We all carry a secret–whether it's a scandalous one that could cause irreparable damage or one that is extremely embarrassing, it's better to take it to the grave than to live life through endless mockery.
Redditor Sheeppower4 had a hypothetical scenario and asked:
"A person comes up to you and says: 'I know what you did'. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?"
Some people resorted to humor for their responses.
A Wisecrack
"Then you weren’t as drunk as me."
– Shroomtune
When Memory Fails
"F'k what did I forget now?"
– ForgottenForce
The Stash
"The hoard of granola bars under my desk in a shopping bag I've been slowly building up."
– ReverendLoveboy
Busted
"Sh*t, they know about the cheese heist."
– Blocko_tritaco
Some would be left scratching their heads.
Huh???
"Confusion."
– Ccaster0620
"Very much confusion, because I haven't done anything scandalous."
"I go to work and I go home. Sometimes I go to the grocery store."
"I wish I wasn't quite a goody two shoes, but here I am. Boring. So what did I do? I have no idea."
– brokendowndryer
Second-Guessing
"I would also be confused. But worried too because what if I did something unintentionally?"
– bunnyrut
Elaborate, Please
"Right? Which terrible thing are you referring to? That thing yesterday with the mess? Last week and the shovel? The tarps and ropes in January?"
"Please be more specific."
– hippocratical
Frame Of Reference
"Ominous undertones aside, I feel like this would probably be my response regardless. Most people have done plenty of things in their lifetime... good, bad, and everything between. If you don't specify which thing you're referring to, I'm not really going to have a frame of reference of where the conversation is going."
– ReggieLeBeau
Some turned the hypothetical confrontation into a challenge.
Perspective
"It's not about what you know, it's about what can you prove in court."
– GraceChamber
Blow Their Cover
"They're lying. It took a lot of time and effort to cover my tracks, no way that anyone knows about it."
– Chucks_u_Farley
Two Can Play This Game
"I would say, 'Me too.'"
"And stare at them not speaking any more."
– Oriumpor
If you're an open book with nothing to hide, hats off to you.
It must be nice walking around as someone who possesses no ounce of guilt, whatsoever.
But I can detect there's something lurking behind that confident smug.
'Fess up, buddy. I know what you did.
Why not relieve some of that burden bearing down on your shoulders and come clean? I won't tell...
Now, what's your response?
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Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor XqueezeMePlease asked:
"What are your immediate thoughts when you hear a guy refer to himself as an 'Alpha Male'?"
People shared their interpretations to hearing a guy declaring himself an alpha.
Self-Granted Permission
"Translation: 'I am going to be an unapologetic a**hole.'”
–darkwulf1
Moving Forward
“I can’t take anything from him seriously from now on.”
– YourLocalOrangePeel
"It's a real life cheat code to make your reputation go to 0%."
– AstronomerNo556
Being A Male
"try to explain to them how much of a bitch they really are for having to boost their self importance by telling others how great they are....instead of actually BEING great."
"i will never forget my father telling me 'being a male, does not mean your a man.'"
– tokikain
What is he really saying about himself?
Hiding Insecurity
"That he’s deeply insecure."
– ButternutSnuggleButt
"Narrator: he wasn’t an alpha male."
– Yellowmellowbelly
The Thing About Actual Male Confidence
"The entire sub-culture around 'Alpha Males' is centered around men being insecure. And I say this from personal experience. In middle school, high school, and even early college I was a very insecure guy and I’d watch videos constantly on 'how to be an alpha' and it would only spiral into me hating myself more for not amounting to the standards of an 'alpha'.
"Confident, secure men wear what they want, do what they want, and are comfortable being themselves regardless of what society or its standards say. I mean take Harry Styles for example, that man can wear a dress, put on makeup, and be himself confidently AND he still is more of a man than any self-proclaimed 'alpha.'"
"Manliness and masculinity isn’t about looking like a lumberjack, drinking whiskey, and working out 24/7 (though it’s okay if you do any of these things because that’s what you genuinely enjoy), its about being confident in who you are as a man whatever that means for you. People fail to realize, if you are a man and you do something, anything, that in and of itself is inherently manly regardless of what society says."
"I’m so happy that I was able to come to these realizations and deal with the real underlying issues I had of low self-esteem but it’s so sad to see so many young men fall prey to “alpha” bs and base their entire existence on the concept of trying to be 'alpha' all because instead of talking through their feelings and mental health they let their insecurities dictate their life."
– ccalicich32
Measure Of A Man
"Small dick energy."
– NeoWarriors
You want to stay away from these types of men.
Self-Aggrandizement
"Translation: I’m extremely insecure and need to feel superior and also think woman are property."
– TwistedFate21
Potential For Abuse
"My girlfriend has bruises she lies about"
– AsperaAstra
Code
"'Alpha Male' is just code for I think I can beat up most people around me so I want to be treated as special and not be forced to obey social niceties and laws."
– anon
Public Threat
"Like an alpha of a program or videogame, highly unstable and should not be available to the public."
– Whismurr_
Let's face it. No one using the phrase "alpha male" to describe themselves is going to be likable.
