement was a brick holding up a big beam."
This inspector had a full list.
1. "Furnace exhaust flue inlet at the attic furnace disconnected and a dead bird below it. Would have dumped all the furnace exhaust straight into the attic area. Obvious safety implication."
2. "Long time vacant house in a very secluded area. Reeked of cat p*ss and burnt plastic. No cats or cat feces in sight and no entry point for cats. Found small balloon in the corner of the floor where the fridge would be. Picked it up (with gloves) and white powder came spilling out. We came to the conclusion there was possibly the presence of methamphetamine in the home at some point and in some fashion."
3. "5 year old house, nice neighborhood, great shape, vacant. Everything looked good visually. In the attic, just after it had started raining heavily, a slight but constant drip was noticed from the roof sheathing in one area. Got lucky on that one. Sunny day, there would have been no evidence of any issue whatsoever."
4. "Homeowner DIY replaced the microwave and thought it would be 'clever' to run the exhaust vent into the wall cavity between the kitchen and adjacent laundry room. Just dumped the moisture into the wall. Mold city after a while if you do a lot of cooking while using the exhaust fan."
5. "60s house, well renovated. Range was a gas/electric dual fuel setup. Noticed broiler took forever to even start to warm up and never got hot enough that I couldn't touch it real quick (they usually glow red after like 30 seconds). Found out the range was plugged into a 110v outlet (enough to power the control panel and light) and not the proper 220v outlet (not even present). Oven was essentially useless. That one also had an incomplete drain line from a bathroom sink dumping everything directly into the crawlspace."
6. "New build. Got into the attic and just a quick 360° scan, something was off. Looking closer found a truss web beam that was completely gone, just ripped out (gusset plates bent to hell). Probably knocked out by the framing crews crane or something and they thought no one would notice. Time is money right? Lol"
They saved the day with this good catch!
"I used to work in a hospital, in IT. We were in a back corner of the oldest building. I used an out of the way stairwell, that had a 4 inch cast iron sprinkler main running through it."
"One day when I was leaving, I noticed a little tiny bit of water on the outside of the pipe. I went back to my desk, called maintenance, and asked them to send someone down so I could show them what I noticed. Walked the guy down to the stairwell and showed him, went on home."
"The next day I get to work and there's a letter on my desk. I open it, and it's from the director of maintenance. Seems that they shut down and depressurized the sprinkler line, and when they went to disconnect the section with the leak, the pipe just crumbled. They figured that my call prevented a major flood in materials management (which backed up to the stairwell on the floor below us) as well as a FD call-out, as the alarm would have gone when the pipe ruptured and water started flowing. The director sent me a very nice thank-you, and referred the situation to the cost-saving committee to see if they could get me a bonus based on preventing an accident."
The internet might just save homeowners on a whole lot of money by taking a closer look during the inspection. Thank goodness for this Ask Reddit post shedding light on the horror stories of homeownership and renovation mishaps.
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Unless you've been a member of the armed forces, you may only know drill sergeants as uncompassionate leaders who yell at privates all the time.
War Face GIF Giphy
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.
Sometimes, it becomes extremely clear that it's time to leave.
That goes for short term situations like a bizarre social moment, or longer term commitments like work or relationships.
Whatever the context, there is typically a tipping point moment when all the variables appear to suggest things have become unsafe, wildly uncomfortable, or maybe even a tad illegal.
It's those moments when all you can think about is the door.
Redditor Thotus_Maximus asked:
"What was your biggest 'I'm out' moment?"
Many people talked about the times they went to parties that turned out to be very different from what they had in mind.
"Went to a friend of a friend's 35th birthday party. There were like 3 people there when we showed up. Birthday boy says everyone's in the basement. Okay cool."
"We go down to the basement. Someone's DJing, they've got cool lighting, there's like 30 people dancing. After a minute or 2 we realize everyone in the basement is like 13. Nope Nope Nope."
THAT Kinda Party
"Lived in a hotel for a while when I was 18-19. One day a bunch of people I've met at the pool wanted to go up to this dudes room and party. I thought we were gonna drink, smoke, and have a conversation, but that's not how it went."
"While everyone went up there, I had to go back to my room and change clothes. When I finally went to join them, I walked in and saw this dude injecting hard drugs. I sh** you not, this dude turned completely blue and dropped to the ground like a rock. When I saw that, I just dipped."
"He got picked up by an ambulance and survived. When I saw him in the elevator the next day, he seemed like a completely different person. Seein' stuff like that (that wasn't my first time witnessing od's), I think kept me away from the drugs that can kill you easily."
The Great Escape
"I was at a party when I was a teen. Cops turned up. I was stuck upstairs. But there was a balcony and underneath a pool. And beyond the pool a gate leading to an alley."
"So I jumped in the pool."
"But when I resurfaced there were already two cops standing there looking at me."
Other Redditors recalled the times they encountered strangers that did not appear to have their best interest at heart, to say the least.
"Was approached by someone and we talked about how we went to the same college and I showed him some of my art work, he thought it was pretty cool and offered me an opportunity and wanted to talk more later because I was at work at the time."
