Lawyers Break Down The Moment They Actually Said 'F*** It, You're On Your Own' To A Client
Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay |
Ideally, lawyers would like to see the cases they take on through to the end. Ideally, things don't get too messy, but they're bound to get messy, because nothing is simple when you're dealing with courts and the legal bureaucracy. Things get significantly more complicated when they're dealing with clients who won't listen to or abide by their advice.
After Redditor MeLikeFood10 asked the online community, "Lawyers of Reddit, is there a time when you said, 'F*** it, you're on your own!' to a client?" people shared stories about the clients whose cases they had to abandon.
"So one time, I was appointed..."
So one time I was appointed to represent a guy who was having a trial for adjudication in a dependency case. He wasn't at fault for the removal of his children and was f****** pissed off that he had to be party to the case (it's the law), so he's yelled at me for several weeks about this and I've simply said "I can't do s*** about it man it's the law." So he threatens to fire me and I say go for it. He rescinds. Repeat. This happens a few times.
So we get to court and the judge comes in and says any issues to go over before we start?
My guy stands up and says, "I want to fire my lawyer because he's not gonna help me!"
The judge looks at me and asks if that's true and I said, "No, Mr. X is angry that he's a party to this case because Ms. X is the offender. He doesn't believe me when I say that it's simply the law."
Judge asks him and he agrees and says he doesn't think he can trust me to represent his interests.
So the judge lets me go, I close my folio and hand him the file, ask to be withdrawn, it's granted, and I turn and head for the door. As I'm walking out the judge says, "Ok Mr. X, who's your first witness?"
X gets mad and yells about needing an attorney to which the judge replies, "You're allowed appointed counsel and you fired him, we're still going forward. Who's the first witness?"
I couldn't see it but I know that I was smiling in 5D.
Can't blame this lawyer.
That's a brilliant story––with some excellent comeuppance!
"He insisted it would be simple..."
I had a client come to me to do his will. He insisted it would be simple because he never married or had kids. I met with him as usual and went through everything he needed in his will and I explained my hourly rate and how long a will usually took to draft and sign. He came back in a few weeks, signed his will, happily paid his bill, and left.
I should point out two things at this point: 1) this guy was very rich and 2) he could not name a single friend who he trusted to be a backup executor.
As soon as he got home he immediately wrote a long ranting email to my boss. He claimed he had been massively overcharged for his will. He said he had only spent half an hour in my office so he should only have to pay for half an hour and that there was no reason he should be paying for my time. He would go to the law society etc. etc.
My boss called him and told him to bring in all of his will and power of attorney documents and he would issue him a refund.
The conversation went like this:
Boss: I don't have time to deal with petty garbage like this. This is a document stating that you are willingly destroying your will and POAs. Sign it and I'll give you this check for all your fees back.
Client: This isn't a petty issue to me.
Boss: This is a petty issue to everybody.
Client: I'll tell all my friends and family never to work with you.
Boss: Good. I don't want to work with your friends, I don't want to work with your family, I don't want to work with anyone who cares what you think of me. Luckily, I don't think that will be a problem. Go find another lawyer.
So the guy signed the document and my boss dragged the shredder out into the middle of the lobby and shredded all of his documents in front of him and then went back to his office. The guy slunk out and never contacted us again.
"Keep in mind..."
I generally only handle serious injury and wrongful death cases. I have told dozens of clients to pack their bags once I determine they lied to me about what happened. Most of these liars admitted it to me in a way that indicated they thought the entire process was a game of be-the-best-liar: "They're gonna lie, so I'm gonna lie."
You never, ever, no matter the weather, ever ever want a serious injury client with a credibility problem. We regularly put 6 figures in expenses and time into these cases and I'm not about to do that if we have a liar for a client.
Keep in mind, I am talking about lying about important facts, and not the "this is what I remember," when it turns out inconsistent with the physical evidence. I'm not talking about "I didn't mention this yesterday because I was embarrassed." I'm not even talking about "I didn't tell you I have been double filling my oxygen script (this was a decade ago, can't do that anymore) because I knew it was wrong." Just lies about what happened.
"Dad never did."