Unless you are desiring to be dominated by a superior alpha under erotic pretenses, you're better off keeping your inner circle exclusively without complete morons.
"What’s the dumbest thing someone accused you of without any evidence?"
You Expect Me To Use This?!?!
"My mother-in-law accused me of buying a sh*tty brand of hair spray, leaving it in our guest bathroom for her to use, and trying to trick her into thinking it was hers."
"She actually brought it to our house the previous time she visited and left it behind. It was totally hers."- thecooley
He Must Have Run Quite The Distance...
"Throwing stones at her goats."
"I would not throw stones at goats, but she went to my mother’s house and accused me."
"She said she had just chased me off after I did it."
"My mother told her that, if that is what she saw, then she would punish me the moment that I got home, if she would like to wait."
"My mother supplied her with tea and biscuits and, later, a light snack."
"Offered her a stronger drink, too."
"After a long time, the goat lady asked if my mother had any idea what time I would be home."
“'Well, he has only been gone a week, so another two weeks, I imagine'.”
"My mother replied, as I went to a boarding school and stayed away for three weeks at a time."- Pedantichrist
Goat Bleating GIFGiphyMaybe She Planted A Bug?
"A college roommate reported me to the campus police for selling drugs."
"She stated that she was in our dorm room and overheard me selling drugs to another student in the laundry room."
"Our dorm room was on the 12th floor, laundry room was in the basement of the building."
"She got pissed when campus police laughed at her statement."- MissConduct0120
How Dare You Not Break The Law To Help Me!
"I once had a co-worker write to my manager to complain I was racist because I wouldn’t pirate a copy of Norton Utilities and give it to her."- Yorkie_Mom_2
Wrong Ex, maybe?
"One time I started getting a bunch of texts from an ex accusing me of being on a trip with some other girl and throwing all kinds of insults my way."
"Not only was she my ex and I was not talking to her or planning to reconcile, so that if I was in fact on a trip with some other girl it was none of her business, but I was actually literally sitting on my couch with my dog watching TV."
"I told her I hadn't the slightest idea of what she was yelling about and sent her a picture of me and my dog in my living room."
"She replied, "F*ck," and I didn't hear from her for weeks until the crazy ultimately outweighed any embarrassment she felt."
"To this day I have no idea why she thought I was on a trip in the first place, especially since her texts were pretty specific and she mentioned where she claimed I was and other details."- Tough_Stretch
Work From Home Dog GIFGiphyCould Have Been Worse?
"I was accused of throwing a potato at a shed, totally not true."- bobbejaan79
They Were At Least Half Right...
"Insubordination for failing to report in to work for over a month."
"I resigned a month earlier."- Fifth_Wall0666·
Wrong Place At The Wrong Time
"I was in either first grade or kindergarten, and the chain link fence on the side of our playground had fallen over / caved in."
"Me and my friends looked at it and wondered how it happened."
"Then a teacher came by and yelled at us for breaking the fence and we all got put in time-out for the rest of recess."
"WE WERE 6, HOW WOULD WE MANGLE A CHAIN LINK FENCE WITH OUR HANDS?!"- Rabid_Chocobo
buster keaton fence GIF by MauditGiphySome Might Consider This A Compliment...
"In High School, half the school thought I was Gay, and the other half thought I was a vegetarian."
"I'm neither, and I have no idea how the two related."- Group_of_no_one
When All You Were Doing Was Trying To Help...
"One day when I was in 5th grade a female collie followed me home from school."
"I walked around the neighborhood trying to find the owner, but nobody knew whose dog she was."
"I left my neighborhood and crossed a four lane."
"I carried her so she wouldn't get hit by a car (I didn't own a dog leash)."
"After knocking doors and asking around, I had to go home but she just kept following me."
"I picked her back up and carried her back across the four lane, put her down and we walked another block."
"Then the owner pulled up, stopped in the middle of the intersection, got out of his car, and called her."
"She ran to him, and hopped up in the car."
"I told him I'd been trying to find her owners for hours."
"The old bastard said, 'Yeah, someone saw you carrying her'," implying that I stole her."
"Then he plopped his fat a** back in his Cadillac and sped away."
"No good deed..."- TheC0zmo
border collie dog GIF by Rover.comGiphyPunished For Being Poor
"Being a thief because I was a student."
"Money was going missing from the tills in the bar I worked at on some evening and weekends."
"Walked into work and got called out back with the manager."
"Was told money was missing and was suspended there and then."
"I asked when this money went missing and it wasn’t even when I was working!"
"I asked why I was the prime suspect and the managers wife pointed the finger at me because I was a student and therefore must have needed the money."
"About a week later the actual thief was caught red handed putting money from the till into his pocket by the manager."
"This was back the mid 90s so no cameras to view, which would have cleared it up straight away."
"Instead, they cast blame with evidence that actually proved it couldn’t have been me because the times the money went missing, I wasn’t even there, but hey ho."- idiBanashapan
Clearly, these hasty accusers must never have heard the saying "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".
Sadly, it's sometimes easier for people to just place blame as fast as they can.
Even if evidence and logic are not on their side.