Don't lie to your lawyers, people. It's just not a good idea.
For most people, the only experience they'll have with the inside of a court room is binge watching one of the many, many, many Law & Orders. So it's easy for the average person to not realize just how important the tiniest detail can be for the outcome of a case.
Reddit user the-legendary-taco asked:
So judging by what we see here, sometimes cases do actually hinge on seemingly insignificant details - but more than that, they hinge on your lawyer not being totally blindsided by something in court... and on people not doing anything stupid.
Turns out that second part is way harder than you'd think. The comments devolved pretty quickly from "they left out this detail" to "OMG YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS THING THEY DID."
Enjoy the laughs!
Day Three
He neglected to mention that he filmed his offences for his YouTube channel. The cops didn't even know. A witness brought it up on day three of a trial. It was a nice quick change of plea that afternoon.
Wardrobe Malfunction
A friend of mine is a lawyer and he said that a client once turned up to court in the actual same outfit he was wearing in the burglary.
When the CCTV footage come up in Evidence, the client looked down to himself and was like "oooooh sh*t"
Lol. A friend of mine's client showed up to their court session with no shirt on at all. Luckily she had her husband's dry cleaning in the car and he was able to wear one of his. She truly wondered how he thought showing up half nude was going to convince the judge he was an upstanding member of society.
Right Here, Bud
GiphyNot a lawyer yet, but I clerked for a DA's office throughout law school. Obviously we don't have "clients," but I'll never forget this kidnapping case I worked on.
It involved two Asian male defendants who were both the same age and looked relatively similar. Witness is on the stand and is asked to identify where the defendant who pushed an uzi into his face is seated. It's clear the witnesses is having trouble differentiating the defendants.
In a true moment of brilliance, one defendant RAISES HIS F*CKING HAND and basically points to himself like "right here bud." Hands down the dumbest sh*t I'd ever seen. I thought his defense attorney was going to have a brain aneurysm.
Nanny Cam
Client in family law matter lied to me about using meth. Then used meth with the child in the room and the ex got footage of it on the nanny-cam and then made excuses about why they couldn't do a drug test, then blamed me when they lost custody... despite the fact that they didn't show up to appointments or return my calls so I couldn't prepare any court material.
I dumped the client after that and left family law.
The Child's Name
Not my case (which is a gift from above, really) —
Civil trial before a jury for injuries and prop damage from a MVA, and punitive damages because defendant was intoxicated at the time of the accident (let's call defendant... DUI).
... Almost doesn't need to be said but, before DUI ever stepped foot in court, they would've been prepped repeatedly (first for the deposition and then for trial testimony) with the "standard" questions — were there any prior incidents, arrests/convictions, anything that can be used to impeach any of DUI's testimony, yada yada - over HOURS. Denies everything and is as clean as a clean whistle.
Thus, at trial, defense counsel (DC) puts DUI on the stand to give them an opportunity to tell the jury of their contrition for this one-time error in judgment, describe the difficult time DUI was going through at the time, and otherwise show themselves to the jury as an upstanding member of society in order to reduce punitive damages. It goes well.
Then Plaintiff's counsel (PA) gets to cross — I'm going to paraphrase what allegedly happened next, which is purely hearsay.
PA — Earlier, you testified that this was a one-time mistake and you've learned your lesson... is that correct?
DUI - Yes.
PA — Isn't it true that you've already been convicted of DUI in another state?
DUI sits silent as DC immediately objects but it's properly overruled and DUI must answer. Since what happens next is impeachment, I'll skip the objections but suffice to say they were being fired off as rapidly as a machine gun, and just as rapidly overruled.
DUI - Yes.
PA - and isn't it true that, in your prior DUI, a child died?
you can imagine what's happening in the courtroom and, most importantly, amongst the jury
And you think it's over: stick a fork in DUI - it's done... But then, PA goes for the jugular, "Do you remember the name of that little child that you killed while you were driving while intoxicated?"
(IMO, this question is one for the ages - more powerful than the old "when did you stop beating your wife" - because no matter how you answer...)
... And that is why you never, ever lie to your attorney.
On Company Time
Employment law matter. Client claimed to have been unfairly dismissed over bogus performance management.
The real reason: he organized via Craigslist to have someone collect a box of his semen from a children's playground. There were explicit messages from him asking what they did with it, and whether they rubbed it all over themselves. The employer provided us the messages; he was doing this on company time.
- Kozij
Feelin' Chatty
GiphyI'm a public defender in an area with lots of meth use. Meth makes most people talk. A lot.
So I can't tell you how many clients forget to mention that they got to the jail still high and called their mom/girlfriend/buddy on the recorded jail phone and not only confessed to the crime, but also brainstormed whatever alibi or version of events I'm relying on to defend them.
