There's no evidence of an afterlife but that doesn't stop people from imagining what they would do if they were to die and return as a ghost - a really petty ghost.

santiago91506 proposed a thought experiment: Turns out there is an afterlife, however, you don't qualify for either heaven or hell. Instead, you become a ghost who is tasked to haunt people in petty ways. What do you do to haunt people?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


10. All about this.

Stare at their cats.

crewchief535

See also:

Knock things off of tables, near where the cat is sitting.

Chase their cats around at night.

TheNonCompliant

So you're just gonna steal all the cat's jobs?

Frazzman

No no, I'd do it periodically. Cats are already of the cat dimension, appearing and disappearing randomly.
Did that pen fall off the table just now? Wait, where's the cat, wasn't it just there?

Real cat doing cat things, and "ghost cat" helping your cat look even more uncanny.

TheNonCompliant

9. Well, if the plumbers can't figure it out, it must be ghosts.

I specifically haunt Ghost Hunters, especially the stupid ones. I whisper in their ears then float through their body again and again.

realpinkmonster

Please give that Zack Bagans dude a twerk when you get a chance.

PM_ME_UR_KITTAYS

Zak Bagans will just pretend he's possessed and then speak English to an Italian ghost from the 1350s

uglylittlejewishman

8. This is delectable.

Make noises when people are in the shower so they turn off the shower to listen if someone is in the house

Bearmancartoons

Then you stay quiet until they turn the shower back on...

DoubleYoo

Ok, that's beyond petty.

Tigergirl1975

7. What a buzzkill.

Cancel morning alarms in the middle of the night.

Occultivator

Turn on early alarms for days when they plan to sleep in.

Slav_Vapor

Randomly advance and delay alarms.

The only thing worse than getting to work 40 minutes late is getting there an hour early.

popepoppa

6. Just enough so it's super aggravating.

Constantly move their clothing slightly out of alignment.

Just twist the waist of their pants an inch to the left, and when they adjust it you pull one sleeve up and the other down. Maybe they're shaking that off and you pull down one sock...

And when they pull it up their pants are slightly misaligned in the other direction.

It's a small, seemingly innocuous thing... But I guarantee 10 minutes of this would completely break a person.

TwoFingersOfWhiskey

And now I imagine someone readjusting his pants for the nth time in a day and breaking down crying: "Why? What have I done to you?"

leomonster

Countered by a nudist colony.

SuspiciousTastingCat

You cloth them in their sleep and as they are removing the clothing you keep putting it back on.

kaldarash

5. Death breath.

Gently blow air onto their faces.

EsotericBlueberries

Get it right in their eye.

pandadogunited

Is that why I need glasses?

yeahnonotgonnahappen

4. *Cries in Adderall* this would have bettered my study habits...

Tell college kids there's a surprise midterm tomorrow.

Poes_Ting

That would stress me the f*ck out. I would start cramming early but then ultimately end up relieved knowing I studied.

StereoFood

Jokes on you the midterm isn't tomorrow.

xDMADNOOBTRIGGEREDxD

ITS TODAY

NerdyGamerTH

3. Do it. Stay a step ahead.

I move their car keys.

doesntpayforfloors

And I move them back once they're good and sure they've checked that spot.

StuartMacKenzie

Imagine being haunted not one, but by two ghosts, who are working together against you.

Arnoldthehawk

2. You know Merry Maids? Meet Polite Phantoms.

I'd do nice things, but really confusing nice things.

Make sure all the remote controls are lined up neatly each morning.

Make sure all the shoes and coats are put away.

Switch around the dishes and stuff in the fridge to be at max organization.

Dust furniture, but in silly patterns.

KaizokuShojo

I like your style. You're future hired, future ghost.

Bartleys_Wild_Wax

I would never find ANY of my sh*t with you haunting me.

Wafflecopter12

I could always find the post it notes too. Ghostly scrawlings of help, activate!

KaizokuShojo

1. Dead, but woke.

Whisper mundane, yet terrifying things in their ear.

"You left the stove on."

"They know you just masturbated."

GozerDaGozerman

"Your vote doesn't really mean anything, none of them work for you."

denverpilot

"The American system is broken and leans way too favorably to the rich and you will never escape your lower class."

mr_not_a_bot

Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.

He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.

Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?

Keep reading... Show less
Caleb Woods/Unsplash

Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.

Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.

However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:

"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."

Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.

Keep reading... Show less
Ann on Unsplash

Breaking up is something that never gets easier.

Keep reading... Show less

On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.

Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"

But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.

And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.

So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.

That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.

Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:

What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
Keep reading... Show less