I had a custody case one time where I was representing the mother pro bono. The lawyer on the other side was representing the father pro bono as well. And let me tell you about these two. Mother was in her early 20s and her income was from a part-time job at Walmart and government benefits. She never finished school and live at her dad's house who himself was not working and living off the government dime. She was missing half her teeth and her overall hygiene was horrendous. After meeting her it blew my mind that someone would feel comfortable enough to have unprotected sex with her.
Until I met the father. He was also in his early 20s and didn't finish school. He had a marked speech impediment. Mom told me he has some kind of mental health diagnosis with the word "explosive" in it and described how violent he could be. He was certainly no looker. For income, he too was on government assistance, but his Facebook was replete with get rich quick schemes which clearly never panned out. He was alleged to be selling marijuana as well to supplement his income.
Well, dad has other kids with other women in other parts of the state. And he is WAY behind on child support payments. So he gets scheduled for a contempt hearing for failure to pay. He asks his pro bono custody lawyer about the contempt hearing, and the lawyer reminds him that he's only his custody lawyer and that he doesn't represent him in any other matters. So the day of the hearing comes and dad goes to court without a lawyer. It doesn't go well for him so he decides to blast his custody lawyer on Facebook for "screwing him over" in his support case. He also decided to call his lawyer afterward to b!tch him out but the lawyer wasn't in the office so he spoke to the lawyer's secretary.
We were scheduled for a custody trial the next day, it had been on the books for months. I get a call from dad's lawyer stating he's filing an emergency motion to withdraw and postpone the trial and was seeking my concurrence on the motion. Apparently, dad threatened to kill his lawyer's secretary during his rant to her.
We have an emergency hearing that afternoon with the judge and Dad's attorney tells the judge what happened. I tell the judge I have absolutely no objection to his lawyer withdrawing. Motion granted, trial rescheduled for 3 months later.
I don't know what was said to dad by his lawyer, but I hope it was "F*** you, you are on your own."
PS three months later he didn't show up for his rescheduled custody trial because he was again behind on child support, this time in another county, and they threw him in jail. I told the judge that's why dad wasn't there and the judge wanted to reschedule the trial. I reminded the judge about what happened three months prior and the judge changed his mind, he dismissed the custody case (which kept the kid with mom which is what she wanted) but in his dismissal order said dad had 30 days after he was released from jail to request a custody trial. Dad never did.
This was a JOURNEY.
People like this exist, sad to say. Our condolences to anyone who has to deal with them.
"My most recent one was a favor..."
My most recent one was a favor for a friend. I agreed to take on his buddy's case - immigration law/deportation case - had a call with the guy told him I would send him the retainer via email. Sent him multiple emails/left voicemail and the guy never responds. I'm thinking he got another lawyer - fast forward six months and we're both at the mutual friend's house for a bbq. He comes up to me to ask me what the status of his case is. So again I tell him he needs to sign the paperwork and respond to my emails, we need to set up some time to talk etc. I haven't heard from the guy since. His daughter sent me an email a couple of weeks ago to see how her dad's case is going. I'm not going to magically put together a case for him out of thin air - f*** it, he's on his own.
Naturally.
Sorry, dude. Better luck next time.
"Normally..."
Our office represented a man with a very implausible story that he wanted to use as a defense to his drugged driving charges. He proceeded to miss court several times and show up apparently intoxicated. This dragged on forever as he was marked on to the trial calendar, then took a deal for a few months of probation with the possibility of having a clean record if he succeeded. At the last court appearance, it wound up being unclear if he had met all the requirements or not. While I was in the middle of arguing with the judge that he should get the benefit of the deal, he got frustrated and said he wanted to fire me because we had never told his side of the story. He proceeded to tell his ridiculous story to the judge, who proceeded to tell him it was completely unbelievable and sentenced him to three years of probation with a criminal conviction.
Normally I would try to stop a client from saying stupid stuff, but sometimes I let them because it insulates me from them later making a claim that I didn't make the arguments they wanted me to.
This sounds like a good strategy.
Some people will simply dig a hole for themselves.
"Client wanted me to lie..."
Sure. Client wanted me to lie to get an unfair economic advantage, and that's against the deontological code where I practice.