Neglience
Case as a paralegal.
Negligence case, client argued that a lack of street lights and a cyclist he couldn't see was responsible for him hitting a wire pole.
Upon discovery, the first respondent's report indicated that they found the driver in the driver's seat, pants down, with porn playing on the phone.
Wasn't difficult to figure out who was negligent at that point.
The A/C Unit
Friend of mine is a defense attorney. He was representing a guy with a lengthy record for assault. Basically, this guy took an A/C unit and threw it at his girlfriend.
My buddy tells me he was able to get a plea deal for 1 year probation no jail time. The judge is all ready to accept the deal when he asks the defendant if he had anything he would like to say. The defendant responds," Yea I don't know why they charging me with assault I never touched her. I just threw and A/C at her. This is bullsht."
Judge rescinded plea deal because of defendants attitude/lack of remorse, went to trial and got a year in jail.
Takes One To Know One
Lawyer in the UK. I acted for a member of a famous pedophile-hunting group. My client was charged with various offences relating to his vigilantism, most seriously, causing grievous bodily harm with intent.
He wanted me to fight the case on a public interest defense point that is not available to him in statute or at common law -contrary to my advice. I followed his instructions as I'm bound to do.
"If the state won't punish pedophiles properly then it's left to men like my client to take the law into their own hands!" - a horsesh!t argument for a whole host of reasons.
His laptop was seized by police and submitted for forensic examination. He had a staggeringly huge database of child pornography on it.
He himself was a massive pedo.
- glena92
Choose Your Weapon
Opposing counsel: Isn't it true you hit Victim in the face with a brick?
Client: No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood.
The Mask Slipped
He'd sent a photo of his wife's beaten face to his wife with a message saying something along the lines of this "Do you want this to happen again?"
He came across very well in court up to that point but his mask slipped when that came out.
Unplowed Snow
GiphyMinor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and often times the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around.
I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55. No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course they court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad.
When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the others cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow. I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow. The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances. When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it. Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the South, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident. I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one. I legitimately do that all the time during consults; give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason. At least she took it well and didn't get defensive.
Obnoxiously Yellow
Credit card theft/fraud case. When I was a young lawyer back in the late 80's I was trying this guy on a cc case and the witness was the department store clerk. Before video surveillance the state relied heavily on witness identification. As she described the "customer" that was purchasing the very unique clothing her store sold I asked her how could she be so sure it was my client. She looked at my client who was wearing the most obnoxiously yellow shirt imaginable and said "because not only does he completely match the description I just gave you but he's wearing the exact same shirt I sold him." The jury convicted him and I learned that day to better prepare my clients for trial.
In HD
So the case was, that Woman A had hit Woman B in the head with a heavy beer pint at a bar, and Woman B got pretty serious injuries. The defense claimed that Woman A had not hit anyone with the pint, but instead had just thrown the pint into a random direction, and it happened to hit B in the head, thus it was an accident and not a battery. Well, the prosecution had a CCTV tape from the bar, and it was shown at the trial..
And the tape CLEARLY showed in HD as A walked behind B, and smashed the pint to her head so hard that the pint shattered on impact..
I looked at the defense lawyer and his jaw literally almost hit the table. The prosecutor also noticed this and asked something along: "Thrown, eh?" And the defense lawyer said that due to technical difficulties he couldn't get the CCTV tape open on his computer when he was reviewing the evidence. Woman A was found guilty.
So yeah, I was completely dumbfounded.
- Jugiboy
Too Stupid For People's Court
I used to work at a big health insurance company, which started up a company softball league. I started up a team for my division - Major Accounts.
Lots of people wanted to play, so we had a big co-ed roster. I asked everyone to pony up $25 for a jersey and towards soft drinks, which I'd buy, chill and bring to each game.
Because there was so many people on the team, I had to alternate who played defense each inning. One guy didn't like it, and got mad that he couldn't play center field every inning. So he decided on the next time he went in to let a couple of easy fly balls hit to him go past him on purpose for a home run. This guy was a clerical level employee playing with VPs and SVPs - not a smart career move.
So I benched him for the rest of the game / as in I didn't let him play defense. Two days later he serves me with papers, that he's quit the team and is suing me for $25. I say this is dumb, you should just play and enjoy having fun after work with the people you work with...
A week later I get a call from The People's Court. They're interested in putting this on TV but want to know more. I tell them the story and they say this is too stupid even for them. So they pass.
Court day arrives, and the guy makes his case. I take the stand. The judge first says "why haven't you settled this?" I say there's nothing to settle. He asks me a a couple more questions and then asks "so you kicked him off the team?" And I say, no - he quit. I asked him to stay on the team." The judge says "I've heard enough, ruling for defendant."