"I met up with him and his girlfriend and he told about what he mentioned. As I say there listening, it sounded familiar and BAM! It hit me. It was a pyramid scheme, it had nothing to do with art or any job prospects, I told him I wasn't interested many times in the nicest way possible l, but boy did they look pi**ed."
"I got stuck in an airport overnight as my flight was cancelled due to weather and I was starving because all the stores were closed. Some employee offered to show me where to get food so I followed him."
"He then opened a door to outside in the parking lot and motioned outside. I quickly said 'no thanks' and walked away."
And finally, some talked about when it became very clear that their work situation needed to end, like yesterday.
Quotas Reign Supreme
"I got buried by heavy packages while loading a truck for Fedex. It took 3 people to get me out. I was bloody, bruised, and had trouble lifting my arm."
"My manager came over and chastised me for my package count being too low. Walked out immediately."
Leaving Him a Stressful Day
"I worked in a contact centre several years ago. It was super busy and calls didn't stop coming. For some reason, my stupid boss removed everyone else from the queue for some stupid training, leaving me alone to handle all the calls. I messaged him a few times on Microsoft Teams, asking what was happening with no reply."
"After two hours, I shut down my computer and walked out of the company. I just recently withdrawn my last salary, so no regret whatsoever."
Corruption At Its Finest
"I worked for a blood analysis lab machine company for about 6 months. Hated every minute of it because I was working well over 60 hours a week every week. I wouldn't be leaving some hospitals until after 11pm sometimes. The management would never support the techs, the customer is always right, that BS."
"So one week at during the over the phone team meeting, the manager actually asked on of the younger techs to complete paperwork and submit it. Which is normal, but the manager was having him submit the repair paperwork and schedule the repair when they got around to it. He wanted the tech to pencil whip documentation we submit to the FDA so he could a quarterly bonus."
"Managers who's group hits all the pm's, gets a very nice size check. Had the tech done that and the machine failed before it was serviced, somebody could have died and he might have gone to jail. I left that job the next day."
Out With a Bang
"I walked out of a job two hours into a shift and left them without anyone who could do my job."
"As a parting gift, I threw the manual I'd written in the rubbish and didn't bother removing or giving anyone my passwords to stuff so they couldn't do anything."
Years ago I had a classmate who was a total daredevil... so much so that he would often injure himself. He once drove a bike in the direction of oncoming traffic, just for the hell of it. He got out of that episode unscathed––luckily. By contrast, I prefer keeping all my limbs, and still have them all. I wonder where he is now. Hopefully not too banged up. I did do some stuff unwittingly––like the time I stuck a fork into an electrical socket. I thankfully wasn't shocked too much. I was young and naive.
People told us all about the dangerous things they did when they were younger after Redditor Not-an-Ocelot asked the online community,
"What's the most dangerous thing you did as a kid without realizing?"
"My chore was to wash the floors. I would mix all sorts of chemicals together, not realizing they don't mix. Like bleach and ammonia with other cleaning products."
This is very easy to do––and so dangerous! Thankfully you didn't harm yourself.
"I used to walk..."
"I used to walk on a frozen river when walking home from school. I was about 7 at the time."
Seen too many movies about people stuck under the ice.
"We would sneak up..."
"I used to do parkour. We would sneak up onto the rooftops of condo buildings when they were washing their windows (the staircases leading to the top floor would be unlocked). We would then go roof hopping.
Literal roof hopping like in Grand Theft Auto. We would jump from a 12 storey apartment building's roof to an adjacent 10 storey apartment building's roof, etc."
How are your knees? That's bound to do some damage, no?
"I picked up..."
"I picked up a baby copperhead snake and gave it to my mom as a present when I was 6 or 7."
You must have really hated your mom.
"There was a railway crossing..."
"There was a railway crossing on my walk to school, and the train would often be blocking my path so I would always wait until it stopped moving and then climb on top of it and jump off the other side so I could keep walking and not be late."
"Played inside an old broken refrigerator that was outside….not knowing it could have locked or tipped over."
Yes, it could have! Thankfully it didn't. There's a really frightening scene in The Leftovers involving a character who nearly suffocates in a fridge.
No thank you.
"Like most Florida kids..."
"Like most Florida kids I swam where I shouldn't have and I'm very lucky I didn't get eaten by alligators."
"After seeing videos..."
"Playing with fireworks. After seeing videos of kids blowing their fingers and hands off, I would never let my kids play with them, without lots of supervision."
"We are super lucky..."
"Getting on a boat with my then-boyfriend and not telling our parents where we were going. The boat ended up sinking during a storm and we had life jackets and floated on the ice chest. Only reason we are alive is because a ship that was coming in heard us screaming during the storm and called the coast guard. We were out there for a total of 15 hours and had severe hypothermia. We are super lucky to be alive."
This is pretty terrifying.
Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
Yes, thankfully, you're alive.
"When I was about..."
"When I was about 9 or 10 a friend and I rode an air mattress down a river. Neither of us knew how to swim and we didn't tell our parents so when we came back cops were looking for us."
Well... these were a read.
If you'll excuse me, I'll stay indoors and wrap myself in bubble wrap. The outside world is scary.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!