I didn't say "f*** it" but I told him to go to a different lawyer. In my jurisdiction, you can drop a client whenever and for whatever reason, you just have to make sure he has the necessary legal assistance in the immediate future if there are deadlines or hearings upcoming.
"A client..."
Yes. A client, after I specifically told him not to, farted on my leg in the middle of court. He got 10 years and got out in 8 for good behavior.
He should have listened.
Easier said than done, though.
"I first provided a detailed estimate..."
Yup.
I sent numerous detailed letters explaining that this is not an overnight deal, that litigation takes time. I first provided a detailed estimate of how long this would take based on my lengthy experience. When the court set a formal schedule, I sent another letter saying (in very professional and diplomatic terms) "see? My estimate of how long this will take was spot on - here's an order from the judge setting the same schedule I predicted."
Regardless, I kept getting phone calls all the time asking "is it settled yet? Is it settled YET?!" and offering suggestions that, well, these suggestions were so ridiculous that if they had come from a young associate attorney, I'd have to wonder if I could continue to employ that attorney.
The last straw was in yet another of those "Is it settled yet? Why isn't it settled yet? Let me give you some suggestions about how to settle this" calls when I got a "You do know what you're doing, right? This isn't your first case is it?!"
I prepared a sternly worded but quite diplomatic and professional letter saying, "You either need to shut the f*** up and listen to me or you need to f*** off and find someone else."
Hey...
...sometimes you just gotta do what you've gotta do. It's the only way some people learn.
"I have let clients go..."
A client can be "fired" for many different reasons depending on the jurisdiction. I have let clients go if they are committing crimes WHILE I am representing them.
We don't envy the lawyers who've had to deal with clients like these.
Unfortunately, these are the types of people who try to bog down the court system and make dealing with it such an unpleasant experience.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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People Who've Survived A Home Invasion Share Their Experiences
Reddit user ahmedatrees2003 asked: 'People who were in a real home invasion situation, what was it like and what did you do?'
There is little people fear more than their home being broken into.
Particularly when they're inside it.
Unlikely as the prospect sounds, there are a staggering 1.65 million home invasions in the US per year.
And in many of those cases, people were unlucky enough to have been home when these invasions took place.
Those who lived to tell the tale, however, might consider themselves lucky.
"People who were in a real home invasion situation, what was it like and what did you do?"
He Didn't Know Who He Was Dealing With...
Dude came knocking on the front door and my mom and I ignored it."
"I was about 10 and my mom didn’t want to answer the door to a stranger."
"He knocked a while then went around the back and hopped the gate to try the back door."
"My mom got her gun and opened the back door with it visible, right before he tried to smash the glass."
"He took off running and was arrested on B&E charges the next day after he broke into someone else’s apartment and couldn’t run."- SilverSunrises
It's Always Lunch Money That Gets Stolen First...
"Was in 7th grade home alone after a half day when suddenly there was very hard knocking on my back door."
"I knew immediately something was off because we never have visitors and my father did not knock like that, and froze up in my room."
"I peak out of my room (right in front of back door) and suddenly it's quiet so I go back to my room."
"AS SOON as I close my door I hear glass shatter."
"Turned off my computer and TV and dove under my bed."
"For the next 40 minutes I hear him thrashing around my living room and parents room, then hear them leave."
"During this I'm on call with the cops who think I'm PRANK CALLING THEM and take 70 minutes to finally come over."
"The station is 3 streets away from my house."
"They come and investigate only to find out it was our next door neighbor that broke in and was actually looking for drug money, as it turns out the previous person to live here did at-home haircuts and sold weed on the side."
"The neighbor was arrested and his family moved out a week later."
"THE ONLY THING THIS GUY TOOK WAS MY LUNCH MONEY I LEFT ON A COUNTER OUTSIDE FOR THE NEXT DAY."- level 1Ogletreb
whatever you say bully GIFGiphyThey Actually Apoligized...
"Four guys knocked on my buddies door at 11pm."
"He lived with a bunch of other guys so this wasn’t anything new."
"They burst in and held a gun to his neck and demanded the drugs."
"He stammered that there weren’t any drugs but they could take what they wanted."