The weeks later the company CFO comes up to me and asks when is it going to be on The People's Court? I had to say it's not going to be, because they thought it was too stupid.
Next round of layoffs, that guy is at the top of the list. I'd guess he's still a loser.
- mPeachy
Back Injuries
Prosecuting a guy who is claiming "Back injuries". He posted pictures of himself holding strippers on Facebook the day after his "injury".
The Attempt
A commissioner referred a guy to me because I speak the guy's language and do that kind of law. It was a protection order case. Guy was asking for a protection order against his girlfriend that had tried to stab him. I met the guy talked to him.
He seemed sketchy but he had decent answers to all my questions. I decided to represent him. Submitted declarations and exhibits.
His girlfriend responded that she was the victim and claimed police arrested wrong person. I met with him again and went over the accusations. I asked him... have you ever hit your girlfriend? He answered no. We went to court. I made my argument. I felt confident.
But commissioner requested "permission" to question my client.
Question 1: "Have you ever hit your girlfriend?" My client answers no. Never.
Question 2: "Have you ever tried to hit girlfriend?"
Answer: "Yes, many times. I even tried to straddle her in a chair but she moved ducked squirmed and eventually escaped."
- IndiaaB
Grandpa Tries To Pull A Scam
GiphyMy grandfather was the client in this very situation. He left my grandma after 20 years of marriage to be with his high school sweetheart. He and my grandmother had lived in the home my great-grandmother (grandmother's mother) gave to my grandmother. Grandfather had later been added to the deed when they did a home improvement loan because he was the earner and grandma was a housewife.
My grandfather told his divorce lawyer that the house had been HIS mother's home that he inherited and my grandmother had moved in our whole family to make it uninhabitable for him. He then changed the story to say that he and my grandmother were gifted the home jointly. He also went on and on with wild stories that my grandmother was a mafia boss, despite the fact that we are not in Vegas, not of a nationality known for organized crime, and not rich.
The lawyer accepted all of this as fact with zero proof and even went so far as to harass my grandmother's lawyer about how she was knowingly representing a criminal. There were even papers filed to sue my great-grandmother for mortgage fraud and all sorts of other bogus suits, again, filed solely on my grandfather's word.
After mediation, wherein my grandfather wanted to to sell the home and split the money after paying his legal fees, keep both cars, pay no alimony, etc., we go to court. My grandmother's lawyer hands over one thing - the home improvement loan application wherein he listed my grandmother as the sole owner of the property and listed my great-grandmother as the previous owner. The judge was livid and my grandmother walked away with far more than her lawyer thought was possible.
Rental Income
Lawyer here. And it wasn't my client, but the other side. But he managed to completely torch himself.
I was representing a client in a child support modification. Her ex husband was seeking a reduction in child support based on reduced income. In California, when the County is involved in child support collection and enforcement, the parties and their attorneys meet with the County's attorney to see if the matter can be settled with a guideline order. That initial meeting is where it went off the rails for this guy.
Having not received most of ex husband's pleadings for this matter, I asked the County attorney for a copy, and she provided them. In reviewing them, I noted he was residing in a townhouse in a part of Southern California that is not exactly inexpensive, and yet was claiming that his rent was only $200 per month.
I asked him how he is paying only $200 per month rent on a townhouse, and he said he is subletting and collecting $3,000 per month from other tenants. I tell the County attorney that it sounds like rental income to me, she agrees, and the guideline calculation ends up almost tripling the child support he was already paying (and trying to reduce.)
At this point, he asks if he can dismiss his motion. No, says County attorney - we are all here, case goes forward.
Go before the Judge. The Judge sees the papers, hears the testimony about his rental arrangement, decides to be nice and give the guy some credit for rental management expenses, but otherwise attributes to him a bunch of rental income and orders nearly tripled child support.
Swag
Defense attorney. Friends case. Prosecution for participation in a criminal gang/RICO. Week long jury trial.
On Tuesday, Gang Expert is testifying on the gang colors as being XXXX. And that they often wore a certain team XXXX jersey. No family/friends were watching this testimony.
Days pass. They were set for closings at 9 on Friday. His family and friends all come to support him at closing arguments, but they came swagged out in the colors and jerseys the gang expert just testified represented the gang.
My buddy calls me on Bluetooth from the parking lot:
"You gotta be f*cking kidding me. I pull in, twenty mother f*ckers standing outside the doors. All wearing their colors, and xxxx jerseys. The jurors are all walking past them. Hold on, prosecutor is calling me"
Hold
"Yeah, she is calling me laughing her ass off from her car. Can't make this sh!t up. I mean do I really need to tell people this kind of sh!t? Like your boy/son/baby daddy is charged with participating in a gang; let's all refrain from wearing that gangs colors and sh*t to trial."
Kid got a few decades.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.