"One guy held him there with the gun as the others searched the house."
"Since they didn’t find anything they realized they had the wrong house and left."
"As they were leaving the last guy said ‘sorry, this wasn’t my idea'."- discostud1515
A Gun Needs No Explanation
"My in-laws were home when a young guy broke into their house."
"They don’t speak English very well so my FIL, in the clearest English he could muster loudly said, 'Get me my gun!''
"At that point the intruder left in a hurry."- TheManInTheShack
Could Have Used The Teethmarks As Evidence...
"I was at my friend’s place when it happened to him."
"We were both teenagers then."
"The guy thought everyone was sleeping and he got startled when he saw us, he bit my friend (his arm required stitches from the bite) and ran away."
"No idea who the guy was or what he wanted, never happened again and we never saw the guy again."- Melancholic84·
He Should Have Chosen Which House More Carefully...
"Tackled the guy."
"The hardest I’ve ever hit someone, and I’m a pretty big guy with a football background."
"But he didn’t see me coming."
"It felt very much like a do or die moment so I didn’t hold anything back."
"Broke a few of his bones, messed up his face, and got him sentenced to 6 years."- The_SunDancer
Still Had To Replace That TV...
"Not me, but my aunt."
"She was at home alone in her backyard making food, and when she walked into the living room, she saw a couple of men in the middle of carrying out the tv."
"It seems that they didn’t think anyone was at home; they got surprised, dropped the tv, and ran out after she started screaming."- RitaSaluki
Feline Intuition
"I was in bed asleep at 7am when I heard a loud bang."
"I thought nothing of it because of the large cat tree I have downstairs that's always getting knocked over, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep."
"Not long after my elderly cat comes running into my bedroom, jumps up on the bed and tries to hide under the blankets."
"This immediately woke me up because that old fat cat hadn't ran nor jumped on our bed for years."
"As I came two I see two men coming up my stairs."
"At that point it felt like time stopped and somehow ran incredibly fast at the same time."
"I jumped out of bed and started screaming 'GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!' and I remembered thinking while chasing these guys through my house and screaming again and again at the top of my lungs that my voice sounds exactly like my brother and I wondered how strange that was.""I tackled one of them on my front lawn, but he struggled free and got away."
"I saw the get away car and tried to keep repeating the license number, but it faded away in my mind as I was repeating it."
'I remember vividly being so mad at myself that I couldn't remember 7 numbers, and how stupid I was for not grabbing my phone! "
"Looking back on the situation there are so many things that happened that I never noticed, like how I fractured my arm slamming into the wall at the bottom of my stairs, and that I cut my feet up on the splintered wood of my front door."
"The adrenaline rush of a true fight or flight situation is something so strange it's almost impossible to accurately describe."
"The sense of time, not being aware of pain and injuries for hours, and the hyper focus on some details but the complete loss of others."
"Luckily I wasn't seriously hurt and nothing was stolen, but I installed cameras all over my house the very next day."- robot_boat_loan
camera surveillance GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphySometimes Size Does Matter...
"Girlfriend and I were sleeping in bed, some dummy broke into our apartment, ran real quick when he saw how big my naked a** was."- Croceyes2
FIVE DAYS?!?!
"Blocked the doors when it became clear that someone was trying to break in."
"My husband and I were staying with a friend and her husband; her step son and elderly mother in law were also in the house."
"Someone had heard the old lady had jewelry and decided to try their luck."
"We heard this later through the town grapevine."
"Said person then escalated to trying to kick his way in through the windows (they were leaded)."
"My husband called the police while my friend tried to keep the gap and child calm and her husband and I screamed a lot and sort of flailed at the protruding feet with pokers from the old fireplace."
"On realizing there were more of us than there were of him, he ran off."
"Good thing too; the police never showed."
"They called 5 days later to see 'if we still needed their assistance'."
"Bloody useless."
"In comparison 6 months later I arrived at work to discover the door and cash drawer had been jimmied and the £50 float nicked and they were over and taking fingerprints inside the hour."
"I wonder why trust in the police is so low."
"Total mystery."- Haunting-blade
It's a hard call to decide which is worse, being in the house while it's being burgled, and potentially saving your valuables, or being out and losing them.
Either way, it's a terrible situation no one deserves to be in.
Making the notion of buying a security system and bolts for your doors seem better with every passing second.
There are very few people who haven't found themselves frustrated with their parents at one point in their life.
Whether it be for something they said, did or didn't say or do, sometimes we've found ourselves needing to vent to a friend, or scream into a pillow to let out our frustrations.
For most people, this anger is short-lived, as deep down they still love their parents and will always find a way to forgive them.
Some people, however, have a harder time forgiving their parents for certain actions, and even take the drastic step of cutting them out of their lives entirely.
"What did *that* parent do that ended your relationship with them?"
Lies and Theft.
"My mother often said, 'your sorry daddy never cared enough about you to pay child support', but I found out later, he had money order receipts."
"He was a career Navy man so he'd have been forced to pay."
"She stole two of my paychecks when I was a single mother, signing them over to herself in her sweeping left handwriting, I'm right-handed."
"The final thing that made her my EX-mom was when she let two drug addicted so-called caregivers steal liquid morphine which was meant for her dying fourth husband."
"He died in miserable pain at home without relief."
"She disowned my adult sister, who confronted her about it."
"Mom always said, 'I can stand anything except a liar or a thief', but she was both."- Grattytood
Ignorance And Abuse
"A few years later she got cancer, I let her back into my life, I invited her to my wedding, where she spent the entire day talking about how it was a shame I couldn’t lose more weight in time and insulting every aspect of the wedding quietly to my now-MIL who had helped with everything."
"I sat her down a few days later (she was staying at my house as the wedding was far from her home) and asked for the comments about my weight to stop."
"I used all the language I learned in therapy, explaining how it made me feel, trying to not be accusatory but instead cooperative."
"She started scream crying and ran out of the room."
"I left to stay with my in laws."
"I haven’t seen her since."
"She won’t be meeting the baby I’m pregnant with and when she dies, I won’t be attending the funeral."- jonathantavares
Health And Safety At Risk
"Well the last straw was when my father convinced my grandparents to get me kicked out of their house while I was finishing up university by telling them that the hookah I was partaking in every few weeks was an illegal drug."
"During finals which was pretty fun."
"Oh and the part where he told me he hoped I died by getting in a motorcycle crash."
"Followed by weeks of incessant voice-mails of him drunkenly threatening me wanting to meet up for a fight."
"There was also that time he beat the sh*t out of me when I stood up for my mom during one of his drunken rages at a camping trip."
"Oh and who can forget that one time he left me a voice-mail telling me 'this is your fault' and then shooting his gun into the air making it seem he had just offed himself."
"But it was just a manipulation tactic."
"That was a fun one."
"Nothing like some childhood trauma to make someone grow up quickly."
"For anyone wondering, yes, I did use this as a role model of what not to be as I got older.'
"I haven't spoken with pretty much any of my family except my mother for the last decade."
"I'm in a loving relationship now getting married this year and do not plan on having any children."
"My dad's last name dies with me."- Walkman1080i
Actions Have Consequences
"Dad left us when I was super young, like 2."
"Mom remarried (another abusive a**hole) and dad would come around sporadically."
"When I was 12 I saw him once then he left and didn’t see him again for decades."
"About 13 years ago I stumbled upon him in the state prison system database across the country, made contact, he seemed to be changed."
"He was old, previously meth addicted, lots of chronic health sh*t."
"I bought him a prepaid cell to keep in touch."
"He went back to the streets but stayed clean."
"Eventually moved in with some random long lost family member."
"We kept in touch by phone, I helped him get some of his health sh*t figured out."
"We were cordial."
"I got pregnant unexpectedly, it was in the 5 year plan but not the right now plan but whatever, here we are, no reason not to do this thing other than lack of mental preparedness."
"So. I go through this pregnancy, it was horrible in every way, physically uncomfortable, illness, bed rest, all the sh*t."
"He called me one day and told me he was going to go to the beach to celebrate his 20 year anniversary of moving to the coast."
"He’d never let himself enjoy the beach before and today was that day."
"What I heard was that he was going to the beach to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of abandoning his child, me."
"And I had these kids in my belly that I sometimes didn’t want, didn’t plan for, but would’ve murdered for and I didn’t even know who they were, didn’t know if they were boys or girls, no names, no personalities, just feet in my ribs and pelvis constantly, and yet I would have died for them."
"And this motherf*cker is celebrating the day he left me.'
"I never called him again, my kids are almost 10."
"He’s called me plenty, I don’t answer."
"I reply in text at times, briefly."
"I’ve sent Christmas cards to the family member he stays with and to him with pictures and I’ve politely explained the above and he just doesn’t get it."- tobmom
Weren't There When They Were Needed The Most
"Long story short."
"My brother got shot and was in ICU for a month."
"My brother's condition went south and my parents were MIA."
"A decision needed to be made wether or not we pull the plug."
"That decision fell on me."
"At 24, I had to make that choice with no parents in sight and I decided to pull the plug."- Soul_Traitor
A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way
"Oddly, she showed me she was capable of being kind- however disingenuous."
"She just wasn’t capable of being kind to me."- Evening_Run_1595
No Interest In Staying Cordial
"After a childhood ripe with physical, emotional and psychological abuse followed by limited contact through my 20’s, I finally decided to confront my mother."
"She agreed to go to therapy with me."
"A couple days later she started asking questions about the cost to which I said I’d pay."
"A couple days after that she was asking about how often we had to go."
"A couple days after that she said she didn’t want to go because I’d 'expose her'.”
"I was then told that the abuse I endured was my fault because I had given up on being a good son."
"This all happened 4 years ago and I went no contact immediately after."
"My life has gotten better since then."- PewpyDewpdyPantz
Sent Family Down The Wrong Path
"My mom introduced my older brother to heroin."
"He passed away early last year from an overdose."
"I don’t think I can ever forgive her for taking the only family I’ve ever really cared about away from me."- bulbsaur_is_best
Cutting someone from your life is a drastic decision that should be considered very carefully.
Sometimes though, however difficult it may seem, it is not only the right decision, but the only decision.
Especially when your mental and physical well-being are at risk.
People Share Their Biggest Relationship Dealbreakers That May Seem Trivial To Most People
In any relationship, especially romantic ones, there are dealbreakers. A quality or action the other person does that irks you so much, you don't want to be with that person anymore.
They can be big things. Perhaps you're a homebody, but your partner wants to travel. Or you disagree on your stances about kids or pets.
However, other times, it can be more minor things; things that may not bother most people. For example, my dealbreaker for my last boyfriend was that he could never let commercials play out during a TV show or movie. Once the commercials started, he had to switch the channel and watch something else, even though he then risked missing the other show.
This isn't something that bothers everyone, and seems minor, but it is a dealbreaker for me.
Redditors have their own relationship dealbreakers that they know would seem trivial to most others, and they are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor imthejavafox asked:
"What's a dealbreaker for you in a relationship that might not be a big deal to others?"
Reset Please
"Stopping the microwave before zero and not clearing the time."
– Ilostmypassword43
"I completely get stopping the microwave before the beep, I do that too. But just push stop a second time to clear the display/bring the clock back up. Super simple fix!"
– QuelynD
That's Pretty Specific
"If someone tells me they don’t mind giving my grandmother a ride to Bingo but then hours later they’re nowhere to be found and eventually you get a call from the cops that they were caught doing meth behind a Burger King."
– 6byfour
"Yeah I hate that"
– Dirtylittletryhard
"If I had a nickel for every time...."
– Yourcriticismiswrong
"You'd have two nickels. Which isn't that many really, but it's odd it happened twice."
– NitrokoffTheGhost
Yeah, That's Gross
"Chewing with mouth open."
– RetractionPodcast
"I have misophonia and chewing sounds are so incredibly stressful to hear."
– treefrogbc
I'm In The Car!
"bad driving. if you're texting, driving like a maniac, or having a road rage hissy fit while i'm in the car, count me OUT son"
– botticellibabyy
"I actually made my now ex-boyfriend take driving lessons (he’s 40 btw) before I would get back in the car with him. He was an aggressive and fidgety driver."
– BronxBelle
Do It Together
"Incompatible hobbies. We don't need to have the same hobbies but, as an example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoors air, then we are not compatible."
– sachiko468
Yeah, That's Weird
"My ex used to go up to strangers at the grocery store and ask their opinion on random items. So that."
"He didn’t actually have questions, he just liked the attention"
– Mirrorflute88
Speak Like An Adult
"I found out recently that baby talk is a deal breaker for me. Dude speaks 3 languages and he said "peeez" instead of "please" too many times and it just made him unattractive to me."
– NuttyBoButty
"I had an ex (first longterm partner ever, dated over a year) who wanted me to babytalk them. First it was just wanting to put their head in my lap in public (mortifying), then wanting praise for everything they checked off in their bullet journal (okay), and then it was "can you pet my hair and talk to me like you're soothing a baby puppy?" And I was like. Yknow, actually, no. I think they run an MCU-themed affirmations blog now."
– graccha
Never On Time
"Consistent lateness. Everybody is late once in a while because life, but when you have those people who are constantly late for everything, and they leave you waiting for them over and over and over again? I just find it so incredibly disrespectful and it’s a huge deal breaker."
– Joygernaut
"Or when you are together with a person who's always late, and because of them you are now late from everything as well. All social gatherings, dinner dates, apppintnents, where ever you are going together. My ex got ready to leave but then started a few more "quick" projects to do, whilst I was in panic checking the time and begging him to come to the car already. Really bad match, I have some trauma for being late so I literally did have a panic attack if we were about to be late, but for him it wasn't a big deal and he never understood why I made a scene of it."
– Sentient_Dream
Low Key Nights Can Be Fun Too
"Being an annoying extrovert. If you have to be around groups of people every day and every weekend and like to go to the bar to drink every chance you get AND if you talk too much, we’re not going to work out. I’m an introvert and a homebody that likes to keep things low key and we should enjoy each other’s company without having to talk all the time to fill the air. Luckily, my spouse is an introvert like me so we mesh well."
– pwa09
"Haha same I'm like you ever heard of a video game????"
– ParadiceSC2
A Little Respect
"Not respecting boundaries. Like “don’t tickle me…I hate it!” Them, “but it’s so funny…lighten up!”"
– dodoatsandwiggets
"God I hate this. My brother just couldn’t understand the concept of me asking him to stop doing something for no other reason than I don’t like it/it bothers me. Like do you respect me? Why would you want someone you respect to endure something like that if there is no need..?"
– Tiggerhoods
My Horoscope Says...
"People who base their entire life and personality off zodiac signs"
– Sir_f*ckaru
Ewww!
"Not washing their hands after eating with their hands….Licking their fingers and wiping it off on their clothes thinking that’s "clean enough….""
"Yeah i really hate dirty hands"
– Extension-Badger-958
"I had met a cute guy, first date went great. Second date he asked me to the movies. We ordered popcorn (with butter) and he went to town on it, licking all the butter off his fingers. Then proceeded to put his hand on my thigh and trying to hold my hand. I’ve never gotten the ick and been so repulsed in such a short amount of time. It’s a bummer because otherwise he had a really clean cut/great hygiene but I just couldn’t move forward haha"
– zuis0804
My Pets Are My Family
"If they don't like animals, it's an absolute deal breaker."
– SageyPhantomhive
"I dated a guy that would say your f*cking cat when he would come over but he wasn't being funny. He hated my cat. I couldn't trust him around her. I ended it quickly with him."
– Icy-Supermarket-6932
On The Other Hand...
"Also the opposite... Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountain top? Why not post that?"
– horsewangjackson
"This one hits close to home. Dated and loved this girl for a year and she wouldn’t even let me post a pic of us dressed up nice to go to my friends wedding. Felt like she was hiding me from someone."
– lugubriouspandas
I have to agree with both of those!
Every love story, good or bad, has a lesson embedded in it.
And just like life in general, love always comes full circle.
We all end up back at the beginning.
My first relationship left enough scars for my therapist to send her her kids to college.
There is always a takeaway.
Too often, we ignore them.
If you haven't already, go back and dig a little deeper.
Redditor Frero_s wanted to discuss all the lessons they learned from the people they dated in the beginning, so they asked:
"What did you learn from your first relationship?"
My first love taught me to watch out for love.
Next to Godliness
snow white cleaning GIFGiphy"Compatibility with household cleanliness and organization habits is far more important than you think. Relationships where one partner cares a lot more about the household than the other will result in both parties resenting each other."
EdgyGoose
Firsts
“'When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.' -Maya Angelou, several years after I learned that lesson the hard way, but I could never phrase it better."
"Going hand in hand with that, you can’t fix someone else, especially someone who’s given up on themselves. You can only put that kind of energy and effort into yourself and expect to see returns. That one took me a couple or three ill-advised relationships, truthfully."
Some_Specialist_5052
The One
"You're going to get your heart broken sometimes. That my friends is life."
MrDadBod
"I prefer to think that most relationships will end, but that doesn’t make them failures. You can learn things and grow as a person in many relationships, even ones that end poorly."
"You can make mistakes by staying in them too long, ending them too soon, treating your partner badly, or allowing yourself to be treated badly, but calling them failures is such a limited perspective. Most people that find 'the one' probably would have 'failed' in that relationship if they had no prior relationships to learn from."
whomeverwiz
Not Enough
"It's not enough to love someone; the way that love is expressed matters a lot. For a great relationship, you have to love your partner in the way they need to be loved."
NoodleWeird
"And this takes practice too! Patience at the beginning of a relationship is important. Don't just assume you know each other from the inside out in the beginning, and take time to understand where each person is coming from."
ChimkenFinger
"That's the principle of the Five Love Languages. Do and say the things of the love language your partner most connects to."
LucidWebMarketing
Let it Go
let it go GIFGiphy"That some people aren’t meant for you. Don’t wait for them to be somebody they aren’t and don’t try to change them to fit what you want them to be."
Elegant-Vehicle7314
The only change we can focus on is our own.
As a couple, it's about changing together.
Otherwise move on.
Lies
Three Little Pigs Wow GIF by LaffGiphy"Sometimes the words 'I love you' don’t actually mean much when the person saying them doesn’t believe in those words anymore."
GodofWar1234
Perfect
"Well, I didn't have my first relationship until I was 30 which ended up in marriage and eventually divorce. The biggest lesson I took from it was that waiting for that 'perfect' person was a complete waste of time. I had a very difficult time dating when I was younger. I put too much pressure on each date for it to be something special."
"The marriage taught me that I could actually be desirable and gave me confidence going forward. The divorce, on the other hand, made me a much more guarded and uncaring person. Turns out the uncaring part made it easier to go on dates (less anxiety) but harder for them to mean anything later on."
Boromn
Thank you, Katie...
"Make your own decisions about what you want out of life your instead of those that line up with what she wants out of her life."
"Almost followed a girl to Portland, OR, and took a job I didn't really want because I wanted to make 'us' work. So happy she cared enough about me to end things and tell me to find my own path. A wife, a successful military career, and a bunch of kids later, I'm eternally grateful things turned out the way they did. Thank you, Katie."
thethrillamanila
Want better for YOU!
"To never chase or beg anyone to stay."
DarlinggD
"My first gf broke up with me over text right after she had left my place, walked her home even though we were both upset at each other. She refused to talk about it in person and then got mad at me for not fighting to keep her. I think I dodged a bullet because I don't think any relationship will work if one party refuses to communicate, uses breaking up to try to manipulate, or breaks up over text. All 3 in this case."
LumberWand
Under Pressure
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Someone can be a really good friend, doesn’t mean they’ll be a good partner. Also not to give in to pressure from your partner on things you believe in."
Rebel_0518
See your worth
"Apparently I get too attached which is odd to me cause I’m just trying to care and I suppose it comes off in a weird way. I’m not gonna stop 'cause I know someone will see my worth and appreciate every second of it when they find me."
Odd_Imagination_6617
"Please don’t ever stop caring. There are enough emotionally detached people in the world; so much so that they’ll have you feeling like you’re the oddball."
Queasy_Thought_6532
Big lessons here.
Relationships take way more than love.
Learn it young.